Do You Have A Middle Name?

I wanna gossip too

I didn't know you was good friends with Santa clause. I'm late. But I bet you and your oompa loompas be getting the holiday hookup special. All types of little cute outfits and tailored coats and supplies. You know good and well your behind should be on the naughty list after what you did to them kids but Santa still be putting you on the nice list in trade for cookies and chocolate 😂😂

Oh yeah, everybody know the Clauses and their worker elves here at the factory. They like to visit during the winter for a tour and a nice dinner in our big dining hall, and they just love having hot chocolate near the fireplace. Fortunately, Santa never learned about the little factory mishap so I was never put on his naughty list. That's a secret, a slightly dirty one, but so what? We all have at least one. And it's not like any of what happened was my fault anyway. I'm quite an angel, if I do say so myself.

Good evening, everyone.

Announcement: My Oompas Loompas are hosting a pajama movie party this Friday at 9PM PST, sharp. They will be live streaming Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and chatting on Discord, and they've invited you to attend!

How exciting!

If you would like to join then simply message me further instructions.

Til then.

- Willy Wonka 🍫

Why's that?

You can call me anything you want to, by the way. I don't really label myself regarding pronouns and stuff.

Even if you referred to me as "it" like I was some piece of furniture.

Oh, I could never refer to a human as an "it". That would feel very disrespectful. Unless, of course, they're not human. However, pronouns and gender identities nowadays can be very confusing for me, there are many and I grew up in a much simpler time.

So in that case, I'll just stick to simplifying the conundrum by referring to you as anonymous, if that's alright with you of course. ☺️

What do your uh, Oompa Loompa workers do when they're not working son?

Oh, hi, dad! When the Oompa Loompas aren't working they're usually down in the Disco room dancing (as shown below), playing games and having drinks. Or in the cafeteria eating, or in their own room assorting their delicious cocoa beans! Most of the time, you'll find them in the Disco room spinning around, breaking it down and such. Some of them have learned a new dance called twerking, or something that they showed me. It's basically booty girating. They just love music. ☺️

Your 42 I thought you was like 31 or 35 cuz 35-20 and all but you look young af what's your skin care routine? 😂😂

No, going by your assessment I would've been only 15 years old at the time I opened my first store on Cherry Street, dear. I hadn't even graduated school. I opened my store in my early twenties. The factory was built by the time I was 27. Fifteen years later, I'm 42. Easy math. Anyone could do it.

But why not just follow us? I want to be followed dammit -pouts- >:3

Because if I follow you now then I run the risk of not liking you later, for whatever reason. And if I decide that I don't care for you later then I'll have to unfollow you. The much easier fix is to just not follow at all.

And don't worry, it's not just you or anything I have against you. I just don't follow anyone back cause people aren't my thing.

Lmfao dm me 😭 @willyswilly

Dear, tumblrs. If you have asked a question or commented on something of mine and I haven't responded, I am terribly sorry. My asks are backed up and I get at least 20-45 notifications at a time, some of which I hadn't noticed until this morning while eating my breakfast. It's a really fast pace to maintain between answering questions and running the factory.

Heh....so sorry.

When Mike ran across your television room and knocked your oompa loompas over you should've took your cane across his forehead and knocked his ass out. Deadass

As hilarious as that sounds I think mumbler learned a bigger lesson after hopping into the machine, a probably permanent one he won't forget.

mans didn’t think he’d be having a morality crisis today yet here we are.