When Veruca Got Attacked By The Squirrels Were You Pretending To Look For The Key Or Could You Really

It's slave labor cause the oompa loompas were taken out of their country and now working for you, you know that right??

Of course not! Don't be ridiculous. It's only slave labor when you're taken forcefully and forced to work against your will for no wages. That goes against my code. The Oompa Loompas agreed to come work in the factory because they would be living in better conditions and would have their precious cocoa beans in trade for their work. It was a business agreement, which is the same as a verbal contract. How you could imply such a nonsensical accusation with so much confidence and very little knowledge is entirely beyond me.

I aint even know it could open i-

Do you actually need that cane or is it just decoration

Also is your can edible as well

It's simply an accessory that I like to keep around. Well the cane itself isn't edible but I can fill it with candy too! Currently it has Nerds in it. You know those wonderful little sweet and colorful candies made by Wonka? Yeah, those. Those are the little things inside of it, in case you were wondering. Ha ha!

I wanna gossip too

I didn't know you was good friends with Santa clause. I'm late. But I bet you and your oompa loompas be getting the holiday hookup special. All types of little cute outfits and tailored coats and supplies. You know good and well your behind should be on the naughty list after what you did to them kids but Santa still be putting you on the nice list in trade for cookies and chocolate 😂😂

Oh yeah, everybody know the Clauses and their worker elves here at the factory. They like to visit during the winter for a tour and a nice dinner in our big dining hall, and they just love having hot chocolate near the fireplace. Fortunately, Santa never learned about the little factory mishap so I was never put on his naughty list. That's a secret, a slightly dirty one, but so what? We all have at least one. And it's not like any of what happened was my fault anyway. I'm quite an angel, if I do say so myself.

You're tall.

Yeah, and that much closer to heaven. ☝️😌

Are you and that cocoa bean girl dating?

My Cocoa Bean? Uh, no, we're just um...whatever you call it when two people enjoy each other's company. That.

What made you think we were-nevermind.

Why do you be up so early

do you sleep? 😂😂

Of course I sleep. But I wake up at 7:30 every morning to begin planning for factory production work and to take care of other business. By the time I shower, wash my face, brush my teeth, do my hair and get dressed, it's around 8:30 or 9:00. And then breakfast is usually next. It's in my blood just to wake up at the crack of daylight anyway. My body has adjusted to the time and it's become routine since I was in my 20s. When you wanna be successful you have to learn to be an early bird. It does get the worm, you know. ☝️

Sleeping in just isn't an option unless I'm dying, it's a sick day or a holiday.

Easier said than done lol

don't stop being a good person because of bad people.

Good evening, everyone.

Announcement: My Oompas Loompas are hosting a pajama movie party this Friday at 9PM PST, sharp. They will be live streaming Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and chatting on Discord, and they've invited you to attend!

How exciting!

If you would like to join then simply message me further instructions.

Til then.

- Willy Wonka 🍫

Oh noooooo *gay voice*

I'm atta dentist and I'm scared

I feel for you. The dentist is still one of my biggest fears. I wish I could help you feel better, but frankly I'm all out of words of encouragement. But unless you're having a serious operation done, you should be dandy. You could always ask for numbing gel, that way you won't feel a thing.

Aawww

You can't just give one of your followers a cute nickname and not the rest of us that's not fair 😔

But I called you all chocolate chips earlier, is that suddenly not good enough?