You Know, After Realizing I'm A Wolf, The Deep Yearning Every Winter To Be Running Through Snowy Wilderness

How the hell am I supposed to explain to people that when I imagine my dog form it's just some of the dogs from fucking Chernobyl TwT

I miss my pack. We saw eachother just last weekend but I miss them. I wanna sleep in a dog pile and rough house and make noise with them. This sucks.

So I have this bit, right? It's been a while since I've done it, but if I bring it up with my friends, they can still easily understand or remember the joke.

It's called the Dan Rules. It's often comedically egotistical and vain and was made because out of our little group, it was a joke that I am (as an act) an eccetric (maybe enigmatic if I'm feeling fancy) person who does whatever the hell I want.

If people thought to question my behavior, it was often quickly followed with a "that's just Dan" from my friends and easily dismissed. Sure, some of my boldness was probably left over from my middle school years, where I felt I had to lean into my weirdness completely so people would see me more as a joke than a freak.

But then I found myself in a safe, accepting environment, one where the need to bite and snarl and run away never came. I waited a while for it to arrive for me to feel the need to play the part of the fool for my newfound companions entertainment. It shocked me when I was left with genuine love and compassion. I leaned out of self-deprecating humor and completely into the (very obviously joking and fake) role of an egotistical short and angry ruler. For fucks sake we still have the name of the group chat as "Dantopia". I still did the bit to entertain my friends, to keep them laughing at my antics. But this time, it was accompanied by my own laughter. I enjoyed a new sense of freedom it brought.

The Dan Rules came out of when we were messing around, and I'd lean into this foolish king role, and I would proclaim something insane or childish. A popular one was, "Dan is never wrong." Often followed by a warranted scoff.

But the second rule is a good one, I think, one that really shone through as a reminder that I am not now who I was before.

"I do what I want."

I hadn't had much freedom before I met my current group of friends. I was quiet and kept quiet at times. I felt muzzled and chained, and as if I was a dog because someone forced a collar around my throat and pulled me on a leash.

It wasn't only that I didn't have the choice of self-expression, though. I'd also seen what happened to people who gave too much into reckless. I grew up with the weight of their actions carried on my shoulders, and while I have always been bold in my identity and beliefs, I was quiet and still when presented the opportunities to escape from situations where people kicked me down for who I was. I feared what would happen if I left my old group. Ironically, this fear led me to be isolated.

I found myself almost completely alone in the pandemic, and my only saving grace was a new school with new people. New people who didn't tell me to shut up or that I was ugly or that I needed to stop acting like an animal or they'd treat me like one. Instead, I met friends who handled me gently and taught me it was okay to hug just as it's okay to bark, and they welcomed me. I felt at home. I felt as if I knew myself completely.

So, with the second rule, which I still follow to this day, I added a private note.

"I do what I want. Because I can trust myself to."

Know thyself

I can trust myself to bark or scowl or growl just as much as I can to love and kiss and hug. I can stay aware of what is and isn't good and how much or how little I can trust someone. I can be bold and loving all at once and welcome others with open arms and flashing fangs.

I am in complete control over myself, and even when I am doing something so I can see my friends laugh, I am also doing it because I can, and I do what I want.

Dudes healthcare is so fake. My ADHD meds are $940 without insurance. But they gave me a website of "coupons" which straight up looks like a scam website, and I got it today for $60! Just a coupon from a random website and it was $900 cheaper. America, I am confusion!! America explain!!

Hi!

I hope you get to eat dinner with your friends soon.

I hope you pet a cat soon.

I hope you see a really nice sunset soon.

I hope you get to wake up after getting the perfect amount of sleep soon.

I hope you have the time to make art soon.

I hope the thing you've been dreading doing isn't actually so bad.

I hope that you get to listen to your favorite song soon.

I hope you have a really good day <3

Be there! For! Your! People!

when i say community

i mean staying with the victims of violence until the emts get there

i mean not letting the cops get them alone even though you just met

i mean carrying around extra pain and allergy meds not just for yourself, but in case anyone else needs them too

i mean giving them to anyone regardless of if you actually like them as a person

i mean password sharing and spreading links to your favorite pirating site

i mean helping that stranger set up a workaround for their broken computer

i mean helping them understand the weird ass language in a job application

i mean helping people understanding medical information when their doctors did a bad job

i mean letting someone sleep on your couch so they don't have to go home

i mean checking if people have rides home

i mean "text me so i know youre safe when you get home"

i mean "have you eaten today"

i mean "have you eaten enough today"

i mean "what do you want, i'm buying tonight"

i mean "hey does anyone have experience with this med, my doctor wants to put me on it but i'm not sure"

i mean "here's a zine on going off of psych meds with minimal risk"

i mean "hey you weren't at the show tonight, are you doing ok?"

i mean "i have a spare room if you ever need it"

i mean "i'm here, i promise i'm here"

You know, if winter grieves me, fall and spring look at me with love and welcoming because they too understand the fact that we all change. No matter how different I am or how conflicted I feel, I'm still me, and that's all that matters.

I think one of my favorite feelings is whenever the season starts to change and I can slowly feel myself being pulled more and more towards my coyote and raccoon theriotype with all of the sun and berries and greenery growing. I know I'll still feel my wolf and that it will return a lot stronger once the earth grows cold again, but for the time being there are snacks to eat and dirt to paw at and sunny patches of grass and clover to be slept in.

Hgh same

I need a long dog snoot so I can wear one of these

PLEASE

Mom: Just be yourself :]

Me: You try being a radioactive dog shoved into a human body and see if it gets you anywhere >: