How Sharp Is Your Knife? (flirting)

hey. don't cry. 144 ibuprofen capsules in this bottle.

i literally feel like im going to be sick trying not to laugh at this at my desk like i feel faint

tumblr users love reading. you literally stopped for this post just because it has words in it

i thought you were 22? it says 23 in ur bio

you're never gonna believe what happened to me

ok since i don't think i've seen any semi-comprehensive lists of the tumblr holidays for the reddit refugees, here it is.

IT JUST HAPPENS

DAY 15 GIVE IT UP FOR DAY 15

Thursday the 20th

The Fifth of Wednesday

Sometime in June: That One Halloween Post Starts Circulating

Sometime in July: Dancing Pumpkin Man Video/Gif

WEEKLY EVENTS

Every Monday: El Muchacho Monday

Every Tuesday: Tuesday Again? No Problem...

Every Wednesday: Wet Beast Wednesday

Every Thursday: Out of Touch Thursday

Every Friday: Flat Fuck Friday

Every Saturday: Don't @ Me, I'm Chilling/Caturday

Every Sunday: Fingers In His Ass Sunday

YEARLY EVENTS

January 16: Appreciate a Dragon Day

January 29: Threshold Day

All of February: Funguary

February 14: Aromantic/Asexual Day

March 9: Miku Day

March 10: Mario Day

March 14: Pi Day

March 15: Ides of March

March 23: Ever Given Got Stuck Today

April 1: Mishapocalypse

April 2: Dashcon Announcement Anniversary

April 3: Dannypocalypse

April 8: Rex Manning Day

ALSO April 8: MARGARET THATCHER IS DEAD

April 13: Neil Banging Out The Tunes

ALSO April 13: Homestuck Day

April 20: haha 420 blaze it

April 25: The Perfect Date

April 28: Ed Balls Day

April 30: It's Gonna Be May

All of May: Mermay

May 3: Beginning of Dracula Daily

May 4: May the 4th Be With You

May 5: Revenge of the Fifth

May 25: The Glorious 25th of May

All of June: Pride Month

ALSO All of June: IT'S HALLOWEEN TIME TO GET SPOOKY

June 5: Barricade Day

June 16: Let Papyrus Say Fuck

July 20: Moon Landing

September 8: The Queen Is Dead and Sans Undertale Killed Her

September 21: DO YOU REMEMBER-

All of October: SKELETON WAR

ALSO All of October: Inktober

October 3: Mean Girls Day

ALSO October 3: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood Day

October 20: Unnecessary Feelings Day

October 31: HALLOWEEN

November 5: honestly what didn't happen that day

November 19: Goncharov

All of December: Will the Gävle Goat Get Destroyed Again?

December 10: Please, It's Christmas

December 24: ALMOST CHRISTMAS MEANS IT WASN'T CHRISTMAS

do

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Bro thinks death and mortality is sooo funny and silly

i <3 murder & cannibalism & toxicity & depravity