Arya Stark And The Trauma Of Killing

Arya Stark and the Trauma of Killing

Arya is not the cold-blooded, pleasure seeking killer that the showrunners, and the majority of fandom, like to portray her as. She has never been happy about the killing she’s had to do to survive, the killing she’s had to do to stay with the faceless men because she thinks she has no where else to go, the killing she’s done out of a sense of justice against those who’ve harmed her and others (Raff) and those she’s been taught to view as the most dangerous of all men (Dareon, the Night’s Watch deserter).

More often than not, Arya has felt shame for what she’s done, so much so, that her kills haunt her all the way in ADWD when she’s trying, and failing, to become no one. She must justify to herself why these people deserve their deaths and she’s never *happy* about any of it. She has felt empty, hopeless, weak because nothing she can do will ever bring her parents, her family, back to her.  

A few instances where Arya reflects on the killings, and the blatant shame, fear, guilt she feels when thinking of how her father, mother, brother, and others would react:

Yoren didn’t know about the stableboy, but she was afraid of what he might do if he found out…

-Arya, ACoK

Arya told of Yoren and their escape from King’s Landing as well, and much that had happened since, but she left out the stableboy she’d stabbed with Needle, and the guard whose throat she’d cut to get out of Harrenhal. Telling Harwin would be almost like telling her father, and there were some things that she could not bear having her father know. 

-Arya, ASoS

Arya didn’t know how much Robb would pay for her, though. He was a king now, not the boy she’d left at Winterfell with snow melting in his hair. And if he knew the things she’d done, the stableboy and the guard at Harrenhal and all. “What if my brother doesn’t want to ransom me?”

-Arya,ASoS

And her lady mother, what would she say? Would she still want her back, after all the things she’d done? Arya chewed her lip and wondered.

-Arya, ASoS

In fact, the small amount of comfort she ever has about her kills is this:

Jon wouldn’t care who I killed or whether I brushed my hair…

-Arya, ASoS

Finally, all the way in ADWD, she is still unable to forget the killing, she hasn’t found any peace, relief, happiness, fulfillment, etc. It’s clear that it’s all taken a heavy toll on her, and it is not something she will ever be okay with:

Yet there was the black singer, there the stableboy she’d killed with Needle, there the pimply squire from the crossroads inn, and over there the guard whose throat she’d slashed to get them out of Harrenhal. The Tickler hung on the wall as well, the black holes that were his eyes swimming with malice. The sight of him brought back the feel of the dagger in her hand as she had plunged it into his back, again and again and again.

-Arya, ADWD

Bottomline, killing is an incredibly traumatic, confusing, and more times than not, necessary part of Arya’s arc. It isn’t this cut and dry action that leaves her feeling satisfied or happy. 

And just as a sidenote, I never see any comments about Jaime Lannister killing people, Jon Snow, Stannis Baratheon, Ned Stark, Sandor Clegane. Yet the few kills Arya has, most of whom were out of survival, ALL of whom were dangerous, horrible people, automatically brings out the tumblr MDs trying to diagnose her with sociopathy or psychopathy, or the ~concerned fans~ about her loss of humanity.

It’s funny, because Arya is actually one of the few people who understands the worth of life. When she saves Jaqen, Rorge, Biter from the fire, when she’s concerned about creatures like fleas, LITERAL FLEAS, in her clothes dying, when she witnesses countless deaths and desecrated bodies and is forced to realize just how quickly lives can end, when she witnesses the resurrection of Beric and asks if her father’s life can be restored as well, when she’s concerned about giving Yoren a proper burial. But God forbid this little girl wants the monsters responsible for the massacre of her family, for the abuse she’s endured, for the horrible atrocities she’s seen committed, dead. I guess when it’s a female character wanting justice, it makes her too far gone, but when it’s a male character, it makes him a hero.