Dangerousangleofadream - Femdom

Am I a terrible person for ruining his bi-monthly orgasms?

FLR Tips is the sister site to FLR Info, where you’ll find introductory information about Female-Led Relationships. If you’re new to this, you should head over there. This site is about the practical, day-to-day aspects of FLRs. It is much more explicit and quite sex/femdom-oriented. Consider yourself warned.

With just six orgasms (or so) in the course of a full year, shouldn’t I be a good wife and at least make them really, really good for him?

This isn’t me asking, but it’s a question I get asked every now and then. It’s a fair question too, especially from women who are new to this, so I’m going to answer it as thoughtfully as I can.

But before we get into it, let’s recap what a ruined orgasm is. In FLRs and other femdom-type relationships, it’s common for the woman to control and restrict the man’s orgasms, typically using a chastity device combined with some rules and a shared understanding that it’s for their mutual benefit. Typically, the woman decides when and how the man is allowed to reach an orgasm. If she practices runied orgasms, she will endeavour to stop all forms of stimulation just as his desire pushes him beyond the point of no return. This causes the semen to trickle out in a seemingly frustrating and unsatisfying way, and, if done correctly, he will not lose his erection and will not feel “spent” and fulfilled afterwards, but rather be ready for more.

Let’s review the effects of this from both sides before we address whether it’s cruel to do this.

For the woman, it’s mostly benefits all the way. She gets to assert control and dominate one of the most fundamental aspects of being a man, with very little effort on her part. There can be a lot less mess - it’s easy to direct or collect his semen without any spillage. It can be very fun and rewarding for women who have a sadistic streak, which is quite common in femdom-type relationships. And, perhaps most importantly, he doesn’t collapse like a wet blanket afterwards, neither mentally nor physically. She can continue to play with him, or switch to being serviced herself - all without him losing interest.

As far as downsides go, depending on who you are, there might not be any. Maybe you get a big kick out of seeing him pump his semen flying through the room, and feel that you’d miss that? Well, just go ahead then - this isn’t about doing anything for the sake of it. Ruin him when you see the benefits of it, and have him go wild if that’s what you feel like.

How about the man? Are there any upsides to this for him? Perhaps surprisingly, there are several! He enjoys the sexual energy that he gets from being teased and denied, and with a ruined orgasm he barely loses any of it, while still getting a decent dose of satisfaction. Also, he can go right back to serving your needs with a genuine passion for it, without “faking it” for a couple of days. But most importantly, it plays directly to his kinks. Even though it feels frustrating in the moment to be denied a proper orgasm, on a deeper level he will revel in the transfer of power that is taking place, and the delicious unfairness of it all.

So no downsides for the man, then? Well, yes, there is one. I downplayed it in the previous paragraph, but it’s still a very real downside: He doesn’t get a proper orgasm! Being brought to a nice, fulfilling orgasm feels really, really good - most women living in FLRs are keenly aware of this fact, and enjoy plenty of them on a daily basis. Almost never experiencing one is definitely a downside, no doubt about it.

—

So, back to the question at hand. Are you a terrible person if he only (or mostly) gets ruined orgasms on the rare occasions that he is allowed to have some form of release?

Unequivocally, NO. If your relationship is otherwise healthy, meaning that you love and respect each other and the FLR/femdom aspects are based on a mutual understanding and continually evaluated, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Most men who have this particular kink are only too happy to be living with a woman who embraces and cultivates her demanding, sadistic, and selfish traits. This is what he WANTS - for you to put yourself first and to actively restrict his sexual pleasures. The unfairness of not only having to wait weeks between each release, but then only being allowed a degrading sham orgasm is a huge point in itself.

I’m being deliberately unnuanced here. Of course there are men who have different needs and wants - for real, not just playful complaining during sex. But that’s where the health of your relationship comes into play. If the relationship is healthy and based on mutual love and respect, you will soon enough discover that this isn’t working, either because he tells you or because you just sense it. And then you work it out.

So if your man appears happy most of the time, and continues to serve you eagerly, I wouldn’t worry about a little complaining when he is frustrated. On the contrary, I’d enjoy my power over him and remind him again and again of the old FLR/femdom aphorism:

Orgasms are for women.