All The Torso Animated Studies.

Of course I'll be fine

I'm good on my own

An appartement that's all mine

Decorating however I want, as whimsical as I please

No screaming at 3 am

And I'm safe. The mess is mine. But so is the tidiness. I don't have to leave. This is mine. I'll protect it, and anyone that needs a small haven is welcome. Hot chocolate and cookies will always be here waiting. Such as a couch and a blanket. I can let people stay. No one to ask for permission to be kind and soft and to host a dinner.

A work that I am so excited about. In a region I already love. Discovering myself again. Reinventing myself and getting a third shot at life.

I couldn't be more excited.

But leaving... leaving everything is fine.

But him.

Yet I can't hold on. He isn't mine. And I am not settling. If I can have his friendship. And that's all. I'll always be grateful for that. For it shows me what I want. Even if I am forever looking for him. At least I know what I search for. If my heart is breaking, watching him live his life. That's alright. For I get to witness it. And perhaps, help the happiness along a little.

I know I am fine on my own. Yet I can't imagine being without him. Even now, without having actually had him entertwined in my life.

How do I leave a love so strong. Without giving it a chance. This gift the universe gave me, and I have no choice but to throw it away. How will I stand alone, when I know his quiet strength as it is behind me.

I know how to leave everything and everyone

But him

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

For the last decade or so, I’ve been routinely attending a ride-on lawnmower race. I’ve always wanted to participate, but the high cost of used mowers is better spent on more practical vehicles, like literally anything else. Sometimes, though, the universe sends you a message. And in my case, that message came in the form of an awkward leg of a huge trade-in scam.

Picture, if you will, the humble redneck. They await the approach of big, fast domestic mowers. John Deeres, Cub Cadets, even weird modified Chinese stuff they looted from Aliexpress. There is jubilance, but that soon comes to an awkward hush. An unfamiliar engine note approaches.

My International 1480 combine harvester, all ten tons of it, is barrelling down the highway at a clip somewhere between “tepid” and “jaunty.” Even though I have shown up for a race, I am sandbagging a little bit, making sure that the bets get settled against my vehicle before I show them the might of a fully operational monster such as mine.

Technically, there is no violation. I had looked at the rulebook from every angle in the previous year: it has the correct number of wheels, the proper agricultural intent, and with precise work on the tiller, it can even (poorly) mow a suburban lawn. Is it modified? Oh yes, yes indeed, but I see the nitrous bottles poking out from the rows of Kubotas at the starting line.

And when I leave the starting line, it is a thing of beauty. At least for a few milliseconds. It seems that the wizards at International Harvester simply did not comprehend of a situation in which the frame of their combine would be launched into the air by means of one thousand eight hundred foot-pounds of supercharger-bolstered torque. I had erroneously believed that the loose soil of the rural community would let the wheels dip in, but now I am facing directly into the sky, having twelve o’ clocked hard on my wheelie, shooting flames from my exhaust and whirling vertical blades of death towards the grandstand.

It’s not about whether you win or lose. Sometimes it’s about how many pages you add to the rulebook.

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the lover’s almanac : part one.

Today was not a great day. I've just realised that some friendships that I've been trying really hard for a really long time to make them work, just don't. They stopped working somewhere along the way and I, in my foolishness, I thought their intentions were good like mine and I thought they cared as much as I did. I've been blind. I didn't see that they had already made up their mind to not trust, to not care, with their hearts closed. Maybe I forced some things, I try too hard and I care too deeply and I have all this love inside of me, I just have to find the right people. Maybe we are just acquaintances now, and that's ok, maybe it's just a phase, stagnant or declining friendship, but whatever it is I hope I will find someday some people who will reciprocate.

I usually drink cocoa when I'm sad, but I'm not sad, my mind is clear and writings helps, it's the cycle of life, the making and the breaking, the seasons and the death of things.

First ever recorded snowball fight (1897)

Happy Holidays And Merry Christmas To All!

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

I'd love to paint that

- I read

Took a break and escaped to fantastical worlds to escape this one and to not think, not deal with any problems. It's called a mental health break. Healthy escapism