Calytrixblack - Calytrix

things I thought we would get in tua4:

- sloane

- maybe a mention of dave

- a happy ending

- unbreakable family bonds

things we actually got:

- baby shark on a loop

- graphic vomiting

- lila × five for some fucking reason

you're laughing. The umbrella academy's final season destroyed every character's personal growth and semi-healed traumas, left huge plot-holes, completely abandoned some of it's most beloved side characters that were crucial in previous seasons and you're laugh-oh. You're crying. My bad. Go ahead. Let it out. Understandable.

Barty: From now on we'll be using code names! I'll be "eagle 1"

Barty: *points to Regulus* Reggie is "been there done that"

Regulus: 😑

James: hey now-

Barty: *points to Evan* Evan is "currently doing that"

Evan: *smirks and highfives Barty*

Barty: *points to Remus* Remus is "happened once in a dream"

Remus: *lifts an eyebrow*

Sirius: *offended gasp*

Barty: *points to Dorcas* Cas is "if I had to pick a girl"

Dorcas: *snorts* in your dreams Crouch

Barty: And Dora is

Pandora:

Evan:

Dorcas:

Regulus:

Barty: "eagle 2"

Evan and Pandora: oh thank god

Genderbend rhaegon with Rhaenyra as Rhaegar and Aegon as Viserra. 🔱

Rhaegar has no interest in marriage, or his younger half-sister for that matter, while Viserra was born just to be his wife.

gimme james potter who dated regulus for years before his seventh year, where he completely abandoned reg the second lily (who had no idea) showed the littlest sign of attraction

gimme regulus who cried and cried, gimme rosekiller who wrapped reg in blankets and told their teachers it was a "hip flare-up, you know how it is, professor, his hip never really healed properly" and just generally bullshitted until reg could move again

gimme regulus who grew to depend on rosekiller even more, not in a romantic or sexual way just. complete qpr

gimme evan and regulus who got the mark that winter, gimme barty who got it to make them feel better about it (and also because riddle was hot)

gimme regulus who realized he was doing the wrong thing and tried for redemption.

gimme rosekiller who thought he had died a death eater.

gimme barty who tortured the longbottoms to find out who killed reg.

yk. just them

chat what the fuck happened to this????

percy after seeing 13 year old nico raise an army of living fucking skeletons: my chemical romance was right teenagers scare the living shit out of me

dawg what if the Sirius jokes were inherited

Someone: oh my god, are you serious?

Walburga: no, that's my grandfather

Someone: you can't be serious

Orion: I'm not, my grandfather is though

Someone: please be serious

Alphard: I can't, I'm Alphard.

And then once our Sirius or Regulus actually makes the Serious joke for the first time (learned from them), Walburga and Orion immediately come to the realization that they were actually insufferable little shits.

and that they shouldn't have named him Sirius.