CW : VENT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MLM BUT I NEED TO GET OUT

CW : VENT THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MLM BUT I NEED TO GET OUT

CW for disabilities and self-harm

I became sick over memorial day weekend (for those who don't know, we have the memorial day off.). Now all of my disabilities are flaring again, and i just got out of a huge flare not even a month ago.

I'm convinced this is because i don't wear a mask anymore. and before you blame me for my own issues, I don't wear one because my family doesn't anymore. I don't like to wear them in the house and due to breathing issues, i cannot wear them for a long time anyways. If i'm gonna get sick being at home or out in public, what's the point? OFC i would wear one if you asked me and would always warn you if i was sick because disabled ppl and able-bodied ppl with preferences matter.. always.

Anyways, I'm just in so much pain. I want to cry and scream and rip out my hair. I want to throw things across the room but all of that would get me recorded and prolly sent back to the psychiatric hospital.

i can't breathe without wheezing and coughing, my knees click when i walk and i keep going into pre-syncope. My fingers ache and i lost my hand brace for my wrist when it locks up. My hips hurt and even sitting criss-cross no longer helps. my back hurts and i can't crack it and i have a major headache.

I had to come home from school today, i begged my parents until they gave in. I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I feel as if it'd be better if i just .. wasn't here. That way nobody would have to suffer. anymore. idk

I'm just so.. tired, man. Nothing is going my way, it never has. I'm so so tired, i feel so numb. I don't want to be here anymore.