Don’t Be Afraid Of Releasing The Old, The New Journey Has Already Begun.

in light of my recent posts

This is absolutely not a “thanks captain obvious” people have been questioning “what makes humans moral” since morality started. and this is a good take 10/10 ilu

recently i’ve been thinking about like… what it means for Dea to be Absolute Good. not that i don’t think that anymore, because i do, but that i’m questioning what that looks like. because up until recently i saw it like this: (please excuse my diagram)

(or well, “bad” being the lack-of-good, i suppose.)

but one of the things i’ve always found cool about filianism is that so many things on a Divine level have (a/n) earthly parallel(s.) when we think of Good things in a broader sense we often think of virtues, like kindness and stuff. so let’s put this into practice:

i think most of us can look at this and see that it doesn’t really show the full picture here. it’s kind of an oversimplification. i for one, when i was a kid, was called a “doormat” a lot. i was kind to the point of self-denying and self-destruction. i reblogged a really cool “virtue continuum” post a while ago that i think sums this up well with other virtues, and that post was basically what sparked this thought process with me. here’s what kindness looks like to me:

(or alternatively, another unhealthy amount of kindness could become enabling, allowing others to get away with things they shouldn’t in the name of kindness.)

the idea is striving for the healthy balance. this also applies to cognitive behavioural therapy! my therapist doesn’t want all my thoughts to be sunshine and rainbows, that’s unrealistic and can also be unhelpful just as excessively negative thoughts are. we strive for a balance.

but with the vague concept of good this model kinda falls apart a bit.

i for one can’t figure out at all what would go in the other side.

but maybe that’s the thing about the concept of “good.” it’s very subjective.

also as many have pointed out, this world is filled with “necessary evils.” my favourite minor example of this i like to give is how, sometimes, a good argument can “clear the air.” is it fun to fight? no! absolutely not! and it’s always better to talk things out civilly with the people we care about. and sometimes we go too far. but sometimes our feelings get the better of us and every little thing we’ve been holding onto just comes flooding out. it’s exhausting, you’re hurt for a while, but sometimes taking the time apart after a fallout and thinking about all the things that were brought up is a good way to reset the grounds, so to speak. everything’s out there, i understand how you feel now, so let’s talk about it again and move forward now that we’re calm. at least, that’s my experience with my own friends.

so i guess very few things are fully black and white.

maybe my first diagram IS correct, and within that diagram is striving for balance, so the “good” side is actually balance and the “bad” side is actually imbalance. maybe like this:

i guess?

anyways this might be old news or already a pretty common “take” (it’s barely a take, it’s just me pondering out loud. this honestly reads more like a weird journal entry if anything) and i’m just slow but… this is kinda how i’m starting to see things. i don’t really know where i was going with this… putting my thoughts out there is kinda hard for me, so thanks for reading if you got this far!

(this is probably such a “thanks captain obvious” post but it felt like something clicked with me personally so. out to the world it goes!)

But guys, the president saying your minority group shapes the nations soul is actual step 9 of genocide

I didn't know inner labia where a thing for years! I also thought I might be intersex in some way. When I found a diagram that labeled online it I cried in relief.

When I was about 12 years old I noticed this white stuff in my underwear. It was goopy and creamy but when it dried it became crusty. I had no idea what it was. I hoped that if I ignored it it would go away- it didn’t. Eventually I became worried. I thought that I might be slowly pissing myself, but the texture wasn’t right for that. I considered that I might be intersex, have testes, and that they might somehow be leaking. I wanted to ask someone about it, but because of the inherent shame and tabooness around women’s bodies I was too embarrassed to do so. I figured that even if I did ask someone, they wouldn’t be able to help me. I thought that this white stuff in my underwear was a result of me being a dirty freak.

I felt so much shame around my body. I was terrified of sleepovers or locker rooms or anywhere else where someone might see what’s in my underwear. I carried this shame for almost two years.

Then one day a friend’s mother drove me home from school. This woman kept some kind of puberty pamphlet in the back of the car for us to read. I happened to pick it up and read part of it. The section I read taught me that this “white stuff” in my underwear is called vaginal discharge, it happens to all women, it begins anywhere from a year to a week before your first period, and it’s part of my vagina’s healthy natural functions.

I was so reliveved to know that what I was experiencing was normal, but I was also furious. Less than 50 words could have saved me from years of pain and humiliation. But no one thought to mention it. My school had given us some basic sex ed, but they never covered it. But they did cover wet dreams because obviously that’s more important.

I’ve shared my story with other women and it turns out I’m not the only one that had this issue. Dozens of women got back to me telling me that they had the same experience. One poor girl, she messaged me saying something like, “I know this sounds weird, but thank you for teaching me what discharge is.” She went on to tell me that she was 19 years old and that she had been experiencing it for ~8 years and had no idea what it was until she read my post. As soon as she noticed this white stuff in her underwear for the first time she went straight to her step mother who promptly made fun of her for being a freak. The stop mom took her to the gynecologist but they couldn’t figure out what was “wrong” with her. She had been going to the gynecologist and getting all these unnecessary and invasive exams and tests done. She thanked me for telling her what vaginal discharge was and thanked me for letting her know she’s not alone. I sent her a DM telling and infodumped everything I knew about vaginal discharge.

I couldn’t believe her story. She had been going to licences medical professionals for almost a decade and not one of them could figure out that it was just vaginal discharge.

————

When I was ~13 I put my fingers in my vagina and felt something. It felt like a tampon that had been left in there too long. I tried to pull it out but it was stuck. I then tried to scoop it out, feeling around the edges. That’s when I realized that it was attatched to me. It was not a tampon. I was terrified that it might be a tumor. But I was too scared to say anything because of the inherent shame and tabooness surrounding women’s bodies (again) and also because telling someone would mean having to admit that I put my fingers inside of myself.

About a year later I went to the gynecologist for an unrelated reason. I figured that now was the best time to bring it up. The nurse practitioner told me that I would need a pelvic exam to figure out what’s going on. I had been dreading getting a pelvic exam. I had been avoiding them for years because of a bad experience I had as a child. But I was so worried that I had literal cancer that I decided to tough it out. The nurse practitioner poked around for a while and asked if this object I mentioned was shaped like so. I said yes. She informed me that this object inside of my vagina was my cervix.

My fucking cervix! I never would’ve guessed. In the few diagrams of women’s anatomy that I had seen prior, the vagina and cervix look like two distinct organs. It always looked like the vagina ended then the cervix began. I never knew that the cervix poked out into my vagina like that.

————

I had such horrible experiences I vowed to prevent as many women as possible from experiencing the same thing. I made a point to tell my sisters everything I knew before it would be too late. I volunteered to teach sex ed at my high school. I share my stories constantly in the hopes that it’ll prevent someone, anyone, from experiencing the same thing. If I can prevent just one woman from feeling the same that I felt, all of my work will have been worth it.

Why is this the norm? Why are so many women unfamiliar with their own bodies? Why is it that what litte sex ed we get focused on men and their bodies? Why did my sex ed covered wet dreams and how to wash your dick, but never once mentioned vaginal discharge?

I used to agree that 7th grade was way too early for sex ed. I now couldn’t disagree more. Many girls at my school began menstruating before those two hours of sex ed we got in 7th grade. Children need to know what’s going to happen to their bodies during puberty before it happens, not after.

My area loves to pride itself on having some of the best sex ed in the country, but we really do have so far to go.

This is why I’m going into sex therapy/research/education/writing. I want to give free speeches at middle and high schools so the students will be prepared. I want to write books. I want to write a book directed at parents on how to talk to their kids about their bodies and sex. I want to write a book directed at children and teens about their bodies. I’m dedicating my life to prevent as many people as possible from experiencing what I did.

Watching women fight in MMA is always slightly ridiculous when you know any average male fighter would wipe the floor with them in seconds.

I made a shirt

lest we forget

My mom smoked weed with Vanilla Ice once. She was hanging out with friends at a hotel in florida and we’re heading up to the roof to smoke, when they ran into vanilla ice at the elevator. They argued for a bit if it was even him, until he confirmed it himself. They asked what the fuck he was doing in florida, he recently got into jetskis and boats n what not. He asked what they were doing, they told him and he was like “can i join?” He’s was apparently really cool to hang out with.

if you have one, tag with the "6 degrees of separation" you have with a celebrity