Battinson Being A Complete Child Magnet.

Battinson being a complete child magnet.

He is so done with being a CEO with Responsibilities and would rather just hang out with his neighbors' kids and play with legos or color or some shit, and kids are incredibly perceptive to this.

They can tell when an Adult isn’t an Adult Adult. And Battinson is barely an Adult in any right. At best, he’s an angsty teenager in a 28yo body. So when they see him on the street looking like he would rather be watching cartoons than go to work at nine in the morning, they just run up to him and say, “Wanna see the chalk art I made?!” or “What’s your favorite animal? Mine’s a porcupine :)” and their parents do not understand why.

They just can’t grasp how every single child has decided that Bruce is their best friend. They try to stop their little rascals from walking up to Bruce Wayne who probably has places to be at any time of day, but Bruce just goes with it because of course he wants to see their chalk art. It’s better than going to Stupid Meetings.

He is happy to follow some random toddler who grabbed his hand and won’t stop babbling on about nonsense. Some kid wants him to join their tea party? Bruce is honored. He will never turn down the opportunity to play hide and seek with the family across the street.

Bruce gradually becomes the parent/older sibling/friend type for like every single child in Gotham. He is the Go To Babysitter for like half his block (but if we’re being honest, it’s really Alfred. Bruce is just the playmate yk?) Every kid at school is soooo jealous of Dick because his dad is that cool rich guy that buys everyone ice cream at the park and braids their hair on Career Day and will sneak them candy from the top shelf when their parents aren’t looking.

He just has that EnergyTM with kids. Bruce is not a guardian figure. He’s one of them. He’s their imaginary friend come to life. He is an Adult Child, and he has money to spend, and he knows exactly how they feel, and he is completely down to making a castle out of marshmallows instead of Doing Work.

Then one day, some middle schooler meets Batman, gets the exact same vibe from him, and goes, “Wait a minute.”