A Quarter To Something

I feel so lonely

(in a sickly victorian but girly pop way)

This is the cutest thing I've seen today!

I genuinely adore their relationship so much, especially Nikkis drawings are beyond endearing :3

Me core

"Fuck the police" okay bet

What an adorable drawing! <3

Zach oneyplay 👍 @psychicpebbles

You made me a Poet

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Pairing: Ryan Magee x Reader

Summary: 5 times that Ryan almost asked you out (and the one time he did)

Warnings: if you count awkward Ryan and fluff

A/N: I love writing these/ also no beta read cause I am too tired

"What a grade A piece of shit" he heard Matt mumble while you were quietly sipping your beverage, staring off into the distance. "I mean, who does that? He knows you struggle with this stuff man." You simply raised your shoulders a few centimeters, obviously not having the strength for any grand expressions other than these micro ones.

When you had rung their doorbell in the morning and Ryan went to open up the door, he felt his heart sink immediately upon seeing you. Your face was flushed and eyes puffy, noticeably having cried a good deal before coming to them. With a new sense of urgency he pulled you inside and after providing you with some snacks and drinks, him and Matt finally heard what had gotten you into this state.

"Landlords fucking suck dude." Ryan chimed in, he was never good with words when it came to this consoling someone, his form of comforting often resulting in an awkward halfway-hug and making jokes until the one crying ended up in a weird state of snort-cry-laughing.

And that is exactly what you did. He didn't mean for it to be a joke but he guessed that your own desperation tried to make the best of anything that was said.

"I just don't know what to do now, I could probably find a new place but where should I go in the meantime? I don't wanna be a burden to anyone."

Your head was hanging low, feeling another wave of tears approaching now that you were talking about it.

"Whoa, whoa don't worry, we can figure something out."

Ryan knew that this wasn't the right time to be jealous but he would be lying if he said he wasn't envious of how Matt was able to handle situations like these. Putting a hand on your shoulder and reassuring you, Ryan wished he could be the one to do so.

"How bout you stay at my place? Or here at the office? You can crash here for as long as you need."

'You could also stay at my place' - a statement that got caught in Ryans throat, it was inapropriate, Matt meant it in a good, sympathetic way. Ryan did as well but more so than that, he wanted you close to him, be the one and only to help you out in this desperate situation. It was selfish.

"Yeah, you don't need to worry about anything. Just calm down and once you're feeling better we can help you with finding a new place." A much more fitting thing to say, even if it didn't reflect what Ryan actually felt.

"I don't know how to thank you guys.. you really don't gotta do this."

Wiping away the last tear with the sleeve of your pullover you finally looked up at Ryan and Matt, a genuine but bittersweet smile on your face. Ryan sighed internally, he would get his chance later.

And hopefully you'd be waiting for him.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

With enough videos shot beforehand, it wasn't a difficult decision wether or not to take some time off by going on a little vacay.

Matt and Ryan had planned this roadtrip for some time now, Justin, Luke and Kellie having already agreed to come along and to Ryan's luck, you had as well, even if you had never went on one before.

The fact that you had said yes though made him feel like the most blessed person that could ever exist on this planet; you were often more reserved, rather staying at home instead of trying new and possibly scary things. The fact that he was able to convince you, especially after he had seen you cancel on so many other trips and invitations that had been proposed by others, had his heart jumping around in his chest as if it wanted to literally break out from between his ribs.

The day that you guys had met up to depart, he of course noticed the lip biting and fidgeting as he watched you through the mirror in the front of the car, earning a few confused looks from Matt as to why he was so fixated.

Kellie did a good job at distracting you, the two of you having your own little drawing contest in the backseat and when the car was suddenly filled with the laughter of the both of you he could finally breathe a sigh of relief, it was all gonna be okay.

As the ride went on, you and everyone else became more and more comfortable. Even joining in on the bit where everyone screamed at Matt for seemingly driving in the wrong direction, even though you guys had never made a clear plan of where to go in the first place.

Driving through a nice rocky terrain and with the sun slowly setting, coloring the sky in a beautiful array of orange and yellow hues, you had decided that it was time to set up camp for tonight. Especially since the sky was supposed to be clear tonight, all of you wanted to get comfy quickly so you could watch the stars, and maybe have a couple drinks in by that time.

Ryan watched as you simply stood there while everyone got out, tent in your hands, clearly unsure of what to do and trying to understand how to set up a tent by watching Luke and Justin, who were mostly messing it up themselves.

Briefly looking around, he saw that Kellie and Matt had gone off to get some stray branches for a little fire, leaving him to help you out without it coming off as desperate. He was positive that someone seeing him like that because he wanted to lend you a hand was irrational, but his conscience still weighed on him.

Walking over to you, he was met with a genuine but nervous smile. Pretending that you were just simply standing there with the tent still in your hands. Not because you didn't know how to set it up but rather simply because you wanted to, that's normal right?

"Need some help there?" He saw by the way that your eyes darted around the area that you wanted to think of an excuse but quickly gave up and sighed, simply nodding, your lips tightening to a straight line.

Ryan smiled and took the rolled up tent out of your hands. "Let me show you, it's a little difficult to get it right for the first time." He wanted to make you feel comfortable, hopefully not shaming you by helping you.

At first you had stayed quiet, simply following his instructions, furthering his inital fear of embarrassing you but after the first few nails had been hit into the ground, your posture loosened up a little bit. Your back not as tense anymore and the expression on your face softening instead of the concentrated look you had given him beforehand.

"I have never really gone camping before you know.."

"Really now?"

Both of you started giggling at that, it was a silly way to start a conversation, especially after he had to rush towards you after you almost hammered your fingers with full force at the penultimate nail, showing him how overly worried he actually was and the fact that he blushed after he realized only made it worse. He was glad that the others were still occupied with their own doings.

As you put the last nail in, he couldn't help but stare at you, maybe a little too long. The way your hair fell into your face when you looked down, had his hand jerk up for a second. He felt the strong urge to put the loose strands back behind your ear, giving him a clearer view of your beautiful face, maybe even earning a soft smile from you, one that was only for him to see.

"We've done it, ladies and gentlemen!" Being pulled out of his trance, Ryan's head whipped around to Kellie and Matt who had only just come back from their little detour.

"Wood"

And with that, the handful of branches was dropped into the previously prepared fire pit.

Geting up from his kneeling position, he took a step back to admire his and your work, the tent was actually not as crooked as he had thought, you did a pretty good job. That is what he wanted to say but for some reason, he didn't. Maybe he didn't want to be too obvious, too pushy. Or maybe, maybe he was just scared of how you'd react.

Suddenly there was a clanking and clirring of bottles, making it clear that the drinking phase of the day was now officially approaching, giving him an openeing to ignore the thoughts he previously had.

You followed suit, but he caught a a faint look of dissapointment on your face, sending him down into a mild spiral of overthinking. Now it would be awkward to tell you that you did good, or would it be? He wasn't sure anymore which is why he quickly grabbed one of the Klopfers that you guys had brought along.

After everyone had finished tapping the shot for the assigned number of times, Kellie counted to three and everyone downed their shots, albeit with a little bit of coughing.

Ryan could already feel the warm feeling that spread through his whole body. He wasn't a lightweight when it came to alcohol but well, that's what shots are for.

The sky had significantly darkened and as the fire slowly started to become bigger, the atmosphere became that of a classic camping experience. A light breeze, music playing over the speak that they had brought along, the occasional sipping of beer, whisky and sparkling wine and Matt's ongoing anxiety about the faintest of noises that only he seemed to hear.

By the time that the stars were fully visible, most of you were already a little more than tipsy and especially you. Ryan had never seen you this ouutgoing before, even loudly singing along to the songs playing in the background and the fact that you started making jokes that were far below the belt, at least for what you'd normally say.

He didn't think he could fall even harder for you. He had already heard multiple times that his laugh were contagious but the way your whole body started to move as soon as you heard another objectively unfunny joke which was only effective because of the drunken state that you were in, was the most captivating thing he ever saw.

How your eyes automatically squeezed shut when someone kept adding to the joke and then the silent wheeze that accompanied that. It was more than endearing.

And then you sat down next to him.

He didn't even know what was so funny to you but you started laughing uncontrollably, leaning into him more and more, grabbing his shoulder to hold you steady. He couldn't help but laugh along, as did the others. The way your hands felt on his skin made his mind go fuzzy, leaving a tingling sensation once you let go of him.

You were adorable in this state and he desperately wanted to tell you so but you were drunk after all, and he wanted you to be sober if he finally got over the fact that told you how he felt.

So for now he was content with making more unfunny jokes if it meant that you would stay close to him like this.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

Sometimes you have those days where everything just works out and everything aligns to your favor - this was not one of those days for Ryan.

Starting with his shower suddenly malfunctioning, giving him an unwanted ice bath, to him finding out that he had forgot to do his laundry, leaving him to wear a hoodie that way way too tight for him and making him itch all over the place and then the fact that his car had broken down only a few metres down the street.

Luck wasn't on his side today.

He desperately had to go shopping though, the only edible things in his kitchen being one block of butter and some old cereal and coke.

Yet of course, the bad day would not stop with just his morning. The ride on the bus to the super market was suprisingly normal but he was once again proven wrong by fate when he saw that the shelves were basically empty, giving him no other chance than to mostly buy snacks to sustain himself (and some cheese of course).

And of course, because he thought that the day could not get any worse, the bus back home had a delay of about half an hour. He was convinced that he would just lay down and sleep when he got home, skipping the rest of the day before whatever series of unfortunate events would await him otherwise.

Getting onto the bus, exhausted and with a blank expression, he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw you smiling at him and gesturing to the unoccupied seat next to you.

He carefully made his way through the bus, trying not to fall over and embarrass himself any further, it was already bad enough that he must've looked absolutely horrible in that shrinked in hoodie.

You took out your headphones when he sat down next to you, greeting him with a little wave.

God you felt like an angel in the midst of an apocalypse.

Alright, maybe that was a bit dramatic but it was at least something akin to that.

"Thanks for letting me sit, I'll listen to some music though if that's alright, too exhausted for conversation right now."

"Oh yeah no worries." you simply said and went back to listening to your own playlist.

He reached his hand inside the pocket of his shorts, and he felt nothing.

The other one only had his portmonaie, his headphones seemingly lost in the Aether.

Ryan just sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, slouching in his seat.

"Fuck me man.." he whispered.

"Huh, you alright?"

He really hated to disturb you like this, hopefully his bad mood wouldn't affect you too much.

"I forgot my headphones."

He just stared blankly onward, too tired to really be mad about it. He heard a quiet 'oh' and then:

"Do.. you wanna listen with me? I dunno if you'll like my music taste but it's something at least."

You held one of the in-ear buds toward him, offering for him to take it.

He truly couldn't believe how you just existed next to him like this.

"Sure, I'd love to." Maybe that was too much? Was that too much? He should've said like instead of love-.

Ryan took the bud and gently placed it into his ears, he would make sure to clean that thing until it was shiny once either one of you reached their stop.

You played a couple of songs, some of them Ryan was familiar with, some of them were new to him and he couldn't explain it but it was just so.. so you.

He closed his eyes and once he did, he could feel how close you were to him. Your leg was touching his and your shoulders were next to each other, if he opened his eyes he could even see how painfully close his hand was too yours, he really wanted to hold yours. He was sure your hands would be the softest that he had ever felt.

For once he was thankful for the slim and way-too-small bus seats.

He lingered on something he wanted to say. Maybe now he could go for it, ask you if you wanted to grab a coffee after he had brought his groceries home. He was actually sure about it this time. His day was already shit for the most part, now he would only be half heart broken if you turned him down- at least that's what he told himself.

Just as he was about to open his mouth-

"Oh sorry, could you stand up for a second, gotta get out."

"Uh yeah sure, wait."

And then he only saw your figure getting smaller and smaller as the bus kept driving.

And he also forgot to clean the god damn ear bud.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

Four words were enough to send shivers down his spine.

"Hey there, good boy!" you greeted Lego excitedly.

Matt was supposed to come over- not you. Why you of all people?

Ignoring the pain in his joints and the exhaustion that came over him, he went into something that could be described as a frenzy.

Ryan had been sick with a fever for a few days now, spending the day in bed and having Matt come over to walk Lego for a little bit and bring him something to eat. With Matt he could just stand there in his boxers with unkempt hair and without deoderant and it wouldn't be a problem. But now that he had heard your voice? Oh dear god.

He jumped as soon he heard you, quickly getting dressed, pushing stray clothing under his bed and into his drawer- promising himself he would be cleaning it up and sorting it later when he was feeling better. He grabbed a hairbrush, frantically trying to make himself look acceptable and then finally almost choking on the amount of perfume and deoderant that he sprayed onto himself.

You had knocked on his door.

"You alright in there Ry?"

That nickname had him weak, specifically when you said it, it just sounded so soft and gentle.

"Uh yeah, you can come in."

Carefully you opened the door, your eyes searching around the room before they landed on him. Your bows furrowed. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"Uh- I'm doing good, really." It was such an obvious lie that it almost made him physically cringe. He watched as you grabbed the thermostat from his desk and walked up to him. Why did you always have to look so pretty? You stood in front on him now, a little smaller than him so you had to look up as you held the appliance up to his forehead.

"38.6 C? Jesus Ry, get back into bed!" you exclaimed promptly. "I'll get you a damp towel."

And with that you left and he could hear you rumage through his home in search for a towel. He did lie back down but he couldn't wipe the stupid grin off of his face after your genuine display of worry for him, the way that you cared for him was sweet and he found himself eagerly waiting for you to come back into his room.

His giddyness about your behaviour was quickly replaced by a jarring headache, a migrane. The little bit of light that shone through his curtains suddenly felt like a supernova had just happened inside of his eyes and then there was this constant ringing in his ears that felt like it became louder and louder with every second.

Ryan clenched his teeth, he was embarrassed by the fact of how shaky and sickly he must've looked. He knew you wouldn't judge him, wouldn't look at him as if he was some weak idiot that over exagerated a common cold but he still felt deeply flustered by the fact that you had to see him like this.

"C'mon Lego, I know you wanna cuddle with him but I don't think that's good now."

He had not even noticed that you or Lego had come into his room, his vision blurry at this point.

Ryan felt a cold sensation on his temple, that must've been the towel you were talking about getting.

"I hope this helps a little bit at least, just close your eyes for a little bit, I'll go and take Lego on a walk alright?"

"mhm.. could you maybe pull the curtains a little tighter together?"

Almost instantly the room became a lot darker and he heard his front door closing.

Ryan really tried to sleep, he wanted to if it meant that he didn't have to wait for the migraine and fever to be over. But he couldn't.

After grabbing his phone and being blinded by its screen almost immediately, he decided that he should probably resort to listening to a podcast while he waited for you to be back. He didn't even know what he waited for. You would drop Lego off, maybe say bye to him and then go home. You surely wouldn't spend your time in the company of someone who was bed-ridden and would most likely infect you as well. Ryan sincerely hoped that you wouldn't get sick because of him and yet, even if it was selfish, he wished that you would stay with him for today. Maybe just sit next to him until the fever knocked him out, just keeping him company; running your fingers through his hair and telling him about your day.

Did he really want you to take care of him? 'God', he thought, the fever delirium was truly getting to him. On the other hand though, imagining your soft and probably cold hands on his hot skin sounded like a blessing right about now.

Once the podcast episode had ended, Ryan found himself confused. What had been playing on his phone for the past hour anyway? It seemed that his mind was truly too weak to concentrate on anything, or maybe he was just preoccupied with thoughts of you.

Shaking his head and letting out a deep and exhausted breath, Ryan decided to get up. It was no use after all and he was beginning to get hungry. His migraine had thankfully stopped for now, the light coming through his windows as he entered the living room still blinding though and having him squeeze his eyes shut.

As he walked toward the fridge he felt like he was gonna collapse. It was probably just the sudden movement, he hadn't really walked or done anything these past few days so of course every movement would be straining on him. This- this felt different though.

Just as he openend the fridge door he felt his knees giving in and so he slid right down the cabinets onto the ground. 'Fuck, why's it so cold in here?' he was sure that he was shaking like crazy at this point, mind too dizzy to actually comprehend whatever was happening with and around him.

"I'm back- oh fuck!"

A cold presence on either side of his head, it felt heavenly right about now. "Jeez, you're burning, c'mon let's get you to the couch."

Your voice was so soothing to him, he might as well get lost in it.

"I'm fineee.." who was he even trying to convince?

You sat him down on the couch and handed him a cup of water along with some medicine. "Picked those up at the store, they should hopefully help a little."

Your hand was gently resting on his arm as you kneeled in front of him, waiting for him to take what you had given him.

And he did, albeit with some coughing.

"Just lay down for now, I brought some stuff for a soup so I'll make that for you alright?"

Just as you were about to walk back to the kitchen he gently grabbed your wrist. He felt like he was drunk with how his body and mouth were moving without his brain having any say in it.

"Thank you.."

"Of course, Ryan."

He loved it when you smiled at him like that, he told himself that this was the kind of smile that was only reserved for him to see, a side of you that you only showed to him.

"You're really pretty, you know that?"

"I think the fever is getting to you.." you giggled lightly at his remark and he could only shake his head that at.

"I actually wanted to ask if you'd like to..."

You watched as his arm limply fell from your wrist and couldn't help but smile at the unfished sentence. You were curious what he wanted to say but more importantly he had finally fallen asleep now.

Swiftly throwing a blanket over him before you went to his kitchen, hoping that you could make something decent for him to eat once he would wake up.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

"What's keeping you up?"

"I could ask you the same, Magee."

Ryan smiled as he made his way over to you, trying to ignore the anxiety he got from watching you sit on the windowsill. He trusted you enough that you wouldn't accidentally fall out but of course, he was still worried for you, he always was.

"Seriously though, everything alright?"

You didn't answer but the way your eyes watered was enough of an answer for him.

He decided to wait, maybe you'd say something after all. Pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, Ryan rested his upper body on the windowsill right next to where you had placed your feet, staring onto the bright city lights and taking a drag here and there.

It felt like an eternity until one of you spoke again.

"I know that it can be tough sometimes, trust me."

He tried, testing the waters, not averting his gaze from the city beneath you.

"I don't know what you're going through right now but you can always talk to me, I hope you know that."

You didn't look at him when he smiled at you but the little nod you gave him was the only thing he needed to see from you.

You were quite similar to Ryan in that sense. It was never easy to talk openly about your feelings and he knew that all too well.

"I know you might be thinking that you can handle everything on your own but sometimes talking helps. Maybe that doesn't mean much coming from me but.."

He liked your company. Whenever he was stressed he knew that your presence acted like a comforting haven for him. You and Matt were some of the few people that actually got to hear the thoughts of him that weren't quite as "surface-level". Ryan had spent days just hanging around at your place, even if you weren't talking with each other, there was still this mutual understanding. Besides, Lego enjoyed your company as well and that was definitely an instinct he could trust.

"I guess all I wanna say is that I'm here for you."

Not quite sure of how you would react, he nervously scratched his neck before taking a final drag of his cigarette and putting it out afterwards.

He heard a quiet sniffel, enough to make his heart ache knowing it was coming from you.

"Thank you, the same goes for you Magee."

You always called him by his last name in situations like these, trying to make it more comical for the both of you.

At first he was offended, thinking he wasn't worthy enough for you to call him by his first name while you were talking about this stuff but soon he realized that it was actually the opposit. The fact that you let him into your space while you were feeling vulnerable like this wasn't something that should be taken for granted. And Ryan knew that.

An idea came to mind, maybe it wasn't the right time, perhaps it was the wrongest time of all but all the other times that he had tried had failed because fate just decided to deny it to him. So maybe now.

It was the middle of the night, the only other person at the office was Matt and he was still working as far as Ryan knew, there should be no distractions this time.

He took a deep breath and looked at you, you stared back, confused at his serious expression.

"I've been thinking, and maybe it's a bad time right now but I feel like I have been too hesitant in the past and I-"

"You guys got room for one more person in here?"

It was safe to say that Ryan would be developing a bruise with how hard he slammed his head down onto the windowsill.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

He wanted to gag at how kitsch this whole thing was.

With how often he read the letter he could probably recite it by heart now, not that he couldn't anyway.

Ryan wanted it to be quick, just give her the letter, go home and hide under his blankets until you gave him a response. It was bad enough that all his verbal tries had failed, that he now resorted to a love letter of all things made him feel like he was starring in some weird K-drama of some sorts. Only that he most likely would not get the girl in the end.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he left his apartment and started walking. He could just drive but then he would probably just end up in front of your home, contemplate the whole thing for way too long before decided to just drive back home.

Walking gave him the chance to properly calm down (and give him 30 more minutes of not doing it).

His heart was beating like crazy, probably to the point of it not being healthy anymore and definitely something he should bring up to his doctor, maybe he should smoke a cigarette? Just to calm himself a little faster? No- then he would smell like cigarettes. It wasn't like you weren't used to it already but still- not a good look in his opinion.

He held the letter as if it was fragile glass, scared he might crumple it on accident.

What if you said no? What would happen to your friendship? He did write that it would be fine and he would perhaps get over you at some point but even so, what if it became too awkward for you? You probably wouldn't wanna hug him anymore if you knew how he felt about your touch, wouldn't go on walks with him and Lego anymore if you knew how bad he wanted to hold your hand during those, wouldn't wanna stay at the office anymore if you knew how often he thought about kissing you.

So deep in his own head, Ryan didn't even notice that it started raining and that the street lamps around him suddenly went out. Quickly he put the letter into the pocket of his hoodie, praying it wouldn't soak through and increasing his pace by just a little bit.

Was there a power outage? He hoped that he had safed the scripts he had been working on beforehand though of he was honest, that was the last of his worries right now.

The most precious thing he had written in these past few days was right here with him and he knew that that wouldn't be so easy to recreate. It was embaressing how many times he had started anew, the trashcan by his desk looking like the ones in movies about a failing writer who just doesn't have any creativity left within him.

As he walked up to your door, his throat suddenly tightened, he hadn't been this scared of something in years.

Due to the power being out, he simply knocked- silently hoping that no one would open so he could be spared from what he had put onto himself there yet to his dismay/luck, there you were.

"Ryan?"

You looked adorable.

Hair dissheveled and leisure clothing, clearly ready for bed and a flashlight in your hands.

"Uhhh- heyyyy."

Great Job Magee, real smooth.

"Wha- wait did you walk here?! You're soaked dude what the fuck."

And before he knew it, you were pulling him inside by his sleeve.

"Uh no it's fine I'm just-"

You had already thrown a towel into his face.

"I don't want you to get sick again, you know you really scared me with how you collapsed and stuff."

"That was almost a month ago.." he mumbled but started drying his hair nonetheless.

Wait, this isn't how he wanted this to go at all! He can't give you the letter while he was here! Ryan was positive that he wouldn't survive it if you read it in front of him.

"You can also come into the living room by the way."

He could hear the smirk in your voice and it drove him crazy, even if he couldn't see you right now.

Carefully he navigated his way through your dark hallway and stepped into the living room which was lit up by various candles.

"Old fashioned." He stated with a giggle.

"I mean, gives me a chance to finally use these, I was in the middle of a tournament though!"

You pointed to your Nintendo Switch in the dock positioned before your tv.

Ryan offered you a sympathetic smile, feeling sorry for you but being too caugh up in how he should handle the situation now, and with the fact that you looked like a painting with how your face and hair was lit up by the dim light of the candles surrounding you.

"What's up Ryan? I mean yeah you show up sometimes and that's fine but.. by foot? Without Lego?"

Alright, playing it off as a simple visit wouldn't work with you, great.

"Uhm yeah, about that."

'Just get it over with Magee, the worst she can say is now.' And with that he pulled out the letter that had thankfully been safely shielded from the rain.

"I.. I didn't want you to read it while I was here but nothing I can do about it right?" He laughed breathlessly, more out of panic than anything else. God, he felt like he was back in High school with how he was acting.

You smiled at him with furrowed brows, taking the letter and gently unfolding it after looking at him one final time.

Ryan sat down, a good amount of space between you, and ran a shaky hand through his still-wet hair.

He was more than glad that your cat showed up to keep him company while he was nervously waiting for you to finish. In his head he went along with the word that you were probably reading by now.

'I feel ridicoulus writing a letter to you about this but it seems that I can't express myself any other way, at least not as sincerely as I want to.

I'll make it quick; I love you. I love the way you talk to me, the way you look at me and the way your touch feels on my skin. I love the way your voice sounds whenever you read something to me, be it a silly reddit post or from a book you like. I love how you always seem to effortlessy look perfect, no matter what. Even in the most unflattering lighting and angles you still manage to blow me away with ho gorgeous you are. How your hair falls, how you move and how you dress, everything about you screams perfection and here's the thing.

I love you.

More than a friend, more than a best friend, more than anyone.

Maybe you don't feel the same way, and while it hurts to think about it I know that I can be alright as long as you stay in my life. You have helped me grow so much, been through many hardships alongside me and I know that I can come to you whenever I feel like the world is against me.

Perhaps you feel the same way and even if you don't:

I love you.'

It felt years had gone by, the world never felt as quiet and still as it did during these few minutes.

Carefully, he took a peek to where you were sitting. He was anticipating a quiet "get out", an angry or disgusted look.

How surprised he was when you suddenly got up and stood before him, his letter still in your hand and how you looked down on him. He couldn't quite make out your expression and he was ready to apologize, the first 'I'm Sorry' already leaving his mouth when suddenly;

he felt your hands on either side of his face and how you leanend down, connecting your lips with his.

A featherlight kiss.

You sat down next to him, eyes fixated on the letter and the last sentence.

"I love you too, Ryan Magee."

Now it was his turn, he gently turned your face towards his, kissing you with a tenderness that he himself didn't even know he was capable of.

"So that is what you wanted to tell me two nights ago, didn't know you were able to write like that." You smiled at him, a hand on his leg.

"What can I say, you made a poet outta me" Ryan laughed, quietly, too high on his own feelings.

You simply smiled at him and it wasn't long before your lips were back on his.

My fever is gone now but I am so sad cause while I was in this weird delirious fever-dream state I had like a super cute idea for a oneshot and now I can't remember what it was :,)

They are literally me

The fellas over at OneyPlays make me do silly dance so here is some art i doodled today

Adorable Miku

I had nothing to post for thanksgiving rn. But here. I did imagine what Miku look like of my own version of the Arachnid realm. So I drew her. Hope you fellas like this.

Today I'm feeling

on the Lyle scale

(I've got high fever and threw up three times, help me god)

therapist: it's ok, hyper realistic Lyle Oneysona isn't real and he can't hurt you

Hyper realistic Lyle Oneysona:

Red Lipstick

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Pairing: Ryan Magee x Reader

Summary: Ryan realizes that he doesn't hate Makeup that much

Warning: None

A/N: The first time writing Fanfiction in a looong time so I hope it is not as bad

He felt uncomfortable seeing her with a full red lip for the first time.

Usually he loved to feel her kisses on his body but now there was a certain unease filling the air.

She looked stunning of course, it would be foolish of him not to admit to that, yet he couldn't help the fear of her kissing him like this.

"How do I look?"

He scoffed internally, what kind of question even was that? How could a literal goddess be concerned about her looks?

Ryan merely gave an awkward but reassuring smile and muttered something about her "not looking too bad". Affection wasn't his strong suit so to speak.

The playful smile plastered onto her cherry red lips eased his mind. He was always scared she wouldn't catch up on his weird way of complimenting, scared she might think that he didn't love her when that couldn't be more far from the truth.

And the she walked toward him.

Putting her arms around his neck, her lips were only mere inches away from his face and when she leaned in, he flinched away. Immediately regretting it when he saw a little glimmer of hurt in her eyes.

He had never told her about it.

"Sorry I-" he started, not really knowing how to continue yet she waited patiently. She could have just gone off on him, what a terrible boyfriend denied his girlfriend a simple kiss? But she stood there, visibly hurt but waiting, giving him the time he needed to think.

Her perfume was intoxicating, further clogging his mind, he wanted, no, needed to kiss her so bad, have her hands up in his hair, if he just wasn't so uncomfortable with the sensation of how that lipstick would feel on his skin.

"I just-" he closed his eyes, trying to stop the thoughts continously coming into his mind.

"I don't really like how makeup feels on my skin.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to flinch"

And then she simply smiled and hugged him closer to her.

Ryan couldn't understand himself and why right then and there his eyes watered. It really wasn't a big deal, he didn't have a trauma or deadly phobia but maybe it was just the gentleness that got to him.

"May I kiss you once though? I'll wipe it off immediately" she gestured to a napkin she pulled out of her purse.

Still feeling uneasy, he slowly nodded, closing his eyes as she got closer to him.

The kiss she planted on his jaw felt weird, it was gentle, warm and yet the lipstick felt weird on his skin, he felt how it sticked to him.

Resisting the urge to wipe it off with his hand, he simply looked at her expactantly. She raised her hand and just as she was about to wipe the stain off of his jaw she sighed for a second, earing a confused look from Ryan.

"It's a shame, you look beautiful like this"

"You can do another one"

He didn't know what came over him but he thought that for her he would stick through the uncomfortable sensation. He would do anything for her.

Suddenly he felt her lips on his neck, her kiss sending shivers down his spine, letting him feel things that weren't ideal when you were invited to a dinner party in just a few minutes.

Her dreamy sigh at the sight of him colored him curious. Ignoring his inital fear he walked over to the mirror, holding her hand.

And then something inside him changed.

Her lipstick, a little smeared but still clearly on his jaw and neck, indicating exactly what she did with him and where.

Thoughts of her lipstick all over his white shirt that he had specifically picked out for today clouded his mind, he wanted her to mark him up and he couldn't even understand why he suddenly felt this way.

"You like it?" She smirked

Ryan turned to her, more shy than he had ever been before.

"More?"

Now it was her turn to be surprised but in a matter of seconds, her lips were on his skin once again and he looked at the two of them in the mirror. She held his head in with both of her hands, one tracing his jawline with a featherlight touch and her hot breath on his skin made him feel lightheaded and as if his knees would give in at any moment now.

His button up was colored red at the collar already and then she kissed him on the lips, long and wanting for more.

They probably wouldn't make it on time anymore.

As they released from each other, gasping for air , he stole another look at himself in the mirror.

Maybe he could excuse lipstick from now on.