It Was The End Of A Long Day. Chilled Wine, Evening Sun And Boot Worship.

How to allow Release

Now that you have a few ideas when to let your husband ejaculate, I will briefly discuss how you let him ejaculate. Like always this is totally up to you as the keyholder, but don’t be afraid to be creative!                                           

During Penis-in-Vagina Sex                                          

 I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated  to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation  is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do  enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course  go ahead and allow him. From there, I put the chastity device  back on and then we either fall asleep together or roll over and watch  TV together.                                           

Blowjobs                                           

Again, whether you want to give him blowjobs is up to you.  Even if you do, you don’t have to keep going until he ejaculates. I  personally don’t really enjoy giving blowjobs. I gave him a lot of them  before we got married, and even swallowed, but after we got married, I  gradually reduced their frequency and limited them to foreplay only.  Since we started chastity, I haven’t given him any nor do I plan to do  so – and I even like to tease him about the fact that he can only blame  himself because he was the one who approached me with the idea of  chastity. On the other hand, I know a woman who will only let her  boyfriend cum when she gives him a blowjob. Her logic is that blowjobs  are his favourite and hence, on the rare occasion that he is allowed  release, she wants to give him maximum pleasure.                                           

Handjobs                                           

This is the main method I use to make my husband cum. You want to  make it about you and not him. It’s no longer his orgasm, it’s your game  – you’ve got control of the joystick and he’s here for your fun. Here are some ideas to spice things up:                                           

Timer                                           

You can allow your husband a certain amount of time, for example, if  his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes  to cum. If he doesn’t make it in time, he will be re-locked and you can  tell him with a big grin that he was obviously not horny enough and  should be locked up a bit longer next time. Some women challenge  themselves to make their man cum as quickly as possible, which with a  sufficiently horny man may just take a few seconds! Alternatively, you  could give him a handjob but tell him to last at least a certain amount  of time. If he doesn’t manage to last long enough, he will be “punished”  (you can decide how). You can also combine this with post-orgasm  stimulation, for example you tell him you will stimulate him for ten  minutes, and even if he comes after five you will keep stroking for the  remaining five minutes.                                           

Playful submission                                           

This can be a lot of fun and you can be really creative here. Some ideas:            

Give him a handjob while you are acting extremely bored and reading something on your phone                                           

Do it while he is completely naked and you are not                                    

Tell him to put a condom on before you give him a handjob or blowjob. This also avoids a big mess, so strongly recommended!                           

Tie his hands and blindfold him                                           

Make him please you orally                                           

Make him eat it after he cums                                           

Include the balls                                           

This is something you should probably discuss with your husband  first, but it’s a lot of fun. For example, you could frequently  interrupt your stroking to give his balls a few slaps, or you could  stroke him with one hand while you squeeze his balls with the other one.                                           

Post-orgasm stimulation                                           

This is when you don’t stop stroking after he cums. When a man  orgasms, his glans soon begins feeling extra sensitive and wants to be  left alone. If you keep stroking and rubbing his glans he will be  overwhelmed by the intense feeling. You may need to restrain his hands  before! But don’t worry, what you’re doing is completely harmless. I  love the irony that he has been looking forward to a handjob for such a  long time, and now that I’m doing it it’s suddenly “too much”. Too  funny!                                           

Edging                                           

Stimulate your husband until he reaches the edge of orgasm – then  pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing.  You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for  him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much  stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to  let him pop – although, of course, you can always change your mind and  lock him back up before that happens.                                                                                       

Touchless orgasm / release                                           

This is when you stimulate him until just before the “point of no  return” and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time  it right, instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows  effortlessly down the penis – hence they are also misleadingly called  “ruined” orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards  and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just  ejaculated. Touchless orgasms are great when you want to give him an  orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you  plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he  will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless  orgasm. I found this great article explaining why a touchless orgasm means prolonged pleasure for both of you and how to do it (contains explicit pictures!) – some quotes below:                                           

“The so-called “ruined” orgasm is one of the most intensely  pleasurable, toe-curling, sweat-inducing, back-arching, fist-clenching,  teeth-gnashing, brain-bending tricks you can use in the bedroom to drive  your man into an animal sexual frenzy.  It is also perhaps the least  understood and most underused method of extending and delivering  pleasure to both partners. If you can master this you will feel more  empowered and satisfied than ever. I promise!!! (…) The Name Is  Misleading: It’s Still an Orgasm! (…) A properly ruined orgasm is STILL  potentially more intense than a normal orgasm!   It’s not “ruined” at  all!  It feels profoundly different to him, but it still feels great –  especially if you use it as a tool to extend your lovemaking! (…) Don’t  feel bad about ruining your man’s orgasm!!! I simply cannot say it  enough.”   

 “Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to go limp and enter what  doctors call the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated to have  sex. (…) But that’s not all. (…)  Simply put… a man who’s been ruined  once or twice (or more!) in a single night can fuck you harder and  longer than you ever thought possible. (…) Basically, a ruined orgasm  (or three) multiplies his sexual endurance for the rest of the night,  without reducing his desire. In fact, it amplifies his desire, because  he gets to experience a higher pleasure plateau than he would normally  be capable of experiencing!”                                           

“To bend your man’s brain and give him truly epic ruined orgasms,  you need to know his body very, very well.  You need to study his  specific sequence of escalating physical pleasure signals, to identify  the first possible moment in the sequence where you can let go and cause  him to still cascade through climax.  Arched back, tensed muscles,  grunts, whimpers, pulsing cock, retracted balls – every man has his  signals. (…) Instead of letting go “at the last second” you actually  want to let go as early as possible. You want him to hang, untouched, on  the verge of climax, for as long as physically possible, before his  body reflexively sends him over.  Do it correctly, and his cum should  just dribble out, under weak contractions. (…) With good communication,  you can find the perfect timing together, by working your way  “backwards” from the moment of his orgasm.  Start by having him tell  you, out loud, when he hits what he believes to be his point-of-no-return.” 

“Back off at exactly that moment. (…) However, men always misjudge their own point-of-no-return. (…) In order to find his true point-of-no-return, you need to study the cascade of physical reactions happening in his body in the precious seconds before he calls  “stop.”  Then, night after night, progressively work your way backward  through that cascade, stopping sooner and sooner, on your own (without  him telling you when to “stop”), until you find the point where he doesn’t climax at all.  Then, night after night, slowly and very carefully work your way forward again, until you find the point where he  lingers for 5 to 15 seconds, untouched, before leaking uncontrollably.  (…) Basically the power of his “cumshot” is a clue to help you know if  you’re doing it right (weaker is better) (…) Another huge clue that  you’re “doing it right” will be in his refractory period – or lack of  one.  After a typical good ruined orgasm, his cock should not “wilt” at  all.  He should stay aroused, erect, and eager for more action.”                                           

“Please don’t let your hard work go to waste by feeling like you  have to give him a normal orgasm eventually, don’t give in to a sense of  guilt!!!. That will just cut your night short. (…) I allow him to have  orgasms, but he can only have them on my terms.  That means… when I want  him to have a “normal” orgasm, I give him a “normal” orgasm.  The rest  of the time?  I either tease and deny him, or I ruin him.  He never  knows what I plan to do until I do it. (…) I can choose to “finish” him.   Or I can choose to “ruin” him.  He gives that choice to me, willingly,  lovingly, every time.  It is his love letter to me – the single  greatest gift he is physically capable of offering – and I cherish it.  I  respect it.  I handle it with utmost love and care.  And it makes me a  fuller, more confident, more satisfied, happier woman.  It makes our  marriage stronger, and I adore him for it. I would also like to point  out that once I mastered the ruined orgasm my husband is actually more  disappointed with a normal orgasm because of his refractory period. It  may sound counter-intuitive but a normal orgasm is actually the outcome  he likes the least, despite it being the thing he craves most  desperately when his “primitive horny brain” is in charge.”                                           

Keep him guessing.

Every single time you touch his penis, he should never know if you intend to edge him, ruin him, or give  him a full orgasm.  Lie to him.  Tell him you’re going to stop, then  don’t.  Or tell him you’re going to ruin him, then give him a full  orgasm. Or congratulate him on the orgasm you’re about to give him, then  “change your mind” and stop for the night.  This only works if you also  sometimes tell the truth.                                           

Masturbation                                           

Some women don’t like their man touching himself down there, either  because they find his masturbation unattractive or because they want him  to “forget” how to do it. But other women like letting him masturbate  as they like to watch or because they are feeling a bit lazy and don’t  want to lift a finger themselves. In any case I would discourage you  from allowing him to masturbate when he is alone (for example, sending  him to the bathroom for a quick wank); instead, he should always do it  in your presence. Also, if you allow him to masturbate, there should be a time limit (never more than a few minutes) so you can make sure he only cums when is very horny.                                           

https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/

Choosing a Chastity Cage

FLR Tips is the sister site to FLR Info, where you’ll find introductory information about Female-Led Relationships. If you’re new to this, you should head over there. This site is about the practical, day-to-day aspects of FLRs. It is much more explicit and quite sex/femdom-oriented.

By making your man wear a chastity cage 24/7, you can control his erections and orgasms. 

Stated matter-of-factly like that, it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but make no mistake - it is! Not only do you control his erections and orgasms, but he’ll be walking around with a constant reminder of your special arrangement, which goes a long way towards fulfilling his need for the arrangment to be rooted in something sexual and kinky.

In fact, I believe many FLR-leaning couples could simply add a constantly worn chastity device to their relationship and reap 90% of the benefits of a more elaborate FLR setup. The man gets his kink while at the same time building up his desire to serve, and the women gets her worshipping/pampering/sexual attention, without the ups and downs that comes with a man who can decide for himself when to become erect or have an orgasm.

But all of this hinges on the requirement that the man must wear the device constantly. Whenever you aren’t actively using his penis for something, it is securely locked away. In order to do this successfully, you’ll need a cage that works well with long-time wear, and that’s what the rest of this article is about.

***

There are several factors you’ll need to consider when choosing a cage. Let’s go over them one by one.

Size

Men and their penises come in many different sizes, and you should choose a cage that fits your particular man. But what, exactly, makes a chastity cage fit?

In our experience, the most important factor when it comes to size, is that the part of the cage that holds the penis itself should be pretty short, so that even when his penis is in its most shriveled-up state, the tip of the penis will almost never have any clearance with respect to the tip of the cage - there should be contact at all times.

There are several reasons why this is a good thing. The most important one is that it makes night-time erections less painful. Somewhat unintuitively, the less room his penis has to grow, the less it hurts. When he can’t even get semi-erect, it prevents the cage from pulling too hard on his testicles (which is what causes the most pain).

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the thought of him having some discomfort during the night, while I am sleeping like a baby after receiving my massages and orgasm(s) for the night. Even a small cage hurts a little, especially in the beginning, but not to the point that it causes a real issue. I want my husband to sleep well too, for the most part - it’s important for his long-term health.

Another reason we like a small cage is that it really does prevent him from getting an erection. It’s not just a slightly crippled erection that hurts in that good way - there is no erection, period. He’ll swell up, of course, and push the cage away from his body a little, but that’s it. And we enjoy the fact that the control I assert over his erections is real.

Finally, a small cage is easier to hide under clothes, especially if you get one with an integrated locking mechanism (ie. no padlock required), which I highly recommend.

Material

Chastity cages typically come in three materials: Plastic, silicone and metal. 

My distinct impression is that most people start out with a cage made of plastic. For the most part, they work really well as far as restricting the penis goes, and they are excellent starter cages to get a sense of how it feels to have one’s penis locked away, or how it feels to hold the keys to a man’s penis. And if you just want a chastity cage that you can use as a fun sex toy, they do the job admirably.

BUT, I do not want you trying to establish a long-term chastity regiment using a plastic cage. You see, the thing about plastic cages is that they are terribly unhygienic, in our opinion. After just half a day or so they’ll acquire an unpleasant odour, and they are notoriously hard to clean without being removed, which makes them simply unsuitable for our purposes.

Luckily, there’s a simple solution: Metal cages. I don’t know the chemistry behind it, but metal cages just don’t have any issues in this regard. And they are typically much more open, so my husband simply cleans the cage and its penile occupant every night with soap and water, while remaining locked, and it works like a charm. Both the cage and his penis dry up within minutes, with no moisture trapped inside the cage.

Not only that, but aesthetically speaking, metal cages are the only ones that work for me. They look masculine and shiny and incredibly solid (which they are), not to mention that they feel much better to touch and play with.

We have very little experience with the silicone ones, to be honest, and a big part of the reason is that they just seem too flimsy, too flexible. I’m sure they work for some people, but our tastes lie elsewhere.

So, metal it is. I’m sure you’ll find people who use plastic cages for long-term chastity with no issues, but this was pretty clear-cut for us. We moved on from plastic very quickly and haven’t looked back (or even sideways).

Security

By “security”, I mean the ability of a cage to ensure that the man is not able to free or stimulate his penis. The importance of this particular parameter probably varies wildly from couple to couple. 

For us, it isn’t terribly important. I can certainly see the appeal in having a 100% secure cage, but not if it complicates things in any way.

Most regular cages can be escaped from. It might not be easy, and it might hurt quite a bit, but most determined men can find a way to pull their penis out and do the deed. It might be very difficult to put it back in without the key, though, so those who hope to be able to slip it out at their convenience and then put it back unnoticed may be in for a surprise. But frustrated men are resourceful, if anything, so I’m sure there are those who can do that successfully too.

It boils down to trust and intent. If the cage is intended to be a tool to help you as a couple to achieve the amazing life hack that a successful FLR relationship is, then the hoops he would have to jump through to free his penis without the key should be enough to remind him that he is not supposed to do that, and continuing on that path could easily end up damaging the relationship - not because chastity is important in itself, but because it is a violation of trust, which is bad for any relationship.

It’s very simple in our relationship: By mutual understanding, any attempt to escape or cheat when the cage is locked means jeopardizing the entire FLR part of the relationship. Others might have a more playful attitude towards this, maybe even develop it into a sort of cat-and-mouse game where he is always trying to escape and she is always trying to come up with ever more secure cages. That’s fine, of course, but not for us.

So why not dispense with the cage altogether, if it’s based on trust anyway? Many reasons! It’s not all based on trust, there is a real barrier to cross to be able to circumvent the cage. And even the most devoted man cannot just decide to never have erections, simply to please his woman. Not to mention the joy of having an actual, physical cage and an actual, physical key, that, for the most part, work exactly as intended. We get a lot of pleasure from the chastity cage.

If security is very important to you, and you are not afraid to take things pretty far, you should do some research on urethra cages and/or Prince Albert piercings and cages that are designed to integrate with them. I’ve also been told that there are outfits that make custom-built cages that can be very secure. These apparantly cost several hundred or even thousands of USD, but go nuts if that’s your thing!

Other considerations

Price is obviously a factor for many people. A quality metal cage actually costs less than many of the plastic ones, typically in the range of 25-50 USD.

Where to get one? We have bought all our cages from an online store with the rather silly name Toys 4 Naughty Boys in the UK. Another company with a very nice selection is the US-based Lock The Cock, which also has a presence in Europe.

And, since I have already gotten this question many times, the cage we currently rely on for day-to-day use is the Tight Squeeze III.

The severe correctional procedures carried out on male slaves at the institute often necessitate treatment from one of the institute's nurses. Don't expect any compassion, though, because they have ways of making the 'treatment' extremely uncomfortable, and they can also order that a punishment is repeated if they think the male hasn't learned his lesson.

Woof woof. (Whimpers watching) Woof.