I love the way submission evolves, specifically in a relationship to somebody. I used to fantasise about setting up a challenge or bet, losing badly and getting that rubbed in my face. Specifically being set against a woman and losing to her was always so hot to me. In a relationship that can easily become the brat dynamic of me acting out or causing conflict because I want to be put in my place.
But my partner wanted an obedient boy and wasn't a fan of pulling her boy back in line. Why should she put up with me trying to resist when we both know I'm going to lose, I want to lose, I've lost every single time for months, years even? How many times do I have to be defeated before I give up?
But when I accept that I cannot act out and expect to get rewarded, I start thinking about how it works to get rewarded for obedience. Getting bullied and made fun of is something I'm earning through being a total suck up.
Suddenly I'm proud that there's no fight left in me. I do all her chores and say yes ma'am and drop everything when she calls for me. If and when she decides to reward me, she knows that shoving her feet in my face, calling me a weakling, and telling me to kiss her ass are exactly what I adore. And when I feel that urge like I should be fighting for my pride and self respect, to just let her walk all over me and thank her for it, make extra efforts to show my appreciation... It's so much better than standing up and getting knocked down.
Be honest. You only asked me for release so you could hear me deny it to you. NO.
I took my wife out for a meal and then to the theatre. Neither venue was of the type that allowed public reprimands, and throughout the journey back, I knew she would be getting her whip out as soon as we got home.
You will stop trying at some point... ❤
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