“Oh, my Father isn’t here today. He’s left me in charge…..so come with me. I want to discuss how you can improve your performance.”
Amazons: Our village has been hit by a strange condition! Those of us who can make do with other women can relieve this tension…but those of us who prefer men cannot! Since we do not allow men onto our islands we can’t relieve ourselves in a satisfying way!
Enchantress: As your only link to the world outside of this island, it is up to me to solve this problem! Since you all desire a man to satisfy your ails, I will randomly select one man out of the billions in the world to charge with the duty of helping all of you!
Enchantress: *casts teleportation spell*
*POOF*
Hero: *admiring a sword sheathe with a price tag* Does this come in camo pattern? Wait, where the hell am I? Who are all you women?
The hero sees the enchantress.
Hero: You! *Raises sword*
The Enchantress snatches the hero’s sword hand and magics the sword from his grip.
Enchantress: Hero! Stop playing around! You are greatly needed by these Amazonian villagers! They have been poisoned by some horrible fiend who put aphrodisiacs in their water supply! Give them the sexual relief they need right now!
Hero: What? That isn’t a worthy cause! Let go of me!
The Enchantress gags the hero and binds his wrists behind his back. She takes away his sword and weapons and disintegrates his clothes.
Enchantress: You may pretend not to care about their plight, jaded hero, but I know that your heroic heart aches to help them! Don’t fight your urges, hero! Now go save this village!
The hero’s muted cries cannot be heard as he is taken by the amazons to the tent in which he will spend several days serving the needs of the village’s straight and bisexual population. The enchantress thinks to herself: I am such a generous girlfriend!
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