I Feel Like Bruce Wayne Projects The Kind Of Amiable Playboy 'fun' Vibe That He'd Be The Type Of Celebrity

I feel like Bruce Wayne projects the kind of amiable playboy 'fun' vibe that he'd be the type of celebrity that certain interviewers feel comfortable surprising with puppies.

You know the kind of shows I mean.

The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.

So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.

Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)

(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))

Anyway, consider, for your amusement, Bruce Wayne getting highjacked on The Gotham Toight Show with a handful of wriggling puppies and, for a split second, not having to pretend he's delighted to be there.

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And the shortest and tall trio be like :

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Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

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Introduction to flying small aircrafts

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decaffeinatedpeacetragedy

1 year ago

Millennial Battinson and Generation-Alpha Dick Grayson:

Bruce, trying to introduce a nine year old Dick Grayson to Nirvana, which is totally age-appropriate and not at all irresponsible: Music is important to me. It helps me express myself. Keeps the darkness within me from consuming my soul.

Dick: oh ye I like music too!!

Bruce: Hn. What do you li-

Dick, twirling around: ~We don't talk about Bruno, no no no~

Bruce: who is bruno

Bruce, seeing that Dick is sad: Do you want to watch a movie?

Dick: Aladdin!!!

Bruce, grinning a little tiny bit: Okay. *puts on Aladdin (1992)*

Dick: This isn’t Aladdin, this is a cartoon.

Bruce: *short-circuits*

—

Dick, leaning against Bruce as he works on a case: Can you get me a Pop-It?? Everyone at school has them!

Bruce: a what

Dick: A pop-it!! It's a fidget toy with little bubbles you can pop in and out! My teacher said I would probably like one.

Bruce: Okay? *hands Dick his credit card*

Dick, going on his iPad: Okay thankie!! I'm getting the unicorn.

Bruce, looking over Dick's shoulder: ...willyougetmeonetoo

Dick: Do you want a dino one?

Bruce, vibrating: yes

—

Dick: Everyone at school has Pokémon cards except me :(

Bruce: *stands up, exits Batcave, returns ten minutes later with shoebox full of Pokémon cards*

Dick: 🤩

Bruce: Do not lose my first edition Charzard.

—

Dick: Bruce you stink

Bruce: so do you

—

Dick: What’s for dinner?

Bruce: Delivery. Alfred is busy.

Bruce and Dick, in tandem: Chicken tenders.

—

Dick: *angery* >:-(

Bruce: What's wrong?

Dick: ...Everyone at school made Mother's Day cards and I had to do a coloring page instead.

Bruce: oh

Dick: >:-(

Bruce, shuffling, eyes fixed on the ground: Do you...want to go get ice cream? Alfred always got me ice cream on Mother's Day.

Dick: ...okay, Bruce. Let's go get ice cream.

Bruce: *grins, still not making eye contact*

Dick: And then we can watch Encanto again?

Bruce, who has every single line to that movie memorized and who has had the goddamned Bruno song stuck in his head for three (3) months: Sure. We can watch Encanto again.

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3 years ago

Coming into a fandom late

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2 years ago

Found on IFunny.

Tags

egg baby animals snakes baby snake baby cobra

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decaffeinatedpeacetragedy

1 year ago

I GIVE YOU a totally real list of viral photos of Battinson with his newly adopted son, Dick Grayson, that took Gotham by storm

Bruce crossing the street with a rosy-cheeked Dick Grayson dutifully holding his hand, Dick somehow found the camera and is waving to it excitedly (this is the first ever photo of them together)

Dick balanced perfectly at the top (and I mean on top) of a jungle gym while Bruce looks stressed out of his mind, pleading for Dick to get down before he hurts himself

Dick doing the exact same thing a month later but this time Bruce looks completely unfazed, sipping a coffee like it’s just a normal Tuesday (the photos are regularly paired together as a popular meme template in Gotham)

A selfie of Bruce and Dick making stupid faces at the camera that Dick turned into his class for one of those “About Me” posters you make in 3rd grade

Dick asleep in Bruce’s arms after a fancy dinner party, they’re wearing matching suits, Bruce is kissing his forehead :(

Bruce and Dick propped up against a wall, sharing a packet of fruit snacks in an empty room next to the charity gala they’re supposed to be attending

A plethora of photos of Dick climbing on top of Bruce at inopportune moments (à la this post)

Including a press conference.

And an investors’ meeting (bring your kid to work day)

Bruce standing outside of Gotham Elementary holding Dick in his arms with matching scowls on their faces. A mother and her son have been cropped out after the boy shoved Dick, and the mother refused to make him apologize. (It almost got physical. The mom has since quit the PTA.)

Bruce and Dick wearing matching sunglasses on the Gotham pier, Bruce is sipping another coffee while Dick eats from a comically large ice cream cone. A second photo shows Dick offering some to Bruce, which he accepts

Bruce retying Dick’s tie in the middle of another charity gala (for the children’s hospital)

Dick doing a cartwheel in the park while Bruce looks at him with the fondest look humanly possible

Bruce and Dick in a convenience store at 10pm (on a Friday) wearing matching oversized Nirvana shirts and pajama pants, it looks like they’re having a movie marathon (it’s Grey Ghost reruns <3)

pspspspsps @bruciemilf

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