Valentine's Day - 2

Results?!

Starting to see some changes in daily life once I decided to finally crack down and improve whatever feckless dance around life I was trying to do.

Finally getting a new bed for the first time in my life, I'm giddy with excitement since I no longer have to have a broken, splintering woodframe that catches on my hair and makes me want to cut it off. Big win!!

Time to happy clean I guess, today is good :)

<3 Caramel

Same me, new plans

Woke up today and ate some leftover pizza from the fridge. It always feels so greasy and never makes me feel okay. My grandma was already going to drop off lunch for me but I guess I have no self-control.

Always thinking of an idealistic life where I can live like the rest of the put-together asian kids you'd see in a k or c-drama, I can't really get myself in the moment now. But during the occasional moment of clarity in the present that I have every so often, I can see that I'm pretty much in shambles.

I should be exercising, cleaning my room, wearing nicer clothing, studying for school- why do I load myself up with APs even though I never do homework? I'll never know. I guess I like to live out some aspects of my dream life while neglecting others.

I want to get out of this greasy failure life and live out my dreams as someone who's put together and productive.

Music player added!!

Holy moly!! After two or three hours of struggling, I’ve finally gotten a music player on my blog! I don’t think it’s on mobile but on desktop it seems to be working fine.

I’ve loaded a few songs that I like into it, but it’s pretty far from my actual music taste. Whatever, though- anything for aesthetics, right?

Anyways it should be right here on the top of my blog page! Unfortunately I was too lazy to make my own so I used a generator- but I feel like that was a little more trouble than it was worth since SCM’s method of using youtube links doesn’t seem to work anymore. I had to overhaul through discord, so that was a little time consuming figuring things out. :T

Glad it works now, though! Really adds atmosphere, I think. 

Now how will I get the rest of my old blog plans done..? I remember wanting to implement a guestbook and a little gallery on the sidebar. Might have to ask for help on those.

For now, though, it’s way too late to be thinking about all of that- I’ve got school tomorrow!! I should probably head to bed soon, otherwise I’ll pass out in precalculus again.

Goodnight~

<3Caramel

Hiiii you're back! Missed you <3

Oh my goodness Mari!! I missed you so much too (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

Glad to be back!!

So far so good

[2023-09-09]

It's my first week back at school and things are going amazingly! I'm on top of my work, extracurriculars, and have energy to do more and more each day.

Has some sort of magical spell been cast on me? It seems almost too good to be true. Things are just so wonderful as of late, and all this praise might end up going to my head if I'm not careful. As long as I continue having this motivation, things will end up fine, right?

In other news, a few of my friends have been telling me how I've been noticeably happier lately- which warms my heart. Things really are looking up!

can i come over and play for 10000 years

Small town syndrome in a big, big, city?

My grandma dropped something off for me to eat, she kept asking me questions about my sister. Everyone's proud of my sister- and for good reason, I guess. She always wears nice clothes, keeps all her grades in the 98s or so, and wins a ton of RG competitions.

It feels even worse eating fast food now, thinking of what I could have been. What an extraordinary family, with such a failure slapped into it. I need an escape from this life, I think.

It feels a lot like the 'small town syndrome' that people who live far from big cities and stores get, the feeling of "I need to get out of here".

Thank goodness it's spring break, though- now I have time to clean myself up from all this garbage I've surrounded myself with.

I really hope I can- I'll pack together all the motivation and energy I have left into this one project.

Walking about in nature really helps relax my mind. This trail in particular felt so beautiful, the rustling leaves and birdsong almost convincing me that I was about to meet totoro himself.

If only soft magical creatures like that existed in real life... I'd never go home!!

Now that ur exams are over u can finally take a well deserved rest<3<3

Ah... What I wouldn't give to melt into a big puddle and be absorbed into the ground.... Let me hug you..!!! <3

do you believe in aliens

String theory!! >>

:)) I love aliens