Thank God For Russian Dash Cams To Bring Us Wonders Like This

donate to my kickstarter so i can build a time machine and

get julius caesar addicted to hentai

seduce cleopatra

“oh but how will you seduce cleopatra?” you might ask because you’re a moron. it’s simple: i’m 6′2″ and i’m fat. fatness was considered attractive back then because if you were fat, that meant you were wealthy enough to get fat. plus, 6′2″ is unreasonably gigantically tall in the BC times. 

so cleopatra will be like “a giant? AND he’s got stretch marks?” and she’ll instantly become infatuated with my rotund, hairy body 

then i will live in royalty for the rest of my days. kickstarter backers will have their names written in my tomb, baffling archaeologists for centuries to come. 

This is still one of the greatest things ever made.

I need to know he’s ok.

her cafe ; batfam x batmom reader

summary: you’re Bruce Wayne’s wife a.k.a Batmom, who’s also the owner of one of Gotham’s well-known café known as Mother’s Touch, where your family loves to visit.

warnings: pure fluff!

a/n: here it is, reuploading my first ever Batmom fic! y’all don’t know how good it feels to be writing for Batfam again 😭 (for those who have read this on my old acc a.k.a taiyakimmy, hi! this is my new acc!)

» check out my batmom m.list, or my full m.list!

Keep reading

drove past a hotel and they had a pretty big digital message board and I glanced over and almost had a fucking stroke while driving because it was just playing this gif

PETITION FOR PEOPLE TO START MAKING LMK MEMES FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF LIVING IN MEGAPOLIS BECAUSE THAT SHITS FUNNY

Spanish affectionate names (because we can do better than using “mi amor” a hundred times)

Author’s note: Spanish uses gendered nouns. Masculine nouns often end in -o (example: “guapo”) and feminine nouns often end in -a (example: “princesa”). There are also gender neutral names! I’ll list those too for my people that are non-binary! This list is not exhaustive, so feel free to reblog and add more! Also, some words may have different translations depending on the country!!!!!

For him (names to use towards someone who identifies as a man)

Guapo : handsome

Rey : king

Príncipe: prince

Chulo / Lindo : cute, cutie

Bichito : little bug (disclaimer: in Puerto Rico, “Bicho” means “d*ck, so “Bichito” would mean “little d*ck”. )

For her (names to use towards someone who identifies as a woman)

Princesa: Princess

Guapa : beautiful

Muñeca : doll

Reina : queen

For everyone (he/him, she/her, they/them)

Mi corazón : my heart

Mi alma : my soul

Mi vida : my life

Mi cielo : my sky/heaven

Mi tesoro : my treasure

Mi luz : my light

There are tons more out there. Do a quick search!

Happy writing!

i hate the commercial i see on tumblr with the guy and the elongated torso to look at his 24 pack abs

so... i might have gotten a little carried away...

my itsv and atsv bots masterlist

miguel o'hara bots:

feral miggy that you caught

resting with your husband miggy

drunk miggy

sick miggy

oh you made him mad miggy

7 minutes in heaven with miggy

smitten with you miggy

arranged marriage miggy

jealous miggy (1)

sharing a bed with miggy

wanna have kids? miggy

jealous miggy (2)

you and miggy are prideful knuckleheads

divorcing miggy

working with miggy as your supervisor

being miggy's secretary

you're his daughter's teacher

miggy's scaring you

miggy's that single hot dad you keep seeing around

divorced miggy but still loves you

caught in a scandal (TYSM TO @miguelswifey04 FOR THE INSPO AND PERMISSION TO MAKE HIM <333)

your best friend, father figure, and mentor

miles morales bots:

you and miles have an argument

grafitiing with miles

your first date with miles

miles is smitten with you

pavitr prabhakar bots:

giving pav a chance to prove his love to you

pav wants to get to know you better

a night out with pav

pav hates seeing you cry

hobie brown bots:

committing property damage with hobie

your boyfriend hobie

hobie's falling for you

hobie trusts you with his secret identity

hobie'll be your little secret

hobie admits it to you

hobie loves your bad ass

hobie's hands are just right

hobie loves his grumpy dear

gwen stacy bots:

gwen's falling for you

gwen's sorry she has to leave you

gwen comforts you

peter b parker bots:

peter b'll teach you everything he knows

your husband peter b

lyla

if she was human, she might just like you

spider noir bots:

cat dad noir

dance partner noir

noir's in love with you

husband noir

divorced noir

anniversary with noir

always saving you noir

wants your sweet attention noir

first kiss with noir

got himself webbed up noir

you're noir's muse

noir has a smoking problem

ben reilly bots:

you're ben's one and only

needy ben

wants your attention badly ben

your silly best friend

the spot:

the spot still loves you

I HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS HELP (i made a lot of these in one sitting pls, i hope they're any good :'>)

please tell me what you think, and enjoy !!

(the skrunklies, they didn't fit.......)