My Mental State While Reading This

my mental state while reading this

Screaming

Hyperventilating

Cackling

Kicking my legs in my overflowing love for jegulus

holy crap ur so good I can't rn 🥰🤎💛💜💚💫🤍💢🦙🐗🦌🐅🦔🐠🦅🐟🌵🌼🌴🍃🥰🥰🥰🥰

"Dream" - Jegulus microfic @into-the-jeggyverse - 816 words

@abductedhiko

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Regulus was unable to accept that he was worthy of good things, that they came to him and they stuck around. Inside of him festered evil, cruelty, and so much of his parents that he was scared every time he opened his mouth, that whatever came out would be their words and their voices and not his. So why, why would James Potter, a boy who embodied the sun, who had so much warmth and love to give, who could have whoever he wanted; why would he want Regulus? Some part of him feared it was one big joke, one of the Marauders’ pranks. He knew, rationally, that none of them would stoop so low, but it seemed more plausible to him than James Potter liking him.

“What are you thinking about, angel?” James asked. 

Regulus, who was resting on James’s chest, shook his head and buried his face deeper into his boyfriend’s t-shirt. His boyfriend. It didn’t make sense. This was a dream. It was the only explanation, in Regulus’s mind.

“Regulus,” James whispered, hand moving up to card through the younger boy’s hair.

“‘M fine,” Regulus said, not prepared to ever pull away from James.

James seemed to accept this, or at least accept that Regulus didn’t want to talk. But that voice in Regulus’s head just kept on going, getting louder and louder, overwhelming every other sense. 

“Why do you…” Regulus started, but his fear of vulnerability, of scaring James away, made him think better of it. “Nevermind.”

“Baby, talk to me,” James pleaded gently, tilting Regulus’s head just enough that he could see his face.

“Why do you like me?” Regulus asked quietly. “I’m…You could have anyone.”

James was perfect. He was kind, considerate, smart, talented, angelic, beautiful. He was everything that Regulus wasn’t. Regulus was… Regulus was mean and cruel and had to force genius upon himself. He wasn’t naturally gifted in any way; he studied for hours trying to be half as smart as Barty or Sirius or James. And yes, he was second in his class, but he could never do it based on intelligence alone. And he wasn’t…he wasn’t handsome like James was. It was something he had almost come to terms with. Everyone in the school liked Sirius, thought he was handsome or funny or whatever. Regulus could never be any of those things, not without working for it. It was always meant to be as such; Sirius, the brightest star, and Regulus, always so far behind.

So, why had James chosen him? Him over smart and pretty Lily Evans, him over his brother, him over anyone else?

“Because you’re the best person I know, Regulus,” James said, so honestly that Regulus thought he might be sick with it. “You’re perfect. You’re- You’re funny, even when you don’t mean to be. You remember every detail that people tell you about themselves. You act all guarded, but the second someone brings up a book you like or asks about what you’re reading, you have so much to say and so much excitement that you can’t even hide it. I love everything about you, Reg. I love how stubborn you are and how kind you are, even though you try to keep walls around you by being mean. I love your hair, but this strand especially because it falls in your eyes and it annoys you, and the little pout on your face every time you can’t get it to bend to your will makes me crazy. I love your eyes. I could spend the rest of my life just staring into your eyes and die thinking I accomplished everything I ever dreamed of doing. I love you, angel. You don’t see it yet, but you’re so good. You’re so perfect.”

Regulus had been making a list of protests as James spoke, up until the end. Up until, ‘I love you’. Once those words had left his mouth, Regulus had forgotten his list. He had forgotten everything else that James had said.

“You love me?” Regulus mumbled, quietly for fear that he had misheard.

“How could I not?” James replied, suddenly seeming nervous.

In response, Regulus finally lifted his head and captured James’s lips in an embarrassingly needy kiss that he had the dignity to feel at least a tiny bit ashamed of. This shame immediately dissipated when James responded by pulling one of Regulus’s legs over his lap so that he was straddling him, sitting up and grabbing his hips, his grip so tight yet so gentle. 

“I love you,” Regulus said into the kiss. “So much. Love you. Fuck. I love you.”

Those might have been the only three words spoken between them for the rest of the night, past moans and curses. 

Regulus still had a very hard time accepting that good things came to him and stuck around. This was progress, though. He was getting there.