Sam

Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. TUMBLR RULE. When you see it, REBLOG IT.

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I hate this whole needing money to live thing

i was thinking the other day how we tend to draw cas and dean (correctly tbh) like

but in doing so we are betraying another fundamental dynamic of theirs which is more like,

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

People need to stop making people feel like this, honestly guys get over yourselves, people are allowed to have different opinions without getting harassed about it.

This is not a fun post.

Wolkenstrahl on tumblr triggered my religious trauma with graphic depictions of biblical violence after I dared to have a different theory about Good Omens than them (on MY POST about MY THOUGHTS on the show, no less), incorrectly assumed my religion, insisted I had consented to a discussion of religion when I had not, continued said argument about religion after I explicitly said I was extremely uncomfortable talking about it, used the uncensored word r*pe in a direct comment to me, did not apologize for doing so after I said that word was personally triggering for me, and said that “if I didn’t like hearing about the violence I should blame my vicar”. (I never said I go to church and in fact I don’t, not that this kind of treatment would be okay even if I did.) They used phrases like “maybe you might want to read a bible”. I could go on.

I have receipts.

I’m fighting off a panic attack and trying not to cry.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been abused by the fandom. I was told by a redditor “you must not have experienced abuse” AFTER SAYING I HAVE C-PTSD because my opinion on what Crowley’s plan was going to be after S2E6 was different than someone else’s. The mods wouldn’t tell me how they dealt with the person, and removed my reply to them. When I asked they said they “hoped I saw” that they removed the person’s original comment, as though that made everything okay.

I’ve had people WHO ADMITTED THEY DIDN’T HAVE RELIGIOUS TRAUMA tell me I was interpreting my religious trauma (much of which is due to me being queer) wrong.

This is starting to look like a pattern and I’m not cool with it. It’s ruining the fandom and the show for me, which is a shame cuz 99% of the fans are probably lovely.

O got my prom dress at the thrift store and I'm so happy about it

please can we do inbox trick-or-treating this year. can we make that a thing on tumblr. please please please please please

This is a little short story I wrote called False Faces... let me know what you guys think!

One, two, three, breath Chris you’re fine. My internal monologue screamed at me, clawed at my brain. He wouldn’t ditch me, not when it’s something important, he just wouldn’t.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, it’s fine, it’s going to be fine. He’ll be here in a few minutes, he’s only five minutes late, it’s fine. I looked down at the mug sitting on the table in front of me, trying to drown out the buzz of the people around me. I ran a hand through my dark hair, my finger tapping on the table mindlessly, the buzz of these people’s gonna drive me insane. That’s when I heard the door open.

Benny sat down in the seat across from me, a smile across his face, I must look panicked because as soon as he looked at me his expression turned to worry. “Chris, are you alright?” he sounded genuinely concerned, maybe he wouldn’t run away. No, he wouldn’t do that, Benny isn’t like that. He’s not, and I know that.

“Benny, if I told you something that you might not like, would you stick around?” my voice was shaky and his eyes widened at the question.

“You know I wouldn’t up and leave you.” He picked up my mug and took a sip of the coffee inside, looking at me over the cup. The light hit his eyes and made the dark brown look like rich honey. I liked his eyes, they made me feel safe.

“Well, um… I just don’t want you to hate me,” I took the mug from his hands a took a sip, letting the warm liquid help settle my nerves. I could feel that lump in my throat, and the burn in the back of my eyes, “you’re my best friend.”

“I could never hate you, man you’re like the most important person to me,” he put his hand over the mug and lowered it to the table, locking his eyes with mine, not letting me drop my gaze. “Chris I could never.” He said it strongly a firm expression on his face. He wasn’t lying, he wouldn’t leave.

I took in a breath. “So, you know how you’ve been trying to set me up with a girl?” He nodded his head, knowing not to speak or I might go into a panic. “I want… no, I need you to stop.” I put my hands on the table scraping at the wood with my nail.

“Okay, you don’t want a relationship that’s fine man, I mean whenever you’re ready.” he leaned back in his seat. “I’m sorry I pushed that.”

I away from him, biting at my lip, and shaking my head. “It’s… It’s not that I don’t want a relationship, Benny…” my voice was barely a whisper, but he heard me. My vision started to become blurry and I looked out the window. I felt the wet tear slide down my cheek. “I just don’t want one with a girl.” I wiped my face and looked up at him. I couldn’t read his face, but it looked like shock. “You can go if you want, I get it, okay.” I heard my voice crack and I swallowed thickly.

He stood up, and dread immediately washed over my entire body, and I felt myself sink into the chair, as I tried not to let this god awful noise leave my throat.

But he walked over to my seat grabbing my shoulders and pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. I balled my fists into the back of his shirt, burying my face in his neck. I was shaking from head to toe, my knees about gave out on me. But he squeezed me tighter.

“It’s okay, Chris. You’re okay.” He soothed, and I just let the hot tears fall from my eyes. “I’m glad you told me. Chris, I could never hate you for who you choose to love… never.” I nodded my head, a smile he couldn’t see across my face. I couldn’t believe it, it took me so long for me to be okay knowing that I was gay, but he… he accepted it just like that. I dropped my arms and lifted my head, the grin still on my face. He smiled back.

I think it’s going to be okay, I think we’re gonna be okay. I don’t have to hide behind this mask anymore. I don’t need to be as afraid. I can be okay with me again, and I can be happy with that, just as I should be.

will i always be this angry?