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I just wanted to inform you how much of a lesbian I am for your fem!andreil, they’re gorgeous.

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I just can never get enough of Shen Wei’s wavering control when it comes to Zhao Yunlan

(I got Zhen Hun vol 1 and I read it in three hours I was so excited)

Like, Shen Wei is so obviously obsessed. He stares at Yunlan constantly (as long as Yunlan is not looking). He can’t help but to look back when he leaves Yunlan. Yunlan is sick and Shen Wei helps him home, basically tucks him into bed, and cleans his entire apartment. Shen Wei is absolutely the type of person to smell Yunlan’s clothes-

But my favourite scene is definitely when Shen Wei helps Yunlan drink. Because he does very well! He and Yunlan drink an alcoholic under the table, and Yunlan is really only tipsy, meaning either Shen Wei did all the heavy lifting or Yunlan’s liver is inhumanly quick.

And with being drunk comes Shen Wei completely losing his last threads of sanity. He is a being born from darkness whose hunger can never be sated, and good golly it shows. Him basically trying to eat Yunlan has always been a highlight. The moment Yunlan shows resistance (full resistance instead of just hesitance), Shen Wei full on unpossesses his own body.

I’m fully convinced (I wasn’t on my first two reads, but I am now) that Shen Wei unpossessed himself. He is so talented. His entire body shuts down, Yunlan of course fucking panics, and Yunlan takes three tries to literally summon Shen Wei’s soul back. Man just unpossessed his own body. The body that he is attached to. Shen Wei has never stolen a body, this one is just his, and he manages to unpossess it.

It’s so great. Yunlan told him to stop and, like, he did. He really, really did. He stopped his heart beating and himself breathing and literally being in his own body. 10/10, Shen Wei is so good at following directions.

Yunlan, upon realizing that Shen Wei is the super intimidating, ominously cloaked figure who literally everyone on his team is fucking terrified of and who has worked with him for years and has only been sort of (very) obsessive over Zhao Yunlan: “I should probably stop flirting with him, because it’s a bit awkward.”

Yunlan, approximately five seconds later: “You threw yourself at me while you were drunk. I never knew how much you favoured me.”

Zhao Yunlan is the best character ever. A hot professor acts really weird and is so obviously attracted to him and Yunlan is super into it. Shen Wei treats him like precious glass that cannot be allowed to even get dirty and also like he will die if Yunlan looks at him for too long. Shen Wei tries not to touch him but revels in the warmth left behind. Shen Wei bit him like thirty times because of his conflicting desires to both eat or fuck him. Zhao Yunlan is so fucking confused.

Zhu Hong suggests that Yunlan could sleep with her in lieu of payment and Yunlan is like “Okay :)” (because he thinks it would be nice to not need to have to pay her). Yunlan is openly bi to the point that him flirting with a hot professor surprises literally none of his coworkers (they just tease him because it’s funny).

Yunlan is positive that Shen Wei is attracted to him, because obviously Shen Wei is? Yunlan isn’t being vain or overly confident, Shen Wei literally caught him while he was falling off of the school roof and tended to his light scrape like it was Yunlan’s arm coming off. Shen Wei is so obviously attracted to Yunlan, but at the same time tries desperately not to show it. Zhao Yunlan is so confused. He is bummed when Shen Wei declines to meet with him and even more bummed when Shen Wei tells him he doesn’t want to go out with him and he is also baffled because he woke up to find Shen Wei literally watching him sleep less than a week later.

If I was Zhao Yunlan, I would also be confused.

Zhao Yunlan also is great because he’s the world’s best detective who comes up with half-baked theories and tricks people (well, mostly Shen Wei and Da Qing) into admitting he’s right. He cannot stand how useless Guo Changcheng is, but Guo Changcheng is his little good luck charm and he will be bringing him everywhere. Wang Zheng tries to die and he berates her like a little kid. The Emissary sends a spooky little guy to keep Yunlan from continuing forward, and Yunlan can’t bring himself to knock it aside, so he just steps over it. When it follows him, he eventually just picks it up. When it gets scared, he lets it hide in Clarity (his watch). He is disrespectful to the very idea of gods. He is unintimidated by the Emissary who literally everyone else is terrified of. He burns incense for the little messenger even though he didn’t have to.

There were some (a lot of) parts I didn’t really get, even during my second read. However, this translation makes a lot of sense! The underworld folk are fucking terrified of Shen Wei. Shen Wei is overpowered and answers to nobody and his very presence as the Emissary is enough to make most ghosts run and hide. They are so scared. Shen Wei is getting worse. If Shen Wei goes rogue, literally nobody can stop him.

Man, if only that mountain god, the one being in the entirety of history that Shen Wei was willing to listen to, was still around.

(They decide to get that mountain god back.)

Honestly, them wanting Yunlan to remember makes a lot more sense than whatever I thought they were doing the first two times I read it. They just need someone to hold Shen Wei’s leash, and they couldn’t have known that Zhao Yunlan is literally the worst possible choice for that.

(Zhao Yunlan doesn’t even care when Shen Wei tears his shirt (apparently with fucking claws) or bites him and he really doesn’t care what the Emissary does as long as Shen Wei lets him get his baby Wang Zheng back first. The mountain god, from what I recall, was more amused by Shen Wei’s darker tendencies than anything else. There is no one worse to hope will control Shen Wei, because there is no one else who is as willing as Zhao Yunlan is to sleep with the most powerful, uncontrollable being in metaphorical Hell.)

I’ll give them points for trying, but really, they didn’t do a very good job picking. I mean, there was literally no other option, but still. Shen Wei who retains some degree of his self control vs Shen Wei who is feral over Yunlan is a pretty obvious choice.

All in all, I love Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei. Yunlan thinks he might be coming on too strong, meanwhile Shen Wei would probably collect Yunlan’s hair if he thought he could get away with it. Shen Wei knows where Yunlan lives and lives nearby, he works in the same city, and he has stalked seen Yunlan on cases before, meanwhile Yunlan’s worst crime is sullying the professor in his head. I love them. They’re perfect for each other.

The worst-off person at the end of The Old Guard isn’t Andy or Booker, it’s Copley. The man has the job of being the beard for this group of old assholes, half of whom are depressed and half of whom are in a perpetual honeymoon phase, plus one who has yet to figure out just what immortality means (PS. It means skiing off the top of Mt. Everest) When he goes to do the paperwork he’s astounded at how these people managed to stay a secret for any length of time in the 20th century and beyond. Andy has become an honest-to-god cryptid with a massive internet following (it would help if she’d just stop having one night stands and doing the ole’ love and leave em’ routine) Booker regularly goes gambling at and cleans out high-end casinos, which means he has literally every mob on the planet after his ass, Joe kills 100+ people every month for breathing in a way he didn’t certify near Nicky, and when Nile gets over the shock of things it dawns on her that she can do literally everything and anything and not die, which. is another type of hell altogether.  Nicky is the only fairly normal one out of them all, until Copley finds out he secretly owns seventeen different fortune 500 companies and runs a black market or something, and Copley has to take a month off to fuck off back to Booker and just like. drink for ten days straight. This is a disjointed mess, and not even remotely meant to be taken seriously, but Copley probably thought he got off good by being made into the Guard’s secretary/PR man, but my point is that that is distinctly so NOT the case.

Epilogue

[Shot of Anakin, traipsing down the Temple hallways, wearing a flower crown and humming to himself]  Obi-Wan: [being interviewed mockumentary-style] Yes, fortunately, I was able to convince Anakin to talk with me about his feelings and fears, and we were able to uncover the secret of the mysterious Sith Lord just in time, and destroy him. [Anakin, in the background, spinning with his arms in the air] …and now Anakin sort of can’t stop sharing his feelings. [awkward smile] Mace: [being interviewed] We really dodged a blaster bolt there. If the Chancellor had been able to turn Anakin to the Dark Side, and dismantle the Republic? Chaos. [shakes head] We owe Skywalker an enormous debt of gratitude. [sighs] So we’re…just going to have to deal with…this.  Padme: [forcing a smile] Oh it’s been wonderful, being able to be more open about Anakin with everyone. And Ani, he’s…he’s just so…showy! The other day he sent a string quartet to my office. [obvious stifling mild irritation] While I was on a very important holo-call.  Anakin: [approaching Mace] Good morning, Master Windu. [placing his hands on his shoulders] I just wanted you to know that you are wise, and powerful, and I admire you immensely. [embraces him]  Mace: [grimacing] Skywalker, I’m very proud of you, but if you hug me again today, I am going to have to kill you.  Anakin: [smiling serenely] Of course. May the Force be with you. [sticks a daisy behind Mace’s ear] [scoops Yoda up off the floor and carries him off on his back]  Shaak Ti: [to the camera] Skywalker is…well he’s very…kind. He painted this for me. [holds up an amazing oil painting of Shaak Ti fighting battle droids] This is the 15th one of these he’s made for me. It’s…a lot. We’re all extremely happy for him, and grateful of course. But we’re glad we can still foist him off on Master Kenobi a lot of the time.  Obi-Wan: [to the camera] Yes, Anakin is truly full of light and happiness now that there is balance in the Force. And he wants to tell us all about it. All the time. And after the war ended, he and I, you know, we finally sat down and had a very open discussion about our relationship. Then we didn’t leave our quarters for about three and a half weeks. [clears his throat]  Anakin: [sitting next to him, petting his hair] You are a luminous presence in the Force, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, and every time I look at your face I feel like I might die.  Obi-Wan: [still looking at the camera, quietly] …thank you, Anakin.   Ahsoka: [to the camera] Well, once things got back to normal on Coruscant I stopped by the Temple to see how everyone was doing. You know, I may not be a Jedi anymore but obviously I still care about them. I asked if there was anything I could do. [flatly] They made it very clear they’d appreciate some help with Master Skywalker.  Anakin: [charging at her and lifting her into the air] Snips! [sets her down] You are bold, and brave, and I’m so proud of you that I can’t…I can’t… Ahsoka: OK, that’s not – Anakin: [bawling] I just love you all so much. I feel like my soul is going explode.  Ahsoka: [hugging him and patting his back] OK…you’re…it’s OK. [looks at the camera helplessly] 

Chiron: A lot of famous people were actually demigods. Amelia Earhart, George Washington, Harry Houdini…

New Camper: Is there anyone current that I would know?

Chiron: Have you ever seen a True Crime Documentary on the kidnapping of Percy Jackson?

New Camper: Wait… are you talking about the kid who blew up the Gateway Arch????

Chiron, wiping away a single tear: We’re so proud.

Hey folks, I live in Seattle and up till a couple years ago I lived on Capitol Hill. I still have friends living there.  So I thought I’d provide some local insight into the CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone).

There is a lot of misinformation out there, especially from Fox News, which photoshopped a gunman into pics, wow.

First, the best resources to find CHAZ info are local to Seattle: The Seattle Times, Capitol Hill Blog, and the CHAZ livestream where you can see the streets for yourself.

Capitol Hill is a very densely populated neighborhood full of apartment buildings and bustling restaurants and bars. If you work there, you live there (because it is hard to navigate by car, like NYC), and if you live there, you are probably super liberal. It’s also the center of counter-culture and LGBTQ culture in Seattle.

Are the protesters terrorizing the locals?

No, the protesters ARE the locals. They live in the many, many apartment buildings on Capitol Hill.  Having lived there for years, believe me when I say “fuck the police” is a prevalent opinion there even when there isn’t a nationwide protest.

Is there looting?  How are businesses protecting themselves?

The local businesses are not being looted; they are open and are doing a booming business.  Also, a lot of workers / business owners ARE protesters.

I saw a picture of Seattle on fire!

Actually you saw a picture of a protest in Minnesota that Fox News pretended was Seattle because they are frauds and shills.

How big is the Autonomous Zone?

Six square blocks.

How did this situation come about?

There was a peaceful march.  The mayor abruptly set a 5 pm curfew.  The protesters ignored it and marched anyway.  Then the police set up barricades to stop the march.  The cops started using tear-gas and flash-bangs and the situation devolved from there. (You can find videos of this on Capitol Hill Blog.)  What prompted the tear-gas was … one of the protesters thrust a pink umbrella over the barrier.  Yes, really.

The situation deteriorated for several days/nights running until the police abandoned the East Precinct on Capitol Hill. The violence was very one-sided: the police attacking the protesters.

Then the police left.  From what I heard the mayor ordered them out due to rumors or fears that the police station would be burned down? Which didn’t happen.  Anyway, they abruptly left.  As in, hired a literal moving truck and emptied out their headquarters, in almost a comedic beat.

Do you have to show your ID to enter the Autonomous Zone?

No.  People come and go freely.  City services are also allowed to come and go (and I presume delivery trucks but I haven’t looked into that.)

What’s with the physical barriers if people can come and go freely?

They’re to keep vehicles out. 

Backstory:  While the protests were ongoing, a guy (whose brother was an East Precinct cop) tried to ram his car into a crowd of protesters.  A brave man eating a hot dog threw himself at the side of the car, grabbed the steering wheel through the open window, and stopped him. Whereupon cop-brother-car-man shot him with a gun.

Personally I think cop-brother-car-man was planning a mass shooting because he had extra ammo taped to his hoodie sleeve. You can see the blue tape on his arm in the pic above. (The protester who was shot thankfully survived.  Check out those brave medics tending him while an ACTIVE SHOOTER is standing feet away!)

But anyway, that’s why there are barriers. I believe they move them aside for approved vehicles, like emergency vehicles or deliveries.

Are there people with guns roaming around?

Not on a regular basis, although I’ve heard a local gun club had some members there one night when it was rumored the Proud Boys (a Nazi group) might show up.  (They didn’t.)  But in general, no.

Is it scary??

No.  The neighborhood is fully on board and overall there is a festive atmosphere.  There are speeches about BLM, about discrimination, about what people want for the neighborhood.  There are first aid stations, medics and counselors, and people offering free pizza.  If you watch the livestreams, you can see people walking their dogs, out with their kids, etc.

Where will this all end?

I don’t know.  The barriers can’t stay up forever and I think everyone knows that.  The “Autonomous Zone” name is tongue-in-cheek, the protesters aren’t actually trying to secede from the United States.  Basically, this is a boiling over of frustration.  The police have never been good-faith neighbors on Capitol Hill.  Also Seattle police have always been pretty racist and had a problem with excessive force.

Look at this whole situation.  All the police had to do was stand back and let the protesters march; they would have marched and gone home and that would be that.  All the police had to do was nothing.  Instead they turned a neighborhood into a warzone.

By the way, did you know that yesterday (6/12) in a different Seattle neighborhood 60,000 people marched to support BLM?  And because the city had learned its lesson about dumbass curfews, they let everyone march and nothing bad happened.

Weird how the national news didn’t report on that march, huh?  Almost like they cherrypick the protests that will appear “scary” to their audience.

Ahsoka: If Anakin and I were both drowning, who would you save?

Rex: I don’t know, both of you?

Ahsoka: No, if you could only save one of us.

Rex: Well, I would probably save Skywalker because he can’t swim and I happen to know you’re an excellent swimmer.

Ahsoka: Suppose I was holding an anchor? Who would you save then?

Rex: Well, why don’t you let go of the anchor?

Ahsoka: It’s a family heirloom.

Rex: I’m leaving.

Bruce Wayne Attending A School Play.

[Cassandra dressed as a tree and just stands there]

Bruce Wayne: [Laughs Joyfully] THERE SHE IS! HI CASSIE! YOU ARE SO TALENTED!

[Cassandra awkwardly waves her branch arm at her father]

Mace Windu: [on TV] The only Jedi we can possibly spare are Skywalker and Kenobi.  Me: OH COME ON. The only two guys they can EVER spare are these two bickering idiots?! Are they just spending the entire rest of the war lounging around being beautiful and tired and yelling at each other? Does no one WANT to send them anywhere, for understandable reasons? WHY. WHY ARE THEY ALMOST ALWAYS THE ONLY ONES AVAILABLE. The Order doesn’t have the MOST Jedi they’ve ever had, fine, but they have a LOT of Jedi.  Anakin: [blahblahblah Obi-Wan I’m trying blahblahblah] Obi-Wan: [being a pompous ass]  Me: OH MY GOD. THEY ARE THE WORST. WHY IS ANYONE SENDING THEM ANYWHERE. Husband: [from the other room] They’re your favorites.  Me: I KNOW.

Anyways I keep thinking that group chats totally must be a Thing in the star wars universe, and how (in the Clone Wars era) there probably is definitely a:

Jedi Council group chat (and they definitely gossip about everyone, from Initiates to Masters.  They are also running at least 20 bets about Jedi in the Temple.)

Lineage group chat (ie. Yoda, Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka all have a group chat but they don’t really use it much because Anakin and Ahsoka have trouble figuring out what is appropriate for them to talk about with Yoda)

The group chat with Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka is pretty lit though.  Most of the time it’s funny arguments between Obi-Wan and Anakin, and Ahsoka just LOL-ing the whole time.

group chats with all the clone commanders/leaders, complaining about their Jedi and comparing notes (Cody being like “Do you guys also need to force your Jedi to eat and sleep, or is it just me?”, or Rex asking “How the hell do I say no to Skywalker, the man never listens!”, etc.)

A group from the 501st and Ahsoka have a group chat where they make fun of Anakin.  They keep a running tally of the number of times he had crashed a ship, just for giggles.