An Important Part About Ogata's Character Is How Much He Actually Loved His Mother. For Some Reason It's
an important part about ogata's character is how much he actually loved his mother. for some reason it's a source of argument on certain spaces but i think the og work was clear enough: ogata never learned how to love, so his love is bound to hurt.
neglected as a kid as he was, his mother stopping talking to him at some point during his childhood and spending day and night submerged in her hallucinations and daydreaming of a man who would never come back for her, growing up in poverty and with no other contact than his elderly grandparents, ogata never truly learned how to display love, never even felt as though he received it.
so when he explained "...then one day i fed rat poison to her. i thought that if father truly loved her, he would at least come back to her funeral. but you never came." it's the logic of a kid who wants his mother to be happy, to at least meet the man she loved and so she can go back to her old self who used to sing lullabies to him.
in the end it didn't work.
fast forward years later and skipping the fact he killed his father, because that's a whole other topic, i think his dynamic with asirpa is another big example that he can't properly conceptualize love and often offers "affection" or shows that he "cares" in the same way a cat would bring dead birds or mice to your bed.
ogata shooting wilk is an example of it. wilk, a father whose intention was to send his young girl to lead a war and to her demise, ogata understood killing him as making a favor for her because he did kill his own father, and as he explains "i think patricide is taking a step forward into adulthood" in barato arc, his mind understand this killing as a blessing to her even though she doesn't see it that way.
and throughout the story ogata continously makes offerings like these, because it's logical, that's how it's always been for him, so why shouldn't it be that way for everyone else?
but it's during the bad omen arc - and when the images of the brother he shot during the siege in PA and the girl he's gradually growing fond of as a projection of his own dead brother - that he begins to realize "oh, maybe there IS something wrong with me after all" and he rejects the idea because it scares him, scares him more than anything that love has always existed and that his father could have loved him, could have loved his mother, he just chose not to. and that his mother could have also loved him and he couldn't see it. scares him that love had always been there but never for him.
it's easier to rule out the existence of a sentiment than to admit that he's never received it, that he remains unloved.
More Posts from Einshi and Others
‘ good afternoon cheng xiaoshi ’
HELP - ╱ @einshi
" morning ! .... who are you again? "
𝐮𝐥𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐚 𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 @unknown-in-narnia
Based off my blog, what other characters could you see me Roleplay as?
truth be told, this is the first time he’s ever been faced with the question. brows rising in surprise, all that liu xiao can do is listen attentively, his eyes catching glimpses of fangs beneath saccharine lips. he returns the smile, ‘ all those examples can be attained simply. money, pleasure, violence; they’re all corporeal in a way. what i seek is… well, let’s just say that it can’t be grazed with your fingertips. not in the physical sense anyways. ’
no other humans around, the privacy that the room offers is welcomed. something about the dark incites truths, like the thrill before the leap down the waterfall. it lures you in, magnetic temptation. he feels a similar pull from vein’s words, just for that moment. serenity shrouds his expression, fingers idly tapping at the bar stool behind his back, where he leans.
vein watched him with a fierce stare. something about the stare makes his skin crawl, even after all this time, like being gutted alive, needles lined up across the wings of a butterfly for display. he’d seen him push a knife inside a man’s stomach, coming back bloodied and reeking of death, and his eyes had been exactly the same as they were now.
when vein gestures him closer, his first instinct is to stay, but decides to humor him, slow gait driving him closer, enough so that when he glanced down, vein’s face was just a dip away from his own face. through the narrow space, he can sense the vacancy become filled with his warmth, danger, an invitation that he deliberately ignores.
‘ you sound confident… thinking that i will tell you without receiving something in exchange. a truth for another truth. ever played truth or dare? i was never fond of it, growing up, but i've come to like it. ’
gravity makes his sunglasses slide off from their place, his hand moving to take them between two fingers. their absence, by all logic, should make him feel bare, exposed. he searches for the feeling, finding none of it. what he does find is an ache, burning like a plague. his free hand traces a line across vein’s jawline, lifts his chin up so their gazes meet.
lips part slightly, voice serene, ‘ what about you? ’
liu xiao / @einshi asked: "Freedom isn't enough. What I desire doesn't have a name yet." // lx to xf vein 😏
“ that wont do. here I thought you were a wordsmith. have I rendered you speechless? chasing a nameless dream? ” the smoke that exhales from vein’s lips collides with liu xiao’s face, momentarily engulfing his features in a sea of cloudy haze. despite the atmosphere around them carrying weight, leaning back into the plush cushions of the chair, vein appears laxed. a shrug of his shoulders. not often does he get to pick his brain, learn about the innerworkings of a mind he'd still felt a stranger to. “ bridon currently houses two million impoverished people— and wouldn’t you know? your family happens to one of those sitting on wealth, large enough to outlive generations. " a scoff leaves him, " now, it couldn’t be monetary liberation you’re seeking… ”
lips curl, the smoking pistol pipe dancing in his fingers as he swaps hands. fishing for the answer, seemingly coming up emptyhanded at each suggestion he makes. “ maybe it's the itching desire to kill? watch the light leave the eyes to the mere touch of your fingertips. but— you’re no stranger to that either, ” wagging his finger, luring liu xiao closer. he'd be welcomed to take a seat on his lap, if pride allotted him to. whilst vein mentally toys with the principles and concepts these two share. blood. money. connections. indulgences. power. yet liu xiao is greedy enough to crave beyond these vices. there's no judgement in the way vein prods. only curiosity. " enlighten me. when you've got nearly everything, what more could you want? "
🐝 * ― 𝑳𝑰𝑵𝑲𝑰𝑵 𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑲 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺. ( all of these are taken from the album ‘meteora’ released in 2003. feel free to adjust to better fit your muses. )
❛ sometimes i need you to stay away from me. ❜ ❛ just give me myself back and don't stay. ❜ ❛ sometimes i feel like i trusted you too well. ❜ ❛ somehow i need to be alone. ❜ ❛ i don't need you anymore. ❜ ❛ i wanna heal. ❜ ❛ i wanna let go of the pain i've felt so long. ❜ ❛ i wanna find something i've wanted all along, somewhere i belong. ❜ ❛ i've got nothing to say. ❜ ❛ so what am i? ❜ ❛ i will never know myself until i do this on my own. ❜ ❛ i wanna feel like i'm somewhere i belong. ❜ ❛ but i can't pretend this is the way it'll stay. ❜ ❛ i can't pretend i'm who you want me to be. ❜ ❛ no, no turning back now. ❜ ❛ the very worst part of you is me. ❜ ❛ this isn't what i wanted to be. ❜ ❛ you think having the upper hand means you gotta keep putting me down. ❜ ❛ so many people like me put so much trust in all your lies. ❜ ❛ i'll never trust a single thing you say. ❜ ❛ i would retrace every wrong move that i made. ❜ ❛ if i could stand up and take the blame, i would. ❜ ❛ sometimes i remember the darkness of my past. ❜ ❛ pretending i don't feel misplaced is so much simpler than change. ❜ ❛ it's like no matter what i do, i can't convince you. ❜ ❛ but i'll be here 'cause you're all that i got. ❜ ❛ don't turn your back on me. ❜ ❛ you're gonna listen to me, like it or not. ❜ ❛ sometimes i wonder why this is happening. ❜ ❛ you've become a part of me. ❜ ❛ i don't know what's worth fighting for. ❜ ❛ i don't know how i got this way, i know it's not alright. ❜ ❛ i don't know who to trust. ❜ ❛ i won't trust myself with you. ❜ ❛ so i suppose that it gets to a point where feelings gotta get hurt. ❜ ❛ but you don't want to hear me. ❜ ❛ i'm tired of being what you want me to be. ❜ ❛ all i want to do is be more like me and be less like you. ❜ ❛ can't you see that you're smothering me? ❜ ❛ you were just like me with someone disappointed in you. ❜
-
emotionalmelomaniac liked this · 2 months ago -
cymerae liked this · 2 months ago -
einshi reblogged this · 2 months ago
