Where Do You Draw The Line At What's Appropriate Sexually Before Marriage?

Your opinions on polygamy?

Hmm..I have to say that I am not so much a fan of polygamy. 

By way of explanation, I would have to say that it’s because I’m a big believer in the idea of “One Love”. That is to say, I’m not going to have sex until I’m married, and ideally, I plan to be married “until death do us part”. So I personally am not open to the idea of divorce except in the case of abuse or infidelity or some other such extreme circumstances. “Irreconcilable differences”, to me, is not an option. So that being said, my vision for my life is being in love with, being married to, and having sex with, only one person. I want to be so close to someone that I know them inside and out. I want to know all their strengths and all their weaknesses and love them for both equally, because that’s what makes them who they are. I want to be totally open and vulnerable about myself with someone and have them accept me for who I am. I want to have the irrefutable confidence that I want to spend every day until the end of my days with this person. I want to whether the storms of life with this person. I want to fight like crazy with this person. I want a life-partner. Like me and him against the world, you know? And to me, such an intimate experience with only one person makes it all the more valuable and precious. Especially with the sex thing, especially for me. 

But that’s just the romantic in me. Let’s talk about what the bible has to say on the topic of polygamy. 

In the bible, there are many examples of man who had more than one wife. Sure, King Soloman had 700 wives and 300 concubines on top of that! (1 Kings 11:2-3) [Sidenote: what the heck are you gonna do with that many women? I mean even if you slept with a different woman every day, it would take you more almost three years to get through them all! I bet he didn’t know most of their names.] That being said, most theological scholars seem to think that the polygamy was a cultural thing and only tolerated, if not condoned by God.

In Genesis, after God takes one of Adam’s ribs to make Eve, it says “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” (Genesis 2:24) That seems pretty clear. It even says that two become one, so that seems to support the monogamy argument. 

Later on in the New Testament, Paul (who was a pretty funny guy) is talking about how he’s a bachelor because it allows him to focus more on his evangelical mission, but that it’s better to get married than to “burn in lust”. Because, for some reason, the members of the early church in Corinth seemed to think that sex is bad. This is completely false! Sex was created by God and it is a beautiful thing. So Paul is basically saying that sex is not a bad thing, but you shouldn’t really be sleeping around, because that’s not the way God intended it. Paul’s point is that trying to avoid sex completely is almost impossible, painful, frustrating for everyone involved, and a really good way to disappoint yourself. So marriage is the ideal situation here. Paul says, “But because of the temptation of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:2) [Sidenote: The verse after that talks about how husband and wife should fulfill each other’s sexual needs. Well-known pastor and author Rick Warren tweeted that verse, which I think has got to be the most awkward scripture tweet ever. Its awkwardness is surpassed only by Christian comedian Tim Hawkins who mistakenly told someone that his favourite verse is Psalm 38:7, which says “I have a painful disease in my loins”.] 

So anyway, it would seem that the bible supports the idea of monogamy. I personally think that the way God designed sex was for one man and one woman within the bonds of God-consecrated, holy matrimony. (This is a discussion on polygamy. I’ve already talked about homosexuality at length here, here and here.) Therefore, my seemingly romantic “One Love” idea is actually firmly grounded in my religious beliefs. 

In conclusion: Polygamy is not a lifestyle that I would choose, based on my beliefs and personal moral code, but like anything else, I will not condemn another person for choosing that lifestyle. These are the choices I’ve made for my life and will not be arrogant enough to try to extend them into yours. 

Thanks for the question :) Love chatting with you guys! Peace and love! -Katherine 

That full thing about sex was deep. As a christian who has drifted away, I took more out of that than any devotion. Good work, Im not gonna stop - but I respect your decision.

WHAT! DUDE MAN BRO. (Okay, I know I just effectively destroyed any illusions of me being deep). But wow, thank you for taking the time to come tell me that. :) I appreciate that a lot, and your respect for my decision! The respect is reciprocated for yours. :) Mostly I'm just glad you actually took the time to read it and moreover, actually got something out of it. 

You're awesome and I love you. Thanks :)-Me 

Does the Pentecostal church allow gay marriage ?

Hi there :) 

***[I know a simple yes or no would suffice, but this is gonna be another long answer. I have, as usual, bolded important sentences for those who would rather skim.]*** 

This is going to be difficult for me to tell you, but I’m afraid that the Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada, with which the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland are affiliated - and therefore under which my own church exists - do not sanction gay marriage. Here is the “Statement of Fundamental and Essential Truths”. You will find homosexuality is addressed in section 5.9.1, “Marriage and the Family”. Here are a couple key quotes from that section:

"Marriage is a provision of God wherein one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others enter into a lifelong relationship through a marriage ceremony that is recognized by the church and legally sanctioned by the state."

…

"Marriage can only be broken by porneia, which is understood as marital unfaithfulness involving adultery, homosexuality, or incest. While the Scriptures give evidence that the marriage vow and "one-flesh" union are broken by such acts and therefore recognize the breaking of the marriage relationship, the Scriptures do recommend that the most desirable option would be reconciliation."

I imagine this is an affront to you, and I can understand why. I would like to justify the church’s stance, but I won’t. This decision is for two reasons: 

Firstly, because if what you want is for the Pentecostal church to allow gay marriage, then nothing I say will soothe your offended sensibilities. 

Secondly, because these practices apply only to members of the Pentecostal church: people who have actively chosen to participate in this institution, and whom evidently understand and are satisfied with the beliefs and practices. 

However, I will offer some of my own thoughts to supplement the information I’ve just given you.

[] 

Katherine’s thoughts: 

1. The Pentecostal church is part of the “private” sector, by which I mean that we are a non-profit organization and we are not affiliated with the government, be it federal, provincial, etc. Therefore, we do not attempt to extend our beliefs to anybody outside of our members. People who choose to become a member of the church (which, in case you’re wondering, is an official process involving an application and an interview) choose to abide by the practices set forth by the church, and that’s why those people chose to become a member in the first place. Therefore, the church will not corporately try to influence legislation involving gay marriage. How the church’s members vote is their individual decision, and in my experience, my church has never even discussed politics, let alone tried to influence my personal political beliefs. 

2. I am completely sure that while a person who is married to someone else of the same sex and/or gender may not choose to be a member of our church, NO ONE will discourage them from attending the services or benefiting from the various programs we offer. Being a member is a very official thing, and even though I’ve attended the church since birth, I’m still not a member. Membership involves stuff like voting for pastoral staff and board members and attending annual business meetings and boring stuff like that. So you could totally come on Sundays and chill with us and we won’t say anything to you. You could attend and volunteer and participate at Bethesda for 50 years and never be a member, so there’s that loophole. 

3. [THIS ONE IS SUPER IMPORTANT] Christianity is, above all, about a very personal, very intimate relationship with God. If you do not currently have an acquaintance with God, I would strongly encourage you to get to know Him. And if you want to, don’t let anybody or anything, including the church, including your sexual orientation, including the people in your life, dissuade you from doing so. Don’t ever let anybody tell you that there’s anything separating you from God, or that you have to change something about yourself before you get to know Him. He is waiting for you, exactly as you are, right here, right now, and He loves you exactly as you are, and nothing you do could ever make Him love you less….or more.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”- Romans 8:38-39

We as the church, are attempting to function as the “body” of Christ, that is to say, the mortal manifestation of His divine love here in the natural world. We are not God, and we cannot judge you or tell you what to do. Only He can do that. And if you have some questions about your lifestyle, I suggest you take it up with Him, not me. I don’t know anything. 

4. [This one is a little more complex and not quite fully formed so bear with me.] Pentecostals are what one might call “orthodox” Christians, which means that we believe firmly in the Bible as the complete and absolute truth. We cannot deny that the New Testament states that practicing homosexuality is not a lifestyle officially condoned by the Christian church. That’s why it’s part of the official Pentecostal statutes. As Christians, we must trust that God is a divine being infinitely more wise and more powerful than us, and that His word is truth, and that the Bible is the inspired word of God, due to its historical credibility, internal consistency and enduring influence. As such, we must trust that His plan for our lifestyle is a good one. If this is due singularly to the biology of His creation, and the fact that babies generally occur from heterosexual sex, then I guess I can see how that kinda makes sense. But in reality, I can’t actually see how anything makes any sense ever, because I’m a finite human (which is redundant, because there is no such thing as an infinite human, but I really wanted to drive the point home). I just go through life trusting in a higher power than myself (with good reasons to do so, I might add. Please see here). That means that I trust Him despite my personal opinions and despite what’s going on around me. This puts us in a rather difficult situation when it comes to formulating an opinion on homosexuality because I genuinely do think that it’s not a choice. 

5. For this reason, I have taken this as my official personal stance on homosexuality and Christianity: "Love is my ultimate answer to any question, because God is Love and Love is as close to the divine as you will get in this life. I adhere to two inalienable truths - God loves you and I love you. This love is unconditional, and has nothing to do with whether or not we agree on…anything, really. My purpose and goal in life is to show you that God loves you. I attempt to do this by loving you. And I really really want you to experience this radical, world-changing, earth-shattering, mind-blowing, paradigm-shifting love of God for yourself because it will literally change your life. And I believe that you can experience this love no matter what. No conditions apply. None. I will never tell you how to live your life, and if you have questions about your lifestyle, talk to God, not me." 

6. [Last one, finally!] Like I said, Christianity means a relationship with God, not belonging to a church. However, I strongly advocate for finding a group of believers to offer support and solidarity and encouragement in your faith. So I recommend finding a church where you feel safe and comfortable. If that’s not a Pentecostal church, that’s okay. But above all, I want you to know God. 

Okay all done! 

Thanks for your question :) As always, tip next time, 

Peace and love! -Katherine

So clever, and so funny!

Fall is here! Cooler weather! Changing leaves! Ubiquitous fake pumpkin flavored baked goods and beverages! And best of all, modest clothes are coming out of the closet! The angels themselves rejoice as long sleeve sweaters emerge and head coverings become standard. Turtlenecks are popular!...

Hello Darlings! I'm doing the 30 Hour Famine in a couple weeks, fasting to raise awareness and accepting money to raise money for World Vision, a Christian humanitarian organization. Their programs span education, childcare, healthcare, and nutrition. If you would like to contribute to this fantastic cause, it would be much appreciated! Lots of love :)  -Katherine 

i was wondering, since you'd been an atheist for a hot minute, have you lost any friends because of your later belief in god (or your studies, etc.)?

i'm struggling with this, because there's people in my life that i like, that i would even consider friends, but some of them have this deep hate for church and religions in general. (many of them are from poland and i feel like if you're from poland, you either support the church for the most part or you totally distance yourself from it, and i'm not on either side in this case).

and for me, i'm judgemental of the church too, especially the catholic church (i'm catholic), i'm a feminist, not racist, not homophobic, not transphobic. liberal. but i do attend mass and it does feel important to me. whenever this comes up however, i feel like i need to explain myself. that's why i try not to bring up the topic of religion and faith at all.

and i understand where they are coming from and why they would choose to turn away from the church completely, but it's not like i haven't spent hours and hours and hours thinking about what my beliefs are. like this is so big for me and i wish i could be more open about it, but i feel so misunderstood every time.

my only solution would be to find better friends :/ maybe you had a similar experience?

i lost or became distant from a number of friends when i began to explore my relationship to faith more earnestly- it put a lot of strain on my relationship with my partner at the time, and we eventually broke up for reasons that included but were not exclusive to religion. that was almost a decade ago and i've grown a lot: my friends now do i know what they're in for with me, and i'm lucky in how they encourage and support me and give me space to be in dialogue with them. one of my closest friends is an atheist, and we have great conversations about theism.

but i also know, and this is part of growing in my faith, that religion- especially christianity- is the source of a lot of pain for people. a lot of trauma, including for myself, and i try to remember that. if my faith is built on love, then i am here only to love people. sometimes loving them means setting my faith, as big and immersive as it is, aside so that i can better model what it is to them. it can be an opportunity to help them heal in the sense that without talking to them or immersing them in my own journey, i can show them through my actions what faith should be, mindful that their experiences are with systems that are repressive, painful, violent, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, or abusive. some of my closest friends are people who have negative or no opinions about God and faith. part of what makes those relationships possible is that i recognize that i am privileged to have a healthy relationship to faith, that i have one at all, or that i was able to overcome my own religious trauma to a place of healing, where i could redevelop my assumptions from the ground up. that is a privilege and one that not everyone has the ability to take advantage of. to be religious is to be privileged, especially where christianity is the majority, since religion is practiced by the majority and often contributes negatively to systems of oppression (and this is partly why i have difficulty formally joining the church- my ability to take on religious privilege, as a christian in the christian west, only goes so far).

i do not believe in evangelism, but i do believe in lived faith, and weirdly in this way i have watched numerous people around me who previously had no interest in religion end up converting or reverting, or develop more unconventional relationship to something they'd lost through abuse or mistrust- sometimes they've directly attributed that to their relationship with me, and sometimes its more passive, maybe it has nothing to do with me at all. but i like to think that i was able to be something for them. when we talk about self-emptying in faith, when we talk about making room for God in ourselves and our lives, i think this is often what it means. people do not owe us understanding for our relationship with God. but if we are close to God, if we love him, we owe him our emptiness so that we can reflect his light to others, in the way that they can understand, that has nothing to do with ourselves. and if we lose people in that process, it isn't us they're rejecting, and it isn't God either. they're just not meant to encounter the light through us. and it is har to lose people like that, but it also makes space for people who will see the light of God reflected in us and recognize that it makes sense to them.

i hope this makes sense and helps you in your path: ultimately yes, faith is contentious, and not without reason. but i always try to be respectful of people's misgivings about faith, i don't bring it where it's not wanted, and i trust that God will bring me to places where it is wanted and more importantly, needed. such is faith.

What's Really Going On When Men Call Women 'Crazy'

I did have a few breakups I would qualify with, "I don't mean 'I can't be bothered to figure out where things went wrong, I mean that she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder," but for the most part, "crazy" meant "acting in a way I didn't like." I didn't realize just how damaging this attitude was in the way I related to women.

How do you feel about Westboro Baptist Church and the things they do?

ASJDFGHJKLKJHGFDSTYDERTGVBHYGTF THEY MAKE ME SO ANGRY.LEVITICUS IS NOT THE ONLY BOOK IN THE BIBLE! READ THE NEW TESTAMENT!  

THE GOD YOU CLAIM TO FOLLOW IS NOT A GOD OF HATE! HE IS A GOD OF LOVE! HE LOVES EVERYONE AND HATES NO ONE! Ugh. I must admit, they drive me to violent urges. They infuriate me beyond words because they preach literally the antithesis of EVERYTHING my God is and yet they say that they follow the same God as I do. How is that even possible? How can someone spew hate and vitriol and say that it’s of God? Rest assured, it is not of God. God is love. Overwhelming, unconditional, infinite, scandalous, inclusive, all-consuming, all-effacing, sanctifying, redeeming, love. LOVE is literally the closes thing to the character of God that we have here on earth. Therefore, I ask you, how can someone be so absolutely full of hatred and be in line with God’s will? They cannot. Having said that, it is my personal belief that though they claim to be Christians, they are not Christians. Allow me to share with you one of my favourite quotes: 

Not because he and I are one, but because we are opposites, I take to me the services which thou hast done to him. For I and he are of such different kinds that no service which is vile can be done to me, and none which is not vile can be done to him. Therefore if any man swear by Tash and keep his oath for the oath’s sake, it is by me that he had truly sworn, though he know it not, and it is I who reward him. And if any man do a cruelty in my name, then, though he says the name Aslan, it is Tash whom he serves and by Tash his deed is accepted. 

That’s a quote from The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis. Aslan represents God and Tash represents the devil. I think this quote is extremely applicable to our current discussion, and the cruelty committed by the Westboro Baptist Church, though done in God’s name, is not done in the service of God, but in the service of the devil. That goes for all the evil deeds of misguided, blinded churches in the past, including the Spanish inquisition, the Holocaust, etc. It saddens me greatly that the one philosophy which should be completely pure of hatred and dissension - Christianity - is so incredibly corrupted and perverted in so many of its divisions. I maintain that people who truly know and love God are people of love, grace and acceptance, not of hatred and violence. How such abominations of the faith occurred is due entirely to prideful people who filter the word of God through their own (WRONG) worldview. And the saddest part of all this is that God loves the people of the Westboro Baptist Church. He loves them desperately, and He wants them to fully realize and understand the power of His transforming love for them, and for everyone, because when you know, truly know the love of God, you are never the same again. And if they actually knew God, they would not behave the way they do. My hope is that someday they will know the God they claim to serve, and that their acquaintance with Him will change everything. Sooo…there you go. Peace and love! -Katherine 

simone weil said "absolutely unmixed attention is prayer." to pay absolute attention to the injustice in the world is to recognize the absence of God in the world. to pay attention to God's absence is to manifest his presence in the places where he is most needed, for the most vulnerable, for those who need him the most, for those he loves: the ones to whom he gives attention.

Many people have said to have spiritual enlightenment in the form of visions of Jesus or saints hearing God's voice etc. what do you think about such claims? Do you think the majority of the people who make these claims are embellishing the truth? Crazy? Or do you think God has come to them, and if so have you ever felt any jealously with regards to that?

Hey there! 

I grew up in a church and a religion that is saturated by belief in the Holy Spirit and His workings. I’m Pentecostal, and we don’t actually have saints, so I’ve never heard of someone who had a vision from a saint. However, we do belief in the nine gifts of the spirit described by Paul in 1 Corinthians 12 (which are separate from the fruits of the spirit, and from the baptism of the spirit): 1. Wisdom: understanding what to do in difficult situations, or receiving the solution to a seemingly unsolvable problem. 

2. Knowledge: spontaneously knowing a fact about someone or their life without ever having been told by a human. 

3. Faith: the supernatural ability to act on a belief that has not yet been tangibly validated.

4. Healing: self-explanatory. 

5. Miracles (aside from healing): anything that is divinely supernatural (meaning of God). 

6. Prophecy: foretelling the future, often in a very specific way. 

7. Discernment: that basically means calling bullshit on stuff that people say is of God, but that you know is probably of the devil. 

8. Tongues: the gift bestowed upon you when you first receive your baptism of the Holy Spirit; it’s a special “prayer” language which is unique to each believer and understood only by God. Prophecies or messages from God to the church often manifest themselves in tongues.

9. Interpretation (of tongues): When God gives someone a message for the church in tongues, he usually gives someone else the interpretation in english (or the default language of the church). 

I’ve also heard of plenty of visions, usually containing imagery that lines up the bible. The interaction of our brains with God is really really cool. For the most part, I don’t think these visions or prophecies or messages or whatever are lies or symptoms of psychosis. Granted, there have been and there are and there always will be people who know how to fake God’s presence with fancy words and a few psalms, but the work of the Spirit is genuine, supernatural and inimitable. You can usually tell when it’s a “God thing”. 

As for jealousy…I can’t say I’ve ever been jealous, per se. Being used for these gifts has everything to do with your availability. So if I’m not being used for these gifts, I know that it’s because I’m distracted, or afraid, or just shut down to being used. I’m a serious overthinker, and that usually gets in the way of me being sensitive to the Spirit. I know my shortcomings, so any negative emotions I might feel in association with the gifts is directed at myself, not others. 

Thanks for your question! :)Peace and love! -Katherine