Listen, You Know Why Andrew Loves Neil? Why Neil Abram Josten Was The One Andrew Would Allow Into His

sorry i became obsessed with saving you. it’s just that i began to see you as a proxy for myself and thought that maybe if I could fix you i could learn how to get by

whether the monsters would fall while drunk running:

neil: absolutely not. that boy has been running since before he could walk and there is no way after all that running under so many kinds of pressure that he wouldn’t be able to handle drunken shenanigans

aaron: can run drunk surprisingly well but also will lose the ability to handle curbs or stairs and has tripped and ended up on the ground before

nicky: yes, 110% yes. definitely a drunk runner. cannot let him out of your sights bc he might decide to go on a little adventure and he largely overestimates his coordination and will be on the ground before he knows it

andrew: honestly i can’t imagine him running while drunk…….. but i don’t see him falling either. he has too much decorum

kevin: yes. less than nicky but yes and he will swear to you otherwise. you’d think after drinking so much he would have a better handle on things but there’s a reason he doesn’t dance and he only had practice controlling his speech and facial expressions while drunk

neil's learned obliviousness

gearing myself up to write another essay about neil josten. the grind never stops. had to figure out why people making neil super clueless and oblivious always rubbed me the wrong way even tho it's technically canon so here it is.

ok so i have a lot of thoughts about neil and obliviousness but i'm gonna mostly condense them into this single thesis statement: neil only pays attention to and notices things he deems important.

we've been knew atp that neil has insane tunnel vision, and that often comes across in his narration. because of this, it's easy to assume that neil is just genuinely very clueless and oblivious when it comes to social interaction and also romantic relationships, flirting, etc.

i know nora herself said that neil wouldn't realise if someone is flirting with him because he's dense as a brick and while i appreciate the comedic value of socially oblivious neil i generally take this characterisation with a grain of salt because it very quickly leans into territory of neil being just generally dumb and inept, which i lowk can't stand because it sanitises and declaws neil a lot and makes him boring and stereotypical.

so i raise you this: neil's obliviousness (if you want to call it that) throughout aftg and in his narration is deliberate. mostly, i think it's all intentional. he literally intentionally refuses to notice or give attention to certain things. and because of his relentless focus on only a couple of things (exy and his survival), things like socialising and relationships get put on the backburner unless they relate to the two aforementioned things.

let's dissect it using examples.

nicky's flirting. neil's narration is pretty clear-cut when it comes to this. he doesn't demonstrate much confusion towards nicky's behaviour except that he doesn't really know why nicky's more interested in him than exy. crucially, he isn't confused about why nicky demonstrates an interest in him (which is because he thinks neil is hot), he's just confused about why nicky is investing energy into flirting with him when, in his mind, there are better things to be doing. it seems, at least in his narration, that he knows nicky is flirting, he just doesn't know why and also doesn't really care to focus on it. aside from an initial discomfort/expression of disinterest, neil doesn't linger on nicky's comments and flirtations for the rest of the series. he narrates it when it's relevant but doesn't make any additional internal comments towards it because it doesn't pertain to his two priorities: exy and survival.

marissa's flirting. i feel like there's two ways to interpret neil's response to marissa's advance "i can give you my number". neil says "what for?" and you can either take this as genuine confusion or just neil kinda being a dick. i lowk never considered the first option and just jumped straight to "neil doesn't really care about hurting this girl's feelings" lmfao. i think i'm right tho, because he elaborates and makes it clear he isn't interested in pursuing relationships outside of the foxes (see: priority no. 1, exy) and when nicky and dan comment on it, making it explicitly clear that marissa was asking neil out, neil doesn't express any confusion over what she was trying to do. people who write neil being genuinely exaggeratedly clueless when being flirted with need to remember that neil wasn't unaware of marissa's intentions during this scene, he was just so aggressively disinterested that he failed to remark on most of it. he never expresses any actual confusion or obliviousness about her flirting.

andrew. ok look. this is gonna require some explaining. first of all let's talk about andrew's attraction to neil on a purely physical level. their nothingship era, if you will. neil's dizzying whiplash during the "that doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" scene is honestly pretty understandable. like really, who wasn't surprised during that scene? the hints in the previous books about andrew's attraction towards neil were so subtle that most of us readers had to reread a couple times to actually catch the progression and build-up. and also, andrew was high and manic for most of the first two books, so it's understandable that neil probably chalked up a lot of andrew's yapping and odd behaviours to the drugs, rather than a genuine expression of andrew's feelings. that's not to say he discounted the things andrew told him, but since he's always taken andrew at face value, he also didn't doubt andrew's "i hate you" and supposed dislike of him. i think it's actually very very understandable that neil didn't pick up on andrew's attraction to him because 1. why would you ever assume that about anyone anyway 2. neil is pretty preoccupied with being hunted down by his serial killer father and the japanese mafia 3. andrew was NOT making it easy on neil at all. this is partially because andrew himself wasn't ready to face the reality of his feelings for neil and also just his general confusing way of going about things. it makes a lot of sense that even neil, who's generally good at reading andrew and picking up on his hints, would miss whatever hints andrew was dropping about this, if any. and finally, 4. andrew wanting to fuck neil doesn't have anything to do with exy or survival, so neil instinctively filters it out and doesn't think about it a lot. next, i guess we have to talk about andrew's actual feelings for neil. again, we like to make fun of neil for never picking up on the fact that andrew is in LOVE with him during their situationship phase. but again, i think it makes a lot of sense? yes, andrew wasn't exactly subtle about it by a certain point (see: baltimore reunion) but also, neil has literally been pavloved to reject romantic relationships. one of the ways he "justifies" his nothingship with andrew is by assuring himself that andrew is only physically attracted to him. and the other justification is that he sees andrew as intertwined with the idea of his survival, because of the deal they have. keeping andrew close and being in a relationship with him is directly related to his own safety and survival. because neil's lowk manipulated his own thinking to associate andrew implicitly with survival, suddenly their relationship is a lot more prioritised in neil's mind and narration, because it pertains to priority no. 2, survival. i truly, truly believe neil's refusal or inability to see andrew's actual feelings for him is deliberate. he doesn't want to notice that andrew actually is in love with him because that is area he isn't familiar with and he doesn't want to hurt andrew when he dies. but because he obviously does want to continue this little "nothing" with andrew, and because he associates andrew with survival, he's unwilling to let go of him. so he just refuses to notice and remains deliberately oblivious to andrew's feelings for him. it's all very psychological.

final argument: people like to make fun of neil for not realising his own feelings for andrew but listen. he does realise. he never says that he doesn't feel anything for andrew. he never denies being in love with or attracted to andrew, not even in his own head. he registers, literally in trk, after his conversation with nicky, that he sees andrew differently and could be developing feelings for him, but he literally forcibly pushes the thoughts away because they would distract him from priority no. 1 (exy) and priority no. 2 (survival). he also notices in the back half of tkm that their nothingship has taken on new weight and means more than just "nothing" but he avoids acknowledging it with andrew even when he's aware of it in his own mind. so yeah. neil isn't in a state of denial. like at all.

also, neil does notice things when they pertain to his priorities. like, he picked up on jeanee the same way kevin did. he noticed literally in trk the way jean reacted differently to renee, but he only chose to acknowledge and mention it out loud when he could use it to his advantage. and it did work out in everyone's favour, because he brought it up with kevin, kevin gave renee jean's number, and that's how jean was able to escape the nest and survive the year. so, lbr, neil isn't as clueless and out-of-it as the fandom likes to make him. he can be very perceptive and socially aware when it pertains to his narrow-minded priorities.

ok at the end of the day, i can acknowledge: it is not that deep. if ppl want to make neil super oblivious and clueless and socially inept, it's not rlly a big deal. i just personally hate when they dumb neil down when he is honestly such a smart and perceptive character and his intelligence is actually such a huge part of the series. so anyway. i hope u enjoyed this essay, it's been a while so it's a little rough.

What if agent Browning has a family and one day at dinner one of his kids tells them that they want to start playing Exy or they just get really into Exy and start watching it all the time and they don’t understand why their dad is so against it and he’s not allowed to explain. But also he doesn’t want his kids to feel bad or like he doesn’t care about their interests so he just has to suck it up and go along with it. Extra bonus if one of their favorite players is Jean, Kevin, Neil, or Jeremy.

This man will forever be haunted by this sport.

anyone else get pre-concert anxiety cause oh my goddddd 😭 like im so excited but also Travel™️ and Timing™️ are making me so anxious for no. reason. that i have a knot in my chest ughhhhhh

but whatever, can’t wait to go see lucy dacus sing about her gf with one of my fellow lesbian friends so i suppose i can just ignore it

NEEEEED a scene of jean kissing jeremy against the bike. like they go on a little scenic ride and stop at an overpass. and jean just presses jeremy up against the bike and kisses him with all that hunger we know he has

finishes an essay just to have to write another finishes an essay just to have to write another finishes. an essay. just to have to write. another. eughhhhhhhhh

My canon: Neil is super weird, but in a way people don't expect and it catches them unaware. He will have a perfectly normal conversation with you and then you realise he doesn't ignore the first slice of bread of the loaf, uses it right after opening it to make a sandwich. He doesn't have a set way of replacing the toilet paper roll. He does sock-shoe-sock-shoe. He takes the peel of the banana off completely before eating it on the go. He unplugs the laptop yanking on the cable not the plug. He eats kiwis with the skin on like they're apples. He eats dry cereal then drinks a glass of milk.

Neil Josten is like an alien that has managed to blend in quite well with the humans but sometimes he does something that reminds you he's a martian

him not being able to fight is literally a whole subplot in my opinion. early on in tfc he actually says how he is an instigator through and through and can only start fights, not finish them, assumedly because of his smart mouth

“Neil was much better at instigating fights than winning them, but it'd be worth losing if he could just put a fist through Kevin's face once. Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil" to be, though.” - tfc, chapter five

he realizes that he cannot fight, that he could throw a punch or two but would get his ass beat cause that’s not his strong suit. with weapons it could be a different story but like OP said, his training was when he was very young and mary took him before he moved on to cutting up the human body (it actually wasn’t EC, it’s in tkm which is cool)

“He didn't say he'd used knives before; one couldn't grow up a Wesninski without having a blade pushed into his hand. Nathan didn't have the time or patience to teach his son but he'd put two of his people to the task. Luckily Neil left home before he progressed past cutting up hunks of dead animals.” - tkm, chapter three

we can guess that on the run, he had to put his limited fighting skills into action to survive and that he might be a bit better if he had a gun or a knife but he is not close to renee’s level and that’s okay. he doesn’t want to be. he even admits that he doesn’t want to learn how to fight with knives because it reminds him too much of his father.

"So those knives [Andrew] brings everywhere are yours?" "Were mine," Renee said. "He was right; I don't need them anymore. If you need them, he will give them to you, and I will teach you how to use them." She wasn't smiling anymore. Neil studied her calm expression and knew she meant it. She'd put her faith in mankind and her Christian piety on hold and show him how to cut a man open throat to groin if he asked her to. […] "Thank you," Neil said, "but no. I don't want to be like—him." - tkm, chapter three

and him not being good with his fists is important because he feels a bit helpless after drake happens and goes to matt to ask him for help. because matt knows how to fight because of his mother and neil is aware of that, aware of his shortcomings, and asks for lessons

“That night he asked Matt to teach him how to fight. Matt looked surprised by the request but agreed, and they spent the rest of the evening figuring out when they could possibly meet up for lessons. […] Matt promised to get Neil a pair of gloves the next time he went out.” -trk, chapter fourteen

neil not being able to fight is important because it goes hand in hand with him being a runner. he knows how to start fights and how to run away from them. we can even assume he knows how to fight just enough to find an opening to run. but throughout the trilogy he is learning how to stand his ground and not run at the first hint of danger. learning to lean on others and how to fight is part of that journey meaning he has to be bad at it at first. and i don’t believe he ever gets great at it. because he doesn’t want to pick up a knife and while he learns how to fight from matt (which is phenomenal, i love their friendship so much) part of point of the books is neil healing and not needing to fight anymore. after riko dies and after baltimore, neil has less reason to know how to fight than before and i think he doesn’t put his full effort in mastering it. i believe that he learns how to stand his own in a fight because he wants to have the safety that comes with it but knows that he has andrew to lean on now should he need him

i keep seeing people say neil is canonically better at fighting than andrew??? genuinely confused as to where this is coming from outside of fanon...like genuinely why do people think he can beat andrew or even renee in a fight? neil is not physically intimidating like andrew. he is not capable of the same physical violence (maybe if u give him a gun). and yeah i see people point to his upbringing with nathan and MAYBE im cheating bcus im pretty sure this was only mentioned in the EC but his training never moved past dead animals. mary literally took him and ran before they could move to training him on live ones, and i think that's evidence that he wouldn't be some insanely crazy good knife fighter (also the fact all of this occured before he turned 10).

and call me crazy but there's No Evidence that Mary taught him Any physical fighting while they were on the run during those 8 years. in fact i think there's more subtextual evidence for her refusing to teach him both so that 1) he'd remain dependent on her and 2) so there was no chance he could become like nathan. like did we forget that his whole thing is getting his ass beat. over n over again. this is, i would argue, one of his most character defining traits. the foxes' battered wife in the wise words of one david wymack. mr "i start fights and let andrew finish them" josten.

One of many third book makeouts 🫡