Rabbits And Triangles🐇

An Incomplete List of the Animals my Grandpa brought home over the course of his 67-year marriage to Gandma:

Annabell, a solid white and completely deaf pit bull that used to let mom draw on her belly

The World’s Ugliest Tom Cat, who turned out to be the cuddiest teddy bear of an animal

Cocker spaniel named “Captain”

Stupid, the Cat

Litter of baby raccoons

Three more cats

A completely bald and extremely anxious canary that sang beautifully, but only at 4 AM

Baby Squirrel that grew up in the house and then refused to move out

A Genuine Thoroughbred Racehorse who was a spectacular athelete but had a habit of running races in the wrong direction.  Benny turned out to be a terrific trail horse instead.

Turtle

Snapping Turtle

A bucket full of 43 goldfish left over from the fair.  Mom counted once they were all in the bathtub in the backyard with the snapping turtle.

Another cocker spaniel named “Major”, who had the tremendous talent of eating green beans silently

Red-tailed hawk he found on the highway, and sucessfully nursed back to health and released.

Dummy, Son of Stupid

Strange, the dog that lived under the porch and only came into the house at night.

An “abandoned” baby deer.

Spooky, an alleged dog.  

Joey the parakeet whose tricks were  1. drinking tea out of a tiny cup 2. threatening to peck out people’s eyes 3. wearing hats

A Really Big Toad he found behind the factory, because the other auto workers were discussing using it for target practice.  Mr. Grumpity was guardian of the rosebed for several years and granny’s (his mother) favorite animal he ever brought home.

Gretchen, a St. Bernard that had to be shaved from her prior owner’s neglect, and spent a week hiding from sight with such success in the house that they thought she’d run away.

Arson, Burglary and Murder, three frankly adorable little kittens.  They did not change the names, much to the regret of the cop who lived three doors down.

Yet another Cocker Spaniel, named “Colonel”

Cardinal (bird)

Canada Goose (Demon)

Once in the nursing home, he had a “pet” 12-point whitetail buck that would come to his window to be fed corn and get headskritches, inexplicably named “Florence”

The marriage only ended because thier time on earth did. He never kept an animal Grandma wouldn’t allow and if anything she was worse about it. She was the one who brought home a tarantula.

Where's my Jewish phrase for when you people are being irrevocably horny?

YOU! I like you...

*forcefully adopts you*

Not if I adopt you first!

guys jesus is trending on twitter

jesus and the samaritan woman at the well

unfortunately i do believe posthaste is one of the funniest words out there. how quick am i doing something? fast as fuck my good sir

babey you have WAY too much time on your hands

I am well aware of that, my friend

⚔️ Arthurian Asks ⚔️

Arthur: What do you like most about yourself?

Avalon: If you had the opportunity to be immortal, would you take it?

Balan: What is your favorite thing about your best friend?

Balyn: Do you have a temper?

Elaine: What is one thing you could spend all day talking about?

Excalibur: What was the most thoughtful gift you ever received?

Gaheris: Do you have any regrets? What are they?

Galahad: What’s your favorite story about yourself?

Gareth: Which fictional character do you relate to most?

Gawain: Who do you admire most in the world?

Guinevere: What do you think makes you beautiful? Or how do you define beauty?

Kay: Do you have any siblings? Or what do you think of your family?

Lady of the Lake: What is your most prized possession and why?

Lancelot: If you could change anything about yourself, would you?

Merlin: What is your favorite book/who is your favorite author?

Mordred: What is your greatest fear?

Morgan Le Fay: What would be the title of your memoir?

Percival: Are you religious?

Tristan and Iseult: Have you ever been in love?

Uther: What is an epithet you would want to follow your name?

 Ask me some of these or whatever else you’d like! ♥️