If You Feel Like You're Always Getting Talked Over, Or If You Feel Like You're Always Accidentally Interrupting

if you feel like you're always getting talked over, or if you feel like you're always accidentally interrupting people, you should consider looking into some of the linguistics research about conversation style and turn-taking. lingthusiasm podcast has a great episode called "how to rebalance a lopsided conversation" that goes over some of this research in a really accessible way; Deborah Tannen's book You just don't understand is an early book¹ that's aimed at general audiences on the same topic.

the thing is, when there's conflict in how a conversation flows, often what's going on is a mismatch in norms or expectations -- not that one person is necessarily acting "wrong" and the other person is "right." the mismatches in norms/expectations can and do align with existing power structures in society, but being more aware of them can really help you as an individual trying to navigate them.

you can train your brain for more linguistic awareness! start listening for pauses, intakes of breath, or back-channeling that's meant to support, not interrupt. try it out!

¹ I am linking to the wikipedia page for the book rather than a link to buy the book because it's kind of outdated and the criticism section on the wiki page is pretty reasonable. If you do read this book, be prepared for uhhhh period-typical gender essentialism that, to my knowledge, Tannen has not particularly updated her views on in the intervening time. But it is an influential and important book, just read it skeptically imo

More Posts from Ella-melon and Others

7 months ago

officially decided that anyone who tries to divide the lgbt community is a fed. i dont care if you're not actually a fed, if you're causing infighting in a minority community then you're a fed who just isnt getting paid to be one. either apply for a job at the CIA or shut the fuck up

3 months ago

Okay, so:

Latin has this word, sic. Or, if we want to be more diacritically accurate, sīc. That shows that the i is long, so it’s pronounced like “seek” and not like “sick.”

You might recognize this word from Latin sayings like “sic semper tyrannis” or “sic transit gloria mundi.” You might recognize it as what you put in parentheses when you want to be pass-agg about someone’s mistakes when you’re quoting them: “Then he texted me, ‘I want to touch you’re (sic) butt.’”

It means, “thus,” which sounds pretty hoity-toity in this modren era, so maybe think of it as meaning “in this way,” or “just like that.” As in, “just like that, to all tyrants, forever,” an allegedly cool thing to say after shooting a President and leaping off a balcony and shattering your leg. “Everyone should do it this way.”

Anyway, Classical Latin somewhat lacked an affirmative particle, though you might see the word ita, a synonym of sic, used in that way. By Medieval Times, however, sic was holding down this role. Which is to say, it came to mean yes.

Ego: Num edisti totam pitam?

Tu, pudendus: Sic.

Me: Did you eat all the pizza?

You, shameful: That’s the way it is./Yes.

This was pretty well established by the time Latin evolved into its various bastard children, the Romance languages, and you can see this by the words for yes in these languages.

In Spanish, Italian, Asturian, Catalan, Corsican, Galician, Friulian, and others, you say si for yes. In Portugese, you say sim. In French, you say si to mean yes when you’re contradicting a negative assertion (”You don’t like donkey sausage like all of us, the inhabitants of France, eat all the time?” “Yes, I do!”). In Romanian, you say da, but that’s because they’re on some Slavic shit. P.S. there are possibly more Romance languages than you’re aware of.

But:

There was still influence in some areas by the conquered Gaulish tribes on the language of their conquerors. We don’t really have anything of Gaulish language left, but we can reverse engineer some things from their descendants. You see, the Celts that we think of now as the people of the British Isles were Gaulish, originally (in the sense that anyone’s originally from anywhere, I guess) from central and western Europe. So we can look at, for example, Old Irish, where they said tó to mean yes, or Welsh, where they say do to mean yes or indeed, and we can see that they derive from the Proto-Indo-European (the big mother language at whose teat very many languages both modern and ancient did suckle) word *tod, meaning “this” or “that.” (The asterisk indicates that this is a reconstructed word and we don’t know exactly what it would have been but we have a pretty damn good idea.)

So if you were fucking Ambiorix or whoever and Quintus Titurius Sabinus was like, “Yo, did you eat all the pizza?” you would do that Drake smile and point thing under your big beefy Gaulish mustache and say, “This.” Then you would have him surrounded and killed.

Apparently Latin(ish) speakers in the area thought this was a very dope way of expressing themselves. “Why should I say ‘in that way’ like those idiots in Italy and Spain when I could say ‘this’ like all these cool mustache boys in Gaul?” So they started copying the expression, but in their own language. (That’s called a calque, by the way. When you borrow an expression from another language but translate it into your own. If you care about that kind of shit.)

The Latin word for “this” is “hoc,” so a bunch of people started saying “hoc” to mean yes. In the southern parts of what was once Gaul, “hoc” makes the relatively minor adjustment to òc, while in the more northerly areas they think, “Hmm, just saying ‘this’ isn’t cool enough. What if we said ‘this that’ to mean ‘yes.’” (This is not exactly what happened but it is basically what happened, please just fucking roll with it, this shit is long enough already.)

So they combined hoc with ille, which means “that” (but also comes to just mean “he”: compare Spanish el, Italian il, French le, and so on) to make o-il, which becomes oïl. This difference between the north and south (i.e. saying oc or oil) comes to be so emblematic of the differences between the two languages/dialects that the languages from the north are called langues d’oil and the ones from the south are called langues d’oc. In fact, the latter language is now officially called “Occitan,” which is a made-up word (to a slightly greater degree than that to which all words are made-up words) that basically means “Oc-ish.” They speak Occitan in southern France and Catalonia and Monaco and some other places.

The oil languages include a pretty beefy number of languages and dialects with some pretty amazing names like Walloon, and also one with a much more basic name: French. Perhaps you’ve heard of it, n'est-ce pas?

Yeah, eventually Francophones drop the -l from oil and start saying it as oui. If you’ve ever wondered why French yes is different from other Romance yeses, well, now you know.

I guess what I’m getting at is that when you reblog a post you like and tag it with “this,” or affirm a thing a friend said by nodding and saying “Yeah, that”: you’re not new

4 months ago
Roommate Texted This To Me……..

roommate texted this to me……..

Roommate Texted This To Me……..
4 months ago

you sad little pervert

im happy big & sexually normal

6 months ago
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation
Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

5 months ago

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

change the color used to highlight text on your laptop

move the pictures on your wall

stack whatever clutter is in your room into piles even if you don’t have time to clean it all

slightly vary your commute, even just by one street

change where you sit and scroll aimlessly on your phone even if it’s only to the chair in your room instead of your bed

drink water or juice out of a wine glass in the morning because nothing is real

shower with the lights off, without music

buy $3 flowers at trader joe’s—they look bad next to the more expensive ones but they look so good in your room

start typing things you don’t post into your notes. your thoughts can be worth documenting even if you don’t deem them worth sharing

wake up super early just once. you don’t have to make it a habit it’s just extra satisfying to go to bed that night

listen to the entirety of your favorite album from 2015

4 months ago
My Genuine Expectation For That Sentence

My genuine expectation for that sentence


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3 months ago

Throwback to when I took painkillers and woke up with Photoshop open on my computer to this image I had made

Throwback To When I Took Painkillers And Woke Up With Photoshop Open On My Computer To This Image I Had
3 months ago

playing with my cerebral spinal fluid. #myfluid

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ella-melon - ella
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she/her

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