Can't Stop Thinking About This

do you think lucien begged for eris when jesminda was taken in? (first it was just pleading — she didn’t do anything wrong. it was me. i wouldn’t leave her alone. punish me. please, father, my lord, punish me. but then, when the screaming started, it was — where is eris? where is eris? please, eris, please, you said you would protect me. you said you said you said.) do you think beron told lucien that eris was invited to join in but decided it wasn’t worth his time to deal with the low-born faerie filth his brother defiled himself with? do you think beron told lucien that eris knew what was happening and simply didn’t care enough to stop it, that eris was upstairs, drunk and entertaining courtiers? do you think lucien was so fragile in that moment that he believed it without question? do you think lucien heard eris screaming as he was being punished for refusing to participate, but lucien didn’t recognize them because jesminda’s had finally stopped, and there was nothing left for him in the world, let alone a brother who was not there when he begged?

Nightmares (Azriel X Reader)

Your nightmares are caused by something Azriel did in the past.

Word Count: 1800

            You found yourself alone in the library a lot, covered by your favorite blanket with a good book in your hand. Sometimes you spent time in the library just for the sake of reading, sometimes it was to spend time with Nesta, but some nights, like these, it was to escape your nightmares.

            The embers of the forgotten fired ebbed across the room, and you set down your book, watching. You loved your life here, the house gave you everything you needed, you trained with Cassian, painted with Feyre, read with Nesta, and even went dancing with Mor. You ate good food and felt safe, for one of the first times in your life.

            Guilt ate away at your stomach as you thought about Azriel, his dark eyes and smile he reserved just for you. You had tried your hardest to get close to the male, and some weeks were better than others. Your feelings were always so conflicted around him, on one hand, you were drawn to his quiet stature, the calmness that seemed to radiate from him comforted you, but when you were asleep, you saw him in your nightmares.

            As you watched the dying embers, the memory of your first encounter with Azriel came back to you.

*

You were running from the Autumn Court, with no money to your name and no clothes but the ones on your back. One minute you were running, and the next, you were colliding with a large figure, which knocked you to the ground.

            You had recognized him as the shadow singer from the night court, and the way his eyes pierced yours, wings tensed as if he was about to take off, was a sight you would never forget. He had grabbed you then, and after hours of flying, you were thrown into a dungeon under a mountain, in the night court.

            You were cold, terrified but knew that even if you escaped, your home was gone, up in flames, and your family….your family was gone too. After only hours, you had lost the will to escape, and after days of no food and water, you finally saw Azriel again.

            He had the high lord behind him, his face was blank, void of emotion. “Well, hi there.” Rhysand stands in the corner as Azriel shuts the door, his arms find his chest as he crosses them. Although Rhysand was the one speaking, your eyes could not look away from the figure before you, his large wings, large stature and the dagger he casually flicked around in his hand.

            “We just have some questions for you, then maybe we can let you go.” Rhysand gave you a smirk, nodding to Azriel who moved forward. You cowered back, your back hitting the damp wall. You looked around, for anything to save you, but all that was at your disposal a few chains and bloodstained walls.

            “Please.” You whispered, hands shaking as you looked between Rhysand and Azriel. “I’ll tell you anything.”

            You felt talons scrape against your mental shields, and your eyes widened at the high lord. “Please no-“ You fought to maintain your shield, something your father had taught you to do, but the exhaustion from your lack of sleep and weakness from no food was catching up to you.

            “What do you have to hide?” Rhys voice echoed around your mind, and you shook your head fervently. You looked to Azriel again, and his eyes bore into yours, no trace of humanity to be found. You only saw evil, a male who would torture, a male who belonged in the night court.

            Then, Rhys entered your mind, taking down your shields with no issue. He flipped through your memories as if they were a book, you fell to your knees, hands pressing to your temples in agony. Then it was over. Rhysand knew it all, Beron’s execution of your family due to the secrets they knew about the Autumn high court- secrets that Rhysand would eventually need you for.

            It had taken you a couple of months to trust Rhysand after that, but getting to know Feyre, his cousin Morrigan, and his brother Cassian really helped. But the nightmares remained, most of them focused on Azriel.

            You closed your book, watching the final ember die out and not flicker back to life. You collected yourself, taking a deep breath and making the walk back to your quarters. You could see the sun rising in the window and you sighed, knowing that it would be a long day of training with little to no sleep.

*

            “Is there something wrong?” Azriel asks you, you two are circling the mat since Cassian wasn’t able to train with you today.

            “Of course.” You try to smile at him, but you know it doesn’t meet your eyes.

            “Are you sleeping alright?” Azriel lowers his fist, his face filling with concern. You look into his eyes as he nears you, they are filled with emotion, but you can’t tell which ones.  

            “Not really.” You admit, putting your fists down as well. “I keep having these nightmares, they won’t stop.”

            “I’m sorry.” Az’s hand twitches towards yours but goes back down to his side. “I…I have them too, you know.”

            You sit down to stretch, and Azriel follows suit. The sun is beaming today, and Azriel is wearing a shirt that is clinging to every inch of his torso. You can’t help but watch the muscles shift in his arms as he stretches it above his head, the lines of his tricep deepening as he reaches over. You blink a few times and realize that he’s speaking.

            “I’m sorry, what did you say?” You stammer, quickly getting into a stretch of your own. Azriel smile grows, and he looks away.

            “I was just saying that whenever I have nightmares, usually flying helps.” He mused, stretching the other arm. “But I guess you don’t really have that option, not having wings and everything.”

            “Are you teasing me?” You scoffed, and he shrugged, looking back at you with a cheeky grin on his face, a grin that he reserved just for you. You looked down yourself, and you could feel the heat rise to your cheeks. He drove you crazy. “Maybe I’ll just have to find you when I have my next nightmare and take you up on that offer.”

            “I would love that.” Az whispers but then clears his throat. “ I mean, I would love to help you out, with the nightmares, I mean.”

            You smile at him, and he stands up, offering out his hand. You take it, feeling the butterflies in your stomach as he helps you up. “I have a book that’s calling my name, I’ll be in the library if you want to read with me.”

            He nods, letting go of your hand hesitantly, and you leave him to go inside.

*

            You’re in the dungeon, you could feel the damp walls under your hands, the slippery floor under your feet, and you can see a dark figure, surrounded by shadow. You press your back to the wall as far as it can go as the figure walks closer. Your hands are suddenly locked above your head, and your feet are chained to the floor.

            Azriel comes back into view, his dark eyes void of emotion, this is not the male you know. “Azriel, please- it’s me.” You beg, fighting against the chains. “Azriel please, please don’t do this.”

            He takes slow, cautious steps towards you, flipping truth-teller in his hand. He cocks his head to the side, holding up the knife is a slow movement, as if trying to figure out where to start. “Az, we’re friends, please.”

            “Actually, Y/N.” He whispers, and his eyes turn from blue to black. “We’re not.”

*

            Someone is shaking you awake, you can feel the hoarseness of your throat because of your screaming. You open your eyes, immediately finding familiar blue ones. A cry leaves your lips as you sit up on the bed, back hitting the headboard.

            “Please, please don’t hurt me.” Your voice shakes, Azriel stares at you. Where was his blade? He was just holding it. You look around, realizing slowly that you’re in your room, and that this is Azriel.

            He just stares at you, an expression on his face that you don’t recognize. He’s sitting on the edge of your bed. You take deep breaths, your chest rising and falling in rapid succession as you two stare at each other. “It was just a nightmare.” Azriel whispers, and you nod your head. “You were shouting my name.”

            “I’m sorry for waking you.” You turn to look at the clock at your bedside, it was before dawn.

            Azriel stares at you a moment longer, then runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. “Why were you shouting my name?”

            “I don’t know.” You whisper, but you both knew it was a lie. The room was warm, and you felt a weird sense of dread fill your chest.

            “Your nightmares, what are they about?” Azriel whispers, his hands clenching into fists.

            “I don’t remember.” You lie again, and he groans, putting his head into his hands. The room was silent, the only sound was the feeling of your heartbeat in your ears.  

            He stands then, heading towards the door and reaching towards the handle. Despite your recent fear, you didn’t want him to leave, but you could see the hurt, the agony, written on his face as clear as day. “Please don’t go.” You whisper, pulling the covers off so you can follow him.

            He shakes his head, eyes closing for a second then reopening, pinned on yours. “Your nightmares, this whole time, the reason you haven’t been able to get a good night sleep, the reason you can’t eat some days- they are because of me?”

            You shake your head and open your mouth to speak, but the tears that fill your eyes are a clear indication. He reaches his hand towards his pocket, and you can’t help but back up, remembering him reaching for truth-teller in his dreams. His hand freezes again, and you can’t help the guilt from coursing through you.

            He finishes reaching into his pocket, slowly grasping something and tossing it on the bed. “I’m sorry.” He whispers, then leaves.

            Tears stream down your face as you hear the footsteps echoing down the hall. You climb back into bed, resting your back against the headboard and your head against your knees. You spot the object on the bed out of the corner of your eye,

            You reached for it and slowly opened the box. It was a necklace, and in the pendant in the middle was a pair of wings. You lifted the necklace up, running a finger over the chain, and you realized a note was in the box.

            “Your own wings, Love A”

Kiki’s Delivery Service  魔女の宅急便  1989 | dir. Hayao Miyazaki

🐝  *  ―  𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 / 𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  i can't stop thinking about you even when i try.  ❜ ❛  every time i see you, it's like my heart skips a beat.  ❜ ❛  i never realized how much i needed you until you weren't there.  ❜ ❛  do you ever feel like there's something missing ... like a piece of your heart is somewhere else?  ❜ ❛  i wish i had the courage to tell you how i feel.  ❜ ❛  if only you knew how much you truly mean to me.  ❜ ❛  do you ever wonder what it would be like if things were different between us?  ❜ ❛  sometimes i wonder if you ever think about me the way i think about you.  ❜ ❛  i had a lot of dreams about you recently.  ❜ ❛  somehow, you're always on my mind.  ❜ ❛  i think i've been in love with you since the day we met - scratch that, i know i've been in love with you since the day we met.  ❜ ❛  my biggest wish is to hold you close and never let you go.  ❜ ❛  all my life i've felt like a part of me was missing, but with you i've finally found it.  ❜ ❛  you deserve better than who i am right now, but i'm gonna keep trying to become someone you do deserve.  ❜ ❛  every time you smile at me, i get this flutter in my chest.  ❜ ❛  do you think i'll ever be worthy of your love?  ❜ ❛  i want to be the person to make you happy. the one person you can always come to with whatever you need.  ❜ ❛  will we ever get another chance together?  ❜ ❛  you were the best thing that's ever happened to me.  ❜ ❛  my biggest regret is ever letting you go.  ❜ ❛  i'm still in love with you ... and i honestly never stopped.  ❜ ❛  when i wake up in the morning, you're the first person i want to see.  ❜ ❛  every time i wake up, i check if you wrote me another message.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could be as important to you as you are to me.  ❜ ❛  it hurts when you don't talk to me like you used to.  ❜ ❛  i miss everything about you, your touch, your laugh, your smile. i wish i could have that back.  ❜ ❛  i want to fall asleep wrapped in your arms.  ❜ ❛  hold me closer; i always feel safer when you're with me.  ❜ ❛  there's so much i wish i was able to tell you.  ❜ ❛  i know things aren't easy right now, but i want to remain a fixture in your life. after all, you're one in mine.  ❜ ❛  i miss the way you always made me smile.  ❜ ❛  you're the reason i keep holding on.  ❜ ❛  maybe we're supposed so to remain a case of 'right person, wrong time' forever.  ❜ ❛  if only you knew how i feel about you.  ❜ ❛  i'm yearning to hold your hand in mine.  ❜ ❛  i think you are the one for me, and i hope one day i'll be the one for you, too.  ❜ ❛  do you think i'll ever become more than a friend to you?  ❜ ❛  my heart belongs to you, always and forever.  ❜ ❛  my first instinct is to protect you, no matter the cost.  ❜ ❛  i've been thinking about us a lot lately.  ❜

Winnowing and flying has taken away the opportunity of riding a horse together. Elucien is the perfect couple to bring this trope back.

Ok guys please forgive the ugly watermark, I’m having some tech issues here ;-;, but here it is my take on the gwynriel being the little mermaid retelling theory for @gwynrielweek2022 <3

tamlin, lucien vanserra, feyre archeron fanart !!

creds of this beautiful art goes to ; @alba_r_art on instagram!

and since it's suggesting feylin a tag for @bookishfeylin !

"I want webcomics where I can change the story" read visual novels "I want games that focus on the narrative" read visual novels "I want games that are easy to play" read visual novels "I want to play shoujo / yaoi / yuri manga" read visual novels "I want to read really queer stories" read visual novels

my brother and i were SOOOO close to completing the Diablo 4 campaign and the servers went down right before our big fight against Lilith T-T