Levi: *under His Breath* I Want To Climb You Like A Tree

Bokuto's Adventures in Stupidity, Part 1

Bokuto: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Akaashi, a long suffering intellectual: No, no. I believe it.

#sideblog 

Aot characters as college roommates headcanon-

a/n: somehow this turned poly. I have no regrets.

Content warning: foul language, mature content, OCD and anxiety mention

ft: you x Levi Ackerman x Jean Kirstein x Eren Yeager, Erwin Smith, Zeke Yeager

Levi:

claims he’s twenty one but the mf looks ten and acts eighty four

owns a VCR. He has a fit whenever you suggest he dumps it for a tv

he owns a flip phone 

he can never take a good picture- his fingers are always covering the lens

cleans the bathroom even when someone is using it 

takes cold showers

somehow always knows when someone (eren) never washes their hands. 

man has a tingle for unflushed toilets- and when you flush wipes down the toilet, he will try to commit homicide by mop. Poor Zeke still has nightmares. 

Will give you the silent treatment if you leave a stain on the WHITE carpet. -”Dammit, Levi, I told you we should have gone with hardwood!” (Jean) “…You’re cleaning that up.” 

Self appoints himself as your building’s custodian 

Insults your cleaning just so he has an excuse to clean more

Fusses over you if you’re at the door and you haven’t tucked your shirt and collar in. He clears his throat to remind you when  you’ve forgotten something

Pointedly alerts you (in public) that you haven’t worn deodorant

Is a total mother hen- cooks, cleans, even sews. The only time he ever really gets angry is whenever Zeke walks by. You and Jean joke that Levi’s hair sticks up like a cat. 

claims he’s not clingy but likes to sleep in your clothing hamper when you’re not home. You once caught him cuddling in Jean’s bed, clutching yours’ and Eren’s clothes tightly. He claimed that he was searching for loose change. 

He definitely has favorites: it goes you, Jean, then Eren. If you ever piss him off, Levi will go find Zeke and punch the shit out of him before he ever yells at you. 

Poor thing unwittingly makes sexual jokes all the time and he doesn’t understand why you three are cracking up on the floor laughing

suffers from OCD, and sometimes he will be focused on one thing for several hours. You have to gently take him away from what he’s obsessing over, and you and Eren get him to build a pillow fort

You and Levi are both avid readers

You have to be the one to go to him when he’s hurting, because he won’t come to you asking for help

Likes to sit in between your thighs and lay his head on your stomach

Is allergic to pet dander and sneezes every time Eren and/or Zeke are around 

Gets sunburns easily

Names his broom and mop 

Collects rocks and decorates them. He actually names them after you three. The rock version of Zeke is broken in half and has a post-it note with the words “suck it” taped to it

Calls his mother for everything

Is actually really sensitive (Jean found out when he saw Levi burst into tears watching Titanic)

You and he watch Westerns when he’s sad, and you tell him that the cowboys look like Kenny

Levi watches South Park, and he called his mom once just to say, “Oh my god! They killed Kenny!”

Can sing really well but he’s shy about it

His favorite musical is Be More Chill

Gets turned on by the smell of bleach

Believes there is nothing tea can’t fix (he also prefers homeopathic remedies to medicine) 

Has the chubbiest cheeks you’ve ever seen

If you’ve booped him and somehow survived, you have passed Levi’s vibe check (Zeke did NOT pass the vibe check) 

Puts your good grades on the fridge and if you failed he puts on lipstick and kisses the bad grades 

Is surprisingly shy and stutters a lot 

Loves to wear your clothes 

Sneezes like a kitten

Smells like tea leaves

Jean-

so first thing’s first, he has severe anxiety, and since you, Eren, and Levi were already together when he first moved in, he feels like the odd one out. 

Eren is convinced he dyes his hair

is the second cleanest of you 4. He and Levi bond over cleaning and shopping for cleaning supplies

Is very health and safety conscious. You, Eren, and Levi aren’t always the best at taking care of yourselves, and since you three “lack basic common sense”, he has invested in buying three kiddie leashes

Has dragged y’all to Urgent Care multiple times for trivial things (like when you and Eren got high and he was convinced you two got pink eye, or when Levi tripped over a pebble and Jean threw him over his shoulder and ran to Urgent Care making ambulance siren noises) 

a professional hairstylist 

paints his nails to match his clothes

gets turned on by people putting on latex gloves 

A total surfer dude

Is obsessed with the Beach Boys 

Like Levi, he is a total mama’s boy

Enjoys Spanish soap operas even though he has no idea what they’re saying or what’s going on (he has yet to find out about subtitles) 

Once he dressed up as Levi’s Uncle Kenny and Levi couldn’t stop screaming 

Only bothers to take a foreign language to learn curse words

Wears sweater vests

Has seasonal ties, socks, and underwear

Owns a hello kitty watch

Was afraid of coming out so he lied about liking Mikasa

Has bad allergies but always forgets his EpiPen (it’s a good thing you, Eren, and Levi carry spares)

Eren-

This dude never makes his bed. And if he sleeps in Levi’s bed and doesn’t make it, Levi chases him around with a cheese grater

Falls asleep pretty much anywhere. He could be walking or eating, or even chatting, and then he’ll just nod off. Ymir knows how many times he’s called you guys to come to pick him up from strange places. 

He uses “I was sleepwalking” as an excuse for every freaking thing

Used a clothing iron to flatten his hair once

You and him are stoner buddies

Is obsessed with Pokémon Go. You, Levi, and Jean have had to yank him back on the sidewalk multiple times. Eren has barged in on you 3 when you’re showering or on the toilet, because he’s “gotta catch ‘em all!” 

Plays games against his computer and punches the screen when he loses

You bonded with him over your loves of food, sleeping, and pranks- you two waxed off Dean Erwin Smith’s eyebrows and superglued them onto Levi’s eyebrows, and you’ve been causing trouble ever since

Teases you 3 about being unable to grow facial hair

Will kill for food

Has a meltdown if you let him sleep through a meal

Has untreated ADHD 

Has a perfectly good washing machine to use and still takes his dirty laundry to his mother’s

Walks around naked with you (Levi has walked into walls and suffered from nose bleeds) 

Gets out of the shower wet just to say “I got that drip, son,” 

Knows all Disney songs by heart 

Body slams and tackles people as his way of affection

His hair gets in your faces. Jean and Levi have threatened to cut it all off

Eren grows out his hair so when he cuts it he has enough to give away

Never studies and is shocked when he fails 

Sheds everywhere

Is clingy as fuck and he knows it. He hangs off of you, Levi, and Jean like a sloth

Hardcore grunge fan

Plays in a band as a lead singer 

Doesn’t need to snort crack to act like a crack head

Emotionally invested in the lives of fictional characters

Is the smartest dumbass you’ll ever meet

He’s cute and he knows it

Leaves hair in the drain

Brings his half brother everywhere because his mother wants Zeke to be more sociable

Loudest mf to ever exist

Reads everything he sees out loud

Clumsy lovable idiot 

Totally took the Tide Pod Challenge 

Hates being shorter than Jean

Levi has lured him into the shower with beef jerky 

Has gaslighted your other friends into paying for everything, from broken appliances to his fourth of the rent

Horny lil’ shit 

Obsessed with conspiracy theories - “Who shot JFK? No one knows because they don’t want you to know!” “Eren, who the fuck is “they”?” -you

You, Levi, and Jean call him “Ereh” to piss him off

The end of y/n and Levi as told by an innocent bystander:

Levi: There is nothing you could do that could ever make me regret falling in love with you.

Y/n: *double dips tortilla chip*

Levi: I want a divorce.

Jaskier after performing "Burn Butcher Burn" -