I Am Sp Ready Love, I Hope The Universe Brings Me A Good Guy This Time.❤️

Quotes by Sylvia Plath, The Journals of Sylvia Plath

ur early 20s are about being obsessed with kindness and mary oliver and seasonal fruits and recreating comfort foods you ate as a child and learning how to love and crying because you have no choice but to live the life before you and finding god on the bus back from the grocery store

On some days, I feel this deep longing

For someone.

To be held, to feel my heartbeat

To feel the warmth of my body

Against someone.

On some nights, I sleep listening

To slow love songs.

Pretend that its raining outside

And wrap myself around

The warmth of a comforter and

Fall asleep

Pretending that I'm being loved by someone.

I don't know what is this urge of a human

To be loved so deeply,

That everything else seems insignificant.

heaviness.

this week i felt so heavily taxed it’s like i’m being robbed of something.

i don’t want to be here. i don’t want to be around anyone but a few, i don’t want to be perceived, i don’t want to be thought of. i don’t want the smiles from certain people because i don’t deserve them, i have fooled them with only a few actions they’ve seen of me and the surface that looks clean and flawless. that’s the thing— if only they knew me deeply would they maybe back the hell away, not smile as much, refuse to look me in the eye with such cordiality.

i am not even being cruel to myself. i am honesty right now. this heaviness weighs on my back like a load i can’t pretend isn’t there anymore. i look in the mirror and the reflection is so tired, so fed up. if only i could open the minds of people around me just to erase the memory of me from them and disappear somewhere. if only everyone forgot me for a second, and i had no trace of prior existence— a fresh start where i can begin newly again, where perhaps even i’d be known to myself as someone with less baggage, less of all the bad things that have happened to me and continue to happen under the surface which makes it all the more insidious and sickening. i am tired of myself. of the people who made me who i am today. i hope to get lighter. so much so that i fly away as if filled with helium, never to come back down on this wretched planet with its wretched people who see the worst in me and the deceived who see the best in me.

what is it that keeps me diving in and out of this mess, that is my heart?

I keep getting closer, yet so farther away

I wanna be touched, kissed, smothered

but at the same time held, caressed and loved

but also choked, pinned, and slammed

all these feelings yet I ask you the same question

where are you?

can you please come home soon?

can you please just hold me a lil bit higher?

can you not complain that I'm being needy?

and can you also not complain that I'm being distant with you?

Idk how to heal ny heart

idk how to feel anymore

I feel rushed and crushed under this pile of my age

I've 20,21,22 and 23

everyone of them have felt the same

I wanna change and runaway

I wanna hide and bite and kiss you all at the same time

Idk my extent of my emotions

Margaret Atwood, from "Wilderness Tips," originally published in September 1991

[slow dancing, silk textures, hands on her waist, fireworks, velvet touch, euphoric music, black dresses, red roses, moonlit serenade slow songs, lana del rey, letters, lips, forehead to forehead, eye contact, gentleness, candlelit ambiance, whispered secrets, starlit night, soft whispers, vintage charm, lingering perfume, shared laughter, hidden glances, stolen moments, timeless romance.]

Dear September,

I hope you will be kind, would you please leave the bad behind. Each month I ask the same, to others of a different name. But I have a feeling that you, september, will grant my request, just let this month be one of peace, one of the best, I'll figure out the rest.

Kind Regards, someone living life with hope and a tired heart.

You are going to be okay.

🧿

good things will happen 💫

things that are meant to be will fall into place 💫