Low Key(holding)

Levels of Orgasm Control and Chastity - A Guide for 'Vanilla' Keyholders

There are many different kinds of orgasm control. The chastity/denial/control dynamic exists on a spectrum and - as you will see from the countless resources online - there is no one 'right answer'. I've had a large number of DMs requesting variations of the blog posts that I have put out there so far - many of which ask for a 'watered down' version that they can take to their significant other as a way to start the chastity / orgasm control conversation. The most interesting questions are from more typically 'vanilla' wives and girlfriends who have clearly been sent my blog by their husbands / boyfriends and are at a loss to find ways to make this dynamic work. So this article will be a very basic guide to a 'gentle' start in this space to see if you and your partner can make it work.

Starting Out

In most cases in this dynamic, the man has initiated this conversation. First off - well done to him for plucking up the courage to tell you about his desires and fantasies. He's probably been thinking about it for ages and it's healthy to have this openness and vulnerability in a relationship.

Secondly, the most important thing to remember, is that he is proposing that you take the reins in terms of your sexual play. This is crucial, because if you truly take the reins, it means that you don't have to do exactly what he is proposing. You can, and should, put your own spin on things.

Teasing, denial and chastity are all essentially about orgasm control. This means that you man is saying to you that he would like you to take charge of when and how he orgasms. It's as simple as that. If you choose to participate and make this part of your play, this should be the starting point of all of your decisions. So, I'll say it again: "This is about you taking charge of when and how he orgasms."

Again, Why Does He Want This?

I am not going to spend much time on this question, as there are other posts and many resources about this online. However, the cliff notes:

"Not orgasming" for a long period has a profound, often positive, impact over a male's hormones and headspace.

Giving you control may be a turn on for him.

It spices things up in long term relationships.

Some men use it to break habits like masturbation / porn.

It helps a lot of men focus more, exercise more and sleep better.

It's sexy and fun to have you in control.

etc.

There are many benefits for you as the female, but again, these have been outlined ad nauseam. More cliff notes:

No pressure on you for sex

However, you get sex when and how you want it.

Cages look sexy

You set the rules

You can often 'redirect' the male's sexual energy into other things like service, massages, exercising and more.

etc

The Spectrum of Orgasm Control

Here is an opinionated view on the 'levels' of orgasm control you can choose from (or blend) if you and your man decide to give this thing a spin.

All orgasm control dynamics operate under the premise that your man is simply not allowed to orgasm without your permission. Should it be during sex, play or even him masturbating, he must wait for your express permission before he goes over the edge.

Chastity cages often play a role in this spectrum because they serve as a constant reminder and/or partial barrier that the male's choice to orgasm is no longer his own.

1. Not Locked

Here, the male does not wear a chastity cage and is free to touch, pleasure and edge himself at will. He is simply not allowed to come.

This is the simplest form of orgasm control for you as there's no cage component, but, interestingly, it's extremely difficult for him, as it relies purely on his evolution-proven, questionable sexual self control. It requires Buddha-level quantities of zen for most males to not sneak an orgasm while unlocked after 2-3 weeks of denial.

In my view, a major benefit of using chastity in this dynamic is that it is impossible for him to get hard while locked. This reality really keeps his erotic urges in check.

2. Self-locked

Here, you say to your man that you encourage, or are happy, for him to wear a chastity cage during his denial periods, but the locking and management thereof is purely up to him. There is no need to communicate about the lock ups, and the male is using this on his own accord to help control his desires.

This is a good place to start for couples beginning their chastity play which you both get the hang of things, and is also often a landing spot for those looking only for the lowest admin play.

3. Sometimes Locked

Here, you as the female will be more active in the lock up process - primarily by instructing your male to lock up for a specific period of time. You will decide the parameters for when it will be locked on, and when it will be removed, and the male is not allowed to unlock without your permission. In most cases here, you will actually physically keep the key, aka become the 'keyholder'.

This is probably the most 'standard' version of chastity that is practiced by couples, as it is more collaborative in nature. The male may be locked for portions of each month, 'every now and then', for trips, for events like 'Locktober' or 'No Nut November' or for randomly timed durations decided upon by the keyholder.

This is most 'active' version of keyholding as you will be steering the decision-making here. It's also potentially the most fun as there is an uncertainty and anticipation on the part of the male which is hugely exciting for them.

4. Default Locked

In this situation, the expectation is that the male is locked unless there is a clear exception in the form of agreed instances where he can be unlocked - like doctor's appointments, cleaning, certain sports, or airport security. Or, of course, if you want him to be unlocked for sexual reasons. There no need to define a lockup period, because there is no a 'period', per se. He's locked and can only unlock for pre-defined reasons or emergencies.

This is a more intense version of chastity for the male, but is significantly easier for you as the keyholder, as you don't need to set or manage lock up or release periods.

When Default mode is on, you will allow your man to unlock for his doctor's appointment, and then he will relock when it's over. You may unlock him for sex, but as soon as it's over, he will refit the cage immediately. No need for discussions or negotiations, and no questions asked.

Locking Pragmatics

Some keyholders are fans of dealing with the cage all that much, and enforce their keyholding by telling their man to lock themselves and present them the key.

Some keyholders really enjoy this little ritual, and like doing the cage fitting themselves.

Some keyholders want to avoid having their man touch or even see their unlocked penis at all, so will have their men bound and blindfolded at all times when the cage is unlocked.

Again, this is a spectrum. Pick and choose.

I'm Super 'Vanilla' - Where Should I Start?

Short answer - wherever you like.

But my recommendation? I would start in the 'Sometimes Locked' space. Let your man do the locking up part. Try it for a couple of weeks per month - maybe something like the first two weeks of the month are 'locked' weeks. Get a sense of how things go, what you like and what you don't like.

If your man tries to talk you out of your suggested lock up period, or tries to 'top from the bottom', then remind him that you will do this by your rules or not at all. Trust is everything here, and remember that it's ultimately about having a good time.

Expand your Knowledge

Read some other articles or blogs about some of the ins, outs and practicalities.

Communicate, tease, be selfish, have fun!

We Miss Jane

Will she ever come back to Tumblr after being banned TWICE now it seems. And weirdly... the rules definitely seem to have been relaxed... so why no Jane?

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curioulsy

2 years ago

Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

A girl doesn’t feel like playing all the time and chastity gets sort of ruined if you let him out every time you don’t feel very frisky. On the other side of the spectrum, simply ignoring him while in chastity is actually the most cruel, effective punishment for a locked man who is not behaving or who is constantly breaking your rules.

So what do you do to get through the dead spots (for me it’s mostly if I’m really tired, stressed or busy) without being neglectful? After three or so years of playing this game with my wonderful husband, I’ve observed the following about the two of us and extrapolated it to apply to everyone since everyone else is exactly like us, I’m sure.

Part of the magic of chastity play is that the male, who usually has the higher sex drive, is “playing” 24/7. He’s eating, sleeping, going to work, everything really with his penis locked up. Any stray sexual thought quickly reminds him about the game he’s playing. His keyholder probably has a lower libido but that’s okay because she just has to give him the occasional nudge to keep him at a full simmer. A little bit of attention on the days when you just don’t feel very playful will keep him happy and from feeling neglected until you’re a little more enthusiastic and ready to turn the heat up to a full boil.

Here are some of my tips for low maintenance chastity play. I try to make sure I do some combination of these every day when the nub is locked up. They take hardly any time, and I know they make him feel loved. They’re little things that get magnified in his mind by the cage.

Fondle his balls every day. Ideally once in the morning and once at night. No matter how busy or tired I am, I can always find two minutes in bed to do this. I don’t even have to remove the CB. Our sleep schedules are a little different. He’s a night owl and I’m a morning person, but that doesn’t stop us. When I’m going to bed I just whisper in his ear that I want to see him in the bedroom. He never says no! I fondle his poor trapped balls for a few minutes (two to five is plenty) and then say good night. He can go back to his computer after that. If I feel like kissing a bit, I can do that, but if I don’t I just tell him to lie there and keep still while I “play with my nub” I wake up before he does in the mornings too. But he never seems to mind if I wake him up by playing with his balls! Again, just a few minutes. Enough to get a groan or two out of him and then I go take my shower or get my breakfast.

Remind him of his situation. Of course he already knows he’s locked up and you have the key, but reminding him lets him know you’re thinking about him. You haven’t forgotten about him, you’re just waiting for the right time to make use of him. I’ll walk by him in the kitchen, give him a quick squeeze in front and ask “how is my nub doing? Still all locked up?” Or I might just say “being a keyholder is fun.” Or “Aren’t you lucky to have such a fabulous keyholder?” I’ve noticed that the more out-of-the-blue the comment is the bigger the impact it has on him. If he’s not really thinking about sex or expecting me to be thinking about it, mentioning his chastity jolts his libido into high gear.

Take possession of his (your!) nub. Get in the habit of referring to his cock and balls as yours. Kiss him and ask “how is my nub doing down there?” Or while sitting on the couch fast forwarding through a commercial with your Tivo, casually ask him “Are you taking good care of my nub darling? One of these days I’m sure I’ll want to play with it.” If you get in this habit, then just a few words here and there add to his excitement and keep him happy and horny.

Turn routine requests into chastity play - for example talk about it in terms of ‘points’ . Instead of asking him to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home, text him “Your keyholder wants to you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home.” Or say “a neck rub would earn you some much needed nub points.” Creating the fantasy that you are holding his release hostage to your whims is pretty powerful. Keep it fantasy and don’t abuse it (very much). Back rubs and foot rubs are nice even when I don’t feel very amorous, but they’re still physical things and he really likes it when I tie them to his chastity.

Take chastity seriously. Don’t leave the key laying around or act like it’s no big deal if he gets out before you’re ready to release him. Do surprise “inspections” to make sure he’s still locked up. Ask him if he’s tried to get out, or tried to get at the key without permission. Use a no-nonsense manner to let him know it’s important to you that he only get out of his chastity device when you want him out. Every once in a while mention you’d someday like to get a more secure device. That keeps him from starting to doubt your commitment to the game when you haven’t seriously teased him for a while. Remember that’s he’s committed 24/7. The whole idea is he can’t check out of the game until you let him, so reminding him that you’re still in it helps.

Muse about the length of his lockup. Sometimes I’ll tell him that I’ve decided to let him out the next weekend, then the next night tell him I’ve changed my mind and I don’t know when I’ll let him out. Sometimes I’ll tell him I’ve been wondering how long I should leave him locked up and just leave it at that. Tell him how you are noticing the benefits. No further information, just that I was thinking about it. I’ll ask him if he thinks he could go six months, or a year. If he asks if I’m planning to keep him locked up that long, I’ll just shrug and say “maybe.” It’s another verbal tease that takes very little energy from me but amps him up.

None of those things take much time or energy from me. They’re easy to do on days when I’m stressed or tired or just not feeling very sexual. And they keep him feeling loved and cared for. I’ve really gotten into the habit of doing them. So much that I usually keep doing them even when he isn’t locked up. That’s not really a problem, but if he wakes up to my hand on his balls and he’s not locked up, I’m not getting out of bed without finishing what I started! Of course that just makes his lockups even more delightful for both of us.

More Teasing Ideas

The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself.

Teasing does not need to be a time-consuming activity. There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him, both physically and verbally. Every woman needs to develop her own style. You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a lot of work sometimes, but he will shower you with attention. The hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.

You can wear sexy clothes around him, for example miniskirts, yoga pants or whatever clothes he really likes. When you’re home you can walk around just in your underwear – I promise you he won’t be able to take his eyes off you!

Conversation takes very little energy and allows you to increase his arousal without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has done to become a better spouse, partner, friend, and lover. Let him know how his being chaste turns you on, if seeing him struggle to get erect entertains you let him know. Maybe you find his penis cuter when it’s all small and locked, or you enjoy his not being able to touch himself, whatever it is communicate it. You should also not forget that all those things that used to drive you crazy like porn and ogling young girls can now be used against him. There is nothing like knowing that the chastity tube is really biting as his favourite eye candy passes by. The beauty of a good chastity device is that not only does it prevent him from getting an erection and masturbating but that the device is always working for you, and you should let him know how happy it makes you.

You can tease him about his lock-up time, for example you could say things such as “it’s so hot that you can’t touch your penis, I don’t think I will ever let you masturbate again”, “your penis looks so sexy when it’s locked, I think I’ll keep it like that for a bit longer”, “these balls don’t look full enough yet, let’s wait a bit more” – and then when you finally let him ejaculate you can follow up with “oh not much came out, I think next time you need to wait longer”. Remind him that he’d better be good if he wants to be unlocked.

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance. For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his balls. When locked, he will want his balls 'slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will drive him crazy like nothing else.

Pinch / twist his nipples. Men’s nipples are almost 5x more sensitive than female nipples. With his cock locked, his nipples will heighten in sensitivity further. You may have even noticed they stiffen or harden more quickly or for longer than usual. Play with them by using nipple clamps, clothespins or even just by pinching and squeezing. Be careful, some locked males have been known to cum from just nipple play alone!

Give a man an orgasm and he’ll forget it in a moment – deny him the same orgasm and he’ll never stop thinking about it. You can unlock him and allow him to masturbate or give him a handjob – however, at any point (especially effective just before he is about to finish), you can “change your mind”. Kindly tell him “let’s save it for later” or “that’s all for now”. You may find that you have to ice down his penis to get back in the tube!

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity device.

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curioulsy

5 months ago

10 tease & chastity tips

Whether you lock up your man for the weekend, for Locktober/NO-vember/Denial December or some other amount of time, here are 10 fun ideas & tips to make the chastity experience better for you while your man gains his pleasure through yours. Most of what is below is meant to create a horny, frustrated, caged man because they will do almost anything for your pleasure! Enjoy.

1. Part time bitch! I love my husband. I love to run my fingers through his hair. I love kissing him deeply. But I also LOVE the look of surprise and flash of fire and excitement in his eyes when I get a bit bitchy with him when he’s locked up. I’m not talking about being an unreasonable psychopath, just assertive. This would include telling him things I want to happen like a massage, oral pleasure, making meals, snuggling or getting me a drink. I don’t ask, I just tell him. His little cage becomes that much tighter when my inner bitch comes and I love the feeling of control.

2. Sizing him up. I’ve found this works whether locked or unlocked. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know that my husband is my 3rd lover that I have engaged in chastity with. All 3 would get hard as a steel or would twitch in their cage when I called their manhood small. Let’s be clear, I’m not a dominatrix so I’m not trying emasculate them or humiliate them. But in times of passion or even casusal conversation, asking how my ‘little friend’ is doing down here, or telling him to stroke his little dick slower or faster, if I allow it, or commenting on how cute his little penis looks all produce very effective results. I also love that I can get him instantly hard with my playful and sexy words.

3. Edging. The longer your man is locked up, the more handsy, horny and pleasing he becomes. One way to build that excitement more quickly is through edging. Edging is when he is stimulated to the near point of ejaculating, but he’s not allowed to cum. Either he can do the edging or you can. Personally, I like to do it because I have full control of his pleasure. I love laying next to him with one leg over his. I love stroking his cute little dick and talking dirty because I am causing him such pleasure but love even more that I have the power to take it away. “Does it feel good baby?” “Do you like when I jerk it?” “Ask me to stroke your little dick.” “You know you’re not allowed to cum, right?” Usually there is a whimper or sigh here which makes my heart skip a beat and my inner thighs tingle. “Tell me when you’re close because if you cum, you’ll have to start your lockup time all over again.” This goes on until he tells me he’s close, where his hips are deliciously grinding into the air, that’s when I stop stroking. He usually lets out some frustrated noises and I tell him to go clean up and lock up. The rush of excitement I get is intense. I used to feel guilty years ago with my first chastity boyfriend, but I have learned it is such an erotic rush for the man and the control I have over his pleasure, it gets me so wet. Once he returns and he’s locked up I have him use his tongue to bring me to orgasm. Nothing beats the tongue work and energy of a sexually frustrated, locked up, horny man!

4. Ruining things. One very small step further from edging is a ruined orgasm. This happens when you push ever so slightly past the point of edging where the ejaculation process initiates just after stimulation stops. It is not full on “cumming” because the stroking, rubbing, stimulation ends before or immediately at the point of no return starts. The result is the release of some cum but no reduction in arousal. I do this sometimes when I’m feeling very naughty. I may even take some of his cum and use it as a lubricant for a few moments of self masturbation before I climb onto his face. If you’ve never had your man go down on you with his cum on your pussy, I highly recommend it. You’ll be cumming from his tongue action in record time with amazing intensity!

5. Cage cumming. At times, just to drive him wild, I will take my Hitachi wand and run it on his aching balls and all over his cage. If I do this long enough, he’ll cum but I won't always let him. If he does cum, it is basically a ruined orgasm because just before his little willy begins to spurt, I take away the vibration. Sometimes I make a game of it. I’ll tell him if he can last 5 minutes then he can get something he wants, except he can’t ask to be released. He usually doesn’t last, especially if he’s been locked up for any length of time. Remember the cum lube for masterbating? Another option if you let him cum is to rub his seed on your tits and let him suck on them - all very fun and very, very sexy!

6. Make love to your husband. Sometimes I will let him out of his cage and let him have sex until I cum. He may not cum and he locks up after I have had my orgasm. But when I tell my husband I want to make love with him, I literally want to fuck him in the ass with my strapon. Again, I’m not a dominatrix. I’m not fucking him, yelling, “take that dick bitch!” while beating his ass with a whip. We are moving lovingly and romantically. It’s me laying on his back, skin on skin grinding into him or it’s him laying on his back and we are passionately kissing while I play with his cage. There’s moaning with lots of dirty talk by me and sometimes we both cum together. I love sending him a picture of me wearing the strapon and telling him what a romantic evening I have planned.

7. When he fucks me. One of my favorite things to do, aside from getting oral pleasure is to get fucked with his strapon. I love the look of his small cage just below the dildo. I love feeling his little caged dick smacking against my ass while he’s fucking me. I love how this bigger dick feels inside me and the places it reaches. You can be sure that I’m telling my husband exactly how good this larger dildo feels and I compare his size to the dildo which drives him crazy! This excitement causes him to pound me even harder! Yes, we sometimes both grt to cum, but I cum every single time.

8. Grab him by the balls. I like to caress his balls, especially when they are caged. They feel so full and firm! I love to squeeze them with some force at the request of my husband which I’ve really grown to love. The feeling of his 2 balls in my hand, the warmth and several nice, firm squeezes makes him moan. This also gets me turned on as well.

9. Vacations. There is daily teasing that goes on at home whenever my husband is locked up. Me brushing my ass against his cage, flashing him my tits or ass, or fondling his cage or balls. I like to keep him locked for a minimum of 2 weeks at a time or longer to get the full effect of the frustrated, horny man. I also don’t tell him how long he will be locked because it is MY decision, not his. Sometimes a vacation lands in the middle of his lock time. First, my husband’s cage is metal and if you are going anywhere with a metal dector, like an airport, you should have a backup plastic or resin cage. Prior to leaving, I will have him switch cages to the plastic model then we’ll fly to our destination. I’ve had him caged at the beach and scuba diving, at a several weddings, 2 different countries and 4 theme parks (cages and roller coasters are amazing!). Yes, there have been times I’ve let him out on vacation and we’ve been a ‘normal couple’ which is a fun surprise for him. But more often than not, his little boy is locked up and his mouth and hands are quite busy during most of our vacations

10. Inner bum. The art of a prostate massage can be quite pleasurable. Inside of a man’s anus, about a half of a finger length in and opposite the spine is the prostate. If massaged, it can give an intense feeling of pleasure. This is the area where the fluid of semen is produced. By massaging the prostate, you can also make him expel this fluid which appears like cum minus the sperm which are.produced in the testicles. It is amazing that you can make him “cum” several times until he has ejected all of the seminal fluids that were built up and boy is it sexy to watch. I prefer using my finger so I can feel what I am doing but they also make prostate massagers that you can insert that do the same job.

I hope these ideas, suggestions and tips help to make a more sensual, enjoyable and pleasurable chastity experience for you because YOU are what it is all about.

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curioulsy

6 months ago

How to Properly "Edge" Him

The real art with “Edging" is to learn exactly how to get him as close as possible to an explosion without actually Allowing him to erupt. If you pay close attention while you fondle and play, you’ll learn precisely the clear warning signs of an imminent ejaculation. There’s nothing quite like habitual and routine “edging” for subliminally building a guys libido and desire. Not only will he cherish you more, thanks to neurochemistry, but within a short timeframe his vulnerable and exploitable mind will be totally under your feminine control…

Here are some tips:

1 - Make him always tell you exactly how close he is. Kind of obvious, but Insist that he tells you when to slow down and when to stop. Especially in the beginning while you’re learning how to read his body language. Keep talking to him, ask him how it feels, what is best. You’ll soon get the feel of it and he’ll love you even more for it…

2 - Feel for his body and muscles tensing, him holding his breath, arching his back or even tensing, all are signs he’s getting very close. Learn to read and understand the signs and don’t worry if you go over, you’re learning. Just be sure it’s a libido-building ruined orgasm…

3 - Move from strong to soft strokes, from his vein filled shaft up to his tip constantly. Change it up, take your time and make sure you get him ultra rock hard for maximum dopamine production in his vulnerable brain… I personally like lots of lube and oil and fast but not too tight of strokes, and then as he gets closer and closer, move to a looser grip and then focus on his hypersensitive head and frenulem (the strip underneath the head at the top where guys are most sensitive). Also take breaks frequently. It’s better to stop one second too early than one second too late, stroke - edge - deny - repeat…

4 - Make it ultimately his fault if he erupts. So again, if he does explode make sure you properly ruin it. Stop all rubbing and stimulation as soon as he starts to climax. Or if he’s tied down, you turn it into a post orgasm torture, after the ruined orgasm, where you use his slippery cum as lube to keep rubbing his hypersensitive Joystick, scolding him by saying: you’re so naughty, I didn’t give you permission to cum…

5 - When you do want to enjoy his pent up explosions, make that part of the tease too. When you’re planning to make him climax and erupt, this is a great time to also practice your edging techniques. Use it as an opportunity to see just how crazy you can make him, where you’re not worrying about accidently taking him over the edge…

6 - Oh and you can add a wonderfully sadistic element with this line: If you can hold on for just five minutes more my love, I won’t ruin it when you do cum, okay baby…

Thanks to FemdomDoneRight (on tumblr) for this effective mindfuck and programming tool.

Extra notes by: HerIntoxicatingBodyOnMyMind

1 - Routine is critical. Edge Him Every Day. For best results: One short session (15 minutes) every other morning; one medium-length session (20-30 minutes) every evening before bed; and at least one long session (40+ minutes) every weekend. If this seems like a lot of time, consider how much time you spend alone doing things you wish he was interested in (like watching your favorite shows on Netflix). This is one activity he will eagerly join. Edging is addictive to male neurochemistry, and it very specifically addicts him to you, as long as you do it regularly. The more you do it, the more deeply he bonds to you, and the more he will crave spending time with you throughout the day. This feeds on itself, and before long, your nightly “quality time” together becomes perfectly natural for both of you. Even if you’re already in love, married, and devoted to each other, your connection can still go deeper - and the fire of wilder days can be rekindled. No more going to bed alone! Also, any time spent having sex or pleasuring you can count toward his edge time. (at your discretion) Daily orgasms for you, his heat beside you as you drift to sleep, and an eager, attentive lover totally addicted to your touch - what’s not to love? No matter how busy or tired you are, you both have the time for this, I promise. Do it for a week, and you will start making time for it.

2 - Edge him more than once. For most, this is obvious. But for some new to edging, it needs to be said. Don’t just edge him once and assume you’re done. Depending on his stamina (and how long it’s been since his last orgasm) it can take a while to build him up to his first edge of the night. It’s important to think of it that way: “first edge of the night.” Because once you’ve guided him to his edge - and stopped - he is still highly aroused, and edging him again becomes easy. All that build-up was time invested to get him to his most blissful state. Now “cash in” your investment and keep him there, by edging him over and over again. It should be easy. A single, slow, tight pump is sometimes enough. Watch his reaction and enjoy the show! (Women report that this is usually their favorite part - guiding their loved one from edge to edge with subtle touches, watching him, and knowing the exquisite gift he trusts only her to give.)

3 - Keep him guessing. Every single time you touch his cock, he should never know if you intend to edge him, ruin him, or give him a full orgasm. Lie to him. Tell him you’re going to stop, then don’t. Or tell him you’re going to ruin him, then give him a full orgasm. Or congratulate him on the orgasm you’re about to give him, then “change your mind” and stop for the night. This only works if you also sometimes tell the truth. Once he learns you are unpredictable, his body will naturally prepare for orgasm, (every time!) giving him the rush he craves - while his mind reels in fear of the alternatives. You are fucking his mind, in addition to his body - in a very good way! Watch how he reacts - from the curl of his toes to the flare in his eyes. It’s incredibly hot.

4 - A “ruined” orgasm is when you let go and cease all stimulation, a split second before he climaxes. His cum will sort of just leak out, and it’s not as satisfying as a full orgasm. “Ruined” is a misnomer, though, because he still gets some small pleasure from it, so don’t be afraid to ruin him regularly. He might thrash, beg, or try to finish it himself, so this is a good time to playfully experiment with restraints - something as simple as tying his wrists together behind his back with a belt or necktie will do the trick. The important difference between a ruined and regular orgasm is that the male libido does not diminish after a ruined orgasm. He will stay horny, eager, erect, and attentive, as though he had no orgasm at all, and you can continue playing, if you wish, after a short break. You can even ruin him twice in one night - the second one is usually harder to achieve, though.

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curioulsy

7 months ago

"If you are not a good tease, you are not a good keyholder."

The Importance of Tease and Denial in Male Chastity

Your man has expressed his desire to be a submissive male and you to take up a dominant role in the relationship. He told you about chastity cage and you have locked his cock because it is going to make him more attentive, submissive and obedient man, right?

Wrong!

Chastity can surely spice up things and re-ignite the spark between a couple. It is like a dirty little secret between you guys, so it really does excite up the things. However, if you are having some kind of relationship issues, communication issues, intimacy problems or sexual disconnection and you believe chastity is going to fix up those things, then you are ABSOLUTELY WRONG.

I believe chastity magnifies things.

If there are problems in your relationship, it can magnify them.

If you have a good sexual relationship and emotional intimacy, it can magnify it.

It is just like a tool that helps you on the path of building a Female Led Relationship. It is surely not the core of your relationship but a tool to help you shape up your relationship.

What is Tease and Denial

Tease and Denial (T&D) refers to teasing, sexually arousing and being naughty with your man without giving him any kind of sexual release. You absolutely arouse him and make him hard but withhold him from releasing his sexual tension. It does not mean that you are also deprived of sex. You can get oral sex from him, or probably a good pussy massage, or even PIV. Simply tell him to stop whenever he is getting close during PIV because you want to keep him denied.

I hope you get the idea of what T&D is.

Why is T&D Important in Chastity?

This is the most important thing I want to highlight in this article.

Chastity is not just physical for men. It has a very strong emotional aspect as well. Since your man is in 24/7 contact with the cage, he might feel submissive and controlled much more than you are feeling dominant. He has surrendered his most intimate part to you. He definitely does not want to feel that you are taking this lightly.

In my opinion, Tease and Denial serves as a constant reminder that you acknowledge his efforts. T&D makes him feel loved and supported. Chastity can feel very lonely for him if you just lock him up and then never talk about it or forget about it. T&D makes him feel accompanied in this chastity journey.

He should feel that you are taking male chastity seriously. For example, you should not keep the key lying around in the house. It will give an impression that you either do not care about the key getting lost or you are indifferent towards him unlocking himself. Teasing him and constantly reminding him that he is denied from any orgasm helps him to get into the right mindset for being locked in the chastity cage.

WHY T&D?

Some women are born naughty and kinky while other struggle to get into the role. You might be thinking chastity is bad idea because T&D sounds like too much work. You might also probably wonder that FLR is supposed to be all about you and it should make your life easier so why do you have to make extra efforts, right?

While FLR should make your life easier, T&D can be thought of as a small investment you make each day for a bigger returns on daily basis. Think about it, 2 minutes of T&D can easily motivate him to clean the house, do the dishes, wash the clothes etc. On second thoughts, T&D also adds in a fun factor to your relationship. Female Led Relationship should make your lives better, happier and more satisfied. Tease and Denial is just one more activity to exert your dominance, make him more submissive and keep the fun alive in your relationship. And Yes, it keeps him sexually frustrated.

How to T&D ?

I promise T&D is not too much work. Actually, it is no work at all. T&D could be as simple as grabbing his balls, or whispering something naughty in his ears, or asking him to send you a pic of his locked cock.

Teasing can range from a 1 second glimpse of your Goddess like body and sexual parts to 10 seconds long whispers to 15-20 minutes long edging sessions.

Edging refers to bringing him near orgasm and then completely remove any kind of stimulation. Once he gets a bit relaxed, you again bring him near orgasm and keep on repeating this process.

The whole point of T&D is to tell him that you are enjoying while he’s locked up. Here are a few examples of what T&D can look like :

Fondle with his balls for a minute or two every morning or night ( or both ).

Ask him if chastity is causing too much frustration and tell him that you are enjoying it.

Show him the key and then keep it in your pocket.

Constantly let his tongue caress what his cock is denied.

Play naughty chastity games with him like rolling a die to decide his release. Since you are the leader, ultimate decision is in your hands.

Send him some naughty pics of yours and tell him that you own him.

Kiss him passionately and then hold his locked cock and say, “Oops, I wish we could have sex but I prefer it locked.”

Tell him to stop right before he is about to cum during sex and then lock him up once he gets limp.

Occasionally refer yourself as his keyholder – “Your keyholder wants you to get groceries from the market”. See, how easily you changed a vanilla task into a little tease by simply playing with words.

The whole point is to show him that he is not alone in the game. You are as interested as he is. I strongly believe in –

“If you are not a good tease, you are not a good keyholder.”

Benefits of T&D

Increased arousal and desire: By prolonging the sexual anticipation and desire, T&D can intensify the pleasure and satisfaction for men when they are finally allowed to orgasm.

Heightened emotional connection: T&D allows to express our vulnerabilities in front of our partner. Men tell their deepest and most intimate secrets to their Mistress. They also expect her to use these vulnerabilities during T&D. I will write an article on vulnerabilities in near future.

Power dynamics: T&D not only makes FLR more fun, it complements chastity. It makes the male partner more submissive, obedient, and devoted while arouses feelings of control, responsibility, and trustworthiness in the dominant partner.

Enhanced communication: T&D requires a high level of communication and negotiation between partners. Engaging in T&D can help a couple improve their communication skills and build a stronger emotional connection.

Improved relationship satisfaction: When T&D is done consensually and with trust and communication, it can lead to increased satisfaction and happiness in the relationship

Conclusion

In conclusion, I would just say that chastity is much deeper than it really seems. It is not just a piece of plastic or steel that will fix your relationship, it requires work. Your submissive will feel much more than just a physical restraint on his penis. He will go into deeper thoughts quite frequently about the things that have changed in his life. He needs to be reminded that he is not alone. He needs to reminded that his fantasies are getting fulfilled.

T&D will amplify your dominance and keep his mindset in a good submissive space.

Keep Dominating.

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curioulsy

4 months ago

Who’s in?

317 notes View Post

curioulsy

8 months ago

Teasing in T&D or Chastity Play!

More Teasing Ideas

There are some basic teasing ideas in the 101 article above. Find more low maintenance examples for how you can tease him here:

Be physical, give him lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Grab his crotch.

Ask him to give you a full-body massage.

Play around with his locked genitals whenever you get the chance. For example, when he sits next to you, simply squeeze or slap his balls. When locked, he will want his balls ‘slapped’, not'stroked’. Use a flat hand and start slowly, building up intensity. Even better, use a bonger (massage ball with handle) or riding crop. Tell him at the start you want to reach 100. This is great teasing play because it takes a couple of minutes max and then you can say goodnight!

Or you could give him a very frustrating “blowjob” with the chastity device still attached – teasing him orally while locked will drive him crazy like nothing else.

Tell him to go down on you while he is locked in his chastity device.

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curioulsy

1 year ago

My keyholder gave me this instruction last week. I complied, and am still locked.