• #jb17

Crawl home to her

Bucky Barnes x fem!enhanced!reader

Summary - Bucky's nightmares never seem to stop, and he despises himself for dragging you down with him.

Word count - 1.7k

Warnings - Angst, descriptions of torture, descriptions of seizures, PTSD, mentions of blood, sad fluff at the end.

A/N - Reader does have powers in this fic which aren't really explained but hopefully they're easy to understand, I kind of imagine them to be similar to Wanda's in certain aspects. Also, apologies if my writing is kinda wordy in this, I kinda went off on one and couldn't stop. Enjoy :)

The title is based off a lyric from work song by hozier.

__________________________

It was like something carved from a horror movie.

The giant, hulking figure emerging from the chamber, the surrounding air clouded with vapor so cold it burned to the touch.

His face was concealed, a black mask and goggles hiding the human features beneath, with silver, reflective metal taking the place of his left arm, gleaming in the yellow overhead lights. He looked solely like something built for destruction.

The soldier was put in the chair before he could even comprehend that he was awake.

They had strapped his wrists to metal, encasing his head in a familiar contraption and his mouth was forced open by rough hands on his jaw, rubber shoved between his teeth.

He was vaguely aware of the routine. Everything was familiar in a way that made his skin crawl and his hair stand on end, but for all he knew, there was no reason to be scared, soldiers don't feel fear, and emotion only gets in the way of the mission.

He could barely taste the bitterness of the rubber before he heard the whir of a machine begin, and he was so mind-numbingly cold that he could almost barely feel the electricity suddenly tearing through his skull.

He didn't scream, he barely moved, and it would be easy to wonder if he could even feel it, or if pain was just another thing that Hydra took from him, just to strip him even further of his humanity, but he felt every second, his body just too in shock to react, convulsing in his restrains.

The agony seemed to last hours, pain so intense that he could barely breathe, but the machine eventually came to a slow halt, the rubber taken from his mouth, and the soldier heaved his first full breath in what felt like years, the cold air filling his lungs too fast and ripping back through his oesophagus in painful coughs.

Once the coughing had ended, he let his head fall back against the leather beneath him.

His veins were on fire, crawling in his skin as icy heat travelled up his forearm and carved its way through his neck, residing in his temples with a throbbing headache. His jaw ached, as did every single muscle in his body and when he rolled his eyes open, he found that the bright lights surrounding him kept him blind to the people standing in the room, crowding around the soldier writhing and twitching in the chair as if he was some kind of circus monkey to be watched for their amusement.

He managed to unclench his fists and release his jaw, feeling his body go lax for a few seconds before he felt a spike in his heart rate, his muscles tensing against his will as his eyes rolled back.

Then he was gone, unaware of the stares of the doctors writing on their notepads when he began seizing for the first time this session. None of them stepped forward, not a single medic attempted to check on the soldier, or wipe the blood that spilled from his lips when his teeth clamped down onto his tongue.

He was only given a few seconds of refuge after the seizure had ended, before he was torn away again, his body taken with another, and another, and another. It was endless.

His chest spasming with every gasping breath, every muscle in his body clenched painfully. He wasn't present enough to see a man in a white coat move closer to him, positioning the headpiece over his face again and this time not even bothering with the mouthguard before the electricity returned, and his brain caught fire again.

This time, he screamed until the sound died in his throat and his vocal cords refused to make any more noise. A vague image of a man with blonde hair, standing straight with a shield pulled to his chest, flashed behind his eyes, and a part of him felt relieved at the sight, as if the man in his memories could somehow save him from this living hell, but the thought disappeared before he could even acknowledge it, and this time, when the machine finally stopped, he passed out before he could feel the after affects, pulled under when his body and mind could no longer handle the agony, deciding to just completely shut down instead.

______________________

You woke with a start, Bucky's harrowing scream beside you as you sat up so fast your head spun, and you stretched out an arm into the darkness, searching for the table lamp to your right and wasting no time in turning it on, bathing your bedroom in warm light.

Crawling onto your knees, tears were already forming wet tracks down your cheeks as your lover cried out in his sleep, his eyes darting back and forth rapidly behind his eyelids, hair stuck to his forehead, bare chest glistening with a sheen of sweat as he heaved for breath.

You reached for him and pressed your hand against his forehead, no hesitation as your eyes glowed unnaturally in the dim light, forcing Bucky awake with your ability.

There was no way you'd let him sleep through that one, no matter what his therapist demands.

Bucky's eyes tore open as he gasped for air, staring up at the ceiling with wide, unblinking eyes.

"Bucky?" You asked quietly, not wanting to risk startling him further as your hand hovered over his shaking form.

He looked at you, relief flashing in his eyes before he eyed the tears dripping down your chin and his mind clouded with guilt.

It was too often that you found yourself falling into Bucky's dreams. And no matter how many times you tried to convince him that it wasn't his fault, he'd never believe you, he knew better, and he knew how your powers worked.

He pulled himself up, resting his back against the headboard and letting his eyes fall shut for a moment, listening to your racing heartbeat with the saddest look on his face. He then opened his eyes, a tear of his own falling down his cheek as he looked at you and parted his lips with a shaky breath, "I did it again, didn't I?"

His voice sounded broken, shot from all the screaming he had done before, it broke your heart and you leapt forward, wrapping your arms around him and letting him hold you tightly, clutching you to his frame as he cried, repeating over and over how sorry he was.

You stroked his hair affectionately as you both cried.

"It's okay Buck, it's not your fault."

He was so distraught by his nightmares, that he was reaching out for you in his sleep, pulling you from your own mind and trapping you into his, forcing you to witness the horrific things that Bucky endured, or the things that he did.

Each time it happened, he blamed himself, despising the fact that he was forcing you to live his trauma, but you would never stop reminding him that it was okay, you'd seen much worse, and he would always be worth it.

Sometimes a deep-rooted, selfish part of him would be glad for your abilities, he doesn't have to explain to you the horrors he had faced in his past, you'd seen them for yourself, lived his darkest moments through his own eyes, but then the guilt would creep in, washing away the thoughts every time he woke up trembling with fear, and you'd be there beside him, shaking just the same.

He apologised to you again as the tears came to a slow stop, his face still buried in the crook of your neck, shivering against you when your fingers dragged softly across his spine, soothing him just the way you always did.

You pulled back this time, hand reaching for his jaw when he refused to look at you, tilting his head for his eyes to meet yours, and your face was serious as you spoke.

"You have nothing to apologise for, James. I want to help. If I couldn't handle this, love, I wouldn't be here, but I love you, and I want to stay." You assured him, your gaze flicking between his eyes, urging him to believe you, to stop carrying this guilt he had no reason to carry.

"I just- You don't need to see any of that." He whispered back, eyes red and bloodshot, breath shaky.

You smiled softly at him, your right hand sliding to the back of his neck, as you pushed his head down to yours, resting your forehead against his, noses brushing together, a simple action so intense and intimate that Bucky gulped, his eyebrows tightly furrowed.

"I'm okay, Bucky, I promise you, I'm okay," Your warm breath fanned against his lips as you spoke, and his eyes fluttered shut, "I just want to take care of you."

A shaky breath fell from his lips, cursing the tears that threatened to return at such simple words, but fuck if they didn't hit him hard.

He couldn't remember a time when someone had wanted to take care of him, not since he was a young boy, before his father died, before he had to step up to take care of his mother and sisters, working illegal shifts at the local factory at the age of 15.

But you wanted to take care of him.

He leaned forward and locked his lips with yours, his hands reaching out to pull you closer and closer in hopes that you'd eventually sink into his chest, finally close enough that his constant need for your touch would be satiated.

He broke away to speak against your lips, so magnetised to your kiss that he couldn't possibly pull back far enough to breathe air that wasn't your own, "Thank you."

Carlos Sainz

#cs55🌶️

← Main Masterlist

eddie is practically hanging off of you, his arms wrapped around you from behind, dangling over your shoulders. one of your hands is being held by both of his near the centre of your chest.

it wasn’t a big get-together: just you and eddie, most of the hellfire guys, steve, nancy, and robin. though you’re sure a larger crowd of people wouldn’t have deterred eddie from any PDA when he had alcohol in his system.

though you’re in the middle of a conversation with robin, eddie begins to smack loud, ardent kisses against your cheek until robin feels she has no choice but to cut herself off to acknowledge it.

“-totally disregard the closed sign on the door and bang on it until steve gives in and let’s them in! sometimes they’re just so-okay, i can’t pretend that’s not happening right now, what the hell is he doing?”

eddie didn’t drink like this often; he liked a beer or two, but weed was more his speed. it seemed to slow him down, whereas alcohol tended to speed him up. which, considering eddie’s typical excitable pace, he really didn’t need the alcohol to become more sociable or friendly.

but tonight he’d probably had one too many; having far too much fun challenging steve and gareth to shotgunning contests. you weren’t sure how he kept it down if you’re honest.

you smush your hand over eddie’s face to push him away gently, his nose squishing against your palm. he whines lightly against your hand, disgruntled that you’d interrupted his kisses.

“he’s just-”

eddie redirects his kisses to your hand now.

“-just a bit tipsy, is all.”

Keep reading

Sebastian Stan at the Primetime Emmy Awards Performers Nominee Reception in LA.

gentle.

pairing : eddie munson x reader

pov : third person , she/her pronouns

word count : 1,235 words

warnings : depression mentioned, unstable parental relationship mentioned, eddie being the sweetest ever (definitely needs a warning), friends to lovers, crying love confession!!!

notes : eddie munson the latest love of my life! here’s a cute lil eddie blurb after some inactivity!

main masterlist 

what was eddie’s love if not gentle?

pressing soft kisses to the back of her neck while she’s studying, stopping to tie her shoes if he notices one is undone, painting one of his nails in her favorite color. all the things that made eddie, her eddie.

and they weren’t even dating.

the love that they had for each other was unanimous, but they were both blissfully unaware of the special spot they held in each other’s hearts. being best friends for 8 years, their falling in love was bound to happen eventually. but they didn’t know that they would be so oblivious when it did.

eddie thought that eventually, she would see that the kisses and the hand-holding and the special softness he held only around her weren’t just because she was his best friend. he loved her, needed her. he needed her on his good days, his bad days, days where he felt less than. and in return, she needed him maybe more than he needed her.

on days when her parents were fighting, days when she was too tired to brush her teeth all she wanted was to hold and be held by eddie. she needed his reassuring back rubs and the sweetest i love you’s whispered in her ear.

today was one of those days. the taunting at school and the teasing at home had finally gotten the best of them. needing each other now more than ever.

and so there she was. in tears on his front steps, knocking so softly she wondered if he had even heard it. and of course, he did.

the door swung open, revealing eddie in his pajamas. it was barely 4pm. he had skipped hellfire, skipped band practice. he was too tired to pretend that he cared today. and despite how tired he was, how drained, all he wanted was to be in her presence.

“hi, angel,” he said softly, noticing her tears.

she hiccuped. “hi, eddie. can i…” she trailed off because she knew that he knew what she wanted.

he opened the door wider and gently guided her inside, shutting the door behind her.

they both just stood there in his living room for a moment. her arms tucked under her armpits, guarded and closed off, tears streaming down her face. his arms at his sides, open and welcoming, eyes brimming with worry. and then she looked up at his face. her eddie, standing there having a horrible day and all he was worried about was her.

it finally hit her. and she broke.

she all but ran into his arms which wrapped around her almost immediately. she was sobbing, wetting his shirt, mumbling incoherently. but he didn’t care. she could flood his trailer, send it floating down the streets of hawkins and he wouldn’t mind.

“shh, baby, it’s alright. i’ve got you,” eddie whispered into her hair. he didn’t know if she could hear him over the sound of her cries, but he hoped she did. the reassuring back rubs were present and they helped her calm down, just like they always did.

“i-i’m sorry. i’m so sorry” she gasped in between cries. she pulled away from his grasp to look at his face. his eyes were filled with worry, with tears.

“y/n, it’s ok. really, i don’t mind.” he was confused. she had broken like this in front of him before. but, yeah. it felt different this time.

“n-no eddie. i’m sorry. i’m sorry i didn’t see it. i didn’t see that you were hurting while i was busy and distracted with other things, other people. god eddie, i’m so sorry.”

he wiped her face, tucked her hair behind her ear, searching her face for any sign of what she was thinking. “angel, what are you talking about? i’m sorry, i have no idea what you’re apologizing for.”

she bit her lip, trying to form the words she’s been wanting to tell him for so long.

“god eddie, i love you. i’ve loved you since i was 14 years old. but you were so busy with hellfire and corroded coffin and selling that i didn’t even think you had time for me. i didn’t think you had time for a girlfriend. i’ve told you that i love you so many times over the past 5 years with so much meaning behind it, wondering who would be the first to say something. well, this is it. this is me saying something. i love you, eddie munson.”

eddie’s mouth was agape, the tears that has been threatening to spill earlier were falling down his face. he just looked at her. so many words were bouncing around in his brain; he didn’t know how to form a proper sentence.

so, he kissed her.

he had kissed her before, “friends can kiss sometimes” they would say, but this was so much different. this was pure passion, pure love, and pure admiration for the person on the other end. their lips slotted together like they were made for each other. like he was made for loving her.

he was sobbing by this point, tears that would not stop. he started pressing soft kisses all over her face. her cheeks that he loved to pinch when they were teasing each other, her nose that he loved to poke at when she was pretending to be annoyed with him, her eyelids that covered the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

“jesus christ, y/n,” he looked at her, eyes spilling with love, chuckling softly at her flushed face. he didn’t know whether her rosy cheeks were from her crying or him.

he pressed another kiss to her lips. “i love you. so much. i’ve been waiting for you to say that you love me like this for 8 years. since the day we met. god, i didn’t know love like this existed.” he was smiling sweetly at her, his dimples showing. she wanted to put her finger there and keep him smiling forever.

“please, y/n. let me be your boyfriend. let me do this every time that i see you. getting to love you would be the honor of my life. i’ll beg on my knees if i have to.”

her eyes went wide and then she was laughing at him. he took that as a sign to do what he promised. so he got on his knees.

“please, baby, please,” he took both her hands and kissed each knuckle, “i’ll do whatever you ask of me.”

she was pulling at his hands and laughing as he let her pull him off the ground. “get up, please. that’s what i’m asking of you.”

he smiled and wrapped her up in his arms again, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. “is that a yes? you gonna let me be your boyfriend?”

she smiled softly up at him, bringing a hand to cup his face. “hmm, ‘this is my boyfriend eddie’ does have a nice ring to it.”

they were swaying as they spoke. “it does doesn’t it. been thinking that for some time.”

she laughed at him and her eyes might as well have been heart-shaped. “yeah, eddie. i’ll let you be my boyfriend. you gonna let me be your girlfriend?”

“baby, you don’t even have to ask.”

and he kissed her again and again. and he will for the rest of his life.

I hope you find the type of love in life that makes you feel at ease. I hope birdsong will sound like music to you again. I hope your home is warm during the winter and cool in the summer. I hope people smile at you enough. I hope you wake up curious for what's to come. I hope you listen to your body's aches as signals instead of mere hindrances. I hope that when you reach out, there's a hand to grasp onto. I hope that when you laugh, bursts of happiness accompany the sound. I hope you live a life where today is just as exciting as tomorrow. I hope you don't feel guilt over moving on from the things that were your fault. I hope you rest well. I hope you eat enough. I hope you hold your hopes tightly. I hope you allow them to transform into dreams. I hope your dreams come true.