Me Too, Genji

Things They Didn't Put on Your Informed Consent Sheet (Written by a man at his 1-year T-versary)

You’re going to fucking stink to high heaven. That’s puberty. Get a good deodorant, shave your armpits or become a hermit. Even then, you’ll still probably stink.

Right around 3-6 months on T, you’re going to be in itchy, unbearable agony as your new hair grows in. I scratched so badly that I had welts and blisters that scarred. I’d scratch in my sleep. It never stopped. It was brutal. Hydrocortisone cream and anti-itch powders will help. Avoid having your skin damp for prolonged periods. Avoid excessive heat. Don’t wear spandex. Compression clothing such as tight boxer-briefs or binders will make it worse. Crying like a little baby does not help, but you will doubtlessly try this, no matter how manly you think you are. We are all little babies during this time.

Binding causes scars under your arms and on your shoulders. It also causes acne. Cystic acne.

T promotes muscle growth and fat loss… and hunger. If you make bad food choices, you will gain weight, no matter how much you think T is a magic weight loss potion. It is not a magic weight loss potion. On that note, you will gain weight. Muscle weighs more than fat. I dropped 3 clothing sizes but gained 30 pounds in weight. 

Your genitals will hurt. Your dick is going to rub against your underwear or packer if it’s not properly positioned under your skin. You will master the awkward cowboy walk to the bathroom to fix it in a way that draws the least attention. Crying like a little baby does not help, but you will probably do it anyway.

One day, you’re going to wake up and the first thing out of your mouth will sound so unrecognizable that you think you’ve switched bodies with someone else. It’ll be like going from Avril Lavigne to Morgan Freeman overnight. At least, that’s what it will feel like to you. Crying like a little baby is acceptable when this happens.

Everything causes acne. Even your acne meds. You can’t fix it. All you can do is live with it until your hormones stop going haywire.

Some lucky transmen experience temporary uterine insanity. That is, your uterus goes insane and starts cramping randomly. Some endocrinologists theorize that it’s due to the muscles increasing in size from the testosterone so rapidly that they cut off their own blood supply. The pain level from this ranges from “a bear on PCP ate my toe off” and “I just took a shotgun shell full of lemon and rock salt to my external genitalia.” Crying like a little baby does not fix it, but you will do it. You will probably have random bleeding, painful intercourse and lower body weakness. Go to your doctor. Get pain medication. Try to avoid getting addicted to the pain medication. Don’t send nudes of yourself to Pizza Hut when high on the pain medication (as I have done).

Sometimes your voice will break completely in half and you can sing baritone AND soprano. This is great at parties. It gets even greater when you’re drunk.

Drinking before a blood test will mess up your results and may lead your endocrinologist to change your T dose when it’s not necessary.

100mg/week is not the gold standard magic-making dose. That’s where most endocrinologists put you until you figure out the best dose for yourself, with blood tests to monitor your levels so you don’t make your heart explode. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes it’s less. It’s trial and error. Don’t inject T into a vein. That’s really stupid. Crying like a baby will not help. You’ll probably hurt yourself and look like a giant idiot in the ER.

You will mess up your injections frequently. Golf-ball sized swellings, redness and heat can be common even without infections. Sometimes it will hurt so much that you can’t even walk, sit down, masturbate or shit without being in horrible agony. Cry and move on. Biofreeze will be your best friend. Note: wash your hands after applying Biofreeze, especially before you attempt to use the restroom. Ibuprofen helps with the pain better than tylenol and is less likely to make your liver turn black.

People who don’t know you well, such as your favorite barista or your pharmacist, will stop recognizing you at some point. This is normal. Use it advantageously. 

T will change your emotional responses to things. A lot of people think that it makes you angry and this is not always true. You may have stronger emotional reactions to things. You may have less strong reactions to things. You may get sad where you once got angry, and vice-versa. This is normal. Adapt. If someone tells you that you’re being an asshole, listen to them. It’s also appropriate to tell them to go fuck themselves.

Your informed consent sheet will tell you that your genitals will be drier than the Sahara in the summer. This is not always true. In fact, sometimes the opposite can happen and it’ll be quite swampy. Learn to adapt. Or get Summer’s Eve. Sadly, they don’t make it in Axe scents.

If you’re under 21, it’s possible that you might get taller. Remember the growing pains you used to get as a child? Now imagine those but 500% worse. That’s what it will feel like. You will also have to relearn your spatial relationships with the surrounding world. You will be awkward and clumsy. You will knock things over and be in a constant state of bruised.

You will be less iron deficient on T if you stop menstruating. If you have iron-deficiency anemia, it may clear up entirely.

The copper IUD contraceptive Paraguard can cause your periods to come back. Transgender men looking for an IUD are encouraged to choose Mirena, which is infused with progesterone. Progesterone-only hormonal contraceptives such as Depo-Provera, Implanon/Nexapro, the morning after pill and some daily oral contraceptives are less likely to interfere with your HRT but will likely worsen your acne, cause weight gain and affect your moods. If you are under 25, are on T and have Mirena placed, it is likely your body will reject it. This is very painful and it’d probably be less painful if you stuck both of your feet into a bear trap. You will cry like a little baby. You will also throw up and shit yourself.

Do not attempt to STP while intoxicated. If cis guys can’t control their urine streams while intoxicated, you sure as hell can’t.

And just to piss you off: Testosterone therapy is a subjective experience. No matter how much you can prepare yourself for the changes, you’ll be surprised by what’s happening to you. After you start T, it’s likely you’ll feel lost. You spent a lot of time and mental effort getting to this point and now there’s not much to do but wait. At some point, your changes will slow down. Some day, you’re going to wake up with a beard and not remember the time you didn’t have one. And neither will anyone else. So just be and stop worrying.

Listen it’s funny

How can I become a writer?

Write.

But I don't know where to start.

Write.

But I'm worried.

WRITE.

What if nobody likes it?

W R I T E

What if it's not very good?

Write. Write. WRITE. WRITE.

W

R

I

T

E

Write

Write. Write. Write. Write. Write. Write.

Write.

Write

Write

Write

Write

Write

Write

Write

Write

W R I T E

Write write write

Write

Write

Oh so I’m gonna pass away

Snippet I've had forever of Emmrich humming in the Lighthouse courtyard taken from this compilation by DanaDuchy

(you should listen to the whole youtube video, there is some fantastic easily missed banter)

The vibrato, the resonance, the effortless falsetto??? This man can SING.

Body Language

When someone is...

Sad

Face/Body:

Avoidant/reduced eye contact

Drooping eyelids

Downcast eyes

Frowning

Raised inner ends of eyebrows

Dropped or furrowed eyebrows

Quivering lip/biting lip

Wrinkled nose

Voice:

Soft pitch

Low lone

Pauses/hesitant speech

Quiet/breathy

Slow speech

Voice cracks/breaking voice

Gestures/Posture:

Slouching/lowered head

Rigid/tense posture

Half formed/slow movement

Fidgeting or clasped hands

Sniffing or heavy swallows

Self soothing gestures (running hands over the arms, hand over heart, holding face in palms, etc)

it's me and my caffeinated drink against the world

Bookstore AU

So I’m pretty sure that most chain bookstores don’t just sell books anymore

Like it’s books, CDs, DVDs, records, nerdy accessories, toys, and coffee at the coffee shop that all bookstores have now

Tracer, McCree, Ana and Reinhardt work in the kids section 

(They read to the kids on the weekends. Tracer loves it because the kids are adorable, McCree loves it because he gets to wear his cowboy getup and the kids love it, and Ana and Reinhardt just love to be around little ones) 

Winston is the manager

Mercy and D.Va are baristas 

Reaper and Widow work in the CD/DVD/vinyl section 

Pharah and Lúcio work as cashiers 

Hanzo is always dragging Genji with him whenever he goes to see his boyfriend read to the kids 

Genji gets bored fast 

So he walks around the store 

He finds the religion section and wonders if anything here will help him find his purpose in life 

(No such luck) 

But he does find a man looking like a monk, sitting on the floor in between the aisles, reading. 

Genji is automatically interested because this guy knows what he’s doing 

So he talks to him 

The monk introduces himself as Zenyatta 

Zenyatta has the smoothest voice ever 

Genji’s knees feel weak 

They end up talking for hours 

Zenyatta invites him to join the meditation classes that he is teaching 

Genji accepts gladly because he would love to spend more time with him 

Hanzo leaves him there 

One day Tracer was leaving her shift and she spots Widow working 

Hello, there 

She tries to strike up conversation with Widow but Widow isn’t too chatty 

Eventually Widow tells her to either buy something or get out 

Tracer is hurt but leaves 

Reaper watches her go before talking to Widow 

“Wtf man. She was into you.” 

Widow snorts. “I don’t have time to flirt with pretty girls at work.” 

“She gave you her number. You should call her tonight and apologize.” 

Widow looks affronted but does that anyway 

Tracer gladly accepts her apology and they decide to go eat ice cream together 

Mercy and Pharah are already dating 

They visit each other during shifts or during off periods 

Lúcio and Hana manage to hang out too 

One day Zarya walks in 

Looking for a book about healthy eating and exercise

And the nature section is right next to the health section 

So Zarya walks right into Mei 

Zarya automatically thinks that Mei is adorable 

Mei thinks that Zarya looks a little intimidating with her pink hair, tattoos, scar and huge muscles, but she’s really into it 

They start talking 

They both apologize to each other, saying that they can’t speak English too well, and then bond over how English isn’t their first language 

It’s adorable 

They exchange numbers 

Zarya starts attending Mei’s health classes 

Mei starts going to Zarya’s weightlifting shows 

They start dating 

Winston is incredulous because everyone is falling in love in his bookstore how did that happen

Edit: Some people wanted to know about Bastion and Soldier 76. Bastion is that one kid who works there and he’s really young and trying so hard but he doesn’t know what he’s doing so Lúcio and Pharah help him. He also loves to talk to Mei about nature. 

Soldier 76 is an unmarried man who comes in every once and a while to see Hana and McCree and to check up on them (They view him as a father figure. Mercy was a bit concerned at first, but she quickly realized that their relationship was platonic and 76 wasn’t creepy.). He also comes in to flirt with Reaper, who refuses to go out with him, although won’t say why. 76 keeps trying though. 

(Eventually Reaper does say yes, and the night of their date, everyone else attends a wild party to celebrate.) 

My sperm donor is buying me the gay flat irons cause I’m a gay hairdresser and he’d be homophobic if he didn’t

I made a playlist for a chem boi because I’m unoriginal and have family over that I don’t really want to talk to because they don’t understand transgender.

his lips are sealed