Actually So Upset That Em Dashes Are Being Treated As An Ai Indicator— I Love Them ❤️

2025. 03. 10 | but the light!

I love the independence of doing a PhD! I thrive when I’m interested in what I’m doing (I am), I’m constantly learning (also), and I am not being micromanaged (I’m not!). I love my supervisor and the faith she’s showing me to get my own shit done.

I love my job.

I love my project.

My boss is so great.

I can’t tell how much of all this enthusiasm is coming from the sun and how much is real but I’m riding it.

tonight’s setup 😊 hopefully I go to bed at a reasonable time. I still have TWO lab reports to finish though.

I thought my math homework was going to be chill because it was just two problems but tell me why I open it and it’s part a-p 😭

I know this is a long read but I believe this might help if you’re going through a burnout.

Last week I was so drained I couldn’t do anything. Let alone studying 11 hours a day as I planned, some days I couldn’t even pick up my pen and solve just one question.

Each day I said to myself “It will be better tomorrow. I will wake up and finish the things I need to do.” but every day proved to be worse than the other. My tutor was out of the city for a conference so I was on my own and needed to finish everything before he arrived. (I am a person who scolds herself if I don’t finish my tasks on time, even if sometimes my teachers don’t care, I do.) But I couldn’t finish most of them. Today is literally my last chance. I had to wake up at 5am and rarely take any breaks if I wanted to complete everything.

But I couldn’t. I woke up at 9, and just getting out of bed took all my energy. I went into the living room and fell asleep on the couch. For three hours, no matter how many times my mum tried to annoy me into waking up, I laid there without even once uttering a word.

And by my 1682597th dream, I had an epiphany.

This is my journey. This is me, working towards my own dream. People around me obviously care and feel for me, that’s why they worry when I fall behind. But if they had to give in the energy I give in each day, they couldn’t do it.

Because I wake up every day to my goals. Every morning I choose to keep going. Every second I am choosing to not give up on my dreams of becoming a successful person. I could easily change my mind any minute, choose another major, and I wouldn’t have to study as hard.

But I am not.

For 454 straight days, I woke up with this dream and there wasn’t a single day I didn’t want it. Not a single day where I said “Oh you know what, fuck it. I don’t want this.”

I had my days where I cried, screamed, even hit myself. I had my days where I was so exhausted that I kept looking at other majors I could get into but I never felt the same connection so I just stood up and kept working.

I am the one who might lose what I want, not others. I am the only one who is putting in the effort to make it happen because nobody else’s effort could make it possible for me.

So if I say “I did not have the energy for this.” they have to believe me.

If I am honestly EXHAUSTED, to a point where I don’t want to see my favorite pencil, it’s okay for me to fall behind a few weeks.

Now I will just get up. Once again. And do what I can. No rush, I have 145 days to go, and it’s better to actually learn the material than to have to come back to it later.

Keep trying. Even if it’s reading one sentence a day. Your dreams are yours for a reason.

finally finished my online class!

and now i go back to regular school tomorrow…

today is a study day (fortunately or regrettably depending on your perspective). this problem set is really cool and i actually like learning about circuits, which i didn’t expect.

- circuits problem set (88 mins)

- circuits quiz (39 mins)

- advanced circuits lecture

i’m REALLY behind in my course and i need to catch up by the time school starts again so i probably have another 4 hrs of work minimum. it’s finally feeling like crunch time lol

I over-explain, yes.

So,

I was going through the communities option here because somehow too many computer science memes have been coming up on my feeds in Instagram and Pinterest. So, I was like- huh, let's see what Tumblr has!

I typed programming, well nothing came up so I tried coding. Again nothing. I tried programmer, coder, cs, computer science, comp, hack, hacking, hackers, nerd, geek etc etc but nothing came up.

But oh, I did find many people posting stuffs about coding and computer science. So why aren't these people united- Surely, there's Discord (I'm not on it and have no intention of opening an account there any sooner) for that but still what about people like me? (who already have too many apps just lying around unused and sometimes overused)

So,

I am thinking about opening a Tumblr Community for all the people who laugh at computer science memes even after it's the only thing they love to do- (referring to people who have a thing for computer science, yes)

(The options are direct because I've finished my daily quota of humor)

Also, I might end up naming the community Geeks, so yeah- think about a name please. Thank you.

Tagging some awesome people: @deletedg1rl @transiently-translucent @viridiangreennn @bagalois @sariel-studies-stuff @selenophhile @teaisstudying @bartholomewthestudyduck @swars-is-a-curse @shinaaposts @chu-diaries @stressed-burrito @straaaa @studyblr-perhaps @ramblingsfromthytruly @notyourtypicalfool @iwillsurvivecollege @moonlight-n-moondust @dormienscattus @instantsaladbouquet @minmin-vs-physics @jasminejava @lady-knight-inspo @ashs-nerd-den @ashs-reverie @losergfdotcom @sitamahalakshmicore @finisconoratopus @nelyastudies @reallynotmemoi @study-beee @andreainlove @whalelotofstudy @superlocrians @spcwtchstdy @lovesickd0ll @hopelittledreamer @aristudiess @yarensdiary @j-juno @sariel-studies-stuff @sirenkacode @sleep-deprived-music-gremlin @geniejeans @goose-the-corvid @itsliterallyjustme @stemstudyblog @aethereallynephilim @stem-diaries @dadoorman

Tag more people please!

“the best revenge is massive success,"

i went to the local library to pick up some books today :) i'm literally so dumb because i was in the wrong row for the nonfiction section (looking for spacefarers) and i did not even stop to question why all the books around me were on the culinary arts.

i heard the master of djinn is a really good book and would be good for people that liked arcane. IF I MAKE IT THROUGH THE BOOK, maybe i'll write a review. hopefully i can because it looks really interesting...

i have a lot of random stuff to do these next two days since i wasn't productive for the first three days of break :(

study for computer science midterm

calculus unit 4 problem sets

magnetostatics FRQ

read literature for research project

update astrophysics notes

work on cosmology simulation

(it may be 00:06...) || ༻`` 25 Jan 25 — Saturday

.. > 12dopmas challenge, Day 2

I made notes for one of my last year's math units (im repeating the exam) and I started making notes for this year's work

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Did 2 pistol squats on each leg (seems very little but they're actually very difficult! or are for me anyway)

I finished a digital drawing I started a while back. I think it's just alright, no strong feelings about it but im glad I got it done

I forgot about the questions again but I will catch up on them!

130 days clean

Day 0

Floor time ✅️ // 🍊

Friday, 21st March 2025

Moving onto my stellar remnants module today, with an appropriate soundtrack :)

🎵The Sky Moves Sideways Album - Porcupine Tree