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Choosing a Chastity Cage

FLR Tips is the sister site to FLR Info, where you’ll find introductory information about Female-Led Relationships. If you’re new to this, you should head over there. This site is about the practical, day-to-day aspects of FLRs. It is much more explicit and quite sex/femdom-oriented.

By making your man wear a chastity cage 24/7, you can control his erections and orgasms. 

Stated matter-of-factly like that, it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but make no mistake - it is! Not only do you control his erections and orgasms, but he’ll be walking around with a constant reminder of your special arrangement, which goes a long way towards fulfilling his need for the arrangment to be rooted in something sexual and kinky.

In fact, I believe many FLR-leaning couples could simply add a constantly worn chastity device to their relationship and reap 90% of the benefits of a more elaborate FLR setup. The man gets his kink while at the same time building up his desire to serve, and the women gets her worshipping/pampering/sexual attention, without the ups and downs that comes with a man who can decide for himself when to become erect or have an orgasm.

But all of this hinges on the requirement that the man must wear the device constantly. Whenever you aren’t actively using his penis for something, it is securely locked away. In order to do this successfully, you’ll need a cage that works well with long-time wear, and that’s what the rest of this article is about.

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There are several factors you’ll need to consider when choosing a cage. Let’s go over them one by one.

Size

Men and their penises come in many different sizes, and you should choose a cage that fits your particular man. But what, exactly, makes a chastity cage fit?

In our experience, the most important factor when it comes to size, is that the part of the cage that holds the penis itself should be pretty short, so that even when his penis is in its most shriveled-up state, the tip of the penis will almost never have any clearance with respect to the tip of the cage - there should be contact at all times.

There are several reasons why this is a good thing. The most important one is that it makes night-time erections less painful. Somewhat unintuitively, the less room his penis has to grow, the less it hurts. When he can’t even get semi-erect, it prevents the cage from pulling too hard on his testicles (which is what causes the most pain).

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the thought of him having some discomfort during the night, while I am sleeping like a baby after receiving my massages and orgasm(s) for the night. Even a small cage hurts a little, especially in the beginning, but not to the point that it causes a real issue. I want my husband to sleep well too, for the most part - it’s important for his long-term health.

Another reason we like a small cage is that it really does prevent him from getting an erection. It’s not just a slightly crippled erection that hurts in that good way - there is no erection, period. He’ll swell up, of course, and push the cage away from his body a little, but that’s it. And we enjoy the fact that the control I assert over his erections is real.

Finally, a small cage is easier to hide under clothes, especially if you get one with an integrated locking mechanism (ie. no padlock required), which I highly recommend.

Material

Chastity cages typically come in three materials: Plastic, silicone and metal. 

My distinct impression is that most people start out with a cage made of plastic. For the most part, they work really well as far as restricting the penis goes, and they are excellent starter cages to get a sense of how it feels to have one’s penis locked away, or how it feels to hold the keys to a man’s penis. And if you just want a chastity cage that you can use as a fun sex toy, they do the job admirably.

BUT, I do not want you trying to establish a long-term chastity regiment using a plastic cage. You see, the thing about plastic cages is that they are terribly unhygienic, in our opinion. After just half a day or so they’ll acquire an unpleasant odour, and they are notoriously hard to clean without being removed, which makes them simply unsuitable for our purposes.

Luckily, there’s a simple solution: Metal cages. I don’t know the chemistry behind it, but metal cages just don’t have any issues in this regard. And they are typically much more open, so my husband simply cleans the cage and its penile occupant every night with soap and water, while remaining locked, and it works like a charm. Both the cage and his penis dry up within minutes, with no moisture trapped inside the cage.

Not only that, but aesthetically speaking, metal cages are the only ones that work for me. They look masculine and shiny and incredibly solid (which they are), not to mention that they feel much better to touch and play with.

We have very little experience with the silicone ones, to be honest, and a big part of the reason is that they just seem too flimsy, too flexible. I’m sure they work for some people, but our tastes lie elsewhere.

So, metal it is. I’m sure you’ll find people who use plastic cages for long-term chastity with no issues, but this was pretty clear-cut for us. We moved on from plastic very quickly and haven’t looked back (or even sideways).

Security

By “security”, I mean the ability of a cage to ensure that the man is not able to free or stimulate his penis. The importance of this particular parameter probably varies wildly from couple to couple. 

For us, it isn’t terribly important. I can certainly see the appeal in having a 100% secure cage, but not if it complicates things in any way.

Most regular cages can be escaped from. It might not be easy, and it might hurt quite a bit, but most determined men can find a way to pull their penis out and do the deed. It might be very difficult to put it back in without the key, though, so those who hope to be able to slip it out at their convenience and then put it back unnoticed may be in for a surprise. But frustrated men are resourceful, if anything, so I’m sure there are those who can do that successfully too.

It boils down to trust and intent. If the cage is intended to be a tool to help you as a couple to achieve the amazing life hack that a successful FLR relationship is, then the hoops he would have to jump through to free his penis without the key should be enough to remind him that he is not supposed to do that, and continuing on that path could easily end up damaging the relationship - not because chastity is important in itself, but because it is a violation of trust, which is bad for any relationship.

It’s very simple in our relationship: By mutual understanding, any attempt to escape or cheat when the cage is locked means jeopardizing the entire FLR part of the relationship. Others might have a more playful attitude towards this, maybe even develop it into a sort of cat-and-mouse game where he is always trying to escape and she is always trying to come up with ever more secure cages. That’s fine, of course, but not for us.

So why not dispense with the cage altogether, if it’s based on trust anyway? Many reasons! It’s not all based on trust, there is a real barrier to cross to be able to circumvent the cage. And even the most devoted man cannot just decide to never have erections, simply to please his woman. Not to mention the joy of having an actual, physical cage and an actual, physical key, that, for the most part, work exactly as intended. We get a lot of pleasure from the chastity cage.

If security is very important to you, and you are not afraid to take things pretty far, you should do some research on urethra cages and/or Prince Albert piercings and cages that are designed to integrate with them. I’ve also been told that there are outfits that make custom-built cages that can be very secure. These apparantly cost several hundred or even thousands of USD, but go nuts if that’s your thing!

Other considerations

Price is obviously a factor for many people. A quality metal cage actually costs less than many of the plastic ones, typically in the range of 25-50 USD.

Where to get one? We have bought all our cages from an online store with the rather silly name Toys 4 Naughty Boys in the UK. Another company with a very nice selection is the US-based Lock The Cock, which also has a presence in Europe.

And, since I have already gotten this question many times, the cage we currently rely on for day-to-day use is the Tight Squeeze III.

Regarding the husband you're seeking, does he have to be dominant in nature? To avoid chastity himself? He'd also have to avoid jealousy, considering the amount of attention you would be giving to other boys' penises? Certainly a tall order... Maybe there's a guy who could give you four kids and like a decade before finally wanting to try it? Although listening to you makes that sound like it'll be difficult!

No, he would not have to be sexually dominant or some sort of “alpha.” But he would have to be one hell of a man.

1) He’d have to be intelligent, able to see through my mental tricks. 

2) He’d have to be kind and patient, able to withstand my manipulation without anger.

3) He’d have to be confident as a lion, not jealous or needy…

4) …but humble as a lamb, not threatened by me making more money or being popular with men.

5) He’d have to be reeeealy good with kids, or at least be eager to learn.

6) He’d have to be a good listener, yet not overly swayed by my hypnotic words.

7) He’d have to have a passion, a hobby that drives him to learn, create or discover something that he can do or be that impresses me.

8) That’s all. Notice I didn’t say anything about him being handsome, muscular, popular or rich? Those qualities are vanity traits and uninteresting to me. (Okay, I can be swayed by a cute face. I admit it.)

In theory, if he were in chastity it shouldn’t be a problem. I would be happy to be married to a chaste man. But in practice, men just crumble before me when chaste. So the search continues!

In her haste to complete her account of L's visit before she returned to work on Monday, Mistress omitted one incident during the final night which I find much harder to forget.

I was lying awake by her bedside, nursing a painful erection, when I felt a kick in my ribs. I turned to see Mistress crooking a finger to beckon me closer. I raised myself up towards her and she whispered to me to fetch her a glass of water.

I crept out to the kitchen with my erection wiggling in front of me, casting a priapic shadow, and fetched her the water. When I returned, I knelt on the floor and offered it up to her in the required posture. She took a couple of mouthfuls, then reached over and poured the rest over the duvet I was sleeping on.

Grinning mischievously, she waved me away and told me to get "back to sleep". At first, I tried to avoid the wet patch, but it was too extensive to avoid completely and I suspected that Mistress would be wanting me to lie in it, so I did. If Mistress wants me to be uncomfortable, uncomfortable I must be.

This actually solved one of my problems: my erection soon subsided. On the other hand, it wasn't long before I started to feel the need to pee. That was a bigger problem than you might imagine, as when I am permitted to sleep beside her bed, I am not allowed to move, without her permission, until morning.

I am also not permitted to disturb her, except in the case of an emergency, so I am unable to ask her permission either. Mistress would not recognise my need to pee - no matter how desperate - as an "emergency". In fact, she clearly wanted to cause me distress and may even have wanted to make me wet myself.

I lay there anxiously for what seemed like hours, trying my best to hold on, but sure that it was a physical impossibility to last until I was due to rise. I had little idea of the time, as I was unable to see a clock from where I was. The strain was unbearable and at times, I felt like just letting go and taking the consequences.

At last, first light arrived and I padded off hurriedly to the bathroom to relieve myself, taking care not to make a noise in case I disturbed either Lady. It was technically morning and I hoped Mistress would stretch a point; if she wouldn't, I would just have to take whatever punishment she conceived.

In the event, nothing was said and it felt almost as if my anxiety was needless. You may be thinking that Mistress just forgot and I am foolish to write this and remind her: in fact, I have already confessed. Mistress laughed out loud and sentenced me to a caning, which she administered over the weekend.

I have been asked if I ever get tired of Mistress tormenting me. The short answer is "Yes". I often long for her to stop and be nice to me for a while; but sometimes when she is nice for long periods, I miss her tormenting me; and although I enjoy my periods of relative freedom when she is working, I live to be under her control.

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[Pics are from the old youngdommes site and feature the lovely Mistress N look-alike model, Nicola]

There’s nothing I love more than being a desperate little slut for her.