“If You Promise To Stay Alive Just A Little Bit Longer I Promise That We Are Going To Make This World

I don't know why I feel the need to share this, maybe it's because it's been on my mind and it's 2:41 am and it's currently the "time is sludge... Again" part of the insomniac experience, but I want to talk about this. (This talks about my experience with happy stimming under the cut)

It was several years ago when I saw this comic of someone's happy stimming. She, like, waves her arms around and builds up this lovely yellow hue, and it's sparkly and then she expels all of it as at once and- it's truly a wonderful comic. I don't know where it is now. But it really captures the right feeling. And it was so cool... But I was kind of... I feel bad using strong words like "mortified" but that's the best way to say it.

Because Stimming was one of the many, MANY things I have in common with our lovely autistic community. And we're entering a world where people are starting to be able to be who we are and act how we feel, and I knew from the moment I saw it, that something was wrong. I didn't have a happy stim.

Most people who stim are forced to stop because humans are so bad at appreciating the abnormal, and that never happened to me. I'm lucky! But I didn't have a happy stim. And I knew I was supposed to. I immediately knew that. Knew it about me, me as a person. I knew it. There was a hole in me that was taken and I didn't know why! And it was terrifying.

And I kept thinking, And and I kept digging.

I knew about physical stims. With your hands and your feet and your hair. Most of my stims were those. I'd bounce my leg under a table, I tap the pads of my fingers together with my thumb if I was a specific kind of anxious, I move the bones in my wrists back to where they're supposed to be to try and fix things instinctually.

All of those were to get less anxious though. And my mother was always so open to things like that. So willing to learn about every diagnosis and piece of information that needed researching.

I knew about vocal stims. While most people were forced to stop for more crummy society reasons, that wasn't the case for me. I just... Didn't have any? I enjoy talking, I enjoy singing but they weren't... That comic. They didn't have the yellow feel-good-ness. They didn't have The thing.

I like swinging on swingsets. The momentum is nice. I think that counts as a stim but I usually did it to help, wouldn't-cha know it, anxiety. Help me sleep at night. It wasn't the thing.

In my house, you didn't listen to songs on repeat. My mother would lose it. You didn't loop songs in the car, it'd drive her batty. She'd probably have a panic attack. So I never thought of it as a thing? It didn't occur to me. When I got my own pair of headphones, I wouldn't drive her crazy by listening to anything on loop, I could go forever if I wanted. But I didn't. It wasn't a thing and I was apprehensive about it, that's not a thing we do. Don't to it. Even when my mind got loud about playing things on loop, I tried not to let it overcome me. That's not a thing. People don't do that. And I'd long since settled with the dismal answer of never knowing what the stim was. I hadn't even thought of checking because sounds like asmr hurt like sandpaper on my brain.

But recently, I don't know, something changed? I reeeally needed to hear this song again. So I went to the instrumental. And it was great there. I went to the vocal only, it was just the goodest sound. I went to covers and back and eventually I just let it play. I really let it smoosh into my head and memorized the instruments and felt them. It was like following a groove in a table by tracing your finger across it. It was just. The thing. I actually lost sleep because I was enjoying myself so much. I was so happy!

I talked with my mother about it. "I dunno, I really really wanted to hear that song over and over? it has a BAGPIPE in the second verse! Who wouldn't want to hear that!?"

"yeah, I could never do that. I guess my misophonia is too strong for that."

It was so eye opening. Misophonia. It was her misophonia, she'd never used that word before. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Listening to this song on loop isn't bad, it's just a me thing.

And that's when I realized that I'd found the thing. I'd finally found my happy stim. I've decided to not cry about it, but this was such wonderful news. It's needlessly specific, and I don't know why my kid mind had labed "no looping" as Gospel? I mean there's a button for it and everything. But it's my thing.

I may never have some visible stim that people will see but I have my thing and I'm so beyond society possibly judging me.

I am on ADD meds, have overstimulation issues, anxiety, truly frightening physical disabilities I fight all beneath the surface. And I play the songs that have the thing about them on loop for five hours at a time. And I think I love me for it.

Whoever you are, you're you. You're more you than anyone else. That is something beautiful. You like Fanfic, go for it! You like art? Go for it! You like flapping your hands? Go for it! You like judging Disney for its questionable decisions as of late? Try not to kill them too much. They only mostly deserve it.

Being you is a gift that you should cherish, and reward yourself by being you. Not someone else.

For those that read this whole thing, the song in question is I've Had Enough of You from Billie Bust Up, a video game musical that's currently in development. Listen to all the stuff that's out so far, every song I've heard knocks it out of the park. Listen to it on loop if you want! I think we've established that listening to songs on loop does not, in fact, summon Satan.

Happy Stimming! (why does that sound like a holiday now?)

Team dark my beloved

I've been wanting to see them canon again ever since I entered this fandom.

Sister: so, they act like it's happenstance that they got here, so did they have a falling out?

Me: OR when Shadow quit gun he had no excuse to hang out with them anymore, and he introvert style didn't know for to say he wanted to hang out and accidentally ghosted them! And Omega's still mad about it.

Sister: that's some fanon sounding sh-

Do y'all want more of this? Because I've been thinking about writing more of my headcanons for the boom versions and their underrated-ness. And seeing as this post did shockingly well, I figured I'd ask

While I know that the Sonic Boom cartoon show hype is probably super dead, the way Sonic and Eggman interact has me convinced Eggman did SOME parenting when Sonic was tiny, so here's my headcanon for that. Enjoy!

While Eggman could conquer the island he lived at, Bygone Island, the one he found nearby would be much easier, hypothetically anyway.

While Seaside Island was redundantly named, it was much more his style. The villages on it were smaller and meeker. They had no real way to fight back against his takeover! Which made it the perfect starting point for his upcoming break in his villainy career! If he took that island, surely that would've made his father proud!

Unfortunately, 'if' is the key word in that sentence.

The little blue hedgehog was no older than five years old, but despite his youth, he sucessfully stood between Eggman and complete control of the island.

And the little ragamuffin didn't even talk.

He never said a word, just showed up with his super speed and sharp quills and would put a stop to whatever genius plan he was making by breaking all his robots.

Eggman wished he knew the little nuisance's name, but seeing as he wasn't interested in talking, it left Eggman to hypothesize on appearance alone.

His back quills had ripped right through a shabby brown jacket that he wore, to the point where it wouldn't work as a jacket much longer. His gloves were constantly dirty, and no one on the forsaken island admitted who his parents were. It was like he suddenly existed one day! With no explanation!

The blue hedgehog was often running at ludicrous speeds. Speeds that, depending on the day, neared the sound barrier!

Eggman feared the day that the little blueberry would create a sonic boom.

The 'impending-sonic-boom' as he began to call the hedgehog was rather unpredictible. It all fell on a scale. Going extremely fast one day, sticking his tounge out at him and humming mocking songs, to going at what must've been like a meer jog to him, with no aknowledgement of Eggman at all the next day.

But one day, things were far more unpredictable than Eggman had bargined for.

He was racing the impending-sonic-boom in the Eggmobile. There was no hope of winning, just like there was no hope for his receeding hairline, but he needed a test. He couldn't create a robotic duplicate without anything to base it on! So it didn't matter that there was no hope of winning!

Eggman didn't need to be fancy with it, he just told the five year old koolaid stain that if he reached the end of the course before the rodent did, that he would offically own the island. And being five years old, he took it seriously.

There was no hope of winning. Not with the determination on the little guy's face.

So one can imagine the confusion that Eggman was met with when he won.

It didn't make any sense! He wasn't even- It was just the Eggmobile! It was nothing fancy! That sound-barrier-threatening-lifeform was much faster than that!

Eggman got off of his Eggmobile and stared at the folliage in front of him. Waiting to see blue quills poking out from the tall grass.

"Oh, Blueberry! I'm waaaaiting!"

It took another three seconds for the kid to show up. And when he did, he looked tired.

"Kid, you gotta be faster than that! You're not doing this on purpose are you? If this is just to spite me..."

The rodent shook his head. Eggman wouldn't have believed him if he didn't look so tired.

"Then what gives!? You can't just suddenly be slow! It's narratively inconsistent!"

The blue menace looked up at Eggman with an angry look.

"No... foo." Eggman flinched. He just spoke. He just... SPOKE.

"What? What did you say?"

"No foo...d! No food... No... fast!"

"Your speed depends on your diet?" Eggman tapped his chin, before grinning smugly. "What, did you miss your peanut butter sandwich for lunch?"

He was promptly glared at. "Okay! Geez!" Eggman tapped his gauntlet, and used it to scan the incoming-sonic-boom.

"Let's see, you're about five years old, according to your inteligence and fine motor skills... and you're one foot tall so you should weigh roughly..."

Eggman's stomach sank. He knew for a fact that the arriving-sonic-boom wasn't hitting that number. Not by a lot... Eggman could pick him up like he was a beach ball.

"When did you last eat..?"

Nothing. Nothing but staring.

"Yesterday? ...No? How about the day before? Th-the day before that? Five days ago? How about a week ago?!"

It wasn't until they hit a week and a half that the sonic-boom-in-progress pointed at Eggman. Signifying the correct timeframe

Eggman stared at the incoming-sonic-boom. For anyone, that would be damaging. For a five year old, that was almost a death sentence.

Eggman crouched down to the sonic-boom-creator and put a thumb under his chin. He squirmed violently and pushed Eggman's hand away as he stepped back.

But Eggman saw what he needed to see. There was almost no fat on his face. He was horribly underweight.

Eggman was a villain. Not a monster.

The hedgehog wiped his face, as if Eggman had gotten something on it by touching him.

"Hmm. Well, you're clearly malnourished. I can't declare victory under those circumstances! That would be cheating! Looks like you win this time, hedgehog! Now, come along! We have work to do."

The hedgehog looked up at him in–adorable–confusion. Eggman stood back up on his Eggmobile.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Hop on!"

The inevitable-sonic-boom inched towards it slowly. He gently tapped the base of the Eggmobile. When nothing happened, he looked back up to Eggman. Who groaned.

"Fine, I promise I won't hurt you, got it?"

The sonic-boom stared even more, before inevitably going for it and climbing onto the Eggmobile like a toddler.

It wasn't tipped in the slightest by the extra weight, which reminded Eggman why he was doing this at all.

His Eggmobile floated upwards and flew off. It quickly left Seaside island and then there was nothing but water below them.

He didn't expect the oncoming-sonic-boom to whimper at the sight of the ocean.

Eggman glanced down in time to see him curl up, hiding between his legs and the lower wall of the Eggmobile.

When the sonic-boom leaned against him for support, he winced and stepped back.

"Watch the quills, you blue nuisance!" He yelled.

It didn't stop the incoming-sonic-boom from grabbing him, but at least he was more careful.

Eggman had to remind himself, that the sonic-boom was a little malnourished kid, because he almost made too much food. Twice. The rodent's stomach would be small, too small for him to give the blue guy a full child-sized meal. Unless he wanted the sonic-boom throwing up on Eggman's floor.

Once Eggman had handed him a plate of food, his skittish attitude towards being on an island nowhere near his old one vanished completely. Eggman's place was a chunk of earth and lava broken off of the bygone island, yet it felt safer than the previous island, when it came to that Sonic-Boom of a hedgehog's wellbeing, at least.

The blue stain in his life stood on a chair, his tail wagging excitedly as he immediately started eating what was on his plate. Apple slices, a hot dog cut into little pieces, crackers, and even a juicebox. It might've still been too much.

Eggman watched as sonic-boom ate. Making sure that he was properly eating. It would be a waste if all his cooking didn't help out the blue rat at all.

When he was mostly done with his food, Eggman decided that enough was enough.

"Alright you menacing blue fiend," he said. "I'm going to watch television on my floating screen. Don't break anything."

He walked over to the TV, grabbed the remote, and sat down.

"Maybe I'll watch that new comedy show with the monkey-ape-thing, that should be interesting."

No more than a few minutes had passed before The Sonic-boom came into the room and jumped onto the couch.

"What do you want now? I already fed you!"

The Sonic-boom yawned and crawled onto his lap, before half-tucking into a ball and closing his eyes.

"Ohh, no you don't!" Eggman said, he picked Sonic-boom up by the back quills and pulled him off of his lap. He set him down on the couch next to him. He whined annoyingly. Before racing back on. Great. Looks like that speed is kicking in...

"No, off!"

He raced back on.

"No, off!"

He raced back on.

"No, OFF!"

He raced back on, again. Eggman grit his teeth. "NO, OFF, SONIC!"

Eggman was so caught up in the stupid game that he forgot the rest of the blue hedgehog's title. He didn't care much however, because he had raced back on and clung to him for all he was worth. Eggman sighed and decided that he didn't care enough. He wasn't willing to do this all day, after all.

The Sonic sighed happily, and purred for a moment before he fell asleep.

And if Eggman freaked out? Well, at least it stayed on the inside.

reminder to:

straighten your back

go pee goddAMN IT STOP HOLDING IT

go take your meds if you need to

drink some water

go get a snack if you havent eaten in a while

maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)

reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about

maybe send a nice lil message to someone having a bad day?

Happy belated B-day, Sonic 06

You're my favorite travesty, and the fact that this abomination of a video game happened barely six months after I was born is honestly kind of hilarious to me. I always know exactly how old my favorite Sonic game is.

I know I called you an abomination, 06, and that's cuz you are, but you might be one of my favorite games of all time, ironically and unironically. It being a buggy mess is hilarious, Project 06 being awesome is the best, and honestly if you're willing to sift through all the garbage writing execution, you can find some real treasures. Shadow's written so well that I think that's where all the budget went, Silver is a character so charming he survived to reach other, significantly better games, Crisis City is honestly such a cool and distinct concept for a fictional space, I mean, I wouldn't be writing Psychic and Empathetic if I didn't think so.

(I say "writing" as if it isn't just brainstorming I keep forgetting to put in my notes app, and flesh out into chapters that I then never remember to upload cuz my brain would rather write an entire fic and then post it instead of the usual fanfic, post chapter when it's done thing...)

Anyway, ily '06 you freak of video game nature!

Sonic 06 fanfic I was referring to btw, it's still happening, I promise! Dadow will return!

Write Your Story

I just showed my 11-year-old son how many coffee shop AUs there are on AO3.

Why?

He sat down the other day to write a Minecraft story about three kids who go through a portal in their back yard and end up in the world of Minecraft where they have to battle all the big bosses (I didn’t even realize there WERE big bosses in Minecraft but that’s beside the point). He wrote three chapters with a little input from me – his first beta – and y'all?

He was fucking excited. To be writing a story.

Today he came home from school and seemed a little down, so I asked him about it only to find out that some little asshole at his school told him, “There is already a Minecraft story.”

Me: Okay? So what?

Lucifer: If there’s already a story, no one will read mine.

Immediately, I dragged him in and pulled up my AO3 account. My boys know I write fanfiction, so I showed him my account and how many subscribers I have. Then I showed him how many Teen Wolf stories there are. And then, because it seemed like the perfect analogy, I said, “What if I wrote a story where two characters meet in a coffee shop and fall in love? No werewolves, nothing at all to do with the actual Teen Wolf universe. Just Stiles and Derek meet in a coffeeshop and fall in love.”

He laughed.

I showed him Mornings Aren’t For Everyone. Showed him how many hits it had, how many kudos, how many lovely comments.

Then I said, “So do you think, if anyone else wrote a story about those exact same characters meeting in a coffee shop and falling in love… would anyone read it?”

He laughed and said, “No because you already did.”

So I clicked on the Sterek tag and refined to coffee shop AU. His mind was blown to see that they ALL had thousands of hits and kudos and comments. Then I clicked on JUST the coffee shop AU tag and showed him all the fics across all the fandoms written by countless different people.

I’m going to tell you all now what I told him because it applies to everyone.

Write your story. It doesn’t matter that someone else has written a story about that subject. They didn’t write YOUR story. Only you can do that.

And I want to read your story.

I've always wondered what would happen if you put Shadow the hedgehog in P.T.

I definitely had a serious struggle switching from Wattpad, where people seemed to constantly care about your fic and you a lot to ao3 where everything about it was better and bigger and more professional...

But no one seemed to care.

Even if they did care, it didn't feel like it because I was never given any feedback. And if I'm going to be perfectly honest, the crisis of not knowing whether the hundreds of hours I've spent on something actually positively affected people is hitting me all over again. And it feels a lot like the isolation of quarantine leaking into my escape circles. Except this time, I sunk hours and hours and my whole heart into trying to reach out and enjoy things with others only for the response to be silence.

No one reblogs on tumblr anymore.

No one leaves comments on Ao3 anymore.

Seriously people the lack of fandom interaction these days makes me genuinely depressed, it never used to be like this, makes me wonder what's the point of coming online to do anything anymore.

Reblog a post so other people can see it.

Leave a comment so the author doesn't feel like giving up.

Fandom cannot live on Likes or Kudos alone.

Oh yeah... this is why I never got around to beating it...

Sonic 06 is 18 now, and now that we're both legally adults, I think I'm gonna suck it up and actually finish the game

Solaris get ready to hear boss music