Crowpickles - Crowpickles

bok bok bok bok baaawk 🐔

You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.

getting really into journaling is so fucked because you will fr end up with pages like "dear diary, it's fucken wimdy today!!!!! also I might be a talentless hack with no real creative drive or discipline to speak of. xoxo ✨"

12 year old, 4'4ft Jason: Tall people really act like they earned their height

17 year old, 5'10ft Dick: Short people really act like we stole their height

Bruce, internally: [don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh-]

-

[Years later]

19 year old, 6'2ft Jason: Hey, remember when I stole your height? Good times

24 year old 5'10 Dick:

Dick: First oF ALL, YOU SASQUATCH SIZED BITCH-

Bruce, internally: [DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH, DON'T LAUGH-]

minimum wage needs to be $1000 an hour. rent needs to be $10. groceries need to be $2 total. and i need a back massage that ends in me getting my back blown the Hell out

permit office: sending one of their own men to exile to cause chaos and unrest in an attempt to justify the existence of the permit office and the poepoe

cleo: riding a horse for 4 days straight on the nether roof to quit exile out of pure spite

doc and xisuma: traveling to and from exile to sell things/help the exiled hermits

the rest of the server: hiding their beds, creating bunkers, doing their best to not get exiled

meanwhile, mumbo: fan go whirrrrrrrrr

Little Dick and his chips in Batman #54

just watched Grian's video from yesterday where he ends it by saying that Cleo is gonna return any second now, but also Cleo just tweeted that they're still a hundred thousand blocks away, which results in the hilarious mental image of permit office!Grian standing in front of a nether portal for fourteen hours, occasionally looking at his watch and saying "aaany second now", entirely unmoving.

Batman pulls out a long pointer and emphatically slaps it onto a projection screen currently displaying a slide which states, in jagged white letters, YOU WOULDN’T EMBEZZLE A BATMOBILE