That Moment When You Get A Hot British Artist Girlfriend And Everything Seems Normal When WHABAM!!!!!!!

Person A: "Are you... flirting with me?"

Person B: "Gods no! What on earth gave you that idea?"

Person A: "I mean... Have you heard yourself talk?"

logan and wade out at a gay bar

wade suggested it; logan heard “free drinks” and agreed

it’s loud, the floors are sticky, but wade is having a great time, twirling yukio on the dance floor and necking blowjob shots like he’s getting paid for it (it’s possible that logan watches him lick the whipped cream from his lips every single time with Rapt attention, but that’s his business)

logan’s not really feeling up to dancing, so he sits at the bar, pleasantly buzzed and watching wade glide his way through the crowd. eventually, someone approaches him, and they’re laying it on Thick. their eyes dart from logan’s eyes, to his beer-wet lips, to the bit of chest hair tufted above the neckline of his tank, to his biceps bulging out of his flannel, and it’s Not Fucking Subtle, but they seem harmless enough; he offers little in the way of responses, opting for noncommittal grunts or hums while his gaze remains trained on wade in the sea of bar-goers.

but, inevitably, the person takes logan’s aloofness as a game, an invitation to push a little further, like he’s playing hard to get — they rest a hand on his shoulder, dip their fingers beneath his collar, bat their lashes and lean close enough that logan can smell the liquor perfuming their breath with sharp clarity

“so, what’s your type, handsome?”

logan shrugs their hand off. raises the bottle in his hand, points at where wade is now tugging ellie into the fray, jubilant and pink with laughter even as ellie digs her heels into the ground and whips her head from side to side.

“the grumpy bald chick?” the person asks with a scowl.

yukio appears behind her girlfriend and starts pushing her forward; wade whoops triumphantly.

“bald guy yanking on the bald chick,” logan clarifies, and the insistent bargoer wrinkles their nose.

if he were anyone else, he probably wouldn’t hear the eugh that slips out of their liquor-loose mouth, but he isn’t, and he does, and it pisses him the fuck off.

so much so, in fact, that he slams his beer down on the bar hard enough to crack the glass, and marches over to where wade is still trying to get ellie to dance. he snakes an arm around his waist, pulls him backward, and plants a nasty kiss on him, right in the eye line of the now very pissy bargoer. their indignance rolls audibly over the crowd like fog before they stomp away, red-cheeked and irritated.

wade’s not complaining, and ellie is grateful for the distraction

okay guys, what if... 👀

fuck it lester the doorman did it

THIS my shit I love when people draw Wade w his skin all messed up and stuff need MORE OF THAT

@sirwadewilsonfromimgur your wish is my command

@evyns-ghosting did it first! took inspo from him thank you <3

bloomialystock i love you i love you i love you

Have we talked about this? Because if not, let me share my suffering with you.

You know the scene right before their heroic sacrifice?

Have you noticed that this bastard holds the photo RIGHT OVER WADE'S HEART? And what's worse, he keeps his hand RIGHT THERE throughout his entire speech about having no one to return to if he survives.

And to rub even more salt into the wound, there's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment where Wade looks at Logan's lips. And it’s precisely in THAT MOMENT, my friends, that Wade realizes Logan is now also part of that photo, and therefore, someone worth sacrificing himself for.

UPDATE: GUYS GUYS I just discovered it's MUCH WORSE, turns out WADE IS ALSO HOLDING THE PHOTO.

If you need me, I’ll be in a corner crying and throwing up.

GANG, I NEED and it's a big need I NEED someone to write a space au fic for spidypool in which Wade Wilson is a human and classic cliche gets captured by alien poachers maybe tested on and somehow given very powerful regeneration BUT THEN this spider-themed alien barges in and takes down the operation a bit and steals him away. Then later a big ship of aliens and maybe humans depending on how u wanna go with this- (basically the avengers but maybe also shield and x men n such) finishes off the poachers and the spider alien (clearly Spiderman or Peter parker) takes an interest in Wade for his docileness since humans are SAY IT WITH ME NOW HUMANS ARE SPACE ORCS!!!!

Please, god, it doesn't have to be completed. i just wholeheartedly miss space au fics 😔😞

duality of man 😔