Dean Winchester

just!! like!! dad!!!!!!

CASTIEL, YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN, Michael says. YOU WILL JOIN THE ELITE GARRISON–LED BY ME, OF COURSE, TO RETRIEVE MY SWORD FROM HELL.

YES, MICHAEL, Castiel says.

–

“Are you sure you wanna go by yourself?” Sam asks.

“It’s gotta be me,” Dean says. He looks between Sam and Eileen and Jack and Claire and Kaia, tries to memorize their faces. He smiles weakly. “I’ll be back soon.”

He turns around. Michael lifts his hands. Dean takes a moment to commit his youngest brother’s face to memory. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Dean says, and Michael opens the portal.

–

Hell is loud. Screams from the tortured souls fill the air. Cries from demons fill the sound, and overtop are wails from the Cage. Castiel shudders at the sound of angelic screeching, grating and unexpected against his grace. He grips his blade tighter and dives between a layer of racks. 

He has his orders–fight the demons. Find the Righteous Man. Call Michael, allow him to retrieve his sword. Losses of angelic lives are unfortunate but perhaps necessary. Castiel recites them like a mantra, and a swarm of demons leaps for him. He flares his wings wide and bares his teeth and turns the full force of his hundreds of eyes onto them, and he fights.

–

The Empty is quiet. Eerily so. Every footstep Dean takes is muffled. He cannot hear himself breathe, cannot hear his heart, beating against his chest. For a moment, he’s certain he is dead, but when he puts his palm over his breast, he feels it, a steady tattoo against his ribcage. Dean tightens his grip on his angel blade, and he keeps walking forward. 

–

In the distance, Castiel spots Sarah fall. He dives sideways. He has always been smaller than his siblings, has always been a bit faster, and he slips between the cracks of the first circle, and descends deeper into the pit.

Continua a leggere

little ((bad)) something i wrote because insanity y’know. also I miss them.

“Cas, am I old?” Dean asks one day, looking towards the mirror, arms slouched along the sides, strays of grey hair muffled.

Cas - lying on the bed, bare torso, messy hair on top of his head - turns and looks at him questioningly.

Dean glances back at Cas through the mirror.

“What’s the matter?" Cas asks.

Dean’s firm lips hold a breath before answering. He lightly sighs, scratches his nape nervously and snorts “It’s— Nothing, ‘s just..nothing.”

“Dean” Cas says like he always does - fond, serious, apprehensive, loving- when Dean acts like that and Cas gets out of the bed, bedsheets slowly tracing and abandoning his body and hugs him from behind- bare torso, warm against dean - and places a soft kiss on the shoulder.

He glances at the mirror. Sees dean staring at his reflection.

“You are beautiful, Dean” Cas says. Plain and simple just because it’s true, just because he can say those things to Dean, just because Dean deserves to hear them. And Dean full on freezes. And Cas’ heart breaks a little.

When dean speaks again, his voice comes out in a rasp “’M turning 50 this year, Cas”

“That’s how birthdays work, Dean”

Dean elbows him softly but his voice is filled with a hint of laughter “You are spending too much time with Sam. Can’t handle two sarcastic-pain-in-the-ass nerds”

Cas huffs a laughter and kisses dean on the cheek. Dean’s body warm and soft against the cold air that fills the room.

“You turning 50 doesn’t determine your beauty, Dean. Or whatever it is you are concerned about now”

“Not concerned just— yeah, whatever”Dean snorts, still staring at his reflection. His right hand follows the outlines of his appearance, a grimace holding his lips.

“It’s just...My belly. Always had defined abs, you know and now it’s all soft”

Cas looks at him for a while, light sighs filling the room. Dean seems to tighten from his gaze.

“I love your belly, Dean” Cas slowly murmurs, locking eyes with the other man’s reflection. “I like putting my head there at night when we read in silence or when you put a movie on. One of those movies you love so much. I like to plant kisses there, seeing you blush under my displays of affection”

Dean remains silent for a moment, then: “I don’t blush”

Cas rolls his eyes, a gesture he has learned from watching human behavior and that finds pretty useful when dealing with the winchesters. A smile tugs his lips.

He kisses Dean’s collarbone -once, twice- and feels Dean leaning in the embrace.

“My hair.. I-“

Cas doesn’t miss a beat: “Few and little grey hairs at your sides, on the top and back of your head. I have them too and I think they suit you. It seems to mark your stay on earth, Dean. When a new one grows it’s like a confirm you are here and you are okay. That we are okay, are we, Dean?”

Cas knows the answer. Has known for a long time now.

It’s in the way they look at each other at night, intimate and vulnerable, fingers intertwined and legs dangling from the bed.

It’s in the mornings and the silence they mutually share, in the walk towards the kitchen, sometimes alone founding the other already there, cup of coffee in their hands and another ready for them to drink; sometimes together, grumpy and slightly tired and so in love.

It’s in Dean’s ever so green eyes looking at him with ease, in their fights from time to time that leave them angry and sad and confused, hands still holding the other’s, it’s in the nightmares and the caring and the memories and the hope. it’s in everything they are and in nothing less than that.

“Of course we are, dumbass” Dean says, rolling his eyes. Then:”My-“

“Dean” Cas states "Turn around”

And Dean does. And Cas kisses him while he talks-every part he can reach.

“You have little crinkles forming at your eyes when you smile now. I love them, I love seeing them because I love seeing you smile and laugh and grin just like you do. I like your softness, your hair, your belly, the freckles that seem to have increased, your strays of grey hair. I love the scars you have that are healing. I hate that you have them, that you had to go through such sufference, but you have them and it’s okay, Dean. It’s okay to have them and to be reminded of how strong you were. Of how strong you are. I love everything about what makes you feel older in a way because to me, it’s a sign that this, all of this, is real, that this is happening, that you are aging and living your life just like you deserve to, that you are safe and, hopefully, happy and serene. And that you feel loved- There’s nothing I want more than that, I hope you know it. And more, more than anything, Dean, your soul is beautiful. Pure light shining and glowing every time I look at you, and I know you are judging yourself from just your physicality- It’s something humans tend to do, but oh, dean if they.. if you could just see how incredible and pure and clean and wonderful you really are.... if you could just see yourself once, just once from my perspective, see how I see you, how I perceive you. I will spend everyday I get to have on this planet telling you just how beautiful you are, Dean, until you can finally realize the beauty you hold into your heart. You are beautiful, Dean. Still and always. Absolutely ethereal and I am so deeply in love with you”

If Dean sheds some tears, that’s nobody’s business, but Cas holds him tightly then and there and talks to him, softly traces his body murmuring praises and Dean breaks and breaks and breaks. But he is with Cas. He is safe. He can let himself break.

“Dean.. I- Me growing older, it’s okay for you isn’t it?”Cas asks at some point. Silence stretching between them.

“There was never one, there’s no one and there will never be one I’d rather growing older with than you, Cas”

“Plus" Dean adds, grinning “I love your grey hair. Makes you look like a dilf.”

“Dean”

I!!!!! LOVE!!!!! YOU!!!!

cas really said “i will invent free will to fall in love. i will invent it again to be a father” and just expected me to be normal about it

screaming sobbing crying

Dean grows out his hair a bit and it’s great but it gets in his face while he’s cooking. As a solution Jack buys him these:

Nikos Kazantzakis, from a letter featured in The Selected Letters of Nikos Kazantzakis

Love in His Eyes

Kofi | Commissions

mspaint dean zine the dean comes out zine now in tumblr form. Bonus: