Latest Posts by captain-serif - Page 2

barbie 💗 (and ken) ✨  #BarbieTheMovie

Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

HOBIEEE

This GAME man...

I dare you - get me a Hyrule compendium on those things and I'll change my mind.

Link and the Light Dragon

protect them all.

What if mini Dragon friend 💛

free fall

free fall

The shocking error my coworker made that made me burst out laughing in the middle of the store

So, I have a lot of feelings about HP possibly being an acronym for hope or happiness. (And a lot of feelings over skelebros in general.) (also holy cripes, pap isn’t easy to paint) 

Tumblr Sexyrematch info

strawberry miku

TRANSACTION COMPLETE (Macintosh Plus begins to play)

A conversation

i will never forgive popular UT fanon for using chara as a scapegoat in the genocide run and making "sans recognizes them and attacks them on sight regardless of what run they're in" headcanons so pervasive.

mostly because "restless spirit of a long dead child who's obsessed with the concept of cosmic retribution and facing consequences for your actions" + "guy whose job is just that but he treats it on par with his hot dog sidegig" is potentially one of the most hysterical dynamics you could come up with

Josie the half cat is still such a good scp. No extraneous edginess just a cat whose back half is in another unknown dimension. Her containment procedures include a warning not to give her cheese because she'll just get upset that you didn't have more.

while i do have a soriel fankid, it's because parenthood is a fun context to explore certain characters with. if you asked me what i believe would be more faithful to canon, however, the truth is that i don't think any of the UT cast would want kids.

except papyrus.

who's 100% uninterested in romance.

i can tell deltarune sans is quite a bit younger than the sans we meet in undertale because he hasn't fully grown into his trollying act yet. he's good at it, don't get me wrong, but he still has a long way to go. divorced man swaggers pathetically in his general direction and he cringes so hard he has to look away. "like in that one movie..."? please. a 15 year old gives him a box of chocolates and he spends... what, half a minute sputtering before he finds a good response?

"i befriended your mom last night" and the hotline prank were good, but then he goes "idiot babies compete with my sociological niche" and it makes me want to push him into a locker. i can still smell the college dorm room soap on him, put this man back in the oven he's not done cooking yet

HAPPY SANS SWEEP QUEEN DEATH DAY

NO WAY GASTER IS BEATBOXING HARD

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

What’s wrong?

Hi babe, milk mom has an account now