This Made Me Realise That I Tend To Pick Apart People In Real Life The Same Way. Like, Why Did They Do

One of my most pointless but beloved MDZS headcanons is that Lan Wangji was a fat baby. Just a little butterball until he was about 5 years old. Just the squishiest little cheeks you ever saw.

My other beloved fanon/head canon is that Lan Wangji was a biter as a small child. So that cute, wobbly-cheeked face was extremely disarming and numerous Lans have little scars from where the toddling Second Young Master Lan bit the absolute fuck outta them.

3am time to post mxtx mains on a hot ones interview:

hua cheng: like a rock. no reaction. never touches the milk.

xie lian: totally unfazed, but commenting on the ones that start making his lips burn like oh! so interesting

shen qingqiu: dying. gets through maybe 2 levels before showing discomfort. trying so hard to play it cool every time he has to grab for the milk/bread

luo binghe: not particularly bothered. very critical of the flavor/spice ratio in some of the sauces

lan wangji: very stoic. however he is also dying. bright red immediately. you can see the steam coming out of his ears by the third level

wei wuxian: terrifies the interviewer by demanding the bottles and adding more hot sauce to every wing. hits the last two-three levels and goes, "oh! finally these are getting good!" does shots of the last couple sauces off a spoon.

disclaimer it has been an age since i watched any hot ones vids x,D

As a guqin player, Lan Wangji has long nails, right? However (due to reasons and whatnot) they’ve been breaking a lot lately, which is inconvenient if you ask Lan Wangji, but downright a tragedy if you ask Wei Wuxian.

Cue to Wei Wuxian pretty much being gone the whole day for several days, falling asleep in the library, and also getting caught near the female disciples’ area twice, until he comes back one evening (past curfew) with the cultivation world’s first ever baby blue nail polish.

At first, he just wanted something to help strengthen Lan Wangji’s nails, it wasn’t even going to have color, but then the female disciples opened his eyes to this whole new world, and really, his Lan Zhan would look so good, wouldn’t he? 

And that’s why now Gusu Lan’s Hanguang-jun is often spotted with flawless baby blue nails, which causes many people to swoon at the sight of him, no matter how many times it happens, and yes, that includes Wei Wuxian. The end!

This is so extremely in character for him. He is the exact sort if person to do this.😄😂

mdzs headcanon of the day #346 !

jgy has scheduled breakdowns. he’ll set a timer for ten minutes, scream cry and throw up, and then when it goes off he goes about his day

When someone brings out the novel artwork as 'proof' WWXs og body didn't have scars all over his back from YZYs canonical abuse... You know you're dealing with an idiot.

Yes, the art is pretty and a nice addition. But it's not canon and it hardly depicts it either... We have artwork in the novel that shows WWX in red and black during his youth when he would have been wearing Jiang clan purple. He only starts wearing black post burial mounds escape. So that's incorrect...

We have novel art depicting WWX with glowing red eyes... Also not canonically true either. Nor are his tits ever particularly out, but most give his YLLZ era a plunge neckline so low you might be able to see the hint of his garden path if you look close enough!

If you're using mostly fan generated artwork - who have been clearly influenced by the CQL and donghua or their own personal headcanons and preferences - you're a moron and wasting my time.

“Uh, yeah,” Wei Wuxian said. He felt his back, which was LINED WITH OLD AND NEW WELTS. He couldn’t help but ask the question he’d been dwelling on. “Really, this must be the greatest injustice in all of history. Why am I always the only one getting hit whenever something happens?”

7S translation

Wei WuXian, “Uh-huh, that’s right.” He felt his back, COVERED IN SCARS BOTH OLD AND NEW, and still couldn’t hold back the question he’d be thinking about, “How awfully unfair. Why is it that I’m the only one who gets beaten up, whenever something happens?”

ExR translation

YZY whipped and abused WWX whenever she was in residence at Lotus Pier. Considering she was apparently barely there and the detailed description of new and old scars (wounds/welts*/injuries - whatever you want to fucking call it!! It's all the same!!!) we see in the extras, she must have harmed him any chance she got while she was back. We see her lashing him (and him alone!) for the most tenuous of "reasons"... The fact it states he was covered in scars both new and old shows historical abuse spanning some time - most likely since he arrived at LP at the age of nine!!!

So don't go pulling that bullshit on me when we're talking about canon FACTS. Especially when people cherry pick the text to conveniently show what they want and omit the stuff that shows they're talking from their ass.

*An English lesson for those struggling with 7S translation choice for the scars on WWXs back...

The term "welts" doesn't JUST mean a swollen bruise like mark on the skin or an itchy raised bump. It's a technical term used for injuries and scars left behind from being whipped or beaten hard and heavily with something. While I'm not a fan of their word choices, this is technically correct in the sense the marks are classified as welts as defined above.

the wildest thing about lan wangji is the way he’s immediately enraged at his own feelings for wei wuxian. because we’ve seen wei wuxian fall in love slowly and surely, right? he goes from a quick interest to an oblivious attraction to liking lan wangji then being infatuated after his return to life, then to straight-up loving the guy intensely. we watch him develop his sexual and romantic attraction equally.

but lan wangji’s different. from the very first second he’s desperately smitten — all it took was one sly smile and he was going through the four stages of love: the desire to marry, kiss, bed and die with him. and he’s so goddamn outraged, because how dare this troublemaker trespass into his house and steal his heart so easily??

he was so conflicted that he didn’t see any other alternative if not to unsheathe his sword and fight the hell out of that idiot. feelings?? for a rebellious teenager?? right in front of my clan’s three thousand rules??? not today, devil.

Lan Yuan: Are you accusing me, Hanguang-jun's own son, of mischief? The flesh and blood of our own peerless jade? Me? Who was born of Hanguang-jun's husband's own hips, cause this disaster!?

Wei Wuxian, tearing up: They grow up so fast.

god jin guangyao’s fucking face when they announce zewu jun at the post war celebration at nightless city will never not make me scream. the suddenly giant saucer eyes, the hopeful lift of the eyebrows, the tiniest little curve of a smile - zewu jun is here? i get to see him? now? socially? all dressed up in my jin clan best? as equals at a banquet? do you promise??

empty chairs, empty tables

hating/criticising jiang cheng for his canonical shitty behaviour is not “bashing” like girl, he wasn’t written in a way to be likeable as a person and anyone bringing that up or expressing their dislike for him doesn’t make them an unreasonable cynic incapable of seeing his “goodness” like pls let’s have some sense here; calling jin guangshan a predatory sleazebag is not “bashing” because that’s literally his canonical reading, just the way calling jiang cheng an asshole manchild is literally his characterisation in the book. bashing is what you’d call the bad faith call-outs towards characters like wei wuxian where the hate is moreso a result of intense personal bias than actual source material backing. bashing is where you make an unnecessary mockery out of characters who don’t seem to deserve it. but rightfully disliking jiang cheng & making a post about it is not bashing and people need to stop thinking that being unsympathetic towards an antagonistic figure needs a thesis to justify the dislike, otherwise it’s illogical nonsense––because the thesis already exists and it’s called mdzs.