Well We All Know That No Matter What I Do, Ill Binge On The Cake When Im Alone

So my family tries to take advantage of my disordered eating habits?

Like i refuse to eat ice cream and they are happy that there is more for them

I dont buy my lunch at university and they only focus on the fact that they safe 2.6euros every day that i dont eat there

Whenever they dont feel like going to the basement or to a store, they tell me to go "so that i get my steps"

Once I'm skinny, they will regret treating me like this 🥲

Diet Change!

So, this is the diet I was initially going to follow:

However, 300&400 calories are just too low for me. I had 300 calories today and I ended up binging (and purging), as it always happens when I eat under 500 calories.

However, the first 5 days of the diet were very good. Based on the first week of that diet, I have come up with this one:

I ate and worked out like this last week and I lost 1kg (2.2lbs) and 1cm on my thighs. So, from now on, I’ll just repeat this diet weekly until school starts.

Since I don’t like starting a diet in the middle of the week, I’ll start tomorrow (Wednesday) on day 3, with 900 calories. I’m already one week into the challenges, so I’ll just keep doing them.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to stick to this one, because school is closer and closer. Only 32 days to go. If I get to 53.5kgs by September 10th, I will be the happiest person ever, because that’s been my gw for sooo long. Ugw is 51 or 50, but I know I realistically can’t lose that much until my deadline.

SW: 57.5kgs

GW: 53.5kgs

skinny

when I was dying

I think it is really fucked up

to start a sentence like this

everyone complimented me

on slowly turning to ashes

'You look so pretty dear'

they said

and I heard

'try harder'

when someone is suffering

from lung cancer

You don't light them a cigarette

You don't

You do not hand a suicidal person

a loaded gun

unless you want them to die

so why did you?

why did you handed me a gun?

what was I supposed to do with it?

besides pulling the trigger

when you are sixteen

and at some point

we all are

nothing is as easy as dying

without anyone noticing

dying isn't like it is in the movies

a 60 second sequel

with blood and wounds and lots of noise

it is a quiet long-term-process

You do not recognise the dead

-aeris

yikes

Thinspo Imagine #1: The Beginning of Fall

It was around 7 in the morning when the sun woke you up. It danced across your sheets and your desk, earning a soft groan from you as you slowly woke up. The sheets draped over your dainty body, slipping down over your shoulders as you sat up. Your hands sat in your lap, bundling up the blanket a bit as you looked out the window at a beautiful morning.

After admiring the view a little bit, you slipped out of bed, one thin leg after the other. Your soft pajamas draped over your lithe figure, truly accentuating how petite you were. They sagged a bit around your tiny waist and the sleeves stopped past the palm of your hand. You looked so tiny in them, swallowed by the soft fabric.

You padded to the bathroom and stripped, stepping on the scale, before smiling to yourself. Almost there.

You took a quick, hot shower, relishing in the feeling of each bone of your body as you skimmed your hands over yourself. Water pooled slightly in your collarbones and not on rolls of fat.

You were glowing when you got out, and turned around in the mirror. You counted three ribs on each side of your flat stomach, which concaved ever so slightly when you looked at yourself from the side. Your tiny waist filled out into toned thighs with a gap in between, which dipped back in at the knees to long, thin legs. Your thin hands danced around your tiny neck and prominent collars, tracing the sharp curve of your jawline, moving a few strands of wet hair that clung to your cheek. Your eyes looked bigger and your sharp nose was the same red as the apples of your cheeks, accentuating your soft lips and tiny chin.

You spoiled yourself for a few minutes, turning this way and that, looking at every curve and dip of your body. Finally, when the water sticking to your frame sent a chill through you, a silk robe was pulled up and over your shoulders. Silently, you left the bathroom.

You walked to your closet and opened the sliding door. You watched your thin fingers as they gripped the white wood.

As you had lost weight, you slowly added more and more clothes to your closet. Flowy tops, cute jeans, sweet skirts. Wearing them was a reward in and of itself, once you were able to fit into them. You looked cute and fragile in some, skinny and sharp in others. They each had their own style - and a place in your heart. They were the biggest sign of your progress.

You slipped into a cute, creme colored long sleeve top, relishing in the comfortable feel of the thin, flowy fabric. Your legs were hugged by dark blue, high-wasited jeans that you slid into perfectly. Simple gold bracelets sat on your wrists, and a thin gold chain around your neck.

You looked killer, and posed a bit. The jeans acentuated your thigh gap and thin, lean legs as well as your cinched waist, while the shirt hung low enough to reveal your collarbone, draping off of you in a way that showed how small you were underneath. Your hands were lithe and dainty, your skin fresh and clear.

You moved to your window, spreading the curtains and pulling the sliding glass open. Birds sang and danced around each other, and the hints of city life teemed in the few people walking along the sidewalk. You adored the city. Maple trees grew along the road and charming shops filled the empty space between tall buildings.

The wind blew, billowing the silk curtins out around you as you took in a deep breath. The cool air filled your lungs so beautifully, and your bright eyes fluttered closed.

All your hard work, all the long night curled up in your bed, ignoring hunger pains. Forcing awful-tasting teas down your throat. Losing and gaining, working out until you colapsed, sleeping through the day and binging at night. Your journey was so hard, with just as many downs as there were ups.

But you kept at it, holding on to the dream of a brighter future. Your binges grew smaller and fewer. You coud last longer without food, and it took less for you to feel full. The barest of muscle formed, and working out was less of a chore and more of a hobby. People started commenting on your figure. It was euphoric, fitting into your first XS pair of jeans.

You opened your eyes again, watching the green trees sway in the breeze. They were showing the first hints of autumn, a few crisp leaves turning to the color of honey and roses.

For the first time in a while, you realised, you were happy with where you were.

Summer’s Dream - Cathy Cassidy

Will cut off a pice every time I reach that weight

Quick leg check | 44 kg | 162 cm

taken from my instagram @/jollyeojeah

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bh1ywIen6IC/?taken-by=jollyeojeah