(X)

That look!! Ugh!

go to sleep x damon albarn

*fluff*

tw for anxiety and hypochondria

i walked up the stairs of our apartment getting ready to go to bed. i did this everyday, get ready, listen to music, fall asleep. but some nights that was just too hard.

i was laying in bed waiting for damon as i started to look at my chest. i found a red mark on it, almost like a blood vessel. i started to get a little hot as i stared at it. i felt around and noticed a dent also, it hurt a bit. my mind went stright too my chest incaving. i couldn’t wait much longer, i had to get some sort of reassurance. i ran down the stairs with a worried expression.

“hey baby” he looked and saw my face and his dropped to a sadend expression “oh no what’s wrong” he whispered trying to be careful with his words.

i started to tear up, i hated doing this too him. i was always worrying and bothering him with something.

“i found another spot, my chest hurts, my head hurts, and i feel dizzy” i said quietly. that sentence was like a mantra for me.

“oh come here” he wrapped me in hug “i know no matter what i say it won’t change your mind but i promise i’m here, and while i’m here nothing is going to happen”

i rubbed my fave into his tee shirt feeling the warmth of his chest. i could hear his heartbeat and it made me smile. we were here and we were okay.

damon then lifted me up on to the counter as he let go of the hug. i watched him as he walked to our fridge and grabbed me some water. he then reached up further and grabbed the ice cream. he turned and smiled a dorky smile at me. he always knew how to make me feel better.

he grabbed my hand and helped me off the counter. he pulled me too our bedroom, lightly gripping my hand.

he jumped on the bed and patted the side next to him as an indication for me too join him.

i blushed a little at how many butterflies he gave me even after all this time.

i crawled up next to him and we started eating the ice cream. with his other hand he grabbed his ipad and put on our favorite show on netflix.

while watching the show i could see damon get sleepy, but i knew he was only staying up to make sure i felt safe.

i reached for my heart ever so slightly to check my pulse. it was a compulsion i had, i just wanted to make sure i was still alive and my heart hasn’t stopped.

“i can see you” he knew this was something i shouldn’t do. something that is just feeding my anxiety more fuel.

“i’m sorry” i said, i didn’t want him to be mad.

“don’t apologize that’s what i’m here for, that’s what your here for too. we’re here for each other”

he always knew exactly what i needed to hear.

i watched the rest of the show with my head leaning in damon’s shoulder. my eyes shutting little by little.

“go to sleep bby, i’ll be here right when you wake up” i nodded, i really needed rest and so does he.

we eventually both fell asleep in that position while damon played with my hair and i traced partterns on his chest.

i felt at peace with him, before when i was on my own doing this stuff i’d cry for hours. but now i feel so settled with him.

he made me feel so safe and so welcome. he is my home.

i feel dirty for missing you

hope sandoval live

I love grown ass men with strong arms, toned chests, styled hair, rough beards/stubble, and good cologne.

fragile, lily donaldson by donald christie for i-D