When I Say "romanticise The Ordinary" I Don't Mean "hide All Aspects Of Your Life That Do Not Fit Under

A Secret History, otherwise known as what the fuck Richard

(the last few bullet points will be talking about CSA so if that triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, don't read this)

Hi pookies, sorry for being awol, I've been prepping for finals, as well as annotating a secret history, and I had some thoughts I felt like sharing.

first of all fuck Henry

Bunny being the one to say " to live forever" is the definition of being doomed by the narritive

there is no version of the story where bunny lives, and by him being the one who says that, is in a way a challenge to Henrey

Richard opens the book by claiming to be a good liar, and in every situation where he lies he does it horribly is the funniest thing ever

Henry was a budding serial killer, and I think that by the simple fact of giving poor Charles those pills

I also don't think Bunny was as bad as the group made him out to be. Richard is obviously a self-admitted unreliable narrator, but I really don't think Bunny was as bad as they were making him out to be

sure he was probably really annoying, but the week before his death I don't think he was being purposely antagonistic but acting afraid

and in a sense when Richard found out about the murder, that was bunny signing his death certificate.

i think Henry was always going to kill Bunny, he was just waiting for a good enough excuse

when Jullian left Henry started decompensating like a serial killer, and that's why he lost control when talking to Charles

and while it is clearly the best choice to send Fransis to the police, Henry tells Charles to go because Charles is easy to manipulate

i think Fransis is obviously disalutioned by Henry from the beginning of the book, while Charles and Richard were still drinking the Kool-aid

Camilla is obviously romantisized by Richard, and I think that in all reality he probably viewed women in a simmular way Bunny did

in Camilla's descriptions she is often barefoot, and he makes note to mention that during the act of the murder she wasn't present

he also compares most women to Marion a person he thinks is too stupid and girly

people forget how physically imposing henry is, by Richard describing him it almost infantilizes him, in a way.

he is physically imposing which made him look odd, but he lifted camila with great ease, and lifts weight despite is limp

i think he hurt camilla by pulling out her hair, and hurting her wrist

i feel bad for bunny because while he was teetering over the edge he must have been so afraid

richard and henry could have been the same under slightly different circumsances

camilla is not as oblivious to things as people belive she is, obviously she is a victim, but the narrative implies that she is for lack of a better term, not completely innocent

she is a victim of her circumstances, but not completely innocent

richard clings to the group because they are every thing he wanted to

henry killed himself to achieve some fucked up version of godhood.

fransis is the most complex character because by the end of the book we feel bad for him despite taking advantage of 2 of the other characters in the book

he is also clearly in love with Charles but yk

CSA TW BELOW

okay so i think its pretty clear that Charles is a CSA victim

he very clearly has an eating disorder, and a alcohol problem which Fransis exacerbates by getting him drunk and hooking up with him frequently

not only that but he is really dependent on his friendships and is constantly paranoid that they are talking about him, but needs constant reassurance like a child

but also when bunny is making digs at the group, he starts talking about the preversions of the catholic church, i don't think that group cared, nor do i belive that any of them are particularly religious, but I do belive that Bunny was making a dig about Charles being molested by a preist

and if that's the case than his ultimate outcome makes the most sense,

that also makes sense why he would frequently sleep with camilla and fransis

feel free to message me so we can chat about it... this book has recently become my greatest obsession, or we can chat in the comments.

Sorry for wasting time on my phone, that wasn't very Rory Gilmore, straight A+, speech champion, top of the class, academic weapon, relentless writer, future IVY student, 10 AP classes, graduating early, perfect score, Honors student of me.

5/31/24

sorry guys for the breif break, but school got out and I decided to allow myself a bit of a break. for the past two weeks I have had the luxury of being a slug, but i start my job in two days and decided to begin to acclimate myself to being a functional human. throughout my break i was proud of myself because i wrote every day, weather that was journaling or working on something publishable, and i read daily.

being home was an unwelcome change, me and my mom don't get along, and thankfully she had been working in office the past 2 weeks, but now that shes working from home I've decided to spend as little time as possible at home. my mom is generally unsupportive of anything that she doesn't seem as valuable, and sees my hobbies as a waste of time unless she can brag to her friends about it.

in other good news, i've found a new eq barn and am trying it out tomorrow, I've been drinking water consistently and i found my bracelet and necklace that i thought i loss. they belonged to my dad before i 'stole' them, and have become very important to me, despite my hatred of working retail, i am excited to have some structure in my life, i find that when i have appointments or schedules it makes me more productive so working again should be good for me, anyway here's to what i did today

whay i did today:

wahsed hair

oiled scalp

read only the brave washed and put away clothes

washed dishes

cooked

journaled

went through storage bins

drunk a crap ton of water

"It was like sitting at the edge of the world."

The Outsiders, S.E Hinton

sleeping my problems away in a richard papen way

So does the bright star fandom actually exist or am I alone here-

Also those who don’t know this it’s an aWesome musical I love and would really recommend-

new beginnings and falling back into routine

its been a long time since i've used this blog, I made this blog last year in hopes that it will hold me more accountable to being productive and while I have been productive without the blog, I feel like it only adds to a bigger problem that I am only now becoming aware of. i do things for the sake of others to appear cool. i realize how incredibly embarrassing and juvenile that is to write out loud, but it is true. i want the attention of others because I feel like if I do cool things that will earn me friendship, and I need to stop doing this. i need to do things I enjoy, and allow myself the pleasure of being mediocre for things I am just starting to learn, and do things for myself instead of things for others. that was really a long winded way of me saying I'm getting back into old hobbies I quit because I didn't give myself enough time to be good at them, and I am going to continue doing my hobbies even though I realize I will never be as great as others. i will continue to try to improve because I like improving and not for the sake of others.

to keep myself motovatied, I will be doing a 30 day challenge for some of the hobbies I want to get back into. I feel like by the end of 30 days I will learn if I really like these hobbies, or I like how others made me feel when I said I could do these hobbies, anyway, I will be making myself post because its a good way for accountability and I loved the online community I met when blogging.

books, books, and more books

THE NIGHTSTAND PILE

The Foxhole Court

5 Survive

All Your Twisted Lies

If We Were Villains

CURRENT TBR

Everything I Never Told You

Hench

The Hunger Games Trilogy

Song Of Achillies

A Good Girls Guide To Murder

No Longer Human

Good Girl Bad Blood

Of Mice and Men

The Girls I've Been

Freak The Mighty

Dune

A Song of Ice and Fire

The Raven Boys Trilogy

NEED TO ANNOTATE

A Secret History- Donna Tart

Taming the Star Runner- S.E Hinton

Rumblefish- S.E Hinton

NEED TO REREAD

The Outsiders- S.E Hinton ( Writing Style, Diction, and narrations, and Structure)

If We Were Villians- ML Rio (Genre Analysis, Structure and Literary Devices)

WANT TO READ NEXT

The Sunshine Court

All The Young Dudes

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke

A Little Life

Anne of Green Gables

The Idealist

Dark Rise

Six of Crows

Little Fires Everywhere

Neon Gods

Red Queen

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

musings on may

Franz Kafka Diaries, 1914-1923 | Felix Vallotton, The Dordogne with Carrenac (1925) | Vera Brittain, “Because You Died: Poetry and Prose of the First World War and After” | Jin Xingye | Haruki Murakami, "Norwegian Wood" | Jin Xingye

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