I’ll Show You How | B.eilish

I'm freaking lil out 😇

That sounds... a little odd ANYWAYS

i just finished the second part to the stalker fic and i didn’t save it.

it’s all gone…

FUCK MY LIFEEEE BRO

i’ll write it again 😔

break up with him | b.eilish

billie eilish x fem!reader

context. you and billie are broken up. but despite your new relationship, when you meet at a party, the feelings you both swore were gone, seem to resurface.

warnings. suggestive, arguing, mentions of alcohol, cheating (with billie)

masterlist

your hand flew to your face in a weak effort to block the rays of sun, tempting you to wake up. you shifted your body and tried to lift your head but it started pounding violently, reminding you of the events that had transpired the night before. trying to roll out of bed proved to be useless, as you became conscious of an arm holding you back from doing so. you looked down to see billie's hand holding your bare tit. you’d recognise her rings anywhere. and her other hand, littered with fairies, was draped over your naked stomach. you silently cursed yourself. you’d been here before, it wasn’t new.

"what the fuck." you whispered and she stirred. you carefully lifted her hand from your breast, the loss of contact evident in the cool morning air, and you slowly got out of bed. you quickly found your shirt and jeans on the ground along with your bra. you found the bathroom, quickly heading to the sink to splash your face with water and put your clothes back on, not allowing yourself to give the reason they were off, a second of your thoughts.

"i have to admit, you’re exactly who i expected to see." billie said, groggily, as you walked out of the bathroom, she was covering herself with the sheets, her clothes bunched up on the floor next to her. you were really hoping she would've still been sleeping.

"uh, yeah. here we are again." you held your forehead in your hand as you tried to fight the incoming headache.

"you can’t seem to keep away from me, can you?" she grinned at you and you crossed your arms.

"this isn't funny bils, you're enjoying this?"

"a little. you can't tell me you didn't." she admitted still smirking.

"fortunately I don't seem to have vivid memories of the experience." you huffed, gathering some of the things that had spilt out of your bag when you’d dumped it on the floor.

"fortunately? that's an exaggeration, I can remind you." she smiled, widening her eyes, her finger tracing the skin on your shoulder.

"billie, I can't do this with you." you stepped away from her, regaining your self control.

"well your drunk self seems to think otherwise." she got up not bothering to keep covering herself as she picked up her clothes. when you turned away she spoke again. "come on, it's nothing you haven't seen before." your predicament was obviously amusing to her. you shuffled through your jeans and in the sheets looking for your phone.

"your boyfriend called," billie, now fully dressed, held up your phone which she'd found on the floor, "eight times." she swung your phone in her hand and you took it from her checking through it to see eight missed calls from your boyfriend, who you’d forgotten about until this very moment.

"fuck, fuck, fuck. why didn't you stop us if you knew I'm in a relationship?" you raised your voice slightly.

"don't come blaming me, i was drunk too." she raised her hands up in defense.

“fuck.” you repeated.

"hey, it's okay," she held your face as your brain caught up to heart, which was racing violently. "calm down, angel." she whispered sweetly.

"no it's not okay bils i don't cheat, i'm not a cheater.” she stopped herself from laughing but a silent giggle slipped out.

“cut the crap. this is what? the third time you’ve woken up here with the same reaction?”

“i’m in a relationship, get over it. i'm sorry if I got your hopes up, don't call me." you grabbed your bag from the foot of the bed and exited the room.

"wait" she called, and it took all of your strength to ignore it and close the bedroom door behind you. as you crossed the hall you figured out you were in billie’s house, it hadn’t changed much since you were last here. but before you could leave, billies arm pulled you back into the room you’d woken up in.

“we’re not done talking.” she said sternly, before closing the door again. locking it so that you couldn’t escape without her stopping you.

“i’m quite done. we broke up billie, months ago.” you told her, trying to loosen the grip she had on your arms, but to no avail.

“it sure didn’t take you long to move on.” she spat back, matching your own attitude to the situation. her face moving impossibly closer to yours.

“don’t do that.” you looked away from her, considering it a low blow.

“don’t do what? tell you the truth? you need a fucking wake up call. you can’t keep avoiding your feelings.” you were silenced, not knowing how to clap back at her argument. she took your cheeks in her hands when you didn’t answer, forcing you to look at her.

“don’t tell me last night was just a drunken mistake to you.” there was an undertone of hurt in her voice.

“it was.” you replied, lying through your teeth.

“i don’t believe you.” she challenged.

“believe what you want.” it was a shitty response. a non answer to a statement you didn’t want to face.

“you wouldn’t do it again if it was just a mistake.”

“believe what you want.” you repeated and she clicked her tongue, shaking her head in disbelief.

“do you regret it?” she asked, hesitant.

“yes.” her demeanour changed as she contemplated whether she believed you or not. you instantly regretted it though, you didn’t want to hurt her, despite everything. “not because of you bils, because of him.”

“because of him? what does that even mean?” her hands left your body and suddenly you craved for them to return.

“i can’t keep cheating on him with you.” she was laughing out of anger, disbelief planted on her face.

“break up with him.” she suggested, and it took you a while to realise she was dead serious.

“for you?” you asked her to clarify what she meant. she nodded and you sighed, “I don’t know, billie.” you said honestly.

“admit it, he’s just an excuse for you not to date me.”

“your in over you head.”

“you’re going to tell me you haven’t missed me?” she asked, her eyes filled with emotions you didn’t have the courage to face.

“of course, but that’s not why.” she came closer, lifting your chin when she spoke.

“don’t you go home every time you wake up here cursing yourself because you can’t stop thinking of me?” she was sincere now, the fight forgotten.

“billie stop.”

“then tell me why, angel. i’ll make it better, i’ll try my best.”

“you hurt me, you became distant all of a sudden and practically ghosted me.” you recounted the events of your breakup.

“i wasn’t in the right place.” she explained but to you, it still felt like an empty excuse.

“how can i trust that you are now?” your head was spinning with the possibility of being with her again.

“i’ll show you, let me show you.” she whispered on your skin as she kissed down your neck. she made you weak and she knew it.

“i have a boyfriend.” the statement was false in so many ways except literal.

“break up with him.” she repeated. her hands travelling lower and her lips marking your skin.

“billie.” you said her name. like a chant, like a plea, like you hadn’t said it in years.

“baby?” she questioned your call for her attention as she left your neck, the feeling of her lips still lingering. she looked into your eyes when you didn’t speak.

“do you still love me?” she questioned, her eyes never leaving yours. it was hard to look at her and withhold the truth.

“i-” the words were at the tip of your tongue but it was as if you were frozen, her compelling gaze keeping you in place.

“hm?” it was a soft sound, grounding you.

“of course i do.” you gave in and she smiled, her teeth showing.

“you better break up with him after this.” she said before pulling your lips to hers, and they followed like a magnet. your chest tightened as your hands met her black hair, pulling harder than you’d wanted them to. she groaned, her mouth opening, inviting your tongue in. in the end, you’d always find yourself giving in, going back to her. ready to let her hurt you all over again. but you didn’t care. at least not in the moment.

part 2

let’s ignore the fact i’m posting literally everything except fics 🙈

male fantasy | b.eilish

billie eilish x fem!reader

context. when you encounter your ex girlfriend, an awkward moment turns into something more, and you both begin to rethink your decision to end things.

warnings. angst kinda, fluff

masterlist

cool wind fanned your face as your stride lead you through the streets of the Gloria Molina park. the faint jingle of your dog’s collar indicating which way you’d go next, as her small little being told you which direction to walk in. you weren’t focused on her, or your surroundings. instead, engrossed in the discussion you were having with your mom over text.

“fuck, i’m so sorry.” you hadn’t been looking at where you were going, and a sudden bark made you look up before you slammed into a girl with black hair. you wouldn’t have recognised her so quickly, had it not been for her dogs bark. a dog that had been all too familiar, and who’d obviously recognised you.

“shark.” it was quiet, but she’d heard it from above, observing how her dog circled your legs in excitement. your gaze lifted to her, and she gave you a weak smile, waiting for you to say something more.

“billie, wow. it’s been a while.” you said, interrupted by both dogs jumping when they’d spotted each other.

“yeah, shark’s obviously glad, he definitely missed you.” she chuckled somewhat awkwardly.

“how long has it been?” you pondered, trying to make conversation with the girl.

“since we broke up, 3 years i’d say?” a mumble followed her words as you considered how unbelievable it’d been that you hadn’t crossed paths in 3 years.

“so how are you?” when neither of you made a move to exit the awkward conversation in any way, you decided you might as well ask.

“uh, good, yeah i’ve been good. how about you?” her expression was sincere as she distracted herself with the handle of shark’s leash.

“same here.” the silence that followed was uncomfortable, as you held eye contact but didn’t speak. her features were unchanged, except slightly matured, but the familiarity was still present.

“look, this is weird ‘cause i’ve been caught off guard but we should talk more, i’ve missed you.” she was the one to break the ice, as both of you then slowly eased into each others presence.

“yeah, i’d love that.” she made a move for your phone, unlocking it due to the fact you hadn’t changed the password, and entering in her phone number.

“i also feel like we should really talk, we never got any kind of closure.” your relationship had ended in a haze of messy tears and headaches, you hadn’t talked it out mutually.

“like right now?” she laughed shaking her head, amused at your widened eyes.

“no, no. just call me. okay?” she smiled and you nodded, waving her a goodbye as she walked in the opposite direction. you watched her leave and she looked back, quickly meeting your eyes before you turned your head.

‘i got a call from a girl i used to know’

“hey, is this billie?” your voice filled her ear, confirming that your encounter had been a reality.

“yeah it’s me, i’m glad you called.” her tone was sweet, inviting. as if she’d gotten comfortable talking to you again.

“yeah?” that was still somewhat of a shock, you momentarily cursed yourself for letting her back into your life, unsure as to if this was a good idea.

“i was going to ask you if you’d want to come over for coffee or something?” your answer should be no.

“of course, i’d love that.” you found yourself speaking before having thought rationally about it.

“great! how’s friday?” she was audibly excited.

“perfect.”

‘we were inseparable years ago’

“hi, come in.” her voice eased the nerves that were upsetting your stomach, as you walked into her house. she’d moved out of her previous one, and you hadn’t been here before.

“i made you some tea, since you’ve never been a huge coffee person.” you smiled, grateful for the thought.

“thank you.” she lead you to the couch, and you both settled down, facing each other as you pulled your legs to your body.

“sorry for being so cold yesterday, i was just surprised to see you.” you sipped the tea, as you spoke.

“no worries, it was definitely a surprise for me too.” she chewed her lip as she looked at you.

“you’ve changed, you look older. in a good way.” she cracked a smile before responding.

“it’s the fact i haven’t got obnoxiously colored roots.” you laughed at her criticism of the famous hair colours.

“i loved the roots.” she raised an eyebrow.

“which colour?” she took her bottom lip underneath her tongue as she waited for a reply.

“all of them, especially green though.” that was the hair she’d had when you’d been with her, it would always be nostalgic.

“i remember bleaching my hair after we broke up, i thought it would help me get over you.” she chuckled.

“did it?” she shook her head.

“i’m sorry, billie, for the way things ended.” she frowned slightly, remembering the events of your breakup.

“i’m sorry too, you never really got an explanation.” she sighed, taking your hands in hers as she spoke honestly.

“so.. why did you break up with me?” she took a deep breath before speaking.

“i felt unloved. i know it sounds stupid. but i didn’t feel like i was your girlfriend.” you nodded, trying to understand her words as she continued.

“our love felt like a male fantasy.” she whispered.

“what do you mean?” the term had confused you in this context.

“as if you didn’t love me romantically, i felt like your friend and not your girlfriend.” her brows were furrowed, expressing her emotions.

“i’m so sorry, billie.” she stayed silent, not fully accepting the apology.

“do you still..” she trailed off, wondering if she even wanted an answer.

“i don’t know if i ever got over you, i guess i pretended i was. i really tried to hate you.” she found the comment amusing, smiling brightly.

“thank god.” she looked down, smiling to herself before returning to meet your eyes.

“hm?” you questioned.

“i still love you now.” she took your face in her hands as you squeezed her knee.

“me too,” her smile was as bright as ever, “I’ll make sure I don’t screw up this time.” you were giggling against her lips.

‘knew we’d get along, and it was so.’

Tell a friend to tell a friend.. that the bitch is back

well……

no i’m kidding trust this is the start to my grind

stay quiet, baby | b.eilish

billie eilish x fem!reader

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your lip was about to bleed. billie’s fingers so deep in your cunt she had you gripping the table while she chatted with the others seated with you at the grammys. you hoped your cheeks weren’t too flushed but the lights were so dim it was unlikely anyone would catch it. your hand gripped hers under the table, silently begging her to stop, yet silently pleading her to go harder.

“billie.” her name was merely a breath but she heard it and broke away from the conversation she was in to lean into your ear.

“stop squirming around, would you? unless you want me to stop?” you were so close yet so sweetly far from release.

“mm.” a shaky and broken moan, gave her the answer she was looking for.

“you’ve got to stay quiet, baby.” her lips left your ear as she excused her abrupt absence from the conversation. she positioned her body differently so that she had more access to your heat. your thighs were a mess as she continued teasing your folds under the table. you struggled to keep quiet, her hand continuing its abuse. your mind was foggy and your thoughts incoherent. all you could focus on was your grip on her hand, and your grip on the table. your lips were peeling apart at your teeth, as you painfully attempted to keep quiet.

“too much of a slut to keep quiet babe, huh?” you hadn’t realised her face come back towards you, breaking away from the conversation again. you were too focused on keeping your tattered lips intact, your knuckles growing white from your harsh grip on the table.

“answer me.” she broke you away from your thoughts, curling her fingers upwards. your breaths were jagged and uneven.

“mhm.” her pace didn’t falter however, at the small mumble that fell from your lips. the knot in your stomach tightened until it snapped all at once, hitting you so hard you let out a loud gasp, which you later disguised as pain from hitting your leg on the leg of the table. your eyes were wide, brimmed with tears of pent up frustration that you refused to let fall. she gave you a wicked smirk before turning towards the stage as the event started, licking your wetness of her fingers discretely.

I KNEW THIS WAS COMING WHY AM I SOBBING TOOO 🤧

My Winner

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: This is how we cope ladies an no gentlemen. Enjoy my loves <3

Summary: after the grammys, Billie finds a way to forget. But you find it hard. Knowing that nothings truly ok. (You'll see.)

Warnings: angst, but heavy on the comfort I promise <3 reader has anxiety so mentions of that

Tags: @trulyy-yourzz @eilishslut @chrissv4mp @n0vabug @dollyvuu @dollarbils @sweetcherriexs

^comment if you want to be added^

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What an anxiety filled night. It was nearing the end. The grammys. You know, the big event that always either turns someone's life around or ruins it. You had been anxious all day, surprisingly Billie wasn't. She was so excited to just be there. Happy to be with you especially. But you knew as soon as you took your seats she was masking how anxious she was.

The red carpet was full of stars, full of heaps of people you didn't know either. There was always something about your anxiety, and ever since you had the hunch that your anxiety could always tell you if somethings up, you've been listening to that hunch heavily. Billie also knew of this, but you tried keeping extra quiet currently. If she knew you were anxious that'd set her into a complete state of worry. Knowing you seem to get this way when something is up later on. You couldn't let her get anxious about the night. You hold her hand, walking along as photographers took your photos.

You were next to Finneas and Claudia also, Finn spotting your anxiousness in seconds. You really thought you were hiding it better. He pokes your arm as an interviewer talks to Billie. "Hey whats up?" You look up at him. "What do you mean?" His brow raises. "I've known you for how many years now? Don't bullshit me what's up?" His hand rubs your arm, you grab it softly removing it. "I-" You sigh. "Ok, I'm really anxious for today, I have this odd feeling. I don't want her to see me like this though. She's enjoying herself and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Y/n." - "Please don't say anything." He's now the one to sigh. "Fine, but if she notices something is up, tell her. You know she always worries about you." You nod. "I know I know, just want her happy." He gives you a soft smile, kissing the top of your head. It was nice, he was always so brotherly towards you, you always wanted an older brother. "Like I told her, if we don't win anything it'll be ok." He pipes up. You were about to say, everything about the fact she deserves this though, she has a great right to earn this achievement. But you stay quiet, knowing he is right. You just want what's best for her. Knowing she's always so gracious.

She walks back over to you guys. "Hey, it's almost time to go, you ready?" You nod at her, giving her a smile. As she leads you out with such excitement, you look back at Finneas. He gives you a reassuring nod. Settling some nerves within you. Your mind talks as you get there, finding your seat and such. Telling yourself that this will all be ok. If it doesn't turn out good, you can be there for her. Give her encouragement, telling her she did amazing regardless- "Hello, earth to Y/n." She says standing infront of you. You snap out of your trance. "Hm?" She giggles at you. "Silly cutie." The name eases everything within you, looking into her eyes.

"I said here are our seats." She beams. You sit down, watching everyone else do so. "You excited to perform baby?" You smile sweetly at her. She smiles back. "Hell yeah. I mean a little bit nervous but this is honestly second nature to me now. I'm pumped." You could see how genuinely happy she was. It sooths everything you had previously been worried about.

But not for long, when they were up there singing your chest feels heavy, ignoring it like usual, even not in this situation you enjoy your girlfriends performance. But it goes unnoticed by Claudia. "Babe, you alright?" You turn to her. Her comforting tone makes you let go for a moment. "Im still worried, I don't even know why I said in my mind whatever happens it'll be ok." She places her hand on your shoulder. "I think you're more worried about this than her." You lower your head. "I know." Sighing, but Claudia gets you to look at her. "And that's fine I hope you know, you care so much about her. It's really sweet." You felt teary. "I just want her growing more, this place can be a bit.. stingy." She laughs.

"Yep, don't we all know it." She goes to wipe one tear, but you stop her. "It's best if I get then out now so I won't- just in case of anything." The two if you share a laugh, it felt nice. Considering you usually talk to Billie about your anxiety. But that was off limits right now. You pay attention to her again, feeling calmer after your talk with Claud. Vibing to the music, less stressed. But now the roles were reversed. As the categories she was nominated for go on she seemingly is off, not as bubbly as before. But she puts up a front. "That's ok there's heaps more." You reassure her. She turns to you and smiles, wrapping an arm around you. "I'm so glad you're here." Your eyes flutter shut. "Glad I could be here baby." Her grip on you tightens a bit. And it makes you worried.

Nonetheless you push that down, you wanted to be strong for her. Be there for her. You rub her back going to sit back up as more people come to perform.

Noticing her eyes glaze over. You weren't expecting that to be quite honest. I mean sure upset, but it catches you off guard. You gently kiss her cheek. "You're amazing. You're my winner." And it's like she flips some sort of switch, smiling at you. But not saying a word. Odd. She claps like the rest, standing up, randomly seeming different from her state a few seconds ago. You saw it though, you knew she wasn't ok. The flip so fast, it couldn't possibly be all alright. The night ends and you all leave, getting in her car in silence. It was worrying you more. You go to speak but she does before you. "Let's go to Paris."

Billie was off taking some photos, you spotted her loosening up again, enjoying herself. You just thank whatever. Happy she's not as worried. You though, your anxiety was starting to come back. Little did you know it was all for a different reason. Because as soon as that last nomination comes round you didn't feel as worried, your anxiety was still present but it was for something you couldn't put your finger on. The last one was called and as they spoke, you immediately look at Billie, not hearing her name. Feeling devastated but ready to comfort. Your hand lands on her shoulder.

Your head turns towards her faster than anything. "Billie- what?" You were struck with confusion. "Let's go, get away. I know you've been talking about wanting to go for months, years even. Let's do it." You were at a loss of words. "Baby, you have tour this month, not to mention it's going to take us half a day to fly over there." She shrugs. "Yeah, but tours not until the 18th we have plenty of time." You had zero clue on what to say. "Billie-" You say concerned. She knew you were going to say something so she speaks. "Come onnn let's be spontaneous. Let's get out of here. We can go home and pack or I can just buy you whatever when we are there."

To say the least you were overwhelmed. Turning you head, looking infront of you as she drives. You tossed with the decision. Maybe it would be cool to get away. You suspected she didn't want to talk about anything tonight, so you'd leave it for a few days. "What do you say huh?" She seemed too pumped, it made your worries linger. "Yeah, sure. Let's do it." - "Yes! That's what I like to hear."

You had packed things that you'd need. But it wasn't distracting you from the events of tonight. Not like it is seeming to do with Billie. "Have you told Finn or Maggie and such yet?" She shakes her head. "Nope, it'll be fineee." That set your stomach on edge. No it wouldn't, you always kept in contact. "Better yet as soon as we get there lets put our phones on flight mode!" She goes to grab your zipped up suitcase. You let out a sigh. "Letsgooo." She says, heading for the door. "Baby." You then say, and she freezes. "Leave something?" She looks at you avoiding everything that leads to tonight. Talking, comforting. Crying.

Maybe she needed this, needed to forget, you keep to your word of doing so in a few days. "Nope, just wanted to say I love you." You smile. She comes over to kiss you. "I, love. You. Right to Paris we go!" This could potentially be fun now the moments sinked in, and you had been wanting to go for quite some time. You follow her out the door heading onto your travels.

Sitting and waiting for the flight, in a silence. Again. But it truthfully didn't last long, almost as if she didn't want to be left with her thoughts. "Ok, let's turn our phones off." You were a bit hesitant. But maybe that'll also make the trip more fun. Just with one another, enjoying the moment. You grab your phone going to do so, noticing she had posted a photo on her story of the airport. You decide to keep quiet, thinking on if this whole thing really was a good idea. You hand her your phone. "It's off." She smiles. "So is mine." You tap your your foot, moving your knee feeling that anxiety coming back. Oh. This is what your body was telling you earlier...

This.

It was 20 minutes away. You had taken a nap, had some food. Billie? None of that, they brought food around but she insisted on you having it. Making your heart tighten. Feeling so wrong still. Nor had she been asleep for all of those nearly 15 hours, staying up all day and night. It wasn't good. "Hey look at the sunshine." She points out the window. You turn your head, seeing it. Then everything floats past you. "Wow." You say amazed. You had always dreamed of coming here. It's just now set in that it's a reality. "That's, the Eiffel Tower!" You beam with excitement. "Sure is." It was beautiful. All the buildings. You smile contently.

When you land and get out, you're greeted by people with their beautiful accents. "bonjour!" Someone greets. You smile, having had practiced a tiny bit of French. "Salut!" They smile at you. "Wait you can speak French?" You nod. "Just a little. Told you this was my dream." You both smile at one another. "You're going to love our hotel room then! Looking right at the Eiffel Tower." You open your mouth. "A- wha- are you serious?" She nods, smiling more. "Oh my god!" And her plan was slowly working, not for too much longer when you figure it out though.

You arrive at the hotel, settling in. "This is breathtaking." You go out on the balcony. "Is this even real I feel like I'm in a movie." She comes out with you. "Very real my love." Then it strikes you on why she's doing this- But her mind was quicker than your own. "You see the tower there?" She points, making your mind distract as you look. "Got us a table at the restaurant there." You're shocked. "What?! How?" She smirks. "I have my ways." You laugh at her. "Say, why dont we go shopping just in time for tonight?" You nod, going to go for a pee.

She sighs a little. "Back on track." Her eyes wander off to the scenery, taking it all in.

Shopping was heaps of fun, all the pretty clothes, all the beautiful sights. But almost all of these were too expensive. "Maybe we could just-" Billie grabs the handful you were about to put back, putting it near the till. "Why don't you get those shoes you liked!" You stood there for a moment. "Billie.. Those are so much I-" "Nonsense, go go!" It took you a second to snap you out of, well honestly. None of this felt real. Then that heaviness returns to your chest. When you go to protest she had already paid for it. Shoes and all. "Baby I-" Her finger waves in your face.

The reality truly hit you. She was distracting you, she was avoiding everything. She goes to pick up the shoes heading out. You trot after her. "Can we-" "Oou let's go find a cute Cafe!" Your brows lift upwards, sewing together. Your worries were starting to fly right back. But she takes your hand as you go off to do whatever.

This was far from normal. You were getting ready, doing your makeup but you can't shake the feeling of the past 24+ hours. You felt like your mind was going to explode. You had to talk to her, you couldn't wait another day. You walk out of the bathroom, dress on and everything noticing she was dressed up to. You had nearly forgotten the topic that you wanted to discuss. "Uhm, babe?" You say, she turns around, jaw dropping. "Woah." You swallow. "Are you ready? You sure look it oh my god." You walk over to her. "Can we talk for a second?" She knew exactly what was about to come. "We don't want to be late, I made the reservation for 7." She goes to leave but you grab her arm.

"Baby-" She sighs. "I'm getting a bit peckish, are you?" She was avoiding it like the plague. You wait a moment. "Yeah, sure." She smiles, kissing your cheek. "Sweet!" And so it went on, you get to the beautiful and iconic tower, mesmerized. "Oh wow it's beautiful." She grabs your hand. "Not as beautiful as you." You stare lovingly in her eyes, such a romantic city, a forgetful one too apparently. Because just like that you were focusing on it more, finding yourself getting hungry.

The night goes on, it was peaceful. But your mind what not. There was a voice in the back telling you to just say something, but the other is battling it, saying you should enjoy this moment and the fact it doesn't happen very often. The food was delicious the view was unbelievable. Just for tonight.

It's now two days later. You cursed yourself at the fact you haven't tried talking about it. But that ends today, she needs to just let it out. You know it's hurting her deep down. The way she's handling it wasn't healthy. You were currently out getting a massage, 'her treat' which is basically been the moto this whole trip. You didn't want to waste it or seem ungrateful. But you had snatched your phone from her bag, you had to see if anyone texted. And surprise surprise they had. Maggie blowing up your calls. Finneas texting you non stop. Fuck. You regret it getting this far. You wanted to tell them but not until you talked to her first. Your finger moves to tiktok, watching all that was going down.

People saying that we've gone missing and that no ones heard from us. "Jesus." You whisper. "You alright my love?" The sweet French lady asks. How the hell did anyone even know so quick. "You're very tense." - "Yeah just- just some stuff going on right now. Sorry." She chuckles. "No need to apologize my dear. That's why you're here, to relax and be calm." You take in a deep breath, feeling her massage you further. You wish Billie was here with you, but she had been off for a run when you had woken up, seeing the little note and directions to come here. Then your eyes flutter shut and you soon fell into a peaceful slumber. One you hadn't had the night before. Due to all the tossing and turning.

Billie wasn't facing you but you knew she wasn't asleep. Fuck sake. You just can't not talk about this anymore. "Thank you, for the lovely massage." She nods gently. "Look after yourself mon amour." You give her a smile. "Merci." You reply politely. You head back, opening the hotel room to see her sitting there. "Oh you're back! How was it?" You plop your bag down. "Good but can we-" "On my run I saw this cute little wine tasting Vinyard ad, we can get a taxi and head out to it tonight! We could also stay-" You breathe slightly. "Billie-" "Or maybe that'd be too much we could stay there for the rest I know they can do-" "BILLIE!" You finally snap.

Silence.

Dead, fucking silence.

That's all you wanted to do, ever since that night. And there it is, her own sobs cascading down her cheeks. You nod. Proud to see it. She goes to you, hugging you, putting her head in your neck. You kiss her head over and over, trying to calm your heart down. "Its ok, I'm here. I promise." You hold her tight. "Let it in, it'll feel better afterwards." She sobs uncontrollably, having had it built up for days. "I'm so fucking sorry." You shake your head, getting her to look at you. "Don't, you didn't do anythin-" "I did, I went all fucking weird, took you here to forget, just move on. And that look on your face before fuck I'm so s-" This time you cut her off. Putting your hand over her mouth.

You stare at one another, and you go to speak. "Talk to me please." She averts your gaze. "I dunno what you want me to talk about." Your eyes look up, hating this weird behavior. "Billie you're frightening me. You've never done such a thing before." - "May want to elaborate." You just wanted her to let you in. "Stop shutting me out then and maybe I will!" More silence. "Please, I'm begging you lets just tal-" "I don't want to talk." She gets up but your body moves in her way. "No, you are. I'm done trying to forget, you need to let whatever this is out and this time you will not distract me." She had no. Emotion on her face. "Baby please." Your eyes were teary. "Let me help. Please." You start to sob quietly.

"Can I say something?" She nods. You go to wipe her tears. "Theres no need to apologize. If anything I'm sorry for not just doing this sooner, I thought you needed time then you'd come round. But I couldn't anymore. You were hurting and that was hurting me. I couldn't bear it any longer." She swallows. "Since I didn't get to say it then. I'll say it now. I am so fucking proud of you. You don't need some silly shiny award that honestly means nothing in the long run. You are amazing regardless." She hugs you tight. "I don't want to loose you." Your brows furrow. Confused. Then you realize why she's done all of this. She could've resulted to drinking but it was this cold outburst instead.

She was afraid she'd loose you over some silly award. You get her to look at you. "Is this why you took me here? To the place I always wanted to go buying me all this stuff?" She nods sheepishly. "Baby.." Your head shakes. "When did we meet." Now she was confused. "2015 ofcourse." You nod. "When did you first get recognized?" ... "2017 ish.." You hold her face. "I've loved you, as a friend, a partner way before any of this even happened. If that's what you're worried about, think again. Because you could loose all those trophys and I'd still be here. You matter more to me." You smiles softly. "You're the only trophy I need." She says. You kiss her sweetly. "Soo, are you calling me a whore?" Her face panics making you giggle. "I'm teasing you baby." Her eyes roll.

"You're a doofus." "I'm your doofus and you're stuck with me." She smiles. "I can certainly live with that."

Everything felt clear. You two did stay in Paris for a few more days, this time with no worry in the world. Truly enjoying yourselves. That is after she texted her family back.

You sat out on the balcony, drinking your whine and her some bubbly water. The night air, cool but refreshing. "You know." She began. "There was a category I was nominated for that they didn't mention." You turn your head, utterly confused. "Having the best girlfriend." Your smile creeps on your face.

"And I fucking won."

:,) ugh cuteness.

i’m lacking in inspiration at the moment :(

working on a few things though so stay tuned 🕺🏻

i updated my masterlist in case anyone was wondering (anything to procrastinate writing)

i’m joking i’m writing as you read this (trusttt)