I Just Realized My Life For The Past 2 Years Has Just Been "receiving Support/help/treatment For Mental

i just realized my life for the past 2 years has just been "receiving support/help/treatment for mental health issues." all my goals have been measured by my mental health issues. all my growth has been measured by my mental health issues. etc. etc. and it feels like i'm not even living.

and like yes my mental health issues are severe, they do impact every aspect of my life, they do heavily inform my identity, how i relate to others, etc. etc. but like. at the same time. even when my mental health was severe as a teenager, i had life outside it. it may not have been much compared to my peers, but i still had a few friends, a few hobbies, a few things that made my days worthwhile.

i don't really have any of that anymore, and i haven't for a long time. i'll have bursts of inspiration and whimsy, but it's always squashed down by judgements echoing in my head. and the worst part is, i blame myself for doing nothing but go to appointments. i blame myself for my mental health getting as bad as it has.

but the reality is. i and so many other severely mentally ill children are not given the opportunity to thrive. we're forced to meet impossible standards. anything we may enjoy or excel at isn't prioritized. everyone's focused on our deficits, our problems, our dangerous/risky behavior, our academics, our future employability, etc. etc.

no one ever sits down with us and earnestly works with us to achieve what we want for our life - what we need. no one prioritizes our happiness, or protects us when we're in danger from others. they just try to fix us, and when that hurts us? we're blamed. we're the ones who aren't trying. we're noncompliant. defiant. misbehaved. irresponsible. it's never the system's fault.

our disabilities and our age just get us totally abused/neglected, all in the name of making us into functional adults. we're not allowed to just be children, and a lot of us don't make it to adulthood. but when we do and still can't function like our peers, the world just leaves us to rot, saying we're old enough now and need to figure it out.

it's so incredibly cruel. no matter your age, if you've been treated this way... it's not your fault. it's not our fault. you're not the only one. you're not the problem. you were/are just a kid - a child in pain... and also an equal - a human being, just like the adults who hurt you. you deserved better. so much better.

More Posts from Digitaliris and Others

1 week ago

fucking insane to me that people can be mean to kids. this thing is four to five shoe boxes tall and youre shouting at it ?? ? what is your damage the mf just got here.

2 months ago

Nori.

Name: Nori.

Age: 34.

Gender: Female.

Hair Color: Brown.

Eye Color: Brown.

Appearance: Brown Hair in a Bun, Eyes, Pale Skin, Periwinkle Dress and Shorts.

Clothes: Periwinkle Dress and Shorts.

Likes: Jax, Pomini, Kinger, Ragatha, Zooble, Caine, Bubble, Some NPCs and Characters, seafood, Rules, Clean Things.

Dislikes: Gangle, Some Characters and NPCs, Chicken, Some Bugs, No Rules, People and animals being hurt being hurt or people hurting others, and the AI planets/Solarballs.

Status: Lives in The Digital Circus with Jax, Pomini, Kinger, Ragatha, Zooble, and Gangle plus Caine and Bubble. NPCs sometimes. Is very strict with Gangle and a few Other Characters and NPCs.


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1 week ago
There's Something Incredibly Fascinating About Gangle Stans In That They Will Literally Rather Believe

There's something incredibly fascinating about Gangle stans in that they will literally rather believe I'm fucking joking than acknowledge that Gangle has flaws and can be selfish as hell

The amount of people under that post that thought it was satire is crazy and genuinely infuriating

2 months ago

ok so i hav THOUGHTS and FEELINGS abt ep 4 of tadc that r honestly kinda difficult 2 put into words? but im gonna try

so i actually genuinely liked this episode even tho it was kinda difficult 2 watch (in a good way!!) but then after watching it i immediately went into the tags 4 tadc and specifically tadc ep 4 2 c what every1 else was saying abt it and tbh i think that was a mistake? like now tbh the problems i hav w the fandom r kinda almost overshadowing the actual content of the episode 4 me which is rly sad bc the episode was a rly good 1

okay so i may as well get this out of the way and accept that im probably gonna get hate 4 it but i gotta say smth that ik basically no1 else is gonna agree w me on,,,

GANGLE WAS NOT THE VICTIM OF EPISODE 4!

and i don't just mean that in the "she wasn't a victim of jax's antics this episode" way i mean like,,, i keep seeing ppl still doing the "oh no poor baby" thing w gangle even w this episode and like? it's tiring!? tbh i honestly thought this episode was the 1 that would get ppl 2 c in gangle what i was seeing in gangle the whole time tbh which is that gangle is the embodiment of weaponised "im just a girl" white woman tears

also 2 get this out of the way since ik the fandom is kinda split on this 1 yes i hc gangle as white, i feel like her character would b different if she was asian both in how she interacts w anime and in her design

so okay 2 explain that, if gangle was japanese i don't think her design would include the european comedy and tragedy masks so heavily and it would be more likely that her design would instead be modelled after japanese kabuki masks since she wouldn't hav the same connection 2 the european comedy and tragedy masks as a european person would and we see that cultural signifiers do in fact change in the character designs with pomni who i think likely is supposed to be asian, her jester costume is more similar to asian styles of clothing than european and her hair is in a style that's very popular with asian working women, now because im not asian and i don't know a lot about cultural signifiers in asian culture aside from what i've heard i could be wrong about some things here and if there are any asian people who would like to correct me please feel free to, just to be clear bc i keep having this problem across my blogs WHEN I SAY IF U R IN A MINORITY GROUP IM TALKING ABT U CAN CORRECT ME THIS DOES NOT EXTEND 2 PPL OUTSIDE OF THAT MINORITY GROUP WHO WANNA START BEEF W ME OVER NOTHING!

so okay in my head gangle is a white girl, this is relevant 2 how she weaponises toxic positivity and then weaponises her crying, white women hav been doing this 4ever and it's how i was able 2 c her being like this from a mile away, i knew she was gonna b like this the whole time but it feels like every1 else in the fandom keeps falling 4 it idk, like at least 4 me this episode rly highlighted how gangle and jax r narrative foils of each other

jax is abrasive and rude and wants ppl 2 think he's just an asshole bc he doesn't know how 2 connect w ppl on a deeper lvl but realistically all he would do if he had a bit of power over some1 would b 2 mess w them a bit bc of him being chronically bored

gangle if she had even a tiny bit of power over some1 would literally b micromanaging them and incredibly controlling and abusive but wants every1 2 think she's harmless

jax when he bullies the others it's clear that it's him lashing out bc of a lack of control in his life so he acts as a bully 2 try 2 feel like he has a dagree of control over his environment

gangle when she starts treating the others badly it's when she's finally in a position of power

gangle is literally being an abusive manager this episode but every1 is more focused on the fact that jax was a bully in the previous episodes 2 notice! hell even some ppl r glorifying gangle's actions! like wtf!?

like okay, early in the episode jax throws ragatha into the deep fryer, that's bad we all know it is, w that being said we also know that physical damage in this world is not permanent and that ragatha will b fine even tho she's having a bad time of it, jax is very clearly doing this as a way of lashing out bc he doesn't like that the adventure they r doing 2day is working at a fast food place

gangle,, seemingly doesn't care abt what's happening 2 ragatha? and is more focused on punishing jax's behaviour, telling him off and then having a conversation w caine who is "upper management" 4 the adventure abt how she wants a punishment 2 b awaiting jax 4 his behaviour at the end of the day, she then also delights in holding this power over jax the entire episode, it's worth pointing out i think that gangle never bothers 2 get ragatha out of the deep fryer and is even shown walking away from ragatha still in the deep fryer showing that she really doesn't actually care about the fact that ragatha is being hurt

later gangle consistently keeps piling work onto jax throughout the episode and seems to delight in holding this power over him, jax gets more and more tired and depressed throughout the episode and eventually stands up for himself but in a way that is less violent than usual, gangle tries to get him to do a job that isn't in his job description, jax then points out that that should be handled by the people who's job it is to do that, gangle then asks jax "doesn't he want to be a team player?" and other office buzzwords that managers often use 2 coerce employees into doing work that isn't in their job description, jax then says no and that he doesn't care abt any of this which is a very normal attitude 4 a fast food employee 2 hav and that's when (if i remember correctly) gangle sends him 2 the brainwashing room also this bitch has a brainwashing room where she tries 2 brainwash jax but no1 cares bc every1 is still defending her 4 some reason!?

another thing that i think is relevant is that i hc jax as having ASPD bc i hav ASPD myself and i relate 2 jax a lot bc of this and hav noticed ways in which jax's behaviour is very similar at times 2 how my ASPD symptoms show up, there r some differences obviously since jax is living in a video game simulation where physically harming ppl leaves no permanent effect and i don't live in that situation but the cycle of messing w ppl around u 4 entertainment, lashing out when things don't go ur way and then not being able 2 connect w those around u thus making u less able 2 control these behaviours in the future and making u lash out more is very real, the chronic boredom is there, the irritability is there, jax using messing w ppl as a primary source of entertainment and also a primary way of trying 2 connect w those around him is there

this is relevant because this would mean that jax is being punished by gangle for showing symptoms of ASPD, smth that he can't control not just that but while gangle is the main villain every1 is kinda a dick 2 jax in this episode, pomni assumes that jax must hav an ulterior motive when he asks how she's doing, zooble basically tells jax that his actions r making it more likely 4 caine 2 kill them all (which i don't think caine would do but zooble seems 2 think he would) and ragatha says that she hates jax but doesn't want jax 2 hate her and basically confesses that being the actual reason why she pretends 2 b nice 2 him, (also yes i say pretends and not tries since she gets mad at jax earlier in the episode 4 smth that jax points out "was actually a mistake that time") and the thing is? jax isn't even surprised, he knows that ragatha hates him already he just also knows she wouldn't say that if she was sober

also side note i rly need ppl 2 stop saying that gangle's brain washing was successful and that's the only reason jax was more friendly/agreeable/less of a bully this episode like no, it's bc he's depressed af this episode also pls stop saying that gangle brainwashing jax would b a good thing if it made him act differently that's legit such an ableist thing 2 say omg

anyway i think im gonna leave this here 4 now bc i woke up not long ago and this post is getting long so idk lemme know if any of this is coherent ig? lol fr tho i hate gangle and i don't understand y u guys like her and hate jax so much

edit: seems like i may not hav made it super clear but i hc jax as being a black queer man as a black queer man myself, i didn't make that very clear initially bc i legit 4get that not every1 sees him that way, idk man 4 me as a black queer guy the coding was there and gangle picking on him in the workplace i think was definitely partly motivated by her doing that white woman thing of seeing a man who doesn't hav as much power as her in society and then leaping at the opportunity 2 abuse that power in the work environment as a perceived "revenge" thing


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2 months ago
I Know This Joke Has Already Been Made Somewhere Before, But Episode 3 Means This Is A Canonical Line

I know this joke has already been made somewhere before, but Episode 3 means this is a canonical line that could be said by Kinger and I won't get over that.

2 weeks ago
CARD 3: JAX

CARD 3: JAX

(Please click for better quality!!)

3 months ago
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils
Compilation Of Jax Screenshots I Took Just Because I Love His Big Pupils

Compilation of Jax screenshots I took just because I love his big pupils

1 week ago
The Forever Psychedelic Tart.

The forever psychedelic tart.

Dance rush Pomni belongs to: @nobody-nexus

1 week ago

Hello! Goodbye! And welcome to-

 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-

From the popular indie show “the amazing digital circus” crossing with the classics from Lewis Carroll “Alice Adventures in Wonderland”

Pomni after chasing a white clown, falls into an old computer that transports her into a digital realm of wacky nonsense and comedic irony. Meeting characters of all sorts, always finding herself in a new situation that’ll leave her second guessing if up is left and right is backwards.

Cast lineup & character bios

(Main cast only ‘for now’)

 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-
 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-

Come join Wonderland! (Bio card template)

 Hello! Goodbye! And Welcome To-

Questions and boundaries

1.Can I ship any characters?: Boyo, go crazy! As long you’re safe and respectful, then set sail.

2. Are any of the characters (besides Pomni) human?: All the characters are ai, even the main cast from the series. But headcannon away cause if it keeps you guessing, then it’s alright.

3. Can I make nsfw art?: YES! Please send them to me by @ me. Please be careful and respectful and don’t go too far in the phalic side. Stay safe ;3

4. May I make fanart/fics/collabs/animations/ect?: I think you can answer that :D

5. Why is a raven like a writing desk?: I haven’t the slightest idea!

================================================

Comics: in a episodic order

Through the looking screen

She forgot how food works

The garden of gloinks

Taking advice from a Mix-a-pillar

Taking directions from a rabbit pt1. Pt2.

Mustard?

Comedy and tragedy

NOTHING? WHATEVER?

Bound in madness Tim burton

================================================

Doodles

the first digital wonderland content

Kinger as the dodo and Pomni

Can you stand on your head?

zooble and kaufmo doodle

Spark of inspiration for gangle

sun and moon doodledum

of stones and stars!

does C&A mean Gay?

poster in progress say hi to Dave for me ;3

oysters in progress?

The red head got people red ;D

The red means they’re in love

Crossover? In wonderland?

SHE DID WHAT?!

Queenie and Kinger’s old designs

The rabbit has stolen a bow tie

A book page bio

old bio design

older bio design

Showtime

Pomni borger

Loolilau as the duchess

Zombni and Wonderland Pomni are besties @etanow

Abstract Bandersnatch?

Ragatha’s background?

================================================

Paintings

Fallen down the Digital rabbit hole

Official poster: outdated

We’ll meet in the palace of dreams

================================================

EXPLORE WONDERLAND!

-The mad Tea Party

1 week ago

I uh Im Jax I swapped bodies with Jenna? Iris? Okay what do i call her? I’m from the digital circus web show. Giant purple rabbit yellow teeth, eyes and gloves and wearing pink overalls. It’s a full 2025 year swap.

I found out I’m a cartoon I’m living in the real world. Started January and will end in December maybe, I think I actually want to go back, if I can go back.

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digitaliris - Iris Lucí And Co.
Iris Lucí And Co.

Anti-RibbonBun.

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