This Is The Explanation I Give To Cuckcakes About Why They Should Spent The Night With Lance And I. 

tall lesbians make me go: 💙💝💕💕💜🧡💚💖❤️💞✨💛💘

short lesbians make me go: 💖💛💕💘💜💞❤️💙💓💚💝🧡✨

tall bi girls make me go: 💞💖💙💓💘💜❤️✨🧡💛💝

short bi girls make me go: 💜🧡💞💖✨💝❤️💙💕💘💓

tall pan girls make me go: ✨💓💕💝💙💞💖🧡💜❤️💛💘💚

short pan girls make me go: 💛❤️💓🧡✨💝💜💘💙💖💚

tall questioning girls make me go: 💞✨💕💙💝💖💛❤️🧡💜💚💓💘

short questioning girls make me go: 💞💛💝🧡✨❤️💚💜💓💘💙

Speaking as a girl that is in a relationship with a guy like that, we encounter a lot of unicorns that want to cross off “big dick” from their sexual bucket list. Sometimes they just want to see a genuine porn star cock or maybe we suck it together. And, yes, it’s also fun to throw stuff at his boner and swing it like a baseball bat. 

If our guest is intimidated, Lance sometimes fucks me while she watches. After our live sex show, she often wants to go next. TBH, we particularly love no-hold-bars threesomes in which the bf fucks both of us. Indeed, there is something delightfully primal about a stallion-sized manbeast claiming his women.

i think like at least once in my life i’d like to fuck a guy who has one of those “baseball bat pornstar dicks”. not because i think it would feel particularly good (who knows, it might, but there is such a thing as too big) but just so i can have that experience at least once. i mean there is something hot about a monster dong like that from like a primal, submissive, straight up horny point of view.

also, so i can stand behind him and grab his hard dick and swing it around it’s a sword lmao

Lance = “a true master”

Here’s the re-release of the original Mash ruler posted several months back, now with a new look! I tried to emulate the text boxes and appearance of F/GO as best I could, and I’m really happy with the results. What do you guys think?

In any case, I hope new followers enjoy this one. For old readers I hope you guys don’t mind the repeat. A different Servant will appear on Wednesday!

Bisexual females have twice the fun;)

And a lgbtq+ fun zone:)

reblog if your blog is an lgbtq+ safe zone

Just wanted to share my experience with all those girls (and boys) out there who are dating a Magnum Man. Ever since Junior High, Lance bought Magnum XL condoms. Yeah, It sounds like a joke but he really did. He used to ride his bike to the drug store and shoplift them.

Anyway, Magnums were supposed to be the gold standard for well-endowed men. However, my bf grew a lot BIGGER during puberty. By senior year, it took forever to suit him up which sucked when both of us wanted to get it on.

So i switched him to Durex XXL. Those condoms rolled down farther but dug into his flesh.  They left a purple ring around his shaft that took days to vanish. The situation was maddening until we finally heard about TheyFit condoms. The company offers 55(!) different sizes.

Predictably, Lance ordered the biggest one they carried, the G31. It sounds like a military aircraft, doesn’t it? Anyway, the condom fit him like a glove!

I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer on a quasi-pornographic Tumblr but please stay safe. When you hear well-hung dudes say stuff like “They don’t come in my size,” they are FULL OF SHIT. If Lance can find a condom that fits his dick (but maybe not his ego), anyone else can too.

Big dick men, like & reblog. Right fucking now!!! 😏😍🍆👅

The duality of woman...

So how big is your boyfriend's dick?

Big enough that you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. 

In any case, the exact measurement wouldn’t matter. 

Just for the sake of argument, let’s say that Lance has a ten-and-a-half inch cock. Unless you’re a porn star, you wouldn’t be able to take him to the hilt at that length. I have shared him with a ton of cuckcakes and he bottomed out in each and every one of them. So whether he had 10.5 or 13.5, it wouldn’t matter. He has everything a size queen could ever desire.