Previous One Went Stratospheric So This Came About Lmao??

Dinah, who somehow got roped into being the batfam counselor: And why did no one explain to Jason that the Joker was nearly killed twice by the two people he originally called family and only third party interference stopped him from permanently dying, not only giving the young man closure but also opening a line of communication???

Bruce and Dick trying very hard not to look at a bewildered Jason: It just never came up.

What would buzzfeed unsolved look like in the dcu?

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’ll be discussing the mysterious case of Jason Todd.”

—

Keep reading

Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?

Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—

Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.

Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.

Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.

Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.

Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?

Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—

Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?

Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!

Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—

Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!

Damian: I’m the perfect heir.

Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.

Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.

Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.

Cass: Barbara is good.

Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.

Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.

Bruce only kept the Batmobile as a name because Dick would refuse to call it anything else and Alfred enabled him in the days before the car had an autopilot, asking Bruce which car over and over and listing all their luxury cars alphabetically until Bruce gave into the name.

Based off this post. funny doodles i took too seriously.

A Robin’s most important weapon is the ability to cry on command -

the second most important weapon is to sic dad on whatever villain made his precious child cry 😢

fuck bad mom talia she is a gOOD MOM TO M E she is fucked up and was raised in a cult and her father is. well ra's bUT SHE LOVES HER BABIES ION EVEN FUCKING CARE she loves damien, that is her lovely boy, and she did everything she thought she should to prepare him for the world and maybe they didn't bake cookies together or have soccer practice but that woman absolutely adored her son. you can't tell me she didn't play with him when he was a baby and wipe milk on his eyebrows to make them thicker even if she knows it is silly and you can't tell me she didn't have him in her arms constantly. and she loves jason (judd winick i pray your arches are flat and your sinuses always infected), she loves that little trauma factory and she would strangle the joker with her bare hands if jason let her and you can't tell me she looked at this 18 year old boy who still feels 15 and isn't used to being alive or this huge yet and just decided well who fucking cares. SHE CARES. she let him hold damien and probably showed jason how to feed him and change him and they taught him to walk together and had a competition will damien say 'mama' or 'jay' first and she LOVES HER BOYS. they were trained as weapons - she thought it best for them

also whenever damien gets a little too bold jason reminds him that he changed his goddamn dipers so pipe down you silly little creature, jason has baby pictures and isn't afraid to use them

imagine Batman had to take care of the rest of the Justice League members after a magic user turned them into toddlers/ kids

Bruce: *warms Clark's bottle*

Bruce: *sets Diana in a playpen*

Bruce: *burps Hal*

Bruce: *changes Ollie's diaper*

Bruce: *puts Barry on a child leash*

Bruce: *gives Arthur a bath*

Bruce: *puts J'onn in a Martian onesie*

Bruce: *gives Vic a green teddy bear*

Bruce: *sings Dinah a lullaby*

Bruce: *plays peek-a-boo with Zatanna*

Bruce: *holds a baby photoshoot for Carter and Shayera*

Bruce: *downloads Little Einstein for Ray*

Bruce: *puts an iPad in front of Ted*

Bruce: *starts training Billy to be Robin*

[later, back to normal]

Ollie: We're gonna pretend we don't remember all that?

Everyone: Yep.

Adams Family adoptions

When Bruce Wayne was a child, he gets taken in by his distant relatives, the Adams, because he was going to be taken away from Alfred. They couldn't abide by family being tossed into what the state calls the foster system when they were available to take him in. Gomez teaches Bruce about honor, sword fighting, trains and explosives, also how to treat a lady(or other romance interest) Morticia teaches him about plants, their uses as both poison.s and medicines (though that is not why she grows them, she just knows her plants). Uncle Fester teaches him about grand larceny, electronics, how scams are run and other felonies. Also more about explosives. Fester does more in improvised where as Gomez deals more with commercial. Wednesday and Pugsley play games with him where they stage murder scenes for him to analyze. Wednesday learns more about how to hide a crime from watching Bruce take apart her crime scenes, to the point where if she ever did anything he would never find anything to pin on her.

Later, when Bruce is an Adult and going around being Batman and has a Robin with him, he will sometimes ask his adopted family to babysit. He gets Robin to go along with it by explaining it as either training (if they are being watched by Gomez and Morticia) or a criminal investigation (Uncle Fester, Pugsley or Wednesday). They never find anything on Wednesday. Later, Wednesday adopts one Danny Fenton after he runs away from home.

I can see this happening tbh

Batman has a very specific code that's on everyone's communicator that he warns the JL to 'Never tap into it unless I'm indisposed and the world is 2 seconds away from ending'

Fast forward a few years and batman is knocked out cold and the world is 2 seconds away from ending when one JL member rmbers batman's 'very important do not tap unless absolutely necessary' button

So obviously the JL taps it expecting some god or smth and who else picks up but a woman who's simultaneously yelling commands,tapping aggressively at what they assume to be a keyboard and calmly telling them that she's Oracle,that she's already linked every person on the battlefield's comms to the 'batfamily comms'(direct wording) and that she's sending reinforcements as they speak

Then,while the JL is still in shock,Red Hood the fucking drug lord lands beside them and starts shooting up enemies,Nightwing is futher back backflipping,Red Robin is doing his shit

A mysterious black cowled girl pops up beside them and starts gently telling(ordering) them to specific parts of the battlefield(Hal gets so spooked he screams),a fully purple girl is beating enemies up next to them,a guy in neon yellow is punting enemies to the ground.

And some random ass 10 y/o is screaming bloody murder as he incapcitates enemies thrice his size