Want It On My Wall Singing To Me

so I’m filling out pediatrician intake forms for my newborn son and I get to the demographic section and I was already chuckling about putting a marital status…

yes hello my 3 day old son responds to only Old English, thank you

just watched a doe trip over her own front legs and bomb face first into half a dead tree. 10/10

The best part about knowing Latin plurals is using them incorrectly on purpose and seeing if anyone who knows why you're full of shit is within earshot. Insist that the plural of of "waitress" is "waitrices". You know you want to.

My tattoo artist told me his teenage son came out to him as trans by giving him a bunch of blue cupcakes and a greeting card that said "it's a boy!"

"That's cute," I said.

"It was NOT cute!" he snapped. "I thought he was pregnant."

Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now?

The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances.

Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW.

Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

family game night🎲

Smol Kitty

One must never underestimate an opponent who does not fear death. An enemy who values your death more than their own life is unpredictable - you cannot assume that there is anything they wouldn't dare to do. Risk a blow to distract you, run right into your sword in order to get their own into you, tackle you off a cliff to throw you both into your deaths. An enemy that does not seek to survive is ruthless, they will think in ways so alien to you, that you cannot anticipate what they might do. The best defense you can have is to never make enemies like this.

The same fear and respect should also apply to clowns. They do not fear shame or mockery, they have no honour to lose by becoming laughingstock. A clown will not hesitate to look ridiculous, if tackling you makes you both look stupid. A clown does not fear losing their dignity for as long as they can take yours down with them.

Do not make enemies with clowns.