Ruined Orgasms

Introducing Male Chastity Play

My name is Ella, I am 36 years old and I work for an insurance company. My husband, deliberately not named, is 37 years old and works as a   senior engineer. We have been happily married for 12 years, with two   daughters, and I am created this site to share my experiences and advice for Tease and Denial and Male Chastity. (If you are not married, please mentally replace husband with  boyfriend when reading this website, it all applies just the same.)   As you are reading this website, I am assuming your husband or boyfriend  has told you that he wants to try something called male chastity play with you, or you have heard about it somewhere and have suggested it to him. Either you have found this website through a search engine, or you have been sent the link. Your first reaction probably was surprise. Why would he want chastity? What  does he want me to do? 

Step 1: relax! When you read through these paragraphs   (I kept it short, I promise!) you  will understand why chastity is a fun, exciting idea for the two of you to try. You may find it’s simply that - a fun game to spice things up in your sex life. You may also   find that male chastity brings a new closeness and renewed desire to   you as a couple. Before you continue reading, make sure you have nothing  else planned for a little while and that you are not distracted by   anything. Relax, take your time, and try to be as open-minded as you can.                                          

To get started, I recommend reading this 101 article. You will need to make notes - digitally or on paper, as to do this properly there are some things you need to choose and then write down.                                           

After this 101, I do recommend you read through subsequent articles linked here, as there is more detail on some key topics, and the more you know, the better you will be at this!

But… First, what is male chastity play?                                           

Simply put, the man uses a so-called chastity device to lock his penis,  and then he gives the key to his partner, making her what is called a “keyholder”.  Chastity devices are sex toys made of plastic or metal that lock around  the penis, making it impossible for him to masturbate or get an erection. In chastity play, the keyholder  (you) has the power to decide when to unlock the device and when to  allow him sexual pleasure. That can be five times a day or five times a  year. The ‘game’ of it is the transmission of ‘power’ regarding his sexual pleasure.                                           

You may not typically be the ‘dominant’ sexual partner in the relationship, but in chastity play it is essential that you assume this position - even if you are just acting or role-playing initially until it becomes the norm. He is not giving you inanimate metal keys - he’s giving you possession to his sexual release and the position of power. Enjoy it! Embrace it and take charge.                                           

I have always  felt that being well informed about something enables you  to do it well. There is a lot on the internet on chastity, and there are several internet forums and chat rooms which seem to start up and die  down as people move around. I have communicated over the years with over  two dozen wives who keep their husbands locked. I have met several of  them in person and the one thing they all agreed on was that the benefits of chastity for their husbands were incredible. It may amaze  you, as it did me, to find out that so many men and women use chastity  as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. There  was a Canadian newspaper article in 2019 stating that 6% of men are  caged with the key given to their wife. This just goes to show that male  chastity is less rare than you probably thought and there is a lot of  it being practiced, probably by some of your girlfriends.       

There are two major types of chastity - ‘play’ and ‘lifestyle’. Play is relatively short term and used as part of sex play and diversity. Short term, in my view, falls into the category of 2-week to 3-month lock ups. This is where most couples’ chastity journeys start. It’s vital that the first lockup is at least 2-3 weeks, and is 24 hours a day for that period. Read why here. No 'nighttime only’ or 'daytime only’ - the lockup period must be erection and orgasm free.

Even in short term play, chastity has to be  a 24/7 thing. 24/7 is the foundation; it is the  most positive/enjoyable/effective because the cage is a constant reminder about the power exchange. Most of the day, the male will forget about it and only be subconsciously aware that anything is different. However when they do get a tingle of sexual excitement - for whatever reason, Boom - they are reminded that their erections (and more importantly, sexual release) belongs to you. That’s what’s fun about Tease and Denial (T&D). Life  goes on as it always has, employment,  financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. But it’s a little secret you two share - a fun,  slightly ‘naughty’ way to mix up the relationship’s ‘sexual  dominance’.

What are the benefits of Male Chastity?                                    

The  motivation why a couple would want to begin with male chastity play is straightforward: It is simply a sexual   fantasy or sexual experimentation to mix things up. With the dramatic   rise in popularity in chastity play over the last five years - with   story arcs in mainstream media (Californication), articles in The Independent, Cosmopolitan,  Vice…), it may have piqued their interest as something fun to try.

he  large global movement called “Locktober” is practically everywhere, and is an  entry point for many males and females who want to experiment in this  way.                                          

 Or it is a matter of circumstance that allows for a different style of sexual ‘play’ - long distance relationships, work trips or  other reasons where vanilla lovemaking is limited/not possible.                                           

For  males, chastity play can be very VERY exciting. For the male, chastity play is about having a relationship   where male orgasms are limited but erotic heat is abundant. As part of the game, he  is giving up something that is a very standard part of a male’s life,  his freedom to masturbate. Young men have an abundance of testosterone,  so masturbation doesn’t  seem to interfere with their pursuit of young women. However, as men  grow older masturbating usually translates into the husband losing  sexual desire for at least a couple days. Male masturbation can create  an emotional  barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat  disconnected in a very selfish and self-serving way. Chastity puts a  stop to the masturbation and works in many ways; it  changes his mood, demeanor and libido.                                           

Males in chastity will almost always have   increased energy. Noticed he hits the gym more? Trimming the body fat? Need less sleep? More productive? Yup. Other changes will likely happen too. He will be more focused and task-oriented. Most  importantly it changes his desire to please you.  This is because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he  no longer has the ability to release as he pleases, he will divert that  energy towards pleasing you - especially if he has asked you to be his keyholder, rather than you coming up with the idea to keep him locked. His non-stop offers of massages and oral  sex are a very  welcome side effect of the redirection of his sexual energy.                                           

What do I actually ‘do’ as a Keyholder?                                           

Chastity is just that, chastity. There is no need to entertain other kinks your husband may have if you don’t want to. In fact, it is likely  that your husband doesn’t even expect you to do anything more than hold his key. Just be yourself and do what you want. It doesn’t have to  become a time sink and your life doesn’t need to revolve around your husband’s desire for chastity.                                             

As counter-intuitive as it might sound, when you take away a man’s erections, orgasms and his ability to play with his cock whenever the mood strikes, he finds it very arousing. Chastity is a huge turn on.                                           

The sexual frustration a chaste man feels is intense, so intense he experiences a euphoric high from the change of control. That is why a guy becomes super-focused on his partner and the extreme arousal coupled with sexual frustration is what makes the chastity game so much fun for couples to play. The more aroused a locked male stays, the more he likes it. Teasing is what keeps a guy’s arousal at high levels.

Being a keyholder involves:                                           

1. Holding the keys and controlling when and how release takes place (see links)                                            2. Setting and communicating your keyholding rules at the start of the first lockup.                                            3. Teasing - to keep arousal in peak state throughout lockup.

Let’s look at some of this in more detail.                                           

Teasing                                           

You don’t have to be an expert at sexual teasing or spend loads of time  learning how to become one. Chastity with teasing keeps the arousal and positive energy / endorphins / oxytocin at ideal levels. Chastity without teasing will lead to frustration and grumpiness - pretty soon the game will be up.                                           

So, teasing is essential to keep your  husband’s arousal peaking, but there are plenty of simple ways to do  that which don’t require a lot of time. It’s important to remember that you and not him will be the one making  the (bedroom) decisions once he is locked. There are no fixed rules how  often you should test him, unlock him or let him ejaculate, and chastity does not  need to change your everyday life, certainly not outside of the bedroom.  I would suggest you give it a try and then just go with the flow.                                           

Teasing Ideas                                           

So how do you do ‘teasing’? I don’t mean making fun of him. We’re not in middle school. I mean  turning him on, only it’s teasing because he can’t get hard, let alone  have an orgasm. It’s the ultimate cock tease and it makes chastity play  so much more satisfying for you and your man.                                           

The great thing about male chastity play is how little effort it takes you, as the keyholder. My ideal teasing effort is 2-5 minutes a day, or every second day… mix it up. Make it a rule that he is not allowed to ask for it. In bed at night, roll over and tease for a bit. Then say goodnight. Other nights - do nothing, say nothing. That is half of the fun - for you and for him!                                            Look at the list below and jot down some of the ones that appeal to you…                                           

Some simple teasing ideas: 1: Non-physical - Talk about it: Talk about his chastity cage. Tell him you like how it looks, how tight it must be, how full his balls look… Ask him to show it to you as a 'cage check’ at random times… The simple act of talking about it will drive him crazy! Men are hilarious. - Choose his underwear for him. Tell him to wear a particular color, or tell him to wear the tight white ones, the compression shorts, swimsuit… or no underwear today…whatever. You’re taking control, and that’s hot. - Tell him to sleep naked every now and again - Even wear some sexy outfits and parading around will drive him crazy!                                           

2: Physical - Play with his balls. Even while locked, his balls are exposed, unless you have a full chastity belt where the balls are locked too. With his cock locked, his balls become infinitely more sensitive. Stroke / tickle to start, but then squeeze and pull. Then slap. Start slowly and build up the slapping in intensity, and tell him to tell you when to stop. Then start again..! Women are way too gentle with balls in general - most makes prefer far more rough play than they let on. Let him guide you if you are unsure.

- Play with the Cage: while most cages do a great job of making erections and orgasms impossible, playing with his cage is a great way to tease him. If it’s an enclosed cage (better in my view) then he will not be able to feel anything at all if you are stroking it - but he will imagine it and it will blow his mind. Any exposed parts will become hyper-sensitive, so touching them or poking/licking… you name it - will drive him the best kind of crazy.  

- Kissing:  It’s the fastest way to turn him on and he’ll never turn it down. Even  though he knows his cock is going to ache because it can’t get hard, he  loves to kiss. For added heat, hold his cage / balls while kissing.

- Body contact: Make him worship your body – This is an absolute must when he’s locked  up. He craves your body. He craves you. Have him worship it. Have him  kiss you all over. Have him give you a massage.

- Nipple play: men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

- Shower with him: Ask him to rub lotion on you or whatever you prefer. Being locked naked with you in the shower will blow his mind. - ‘Have and Hold’: If you want to unlock him as part of teasing, a fun one is to make him stand next to the bed or across the room, and unlock the cage. Once the cage is off, he is not allowed to touch his cock. He will almost certainly get hard. You carry on with reading or whatever you were doing and tell him to inform you when he has gone soft. Make the odd comment and watch to see how easily you can make him react. As soon as he is soft, tell him to relock the cage.

- Anal play: You may know that men have a P-spot near their prostate which is similar to the female G-spot, although most hetersexual males never use it. My husband is not into anal play, so I don’t have much experience there, but there are some incredible resources out there if it’s your cup of tea!

- Finally, if you want to play with his cock while unlocked as part of teasing, I’ll drop some notes on the ‘Release’ over here. Focus on edging and the touchless release (if you really want to give him a treat). Remember - teasing means no cumming. A little bit every day or every couple of days will form the foundation of your chastity play!                                           

Basic Keyholder Rules                                           

At the start of the first lockup, you need to set rules. Writing them down and send them to him on email or text message is the easiest. That way he has them at all times. And send them to him at work while he’s locked and you will really get him squirming! Or you can inform him in person. These are your rules and are not a discussion - he has asked you to be the keyholder, so he must play by your rules or you call the whole thing off.                                           

The most typical rules for keyholders are as simple as this:                                  

The Wife can choose the chastity device.                                           

It’s not called a cock or penis or whatever when it’s locked. Come up with a name for his locked cock. Tell him that is what it is called from now on. The most common name is  'nub’, so feel free to use that. And it’s 'your’ nub, your balls etc, not his. Make sure he gets that right.                                           

The Wife will hold the keys to the chastity device and will not make them accessible to the Husband.                                           

The Wife decides when the Husband will be unlocked, allowed and erection, or allowed release. Separate the concept of 'unlock= orgasm or'unlock=erection’. In most cases it’s none of those.                                          

The Husband will not ask for release and there will be no discussions about chastity unless the Wife brings it up. Infringements can be extending lockup or some other forfeit ;)                                           

Chastity play will not intrude into the Wife’s daily life or restrict her own sexual satisfaction.                                           

The couple will give chastity a try for at least 3 months. First timers should lockup for 3 weeks at least and then evaluate / discuss. The keyholder does not have to (and should not) tell the planned release date. Keep him guessing.

That’s it: give it a go!                                           

Give it a shot! You don’t have anything to lose, it may add a new level  of intimacy to your relationship, and you will have a lot of fun doing  it. I promise. Show your love to your husband, have sex freely and  frequently, tease him, be playful and enjoy each other. The only thing  you need to do is control is his ejaculations. Getting comfortable with  male chastity can be challenging at first but it won’t be long until it  becomes a normal everyday component of your relationship. Having talked  to many women, the most common regret was that they didn’t start male chastity much earlier!

Or maybe, if I can go until Valentine’s Day without asking for the key, you’ll keep me locked until March 14th! (Which is known as…?)

Yes! Please come back, Jane! For me at least, you started it all…

We Miss Jane

Will she ever come back to Tumblr after being banned TWICE now it seems. And weirdly... the rules definitely seem to have been relaxed... so why no Jane?

My keyholder gave me this instruction last week. I complied, and am still locked.

The Art of The Ruined Orgasm Last night I gave my husband a ruined orgasm. A ruined orgasm is when you stop providing stimulation to you man’s cock when he starts to cum or right before he starts to cum, thereby ruining his orgasm. The man may feel a brief moment of pleasure but then it immediately vanishes leaving him frustrated. I have to admit that I get a thrill from seeing his desperation and it is even more thrilling that he thanks me afterward. He is like a puppy dog that is always happy…always wagging his tail no matter what I do. Some may consider this cruel, but even he enjoys when I ruin his orgasms because it is another form of control that he gets to experience. To him a full blown orgasm is a very special privilege that he only experiences on a rare occasions. Denying his orgasm keeps him feeling submissive and controlled. He craves this feeling and enjoys the mental game. The thrill and arousal that I experience from his ruined orgasm is only a part of the reason I do it. I also consider the ruined orgasm a powerful tool for controlling him and keeping him obedient. The biggest advantage of a ruined orgasm is that it allows the man some release but avoids the post orgasm “slump” that most men experience after an full orgasm. The slump I am referring to is when the man loses all energy and loses interest in sex and pleasing the woman. After a ruined orgasm, many men do not experience the slump or it is very brief. My husband will often remain hard after the ruined orgasm. His level of horniness remains high as well. Another advantage of the ruined orgasm is that it is one more tool to add to your bag of tricks for teasing and orgasm control. You can tell your man that he is allowed to orgasm and then at the moment he is about to orgasm or as soon as it starts you release his cock. Incorporating this into your T&D keeps your man guessing about what to expect. Not only will it be a mystery of when he can orgasm but now he won’t even know if it will be a full orgasm or ruined orgasm. Ruining his orgasm also prolongs his denial period. He gets some release but not a full orgasm. Therefore you can prolong the timeframe of when he is allowed a full orgasm by slipping in a few ruined orgasms. One final benefit that I would like to point out is that it can be used as a punishment. If your man has been naughty or simply not meeting your expectations, you can announce that the next orgasm (or next 2, 3, etc.) will be ruined. Now that I covered the purpose of the ruined orgasm, let’s go over some methods of how to ruin the orgasm. As the title of this blog indicates, it is more of an art than a science. There are many techniques and approaches to the ruined orgasm. You can get very creative with it. Each person is different and as you get to know your man’s reactions, you can adjust your techniques to maximize his teasing. The most basic approach is to stroke his cock and then at the moment he first spurts you release his cock and let it twitch and spurt on its own. He will experience very brief pleasure at the first spurt but then once you release and there is no friction the orgasm becomes ruined and he is left frustrated. This is a good way to introduce him to the ruined orgasm. In my college days I would often do this with guys. Back then I did it more for teasing then orgasm control. It was a bit cruel I guess but I loved it. Funny thing was, the most guys would want to come back for me. I think they just never experienced a girl that paid so much attention to their cock. lol. Another technique is to release his cock before he starts to cum. This may take some practice because you have to anticipate when the orgasm is coming. If you spend a considerable amount of time teasing your guy or if he has been denied an orgasm for a long period of time, this becomes easier to do. With my husband, I will often bring him to the edge of orgasm over and over again, stopping before he has an orgasm. I will do this for 30 or more minutes. Usually by then he is mush and can barely control himself. If I decide to go the ruined orgasm route, I will lightly stroke his cock with one or two fingers. It literally twitches and bobs as he tries to hold back his orgasm. At this point, if I gave him permission to orgasm, I could stroke with one finger and then he would shoot. I prefer to tell him to try not to orgasm. I enjoy seeing him struggle. He eventually gets to a point where he can’t hold back. The fun part with this is that I can do a stroke or two and then watch his cock as he struggles to prevent his orgasms. There have been times when I have stroked his cock and then watched him struggle for 20 or 30 seconds and then he spurted without me touching him. That is art! It is beauty to see him struggle and work so hard to please and obey me. It is also a power rush to know that I control him so much and that no matter how hard he tries he can not stop me from giving him an orgasm. What a mind fuck for him! In these situations I don’t feel that it is fair to punish him for having an orgasm without permission. However, I usually give him the disappointed look and tell him how weak he is. The variations (both mental and physical) you can apply to the above two techniques are endless and that’s what makes is fun. Some variations to experiment with:
Announce the ruined orgasm ahead of time or surprise himTell him to try and orgasm while you tease him or tell him try not to orgasm while you tease him. Imagine the fun of him trying to orgasm only to have you pull away at the last second and leave him with nothing. Do this a few times and then send him over the edge and let go.Use your hands, mouth, tongue, panties, feathers, etc. to tease him. One of the most interesting videos I watched was a woman that held her man’s cock straight up and she very slowly licked from bottom to top until he spurted.Make him ruin the orgasm himself. This is a good test of his loyalty. Will he let go before he spurts (bonus points for him), at the first spurt (good boy), or will he push the envelope and hold on a little longer after he spurts (bad boy. Punishment time!).Combine with anal pleasure. Stimulating the prostate will cause his cum to leak-out more. Some women use this technique regularly to “milk” their man so that he can go very long periods without a orgasm.Experiment and have fun with the variations. I think it is great to always keep him guessing as to what will happen next. I want to share a ruined orgasm experience that I had with Thomas that absolutely drove him crazy for days afterwards but it has literally taking me over two weeks to write this post because I have been busy so I will share that experience in a follow-up post.

Why Do Locktober?

I’ve been getting a lot of questions about Locktober, particularly from men seeking motivation or tips. While there’s plenty of that information available online, I want to focus on the more intriguing question: Why participate in Locktober?

Why would someone choose to lock their partner in a chastity device for “a whole, glorious 31 days of no being poked in the back at night, no erections, and complete chastity play”? Here’s a brief list based on my personal perspective:

Fun

Like anything related to chastity or sex, Locktober is about having fun. Many couples’ sex lives can become routine over time, and Locktober serves as a shakeup. For an entire month, the male won’t experience any orgasms or erections, which is a significant change for someone used to regular self-gratification.

For the keyholder, the fun comes from becoming the focal point of all sexual attention. You set the pace, deciding how much or little intimacy you want. You can even indulge in guilt-free teasing, knowing it’s all part of the game. It’s a month of sexual selfishness—on your terms.

Redirected Focus

During Locktober, the male is prevented from touching, and often even seeing, his penis. This forces a redirection of focus, as men typically spend waaay more time touching it and thinking about it than you could ever imagine.

Many women who lock their partners notice improvements in productivity, mood, and focus. Whether it’s because they’re eager to please you or because their pent-up sexual energy gets channeled elsewhere, you’ll likely notice a positive shift. This can be directed toward your pleasure, without any obligation to reciprocate.

Need a back tickle? A massage? Want him to go down on you or play with a toy? You get to choose. You will probably find that your locked male becomes much more touchy and cuddly even as early as Day 3 or Day 4 locked - at least in part because he can't touch himself! Enjoy it, direct it, or shut it down as you please. Remember, even if you want nothing at all, the power is entirely yours.

New Skills

Locktober shakes things up for 31 days, giving both partners an opportunity to develop new skills. The male may work on becoming better at oral sex, massage, or using toys. Some men also find a surge in motivation for fitness and healthy living during this time.

For the keyholder, it’s a chance to practice holding all the sexual power in the relationship. Women often struggle with saying “no” or feel guilty about prioritizing their own needs. In Locktober, it’s expected—you’re supposed to say no. It’s part of the fun, and part of the dynamic.

These skills, once learned, can continue to benefit your relationship long after October ends.

Who’s in?

How to Properly "Edge"  Him

The real art with  “Edging"   is to learn exactly how to get him as close as possible to an explosion without actually Allowing him to erupt. If you pay close attention while you fondle and play, you’ll learn precisely the clear warning signs of an imminent ejaculation. There’s nothing quite like habitual and routine  “edging”  for subliminally building a guys libido and desire. Not only will he cherish you more, thanks to neurochemistry, but within a short timeframe his vulnerable and exploitable mind will be totally under your feminine control…

Here are some tips:

1 - Make him always tell you exactly how close he is. Kind of obvious, but Insist that he tells you when to slow down and when to stop. Especially in the beginning while you’re learning how to read his body language. Keep talking to him, ask him how it feels, what is best. You’ll soon get the feel of it and he’ll love you even more for it…

2 - Feel for his body and muscles tensing, him holding his breath, arching his back or even tensing, all are signs he’s getting very close. Learn to read and understand the signs and don’t worry if you go over, you’re learning. Just be sure it’s a libido-building ruined orgasm…

3 - Move from strong to soft strokes, from his vein filled shaft up to his tip constantly. Change it up, take your time and make sure you get him ultra rock hard for maximum dopamine production in his vulnerable brain… I personally like lots of lube and oil and fast but not too tight of strokes, and then as he gets closer and closer, move to a looser grip and then focus on his hypersensitive head and frenulem (the strip underneath the head at the top where guys are most sensitive). Also take breaks frequently. It’s better to stop one second too early than one second too late, stroke - edge - deny - repeat…

4 - Make it ultimately his fault if he erupts. So again, if he does explode make sure you properly ruin it. Stop all rubbing and stimulation as soon as he starts to climax. Or if he’s tied down, you turn it into a post orgasm torture, after the ruined orgasm, where you use his slippery cum as lube to keep rubbing his hypersensitive Joystick, scolding him by saying: you’re so naughty, I didn’t give you permission to cum…

5 - When you do want to enjoy his pent up explosions, make that part of the tease too. When you’re planning to make him climax and erupt, this is a great time to also practice your edging techniques. Use it as an opportunity to see just how crazy you can make him, where you’re not worrying about accidently taking him over the edge…

6 - Oh and you can add a wonderfully sadistic element with this line: If you can hold on for just five minutes more my love, I won’t ruin it when you do cum, okay baby…

Thanks to FemdomDoneRight (on tumblr) for this effective mindfuck and programming tool.

Extra notes by: HerIntoxicatingBodyOnMyMind

1 - Routine is critical.  Edge Him Every Day.  For best results: One short session (15 minutes) every other morning; one medium-length session (20-30 minutes) every evening before bed; and at least one long session (40+ minutes) every weekend.  If this seems like a lot of time, consider how much time you spend alone doing things you wish he was interested in (like watching your favorite shows on Netflix).  This is one activity he will eagerly join.  Edging is addictive to male neurochemistry, and it very specifically addicts him to you, as long as you do it regularly.  The more you do it, the more deeply he bonds to you, and the more he will crave spending time with you throughout the day.  This feeds on itself, and before long, your nightly “quality time” together becomes perfectly natural for both of you.  Even if you’re already in love, married, and devoted to each other, your connection can still go deeper - and the fire of wilder days can be rekindled.  No more going to bed alone!  Also, any time spent having sex or pleasuring you can count toward his edge time. (at your discretion) Daily orgasms for you, his heat beside you as you drift to sleep, and an eager, attentive lover totally addicted to your touch - what’s not to love?  No matter how busy or tired you are, you both have the time for this, I promise.  Do it for a week, and you will start making time for it.

2 - Edge him more than once.  For most, this is obvious. But for some new to edging, it needs to be said.  Don’t just edge him once and assume you’re done.  Depending on his stamina (and how long it’s been since his last orgasm) it can take a while to build him up to his first edge of the night.  It’s important to think of it that way: “first edge of the night.”  Because once you’ve guided him to his edge - and stopped - he is still highly aroused, and edging him again becomes easy.  All that build-up was time invested to get him to his most blissful state.  Now “cash in” your investment and keep him there, by edging him over and over again.  It should be easy.  A single, slow, tight pump is sometimes enough.  Watch his reaction and enjoy the show! (Women report that this is usually their favorite part - guiding their loved one from edge to edge with subtle touches, watching him, and knowing the exquisite gift he trusts only her to give.)

3 - Keep him guessing.  Every single time you touch his cock, he should never know if you intend to edge him, ruin him, or give him a full orgasm.  Lie to him.  Tell him you’re going to stop, then don’t.  Or tell him you’re going to ruin him, then give him a full orgasm.  Or congratulate him on the orgasm you’re about to give him, then “change your mind” and stop for the night.  This only works if you also sometimes tell the truth.  Once he learns you are unpredictable, his body will naturally prepare for orgasm, (every time!) giving him the rush he craves - while his mind reels in fear of the alternatives.  You are fucking his mind, in addition to his body - in a very good way! Watch how he reacts - from the curl of his toes to the flare in his eyes.  It’s incredibly hot.

4 - A “ruined” orgasm is when you let go and cease all stimulation, a split second before he climaxes.  His cum will sort of just leak out, and it’s not as satisfying as a full orgasm.  “Ruined” is a misnomer, though, because he still gets some small pleasure from it, so don’t be afraid to ruin him regularly.  He might thrash, beg, or try to finish it himself, so this is a good time to playfully experiment with restraints - something as simple as tying his wrists together behind his back with a belt or necktie will do the trick.  The important difference between a ruined and regular orgasm is that the male libido does not diminish after a ruined orgasm.  He will stay horny, eager, erect, and attentive, as though he had no orgasm at all, and you can continue playing, if you wish, after a short break.  You can even ruin him twice in one night - the second one is usually harder to achieve, though.

Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.                                           

So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.                                           

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.                                           

Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.                                           

Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.                                           

Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.                                           

Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.                                           

Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.   

Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.                                           

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.                                           

More Teasing Ideas                                           

The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.                                           

Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity.  There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both  physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style.  You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a  lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The  hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.                                           

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:                                           

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.                                           

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.                                          

You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga  pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk  around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take  his eyes off you!                                           

Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his  arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about  his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has  done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know  how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect  entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s  all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself,  whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all  those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young  girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that  the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by.  The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent  him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is  always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes  you.                                           

You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say  things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t  think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy  when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”,  “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and  then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not  much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him  that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.                                          

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance.  For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his  balls. When locked, he will want his balls 'slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!                                          

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the  chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will  drive him crazy like nothing else.                                           

Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!                                           

Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the  same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him  and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any  point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can  “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s  all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get  back in the tube!                                          

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity  device. 

With no end in sight, she said…❤️