Just Had A Dream That I Poured A Hot Drink On The Lap Of Some Guy For Saying Something Racist (helpfully

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

Bruce Wayne, sitting in a cute eco-friendly cafe while on a video call with Tim: Oh Noooo, are you sure there’s no way the board of directors will let us get rid of this old decrepit Wayne Factory building that is unsafe for our workers and also for the surrounding environment?

CEO Tim, with equal gravitas: No, I’m afraid they just won’t budge. It technically meets legal requirements on paper, and we can’t prove that the chemicals affecting the local ecosystem that have no other possible source are from the out-of-date drainage system… they’re saying it would cost too much to fix the place up too, which is ridiculous, because we’re us, but our hands are tied…

Bruce, full Brucie himbo mode: Oh I just feel so SAD for all the sweet fluffy animals and the pretty flowers and especially our hard workers dealing with such unsafe conditions… I think I’ll give them all a nice short vacation this weekend, so the ENTIRE PLACE will be EMPTY and SHUT DOWN from FRIDAY TO TUESDAY, the SECURITY SYSTEM WILL BE DOWN because it’s just so GLITCHY, I’m sure nothing will happen to the ENVIRONMENTAL STAIN ON OUR COMPANIES NAME THAT WILL BE COMPLETELY ABANDONED FROM FRIDAY TO TUESDAY- Timmy do you think I’m being too subtle?

Tim, snickering: no no you’re doing great Bruce I’m sure they’ve got it

Poison Ivy, on a date the next table over: ( ‘-‘)-☕️

Harley, through tears of repressed laughter: so… we doing anythin’ this weekend?

Me, refusing to leave tumblr: sir, this is my emotional support hellsite

I GIVE YOU a totally real list of viral photos of Battinson with his newly adopted son, Dick Grayson, that took Gotham by storm

Bruce crossing the street with a rosy-cheeked Dick Grayson dutifully holding his hand, Dick somehow found the camera and is waving to it excitedly (this is the first ever photo of them together)

Dick balanced perfectly at the top (and I mean on top) of a jungle gym while Bruce looks stressed out of his mind, pleading for Dick to get down before he hurts himself

Dick doing the exact same thing a month later but this time Bruce looks completely unfazed, sipping a coffee like it’s just a normal Tuesday (the photos are regularly paired together as a popular meme template in Gotham)

A selfie of Bruce and Dick making stupid faces at the camera that Dick turned into his class for one of those “About Me” posters you make in 3rd grade

Dick asleep in Bruce’s arms after a fancy dinner party, they’re wearing matching suits, Bruce is kissing his forehead :(

Bruce and Dick propped up against a wall, sharing a packet of fruit snacks in an empty room next to the charity gala they’re supposed to be attending

A plethora of photos of Dick climbing on top of Bruce at inopportune moments (à la this post)

Including a press conference.

And an investors’ meeting (bring your kid to work day)

Bruce standing outside of Gotham Elementary holding Dick in his arms with matching scowls on their faces. A mother and her son have been cropped out after the boy shoved Dick, and the mother refused to make him apologize. (It almost got physical. The mom has since quit the PTA.)

Bruce and Dick wearing matching sunglasses on the Gotham pier, Bruce is sipping another coffee while Dick eats from a comically large ice cream cone. A second photo shows Dick offering some to Bruce, which he accepts

Bruce retying Dick’s tie in the middle of another charity gala (for the children’s hospital)

Dick doing a cartwheel in the park while Bruce looks at him with the fondest look humanly possible

Bruce and Dick in a convenience store at 10pm (on a Friday) wearing matching oversized Nirvana shirts and pajama pants, it looks like they’re having a movie marathon (it’s Grey Ghost reruns <3)

pspspspsps @bruciemilf

And do not use flixhq.to or soap2day either. Remember, piracy is bad!

this is a poem

Design my own ninjago character's costume!! I tried tho, with the patterns and everything for each characters, I hope I nailed it.

Anyways, here's a closed ups

And the shortest and tall trio be like :

Men's 38-in-one night time sickness cold & flu shampoo & conditioner toothpaste and mouthwash combo (plus nourishing skin formula with hydrating aloe)